The federal Violence Against Women Act is up for renewal. This law, originally passed in 1994, provides the following programs and services:
- Community violence prevention programs
- Protections for victims who are evicted from their homes because of events related to domestic violence or stalking
- Funding for victim assistance services, like rape crisis centers and hotlines
- Programs to meet the needs of immigrant women and women of different races or ethnicities
- Programs and services for victims with disabilities
- Legal aid for survivors of violence
The law has already been renewed twice, in 2000 and 2005, always without fanfare. This year, however, opponents object to expanding the coverage to gays and lesbians, and want to limit protection for domestic violence victims who are illegal immigrants.
Please pause and read the following article:
GOP’s Violence Against Women Act would open up undocumented victims to more abuse, on HuffingtonPost.com.
Two sides of the debate
So here, according to the article, are the two sides of the debate regarding immigrant women:
In some cases, husbands would use their control over their victims’ immigration status as a tool of abuse, refusing to sign the proper paperwork or threatening to revoke it.
And
House Republicans say that some women have taken advantage of the confidentiality by fraudulently claiming abuse to acquire residency status.
Which side is correct? Both of them.
Lovefraud has cases that illustrate both sides of the argument. I’ve heard from women from other countries whose abusive partners threatened to get them thrown out of the United States if they tried to leave the relationship. And I’ve heard from men who married foreign women, and as soon as the women obtained their green cards, turned around and accused them of domestic violence.
In both cases, we’re dealing with sociopaths. Dr. Liane Leedom says that half of the people who commit domestic violence are sociopaths, and the other half have sociopathic traits. And, as far as I’m concerned, everyone who commits love fraud is a sociopath. Who else could seduce an unsuspecting partner into marriage and then dump him or her with fake domestic violence charges?
Impotent legal system
The problem comes down to this: Rules are made for people who follow the rules. Sociopaths believe the rules do not apply to them. Therefore, when it comes to dealing with sociopaths, the rules are virtually useless.
Laws do not prevent sociopaths from doing what they want to do. The only usefulness of a law is being able to punish a sociopath afterwards, if the person actually gets caught and prosecuted. And this only works when there is enough evidence, and a savvy enough prosecutor, to keep the sociopaths from talking themselves out of trouble.
Here’s what we all need to understand: When it comes to dealing with sociopaths, everything is different. Whenever the structures of civil society impede their agendas, this subset of humans simply ignores them. They don’t want to be inconvenienced by laws, rules, ethical guidelines, social conventions, customs, manners or interpersonal consideration. They have no moral compass.
Renewing the VAWA
So, when it comes to renewing the law, what’s the answer? I’d vote for keeping the protections strong for victims. But perhaps some of the money should fund training for law enforcement, courts and domestic violence counselors about sociopaths, and how good they are at pretending to be victims when they aren’t.
If an immigrant woman can confidentially apply for a visa to escape true domestic violence, that’s good. But if a woman (or man) falsely claims domestic violence in order to stay in the country, I’m all for throwing her out.
G1S, I never mentioned that the Law is “relentless.”
And, there certainly is a section devoted to the topic. 😀
You’re right, Truthspeak. My mistake. I should have double-checked first.
I apologize.
G1S, no worries! 😀
GIS,
I said the law is relentless. And I mean that it will, once the legal process is started pursue the end of that process.
Too slow?
Well, the victims can advocate or hire advocacy.
I think that’s where things fall apart. Its too much money and too much work and we choose to walk away.
The process doesn’t move fast enough in these cases. All tpp often tragedy proceeds its conclusion.
Every one of those stories is heartbreaking. And touches people who’ve “been there” to the core. it could have been any of us.
But that doesn’t mean that the system is so broken that nothing comes of it and that the disordered are free to rampage the world. They aren’t
And we aren’t either.
The second law of thermodynamics says you can’t get more out of a system than you put in. And I suggest over and over again that if you’re looking for Superman or the Avengers, it happens in comic books. To pursue real legal satisfaction its going to take time and cost money.
The victim has to be credible and that takes time to prove too.
No one can believe anyone straight up because all sides of the law have been abused.
But the process happens. Once you engage in it, it happens.
It takes time and costs money.
Over and over I think we expect extraordinary things to happen, and in the real world they don’t.
Its about lining up expectations. And getting that the process doesn’t favor extraordinary interventions without a lot of clear and defining reason.
If advantages were not taken on both sides, it would be a lot easier. But, people who take advantage, dilute the effect for the other side. And that all has to be weighed out.
There are so many sad and gut wrenching stories that follow these disordered. There are more everywhere every day. And I wish there were better answers.
But, unless and until there is a lobby for change that is organized and well funded and able to gain more money and awareness, things are going to continue pretty much as they are.
Even when there is such a thing, its going to be polluted by wrong doing and abuse of its good intentions. So the best we can do isn’t perfect.
It wasn’t in your case and it wasn’t in mine. And that is the best can be done without extraordinary effort and money.
