A syndrome called post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) can affect victims of sociopaths. The trauma of losing love, friends, family, possessions and of enduring psychological/physical abuse is the cause of this disorder. To fight the symptoms of PTSD, it is helpful to understand the symptoms and how they relate to loss and trauma.
As I read through the current literature on PTSD, I quickly discovered that there is a fair amount of controversy regarding this disorder. We can actually learn about the disorder by listening to the arguments. The first question on which there is much disagreement is, “What trauma is severe enough to cause PTSD?” There were several editorials by experts disparaging the fact that everything from giving birth to a healthy baby to a boss yelling at an employee is now said to cause PTSD. Most experts are in favor of reserving this diagnosis for people who have suffered truly unusual life experiences, like kidnapping, rape, war, 911, etc.
The problem is that many people do experience severe stress reactions to difficult life circumstances. It remains to be determined what we should call these reactions.
Those of us healing from our relationship with a sociopath often vacillate between accepting the trauma and minimizing it. Thus, the argument about what kinds of trauma are severe enough to cause PTSD has a direct effect on us. The argument can leave us feeling weak, like we should be able to get over this. After all it wasn’t as bad as 911, Iraq or Katrina—or was it?
The second question is “what symptoms constitute PTSD?” The following table shows the most common symptoms seen in a group of 103 British men and women diagnosed by psychiatrists with PTSD (Current Medical Research Opinion, 2003):
| Symptom | Frequency (n=103) |
| Insomnia | 98 (95%) |
| Anxiety at reminder cues | 96 (93%) |
| Intrusive thoughts, images, sounds, sensations | 94 (91%) |
| Irritability | 93 (91%) |
| Poor concentration | 93 (91%) |
| Diminished interest in significant activities | 88 (85%) |
| Recurrent dreams of trauma | 86 (83%) |
| Avoidance of activities or places associated with the trauma | 85 (83%) |
| Foreshortening of expectations about the future | 80 (78%) |
| Detachment from others | 78 (76%) |
| Avoidance of thinking or conversing about the trauma | 75 (73%) |
| Poor appetite | 69 (67%) |
| Hypervigilance | 55 (53%) |
| Startle reactions | 46 (45%) |
| Acting or feeling as if the event was recurring | 37 (31%) |
| Inability to recall parts of trauma (amnesia) | 19 (18%) |
I put up this table because I thought that a number of you would also endorse these symptoms. Notice that “acting or feeling as if the event was recurring” was really not that common. But similar symptoms, like “Intrusive thoughts, images sounds and sensations,” were very common. Amnesia was also uncommon. Startle reactions were only seen in half of the subjects.
A feeling of a foreshortened future is a particularly debilitating symptom because it impairs a person’s ability to plan for the future and leads to a sense of hopelessness. I will expand on this further, but I strongly believe this feeling of a foreshortened future has to do less with our thoughts about our past, and more with our thoughts about our present.
As I look at this list of symptoms, I am struck by the fact that many, many of those writing into Lovefraud complain of these symptoms, particularly nightmares. There is something special about having had emotional involvement with an aggressor that seems to produce nightmares. Since so many have all of the most common symptoms, I think it has to be that the trauma of life with a sociopath is severe enough to cause this disorder in many people.
Here’s where defining exactly what trauma is gets sticky. Rachael Yehuda, Ph.D., said in a recent article published on MedScape, “One of the things that biology has taught us is that PTSD represents a type of a response to trauma, but not the only type of response. It is a response that seems to be about the failure to consolidate a memory in such a way as to be able to be recalled without distress.” Well, this is precisely the definition that is too broad. I personally have a lot of memories that I experience or re-experience with distress. Yet these memories are not accompanied by the list of symptoms in the table above.
For me what made the experience traumatic was the truly life course-changing nature of the trauma. The answer to the question, “Will I ever be the same?” for me defines trauma significant enough to cause PTSD. The trauma that causes this disorder redefines us in a way that is different from other emotionally significant experiences. This trauma strikes at the core of our identity.
