Two weeks ago I started a series on the treatment of sociopathy/psychopathy. That series was interrupted by the need to discuss the case of the con man who kidnapped his daughter. Now it looks like he also may be implicated in the disappearance of a California couple. The con man, like many in his profession has had a number of different identities. Before I go back to talking about treatment, I want to discuss con artists and the nature of sociopathy/psychopathy again.
Donna and I had the good fortune to speak with Dr. Robert Hare this week. I wanted to talk with him about the fact that there is not much in the scientific literature linking psychopathy to con artistry. In that conversation, he said something very profound that deserves repeating. Since I can’t quote him exactly, I’ll give you the gist of it.
According to Dr. Hare, people saw the movie A Beautiful Mind and they “got it” about schizophrenia. People saw the movie Rain Man and they “got it” about Autism. Thousands of movies have been made about psychopaths/sociopaths and people still don’t “get it.”
We did not go into a detailed analysis of why people don’t “get it” about sociopaths/psychopaths but I will here because until you “get it” about the disorder, you cannot “get it” about treatment for the disorder.
This week I received a letter from a woman who is struggling to “get it.” We receive at least one letter a week that reads like that woman’s so she is not alone. The letter reads something like, “The father of my child is in Jail for assault. He is a pathological liar so I can’t believe anything he says. He also has cheated on me repeatedly. He has conned me out of all my money and now I have to declare bankruptcy. I don’t think he is a sociopath because he has remorse. Is there any hope for him and for us?”
Now if you read these letters as an outsider you get it! But the people who write them are really struggling with what they themselves are saying. They are struggling to make sense out of two conflicting points of view. The first point of view is that there is “good in all people” and that all people need a “family to love.” Just like the many people who say the con man from last week who goes by the alias Rockefeller, “loved” his daughter. People saw him caring for his daughter and assumed love motives. They interacted with him and he was charming and funny. One lady said “He had a lot to offer as a person.” People think that when they interact with someone who is “charming” and “caring” and they then like or feel affection toward the person, the charmer feels likewise. Sadly this is not always the case.
The second point of view is that there are some people who lack love motivation completely or are severely deficient in it. The psychological consequence of not having love motivation is not known by many people. If you understand what happens when love motivation is missing or lacking, you will “get it” about sociopaths/psychopaths. When love motivation is lacking, a person does not stop wanting to be around people! Everyone thinks that just because an individual wants to be around people and seems to enjoy affection, the wanting proves that person is a loving human being. People think that all unloving individuals just want to be alone. That assumption is wrong and is deadly.
In most cases, when love motivation is lacking or missing, the person retains his/her desire for social contact. Since love motivation is not at the root of social desire, something else is. When love motivation is lacking, power or dominance motivation takes its place. Also remember that sexual motivation keeps people social as well.
When con artists take care of people, it is about power motivation. When con artists go to parties and meet people, hob knobbing with the rich and famous, it is about power motivation. When con artists steal $250,000 only to squander the entire sum in 6 months, the theft wasn’t about money it was about the power of the get over.
So, if you look at the situation with the preconceived notion that all people are motivated by the same human motives you can’t possibly “get it.” I challenge you today give up on your preconceived notions about human motivation. Instead come to understand that there are three human social motives, love, power and sex. Thankfully, 90 percent of everybody has a personality organized primarily around love motivation.
The problem is that a sizable percentage of people (perhaps 10-15 per cent) have a personality that is organized around gratifying their need for power rather than their need for love. These people are not loners! They are even more social than loving humans. If you are motivated by the need for love and intimacy, your need can be satisfied by one spouse, other family members and a few friends. If you are motivated primarily by the need for power, then you won’t be satisfied until you rule the world!
Just like the need for love has its associated behaviors, so too does the need for power. Care taking can be part of both motives. The need for power is also accompanied by controlling and aggressive behavior. The degree of control and aggression shown in a relationship is a sign of the amount of power motivation that is behind that relationship.
If you think about it you already know I am right. There is a saying, ”If you love someone set him free. If he comes back to you he’s yours, if not he never was.” A sociopath/psychopath can never set anyone free because he/she can’t love. Sociopaths/psychopaths can only own or possess. Of course a sociopath/psychopath is going to cry when alone or if someone abandons him/her. The sociopath/psychopath just lost all of his/her power. That is very upsetting you know!
Now that I have beat that to death, please understand that love motivation can either be deficient or absent. Therefore power motivation can either be somewhat excessive or the only motivating force in a person’s life. Excessive power motivation makes people emotionally, psychologically, spiritually and physically sick. It also makes them evil.
