A syndrome called post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) can affect victims of sociopaths. The trauma of losing love, friends, family, possessions and of enduring psychological/physical abuse is the cause of this disorder. To fight the symptoms of PTSD, it is helpful to understand the symptoms and how they relate to loss and trauma.
As I read through the current literature on PTSD, I quickly discovered that there is a fair amount of controversy regarding this disorder. We can actually learn about the disorder by listening to the arguments. The first question on which there is much disagreement is, “What trauma is severe enough to cause PTSD?” There were several editorials by experts disparaging the fact that everything from giving birth to a healthy baby to a boss yelling at an employee is now said to cause PTSD. Most experts are in favor of reserving this diagnosis for people who have suffered truly unusual life experiences, like kidnapping, rape, war, 911, etc.
The problem is that many people do experience severe stress reactions to difficult life circumstances. It remains to be determined what we should call these reactions.
Those of us healing from our relationship with a sociopath often vacillate between accepting the trauma and minimizing it. Thus, the argument about what kinds of trauma are severe enough to cause PTSD has a direct effect on us. The argument can leave us feeling weak, like we should be able to get over this. After all it wasn’t as bad as 911, Iraq or Katrina—or was it?
The second question is “what symptoms constitute PTSD?” The following table shows the most common symptoms seen in a group of 103 British men and women diagnosed by psychiatrists with PTSD (Current Medical Research Opinion, 2003):
| Symptom | Frequency (n=103) |
| Insomnia | 98 (95%) |
| Anxiety at reminder cues | 96 (93%) |
| Intrusive thoughts, images, sounds, sensations | 94 (91%) |
| Irritability | 93 (91%) |
| Poor concentration | 93 (91%) |
| Diminished interest in significant activities | 88 (85%) |
| Recurrent dreams of trauma | 86 (83%) |
| Avoidance of activities or places associated with the trauma | 85 (83%) |
| Foreshortening of expectations about the future | 80 (78%) |
| Detachment from others | 78 (76%) |
| Avoidance of thinking or conversing about the trauma | 75 (73%) |
| Poor appetite | 69 (67%) |
| Hypervigilance | 55 (53%) |
| Startle reactions | 46 (45%) |
| Acting or feeling as if the event was recurring | 37 (31%) |
| Inability to recall parts of trauma (amnesia) | 19 (18%) |
I put up this table because I thought that a number of you would also endorse these symptoms. Notice that “acting or feeling as if the event was recurring” was really not that common. But similar symptoms, like “Intrusive thoughts, images sounds and sensations,” were very common. Amnesia was also uncommon. Startle reactions were only seen in half of the subjects.
A feeling of a foreshortened future is a particularly debilitating symptom because it impairs a person’s ability to plan for the future and leads to a sense of hopelessness. I will expand on this further, but I strongly believe this feeling of a foreshortened future has to do less with our thoughts about our past, and more with our thoughts about our present.
As I look at this list of symptoms, I am struck by the fact that many, many of those writing into Lovefraud complain of these symptoms, particularly nightmares. There is something special about having had emotional involvement with an aggressor that seems to produce nightmares. Since so many have all of the most common symptoms, I think it has to be that the trauma of life with a sociopath is severe enough to cause this disorder in many people.
Here’s where defining exactly what trauma is gets sticky. Rachael Yehuda, Ph.D., said in a recent article published on MedScape, “One of the things that biology has taught us is that PTSD represents a type of a response to trauma, but not the only type of response. It is a response that seems to be about the failure to consolidate a memory in such a way as to be able to be recalled without distress.” Well, this is precisely the definition that is too broad. I personally have a lot of memories that I experience or re-experience with distress. Yet these memories are not accompanied by the list of symptoms in the table above.
For me what made the experience traumatic was the truly life course-changing nature of the trauma. The answer to the question, “Will I ever be the same?” for me defines trauma significant enough to cause PTSD. The trauma that causes this disorder redefines us in a way that is different from other emotionally significant experiences. This trauma strikes at the core of our identity.
The final controversy surrounds the treatment of PTSD. Interestingly, there is no question that medications (SSRIs, particularly Zoloft) are very helpful. The problem is though that when a person goes to a physician and receives a medication, he/she is by definition “sick.” Assumption of a “sick role” or “victim identity” is one of the many factors that slow recovery from PTSD.
Many therapists are of the belief that “debriefing” or retelling the story is necessary for recovery. One group of researchers reviewed the studies on debriefing and concluded that there is no scientific evidence that it prevents PTSD. Instead, the evidence points to post-trauma factors like social support and “additional life stress” being most important.