The final controversy surrounds the treatment of PTSD. Interestingly, there is no question that medications (SSRIs, particularly Zoloft) are very helpful. The problem is though that when a person goes to a physician and receives a medication, he/she is by definition “sick.” Assumption of a “sick role” or “victim identity” is one of the many factors that slow recovery from PTSD.
Many therapists are of the belief that “debriefing” or retelling the story is necessary for recovery. One group of researchers reviewed the studies on debriefing and concluded that there is no scientific evidence that it prevents PTSD. Instead, the evidence points to post-trauma factors like social support and “additional life stress” being most important.
How can we put this all together? Considering last week’s post, those who experience trauma serious enough to have stress hormone overdose as manifested by dissociation, are likely to also develop PTSD. An examination of the symptoms of PTSD reveals that at the core of the disorder is the fact that the person really doesn’t believe in his/her heart that the trauma has ended. PTSD is about ONGOING, not past, trauma. For those of us whose lives were assaulted by a sociopath, there is ongoing stress. The stress is the social isolation, financial ruin, and threatened further losses long after the relationship has ended. Those who recover from this without PTSD work hard to put the trauma behind them in every way.
Putting the trauma behind you does not mean you can’t take medication to help with the process. It does mean facing those bills, former friends, and other personal issues you want to avoid. Remember AVOIDANCE STRENGTHENS FEAR.
Above all, stop the ongoing trauma by ending contact with the sociopath. Do not assume a sick role, instead, work to stay healthy. Fight to be the person you want to be. Don’t allow this single experience to define you. Make living for today the place you love to be. As Louise Gallagher says in her recent post, “This is, in many ways, the greatest challenge of recovery — to accept the past is simply the route I took to get to where I am today, a place I love to be. The past cannot be changed. It cannot be altered. It cannot be made ‘better.’ It can only be accepted so that it, and I, may rest in peace with what was, eager to accept what is true in my life today.”
Hi Kathy
Its refreshing to hear your perspective.
You are right. This was my first relationship with a sociopath.
She loved keeping up appearances. I made the wrong move
one night and involved her brother in an argument with her.
It was the worst decision I made. I thought I could rely on the
brother for moral support to help me understand her flirtatious
ways with all these men in her life. He explained to me that she was a liar from day 1 but the whole family seemed to tolerate her.
That night, he and I had a heart to heart discussion with my girlfriend where I used the brother to act as a go between and get down to the bottom of the problem of her flirtation.
At first she smiled, even laughed off the suggestion.
But that initial amicability turned to complete rage where she
used f words etc etc and threatened to walk outside the house and walk the city streets in her pyjamas at 3.00am.
She did so infact, and I had to get the police to track her down due to our mutual fear for her safety.
The next morning she said I had caused “irreversable damage” and she planned her counter attack. She accused me
of “smokes and mirrors” and said that I had lied to her about my finances. She accused me of being “fools gold” and said
that I was not of sufficient “rank” to marry her and that she now had her eyes on ex partners who had more financial savings. I told her that marriage concerned more than just material possession but to her it was all about supply. I may as well have treated her like an escort but I genuinely did love her. I had feelings for her and I cared for her safety but
I could not understand why she would be so cruel and heartless to me all because I wanted her to own up to her excessive flirting. She accused me of being controlling and “clipping her wings”. At the same time she confused me by saying that I was not commited to marriage and that I had
shattered her dreams of marriage. At the very end she, like many sociopaths denied the whole experience existed. She said to me in the end that marriage was only an idea. She said that I should not feel pain because the whole marriage concept was an illusion. I am just at my lowest point in my life and I feel there is really no options for me but to walk away and TRY to find love again.
I am so sorry if my rants here are a burden to you all.
Please forgive me. I am just overcome with grief.
Best Wishes
Sebbo
Sebbo.
Kathy.
It is with great dismay that I read your experiences
with female sociopaths.