Oh rperk6069, you sound as though you are having a real hard time – I am so sorry to hear that. Depression only hangs around when there are things suppressed inside. Anything you can do to let stuff out will benefit. Do you know someone, perhaps a close friend you can chat with. Have you cried, have you got angry – have you let your feelings out? We are all here to support you – you know. (((hugs)))
Henry,
I will feed my dogs good wholesome horse meat, even from an evil horse, but I will NOT EVEN THINK ABOUT feeding them Psychopathic meat—it would probably kill them dead on the spot! LOL
I was lying there with a broken ankle propped up and telling my husband what I was going to do with the horse to break him from bucking with women, and my husband (always so tactful) said “Honey, heis your horse you can do what you want to with him, BUT..IF YOU DON’T GET RID OF HIM, I WILL KILL HIM.” LOL
Turned out I sold him and the check was no good and I never got either the horse or the money—so I do wish I’d killed him at least I coud have gotten some dog food out of the deal, as it was, the person who bought him took him across a state line and it would have been too costly to have prosecuted them. I hope he bucked them off! Nah, that’s a negative thought BONK BONK (that’s the sound of me hitting myself with the cast iron skillet! LOL)
Perky Go to your county health dept. there are lot’s of options that won’t be so exspensive. And if all else fails get on a bus come to oklahoma and help me can tomatoes…………….a big ole HUG from Henery the 8th I am I am
Henry, thanx,…am on my way. Then you can come here and help me can mine (plus cucumbers, corn and peas) and why do they call it canning when you are actually “jarring”? I am all full of questions today. I just got into an argument with my son about school credits. One more thing I have to add to my plate. I went into the bathroom and cried. It helped a little bit.
Perky I never was a cryer. Even today I am in pretty good humour. in the back of my mind I could stop and cry my eyes out at any givin moment. And sometimes I do – it helps – sometimes there are no answer’s so I just sit down and cry – good thing I am out in the sticks…
Dear ((((Perky))))),
It seems when you are down that everything hits you all at once. I’m sorry you are haivng such a bad day, and more on your plate too. I’d help you “jar” if I could at all! I used to love to “jar” (from now on I am not going to call it “canning” LOL) but it sure heats up the place when you do, you sure earn your “bread by the sweat of your brow” that way, but in the winter time it is so good! It always gave me a lot of satisfaction to see my nice neat rows of jars all lined up when I was done, I hope you can start to feel better soon. ((((hugs))))
I normally don’t watch any TV but have had it on during the Olympics and last night I watched a show called Criminal Minds, about a group of FBI agents who were investigating a serial murder case. The man who was the serial murderer was labeled a “psychopath” in the show, and during a couple of scenes where he was sitting in a diner with the FBI agent with the place surrounded by cops, the psychopath was calmly and smugly drinking a milk shake and smirking at the agent. The psychopath had killed and dismembered 100s of victims over a 30 year period and made wind chimes for his “true love” out of their bones—his true love was one of his first victims, but because she was NOT frightened of him, he was “truly in love with her”—WHAT HOKUM!! NO WONDER PEOPLE DON’T GET IT! With this kind of thing being put out as “real life” or “true to life” images of a psychopath, and yet, he is depicted as being able to love this ONE woman whom he had driven psychotic. In the end, he even got away with his girl friend and had become a sympathetic figure. SHEESH! Made me want to puke.
I wish there was some way that “Hollywood” or where ever these pieces of hokum are made would get the idea of what psychopaths really are. The closest film (though it did not use the word psychopath and I wish it had) that I have ever seen is “There Will be Blood” about a psychopathic early oil man who adopts a little baby as a “cover” as a family man, and the portrayal of this man by Daniel DAy-Louis was GREAT and right on!
Oxy I watched that movie There will Be Blood the movie that comes to mind for me is The Green Mile with tom hanks has nothing to do with physcopaths but the big african american guy that sucked the pain out of people and then let it fly out of his mouth has been on my mind alot. It’s kinda like crying get’s the pain out, that was a good movie..
“The Hoax” is a GREAT movie about a sociopath. They never used the word sociopath in the movie. The main character is even shown in the light of somewhat of a political hero at the end. I think the people who directed or wrote the movie were off on their diagnosis (it is based on a true story)-in that they were implying psychosis. But, he was 100% sociopath.
Thanks, Bird, I’ll see if I can find a copy.
The thing is there are LOTS of movies where I would diagnosis the “hero” or the “bad guy” (sometimes both!) as psychopaths, but without them using the “word” or explaining it, I think people just think they are a “bad guy” but “not all bad.” The thing is that most psychopaths “appear” sort of “normal” to most folks—maybe even glamorous like some politicians, or just a “jerk” but they don’t get the REAL damage that these people do to their “nearest and dearest” or anyone who gets in their way.
How’s the Baby Birdie today? What was the birth weight, I never did ask you? How much now? Probably growing like “toppy’s pup” as my granny would have said! Give Birdie a “koochie koo” for me and pinch those fat little cheeks and tell Birdie it is from Aunty Oxy!!!! (((((Birdie)))))