Best we can do isn’t perfect. There is no perfect. Some outcomes are better than others. And that is why walking away is commonly considered the wisest thing to do.
And those of us who have been victims are going to see others fall prey to what we recognize.
But that doesn’t mean there aren’t good laws and solid people in the business of making and enforcing and upholding them or that the laws themselves aren’t there to provide protection and boundary.
Although there is a lot less protection in the Red states where politics and the system seem to favor the wealthy and the religious right. I see a kind of warping that follows there – barriers to PRO Se pursuit and an underlying conviction that no one is so bad that they can’t be turned. Scary
I think the best protection is on the West Coast which is often criticized for its liberal politic but seems to have better laws and enforcement and understanding of the problem.
We talked a lot a while back about the DA from San Bernadino who “gets it” . I think you were around for that conversation. I know Buttons was.
It ain’t all bad, but the best we can do and the revenge we wish for don’t always line up. And the disordered can do brutal harm in the time it takes for the process to wind out. We see that too.
If we as a nation, change our system to function on the assumption that guilt doesn’t have to be proved, innocence does it would be a better premise for convicting spaths. But, not what was intended when the nation was created.
Those things do hang in the balance.
The laws are there and the augers do turn.
Be careful what you wish for!
Silvermoon,
you said “its going to take time and cost money”
and I’m glad you said it twice. It’s worth saying again and again because it proves that there is no justice in the legal system. You can only get “justice” if you have time and MONEY. But the spath took all our money, so forget about it. Before he ever unmasked, he made sure you were left powerless. He took money, he got the cops on his side. He began sucking your power away, on the day you met. It was always his intent. While you, were busy giving your power to him and his pity ploy. He came across as powerless. He pretended to be a victim, someone needing help. Remember how Ted Bundy lured his victims with a cast and crutches.
By the time you figured out what was happening, you are powerless, you have no money, you are deeply in debt. This is his MO. It is ALL of their MO’s.
There is so much more to be told. It would take a book. For example, US currency. You can’t live without it – it’s the currency for the GLOBAL economy. If you don’t value money in our sick society, then you are powerless. It didn’t use to be this way. People used to trade, barter, etc…
By creating a one world currency, power can be concentrated and responsibility is nowhere in sight. It’s anethema to a spath.
They understand concepts we never even considered. Anything to do with power attracts their attention. Justice is a figment of the imagination if it isn’t available to everyone and if it depends on money. It’s a joke.
I’m sorry, Silvermoon. I disagree with you.
Once the process is started, it does not necessarily continue.
Judges throw things out all the time because they don’t want to bother looking at things.
The police won’t look into things for many reasons.
We are, unfortunately, often voices crying in a vacuum. Nobody hears us.
I don’t expect extraordinary things to happen. I think when somebody has no legal standing, goes into court ex parte, and takes your child out of a psychiatric hospital where she put him with suicidal ideation and then transport hims across state lines without any investigation or protection from the state, then admits in writing to the court that she knew no emergency existed to warrant what she did, I think that the person should be charged with kidnapping. Nothing happened. Absolutely nothing.
Slick lawyers present shady arguments that prevent facts coming out in court. My son’s P father’s lawyers lie in court and all the judges say is, “Oh really?” I get to say nothing.
Budgets prohibit certain information being presented or considered.
Money is no guarantee that the law will see the light. Money just helps the lawyers get richer.
I don’t know what magical world you live in, but I know it isn’t the world that I live in.
No, I wasn’t around for a conversation about a DA in San Bernadino. I have no knowledge of that.
http://nnedv.org/policy/action/45-policy-making/1000-house-judiciary-committee-vawa-2012.html
Please read this. It’s important
My first divorce cost us $600. We did a civil dissolution and worked out arrangements with the property and the kids.
My divorce from the spath cost over $20K to get rid of him. I was a stay at home mom. Our courts work for the litigant that can pay the most money.
I have a family member in the court system (not mine, unfortunately). Politics DO come into play. There IS corruption. Some court systems are better than others. Depends on the location/area. But you cannot trust the court system to do what is right nor fair.
Some people feel the need to believe our system is just and fair. That is a really nice fantasy, but it is not reality.
Stillinshock, yes – I agree that the reality of the legal system is far removed from what we’ve been taught to believe.
With regard to divorce, “No Fault” should be abolished in every State. In my case, there certainly IS documented “fault,” and I should not be punished further by “equitable distribution.”
The Law is not just and fair – it just isn’t. Rarely does a spath face true consequences for their actions. For instance, I could win a Civil actions against the exspath, without a doubt – not a single doubt. BUT, what would happen if I took him to court and won a judgement? He would simply declare bankruptcy and have that judgement disappear.
Nope – “justice” is a nice idea, but I don’t believe that it exists.
In fact…..I would LOVE to read a post on this thread where a survivor of sociopathy DID see justice served. I really would! It might give me a glimmer of false hope! 😀