I too have recently split with my sociopathic girlfriend of 1 year.
She thieved. She lied. She told me that I was the only one.
She told me that I was her rock. She told me that I was the
only one that could have hear when clearly there were more
men involved.
I am sorry to hear about your tragic loss Sebbo.
At the moment I am also devastated by my loss.
I was left in very similar circumstances to you. Without a word. She told me that I could also not speak with her family.
Just like you said. Its all about keeping up appearences
and not letting a word get out or suffer banishment.
They obviously are insecure people sociopaths.
The main problem with you Sebbo is that you have a
restraining order over your head. If you push any more
buttons no matter how hard you want her back you will
suffer the full punishment of the law should you breach
the restraining order. Do you really want to lose your job?
Do you really want to have restricted access to overseas visas? Do you want your future partners to see that you have
a restraining order and then suffer further indignation?
If I were you I’d stay well away from this woman.
However if you must contact her, contact her via a lawyer.
If she for example has caused you emotional suffering why
dont you seek claims for compensation? If you are already
suffering medical difficulties with lack of sleep etc you can
rightfully claim that she has emotionally abused you, and therefore get in first before she files a restraining order against you. You can claim that she has inflicted unimaginable suffering on your wellbeing. I know it sounds crazy but wouldnt you rather get in first than her filing a civil lawsuit against you? Perhaps you should do as everyone here is saying and just let it be. Whats the point of spending legal bills
defending yourself or attacking her when she simply has moved on. If you cant move on write down on a paper all the ways she manipulated you through her sociopathic trickery and then bring it to a lawyer for an initial consulation. You can ask the lawyer what legal rights you have. Again, it must be noted that if you are losing sleep, suffering at work then your livelyhood as a result has been impinged and you should rightfully claim damages. If its all too much, just move on with your life. I am sure there is a better woman out there for you.
Regards
Tony
Sebbo, I am sorry that you’re experiencing the aftermath and please, your rants are NOT a burden – we are each in our own stages of survival and healing. I assure you, this is a “safe” site to post your experiences and your feelings.
When my marriage ended, I made sure that it STAYED “ended” and went No Contact, completely. Of course, a “Temporary Restraining Order” was issued and that was a help, but I could have violated that order, at any time, and I would have self-imposed No Contact whether there was an order, or not.
I found this site a little over 3 years ago, and the “NO CONTACT” rule of survival and healing was drilled into my brain through the articles and posted responses – the ONLY way to the path of healing is by cutting all ties with a sociopath, and I knew this when my marriage ended.
Attempting to file a Civil suit against your ex would only result in an act of vengeance. If she has defrauded you of your finances, THEN that would be a reason to file a suit, but ONLY if there is sufficient documentation/proof that will fulfill the legal definition of “fraud.” I wouldn’t recommend it unless she forged your signature on documents that resulted in financial damages.
The reason behind this is because people’s “feelings” are hurt, every day. Sometimes, people are so hurt by what has been done to them that they lash out through the legal system, and I promise you that the legal system is choked with what is termed “frivilous” suits. This doesn’t mean that the emotional carnage created by sociopathic entanglements is “frivilous,” by any stretch of the imagination! It just means the we had better have dammed good grounds to file a suit. Nearly all Legal Systems do not punish sociopaths, and I would suggest that you read as much as you can on this topic.
As for what you’re experiencing, right now – Sebbo, just coming to terms with what we have loved is a monumental challenge. We loved an ILLUSION. We loved a BELIEF. We loved a LIE. According to Dante, Betrayal is deserving of the “Ninth Circle Of Hell” which is the coldest and most void circle of all punishments. A victim of betrayal has the hardest challenges to meet because there is NO closure – no body to lay to rest, no recompensation for damages, no discussion, no resolution, no remedy, and no justice.