How can we put this all together? Considering last week’s post, those who experience trauma serious enough to have stress hormone overdose as manifested by dissociation, are likely to also develop PTSD. An examination of the symptoms of PTSD reveals that at the core of the disorder is the fact that the person really doesn’t believe in his/her heart that the trauma has ended. PTSD is about ONGOING, not past, trauma. For those of us whose lives were assaulted by a sociopath, there is ongoing stress. The stress is the social isolation, financial ruin, and threatened further losses long after the relationship has ended. Those who recover from this without PTSD work hard to put the trauma behind them in every way.
Putting the trauma behind you does not mean you can’t take medication to help with the process. It does mean facing those bills, former friends, and other personal issues you want to avoid. Remember AVOIDANCE STRENGTHENS FEAR.
Above all, stop the ongoing trauma by ending contact with the sociopath. Do not assume a sick role, instead, work to stay healthy. Fight to be the person you want to be. Don’t allow this single experience to define you. Make living for today the place you love to be. As Louise Gallagher says in her recent post, “This is, in many ways, the greatest challenge of recovery — to accept the past is simply the route I took to get to where I am today, a place I love to be. The past cannot be changed. It cannot be altered. It cannot be made ‘better.’ It can only be accepted so that it, and I, may rest in peace with what was, eager to accept what is true in my life today.”
hello my beauties – thank you for wonderful wishes, and oxy, i got a set of feet you can fix when you are done with my computer!
have about 45 minutes @....... the library if the cologne doesn’t get me first.
need some advice – here’s the deal. a new case has been filed last week against the ppath by the mother of all dupes (moad). i spoke with the lawyer and she says that to go ahead and do what i am planning.
now, ’cause i don’t have my computer, it puts a bit of a kibosh in some of it, and i will ask the moad for some help with a couple of things. i trust her, and i know she can do the things that need to be done.
okay.
then next i will reveal the ppath on the website. now, as i now KNOW who the REAL boy is I will not do as planned and put the pics of him and his family up with a warning that if these photos are found on that site or any other site that they have been stollen and contact the site moderator as the might be dealing with the ppath. and of course giving her ip address. so, won’t do this.
the site moderators on the site we were are suck. badddddly. i am thinking about contacting them again and just saying this is who this person really is and if you get this ip – think about blocking her. i cannot expect any results. not sure if i should bother.
next, – and this is the thing i am most concerned about – the REAL boy. he needs to know. i am thinking about calling the AG and asking if he would contact him. i have all the evidence that she used his pics – i don’t have the website screen captured but i have roughly 1000 emails, many with the real boy’s pictures and that of his family and he pretending to be all of them. (@.......#$%^&*$%^&*^&*)
now here’s my concern – he is challenged. for sure has some depression and has/ has had alcoholism issues, and is ADD and what else he deals with – oh, beisdes being gay in a st8t world, and a working artist. (she keeps picking on the queers. i wish i could punch her in the nose) i don’t know how he is going to take this. i worry about how he will respond – if he will be okay, and as my own safety is number one, i am concerned about him flipping out on the ppath AND outing me as his source of info. i need to put togehter an action plan to suggest to him, no?
he makes his living selling his art on the net. the ppath has actually bought things from him (twisted!@.......#$%^& @.......#$%^ that she is) and he has had some amount of contact withher in her TRUE form, and i am not sure, but we can suspect in her sock puppet form also. she has stolen most of his photos from his art website – the ramifications here are that this will affect his livlihood. (one step shakes her head and mutters, ‘make god strike he down’.)
what do i need to tell him about how to proect himself? how do i protect myself? If she was still active ont eh site i’d just send him there – but she is not active using his pics anymore.
some ideas mis amigas (y amigos hens y matt) por favor!
have to find a computer tomorrow – the library is closed. hick town.
XXXXX one step
innapropriate banner uptop – ‘textdating.ca’ – ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!
Dear One-step,
Since apparently HE is the one in theory “damaged the most,” with his photo used without his permission etc. I think he does need to know. How you inform him, I am not sure. I would not “assume” he will be more damaged by knowing than by NOT knowing.
Did this s-pathole try to get money out of all these games or just “fun” from all these lies and pretending to be MPD and so on? So, is there a CRIMINAL fraud that could be prosecuted?
Sending you TWO BRAND NEW BIONIC FEET, put them on and you can leap tall buildings with a single bound! Dance like the wind! Never any more pain of any kind! Perfect BIONIC FEET! Enjoy! (((hugs)))
Ps BTW even with all the problems and the crap going on, you are actually sounding “sane”—congratulations! Love Oxy
One:
My mind is not untwisted enough to offer advice….
But, I do think he needs to know….since he too is a victim.
Does he have any way to contact her? Will he know her?
I guess if she was a customer, he’d have a way of finding out….
I think he may not care….maybe feel violated, but not with the passion you have…..DON”T expect it.
The best thing to do is to sit back, unwind…..and let the thoughts flow…..if you push things….you will not succeed…..you must be sure of each move you make….and IT WILL come to you…..give it some more thought…..