So, our mandate to survive our experiences begins when we acknowledge the Truths of our experiences and call a spade what it is: a spade. Yes, it’s difficult. Yes, it’s painful. And, yes, it is a multitude of challenges to survive, heal, and emerge better human beings, but I’ll be skinned alive and rolled in oats before I allow the spath to ruin me for the remainder of my life.
Brightest healing blessings to you.
Truthspeak
I think Sebbo has been shattered by this whole experience
and while I cannot speak for him, i would like to let you know
of my own personal and similar experience wtih a female
sociopath.
I met her on a dating site. The first 3 months I was totally
smothered in attention and praise. She was saying things
like I was the best thing to happen to her etc etc.
She let her whole family know about me and her work colleauges.
At that point I started to realize that she couldnt keep any
secrets it seemed and although it was flattery at first I began
to see her need to gossip and take refuge in others to my expense. She’d tell them the good and the bad and almost
everything needed to be cross examined through her network of friends. Some of these people didnt wish me well at all as they were ex partners and she confided with them.
Very similar to Sebbo’s horrific experience, I was also cast out and cut off in the end by her. And just like Sebbo, I sent one last email with no reply.
Its been a year now and I still havent heard from her.
I tried calling her but she never picked up her phone and now
the closure has come but I am left with a horrible feeling of being betrayed. I sympathize whole heartedly with Sebbo’s experience and I can see your reasoning behind avoiding any legal repercussions. I myself was so upset that I did contact my lawyer. He informed me of the various things I could do
to claim emotional neglect and mis-use of funds by the sociopath predator. I tried to go down that road but failed to do so when I saw the staggering potential costs I could be paying. And assuming that Sebbo may not have these financial resources after being stripped to the bare bone by his sociopathic girlfriend I would like to refrain my previous comment and ask Sebbo to avoid legal action against her and instead pursue what you mention – the no contact rule.
No contact is a way to get closure but unfortunately it does not
stop the pain. I know too well after waiting for 1 whole year.
My life is ruined by the girl I dated. She had no empathy. No remorse. She left me for dead. Sebbo I want to tell you that you’ll be alright but at the end of the day this girl knew what she wanted. She wanted to get married to you and perhaps defraud you of even more money and assets. Dont punish yourself. You did the right thing. You told her that you couldnt commit to marriage. She accused you of being FOOLS GOLD – but take a step to think about that comment. What does fools gold mean? It means that she thought you were gold but instead found out that you were USELESS to her need for SUPPLY. Remember that all she was after was supply. She was a gold digger. She wanted your connections because she possibly wanted SOCIAL STATUS. Again – SUPPLY can include both monetary needs as well as social status need. To cut a long answer short think of the equation (without emotion). She wanted marriage to secure her financial position whilst having the opportunity as a free spirit to date and possibly have intercourse with other guys behind your back. Question the reality. Is that WRONG? YEs of course its wrong !!!! Did you let it happen? The Answer = NO. So hold your head up high Sebbo and remember that you did not give into her wishes. Thats why she cut you off and that why she threatened you with a restraining order because YOU PLAYED HER. Remember that. You have more power than you think you have and you CAN move on. Please Sebbo dont be misguided and DO NOT contact this sociopath predator again. She is bad news. She wants you to go to jail and ruin your character. She wants to assasinate your character because you BLOCKED her SUPPLY.
Dear Truthspeak and Tony
What can I say? You guys are EXCELLENT.
Thank you for your amazingly detailed responses.
I am so so appreciative for the time and effort
you are putting in to help a poor sucker like me out
of this shocking mess.
Its just terrible. I am really suffering.
She has got complete power as the ball is
in her court. I dont know and will never know why
she wanted to go down the path of a restraining order.
It just seems so extreme. You may be right in saying
that it was for some kind of revenge or ruining my character.
I dont understand why she would leave me so coldly
when I never stalked her or showed her any kind of
unsavoury behaviour? Sure we argued mainly about her
flirting but she miscontrued the argument to say that I was “controlling” when clearly it is well accepted in marriage that you stick by your partner without engaging in sexual relationships with other men. I never asked for an “open relationship” and she knew this from the very start.
Once I told her that I couldnt afford the wedding ring
and couldnt be rushed into marriage THAT is the time when she started excessively flirting.
When I asked her why she was pulling away she briefly appologized but then said “I want security through marriage”.
I then asked her if her flirtatious behaviour would stop
if I brought her the ring to propose and she replied “yes”.
So basically in other words she was threatening me with
other guys in order to force me to commit to her.
It really is a cruel game. YEs I stopped the game but for me
the “game” continues as she not only has cut me off but given me NO CHANCE of talking to her again.
I know that you all think this is a blessing and I understand why you say that. I dont want to be dragged further in her misery but I know that she cut me off in my greatest hour of need when I truly loved her and truly wanted to work on the relationship to improve our problems. Instead it backfired on me and she took away the gifts I had given to her, she took away my dignity, she accused me of being vulnerable (which I most certainly was) but provide NO comfort, no empathy and worst of all she threatened me with a restraining order if I dared to contact her OR her family which I so dearly loved.
I am healing but today I’ve “snapped” to myself at least 7 times in total rage for the HURT and betrayal that I feel.
It is akin to post traumatic stress disorder received by the solidiers of the Vietnam War. And all I can do is THINK about her even though my mind and body wants to GET RID OF HER AND HER POISON.
One telling quote she said about flirting made it obvious to me
today that she never loved me at all and just wanted other men. The quote is as follows and I would like you to decipher it if you would be so kind.
“Why hang out with a stingray when there are all these other fish swimming around” ??
My translation as follows – “Why hang out with Sebbo who has all these insecurities when there are other men around who want me, have more money and who I could easily be dating at the expense of someone who doesnt want to meet my sociopathic desires. In other words – I NEED A NEW TARGET – LOOK AT ALL THESE OTHER FISH SWIMMING AROUND ! “
Tony, in no way am I attempting to minimalize Sebbo’s experiences. He IS shattered, as you are, and as all LF members are and have been. My suggestions were from personal experiences withreagard to the Legal System on various Civil and criminal levels.
Sebbo, you are in shock, emotional pain, and just trying to wrap your head around what has been done to you. Gentle hugs to you – and, to Tony. There is no rhyme or reason as to why sociopaths do the things that they do other than that they DO them because they CAN. And, the most important (and, painful) fact is this: they do not care, and they never DID. They are incapable of true caring or honest “love.”
I will offer this suggestion (not mandate or advice) from my own personal experiences: seeking counseling therapy when we have been used, abused, and abandoned can be a very, very powerful choice. Not one of us has all of the answers, and in a blind state of personal torment as a result of sociopathic entanglements, we often don’t even know where (or, how) to begin just processing the facts of our experiences. How do we start? How CAN we start? Why even WANT to survive this and heal ourselves?
I found a superb therapist by calling my local domestic violence hotline and just telling the person who answered the general facts of my situation and asked for several names of counselors who were familiar with domestic abuse and PSTD. I made the choice to take the bull by his proverbial horns and take responsibility for my own healing. I wasn’t going to even stumble onto my healing path, alone – I knew this, and I accepted it as Truth.
I have learned a great deal about myself, how I presented the “perfect target,” and techniques to cope with the emotional, financial, spiritual, and physical carnage that each and every victim of a sociopath faces.
Of course, we experience anger, rage, depression, despair, and true hope….sometimes, all within the same 10 minutes. If I didn’t get a handle on myself, I knew that I was going to spiral into a well of depression that I would never escape from, and I refused to allow the exspath to “win” on this very issue, alone. He may have robbed me blind and perpetrated the near-perfect long-con fraud, but I was NOT going to allow him to define ME, anymore. Just because he did not have his own soul did NOT give him permission to attempt to take MINE and shred it to ribbons.