Your garden sounds wonderful…..fresh vegies….yum!
Maybe go sit out by that tree in that field and just ‘be’….and see what enters you mind.
XXOO
EB
One Step – I am so sorry you are going through all this right now after all the crap you had with the spath – life seems so unfair for you at the moment. I hope you get a great contract that you can manage and kick some ass on and then another follows from it.
You’ve been so brave and strong and such a consolation to all the broken hearted people coming here for such a long time. You’re a wonderful person and surely your luck has to turn very soon – you put more than enough good stuff in to get some good stuff back from the universe.
I will be thinking of you on my side of the world 🙂
Onestep, I agree with EB on this. Like Pollyannanormore, and everyone else, I am so sorry that you’re experiencing this. But, I think that all things happen for A Reason, and I’ll get to the point of that with regard to your computer being down, etc.
First of all, you are not expected to be responsible for protecting anyone other than yourself, other than children who don’t have the options, themselves. You cannot “save” the artist from being used, abused, taken advantage of, etc. Proactively warning someone or alerting someone can often backfire to disastrous results – it makes us look like lunatics if we start speaking these unbelievable truths because they are, in essence, simply too fantastic to possibly be true, as you know from your personal experiences.
When we “out” a spath, it has to be under very carefully controlled conditions. Unless we are “qualified” through formal education with a degree, etc., naming someone as spath/ppath can be very, very dangerous unless they’ve been assessed and diagnosed by a licensed practitioner. The desire to “warn” everyone and make sure the spath knows that WE know what they are can become so overwhelmingly urgent to us that we place ourselves and our healing in jeopardy by acting on a desire for vengeance.
“Fits the PROFILE” is the closest thing that any of us (unless we meet the professional criteria) is legally “allowed” to say that comes near the truth. Certainly, our own experiences have given us practical/academic education on spath and their behaviors – so much so that WE should be considered the “Experts” in the field. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work like that, damitol.
Onestep, whatever course of action you choose to take, I know that you’ll consider every option before acting on an impulse or a primal urge. {{{hugs}}}
One,
Its a dark day even though the sun is shining bacause I am coming to some conclusions I don’t like very much.
I think the truth is about SPATH’s that no matter how much damage they have done to their victims, there isn’t much to be done. Unless there is a case good enough to hand to an enforcement agency.
That means, if the violation to you didn’t break laws that the AG not only has to enforce but is inclined to enforce, the burden and expense is on the victim.
Identity theft is a serious issue. If you have enough to prove it, that’s nice, but the deal is that in a case like that if all the sapth did was steal hearts, the case isn’t sufficient to get attention. It has to be measurable in money and the amounts big enough to get attention are HUGE.
What MUST be done is that you have to get employment so that you can take care of yourself. Nothing else is critical before that gets done because that solved a multitude of other problems.
They may be real, but they HAVE to wait. You have ONE thing on your agenda. Everything else has to wait while you put yourself in a postion to survive.
Having a plan to execute about the SPATH is good, but it has to be put on hold unless its big enough for an AG to prosecute without your time or money.
I don’t think anybody likes this reality, but it is bottom line. No body feels so sorry for any of us that they are going to be motivated to stick their necks out professionally unless we pay and pay a fairly lot too.
The sad but awful truth is the world doesn’t see us as victims, it see us as the idiots who let ourselves get involved with bad people. And no one wants to get involved with us or with the bad people unless it has a return on their investment of time or service.
That is true for public officials, care providers, lawyers and even family and friends- per description here many of whom are every bit as evil as the fraudulent love relationship.
So win, draw or lose, we have to suck it up and get financially stable, emotionally sound and practically organized in our own lives before we have the luxury of doing anything about the SPATH and it doesn’t matter how moraaly correct we may be in trying to do it.
The world doesn’t care about the distress and groceries, rent and electricity come first. Once you are ready to step up the pyramid, then there is a base from which to pursue any of it. But until you are on your feet, the SPATH and the distress are a luxury.
Doesn’t feel good to me either. My situation has much in common, but the way the world really is is the way the world really is. And the more I allow myself to wade in the waters of self pity the more erosive the tides of it become. The time isn’t there to deal with the spath. It has to come after everything else is right sided.
Health problems in your case are a nightmareish complication. The solution to those is going to be concurrent with surviving and when there is no money and nothing to lose, maybe all you can do is go to ER’s where they can’t turn you down over and over and over again.
PSTD is debilitating and trying to move ahead under incredible severity of it is a struggle like nop one who hasn’t been there and done that can imagine. Its up to the will to survive to go out in the world and do what has to be done against all odds.
The Spath underestimated you and so far the world has too. It may be too soon for you to see it in the rear view mirror but that day will come. There are a few days which must need proceed that one is all.
I see you doing this. I see you moving ahead because you have to.
I see it is hard and you are doing it anyway. The injustice of the whole thing is staggering, but we can’t fix it all in one step. Only by One Step at a Time.
My heart to yours.
I’m here.
silver – HI! man, i am happy to get to the library today!
there was no access yesterday – and i have to admit, it was good to be away from the computer, but am so happy to be back to lf today.
so, just came back from welfare. some help there. and that is enormously uplifting. so, another month of not tanking! and i can get to the dentist and get my eyes checked. hurray for me!
and then today – an old friend sent me $50 in the mail. that’s another medication covered (that isn’t covered by wlefare or medical coverage or through a compassionate care program thorugh a pharma company – just a note here: if anyone takes meds that aren’t covered contact the pharma company directly and ask about their programs. I have a $100 month med covered this way.)
still in pain – joints and muscles, but the toxic load has gone way down – even with the trees budding.
I feel like a ping pong ball – from daaaaarrrk to light. I actually feel quite light hearted right now. haven’t been in close proximity to that feeling in a looooong while.
i hear the depth of the rattle and shake to your world silver, as the reverb pools out into words. there is something unholy about these people and what they do – and they take us to that place of fractured self. in the last week, it has come so clear, i want the ppath gone. gone – out damn spot. such a simple word: gone. full of action to implemented and compassion and time.
there are very separate things going on in regard to the spath:
1. outing her anonymously to the community on the website where we met. she is still using some of those people as supply.
2. i will never go after her legally – i have no case, she stoel nothing material from me. and emo rape is not on the books. i am only of the ‘idiots’ 😉
3. the AG’s office has a file on her. they are collecting information and evidence about her. the AG attorney was the first person i spoke to who completely and utterly ‘got it’, and mirrored back how repulsive and reprehensible the ppath’s actions are. and yes, there is nothing he can do YET.
4. the real boy – the ppath used his identiy and that of his friends and family and i can prove that. what that means legally i don’t know. i need to talk to the AG. i want to put somethign togehter for the real boy – a course of action, to hopefully guide his actions, so that he doesn’t land my butt in trouble by outing me to the ppath.
and yes, the ppath DID underestimate me. and i want very much to let go of the desire to have that mean my getting revenge. i want her gone.
and if i am ever strong enough and have enough resources of other kinds – i may decide to find ways of tripping her up further. but for right now, i want to take care of myself so much more than i want to twist and turn about her.
doesn’t mean it doesn’t rise and it doesn’t mean i am not hiding under a rock and waiting. i don’t know how many years of my life this may encompass. right now i want to take care of myself. not ‘have to’, that’s a given, but ‘want to’.
i am so thankful for the warmer weather and the systems and people, and my own dear heart that support me.
on the bus today – after being approved for a welfare chack for tomorrow, i gave my only cash (living on cc) to a young pregnant woman for bus fare. counting out those quarters was a pretty moving experience for me. to have little and give, filled my heart.
okay, going to go read some posts. 🙂
love
one step
{{{{{Onestep}}}}} I’m so glad that you’ve had some positive experiences – they always seem to occur when we are in our deepest, darkest moments.
In my case with the ex, I made a couple of attempts to “out” him to the Family Courts, as well as one woman that he used, and each attempt backfired to make me look like a nut. In retrospect, I MUST have looked like a spinning wingnut because I was so dammed adamant that these people/persons/entities listen to me. Well, they didn’t, they wouldn’t, and that was that.
So, last year, the ex dropped dead at 50 of a massive coronary. I had so many conflicting emotions – relief, sorrow, rage, pity, etc. The one thing that I really allowed to become a focus was the fact that I never “got to tell him” what, precisely, he had done to me, our children, and my family. Well, well, well…..it took me just about a year to realize that it wouldn’t have mattered if I had ever confronted him or ratted him out. As far as he was concerned, he was above the Law, above society, and above God Almighty.
I still can’t say how I feel about his passing, today. But, I think that all of this trauma that is perpetrated by spaths will be dealt with either in this lifetime, or the next. I am not privilged to be judge and/or jury, and that was probably the biggest catalyst for my anger. Once I accepted that, my anger began to diminish and become more managable.
Of course, I stil lhave my moments, but they aren’t anything like they used to be. Blessings!!!!
buttons – thankyou for your lovely posts.
‘I am not privilged to be judge and/or jury, and that was probably the biggest catalyst for my anger.’ this statement may well help me.
my situation is a bit different – i am not trying to out the ppath as sociopath (but thank you for the phrase, ‘fits the profile’.) I am outing her AS NOT THE HALF DOZEN SOCKPUPPETS she pretends to be online. i have a good number of links that i can provide for people – anyone who was involved with her will know from the info in those blogs/ on those websites/ in a couple of daily and weekly newspapers is about her – and that she has been pretending to be people she isn’t.
best,
One step