Does it take a while to get our feet upon our own healing paths? It sure does – some of us never find that path. Is it a painful process? You bet it is. Is there every any justice? Rarely. Will it ever get better? Yes, in due time and with due pain, it does get better and we DO survive and emerge. But, I’m not getting out of this mess without some hard work and self-examination. And, I’m never going to be “the same.” Perhaps, this is something that I need to be grateful for – that I won’t be the same easy target, trusting individual, and tolerant human being. I intend to emerge as I was intended to be, all along, and NOT just “survive.” Survival means that we made it out of a situation. Emerging means leaving that egg shell and flying into the universe as we were meant to be.
And, Sebbo, the reason that I suggested that you avoid legal action is that it is very typical for victims of sociopaths to end up looking like ranting, raving lunatics when legal actions are taken, especially when we are not engaged in some strong therapy that will not only help us to heal, but help us to prepare for more spath nonsense. From personal experiences, legal actions are harrowing at the very best and utterly defeating at the worst.
As for me, I don’t even entertain the fantasy of having another companion/partner again, for the rest of my life. Two exspaths in a row (total of 30 years of this) is a very poor track record, and I need to fix myself before I ever even pretend that I’ll engage in a healthy romantic relationship, again.
Brightest blessings to you both, Sebbo & Tony
Sebbo,
Regarding your post about appearances, that’s what they are all about! I am convinced (no, I know) that my ex NS kept me away from his friends for fear I would learn the truth. I am embarrassed to admit this, but I never ONCE went to his place during the 18 months he lived there with a woman (whom he’d call large Marge and just a friend, a roommate). His excuse was that the place was small and it would end up being the three of us sitting on one sofa watching TV. Stupid me, I allowed this. He also said he had stuff all over, most of everything was in storage, and he was embarrassed. Well, I DO KNOW his stuff is in storage as I once met him there when he was paying his bill. I think he’s waiting for the nurse and purse to come along to finally get his stuff out of storage. At 60 years of age, with ample opportunity to buy a house for next to nothing, he just refuses commitment of any type. However, I did do some searching on the Net and it would seem to indicate he owns the place where he and “large Marge” lived. This guy has managed to confuse his name with his father’s on the Net, so it’s impossible to ascertain the truth from what I’ve found. The whole thing is such a mess and I’d only be wasting money to find out the truth.
Anyway, sorry for getting off on a rampage, but the truth is there is most likely MUCH more to your ex than you know about. For as much time as I’ve WASTED trying to just find out the truth, I’d advise you to just take what you’ve seen (and been told – and I don’t know how much more blatant it can be than to be told she’d rather find someone with more financial means) and realize that’s enough.
My ex NS was just a myriad of lies, distortions of truth, and he wouldn’t even do me the favor of being as upfront as your ex SPath has. The less time you spend thinking about her, the better, as she has made her agenda perfectly clear.
Dear Sebbo and Tony, welcome. I have been where you are about 5 years ago, finding out about “my” toxic relationshit. I left after he wanted me to be his escort. My sister who is a divorce lawyer (and a big N as I found out later), suggested No Contact. As I was addicted to him, it felt like “cold turkey” for about a month, and it was devastating, I could not recognize myself again. I could hardly work, had uncontrollable bouts of crying on my working place (I worked as a MD with cancer patients), and had to inform my boss about it all as it got worse and worse. Then the daily calls with my sister in order to NOT calling him (we jokingly named it “lovesick anonymous hotline” after a while). It was one of the most terrible times in my life, and it only weaned gradually. Fortunately about 1 month into the splitting I discovered LF on the internet, and I found great support. After about 6 months I held kind of private funeral on a deserted island in the north of Sweden (a place where I never will go again), and said farewell to the good times with him and got closure for me.
And THEN the very work started: I asked myself the “Why”, so it all became about me, and since then I have learned a lot about myself, BOUNDARIES, about my inner child and reparenting, about resilience, about not giving up. The journey is still ongoing, but now I can see with some confidence into the future. There have been more spaths and bad people along the way, and I am still far away from where I would like to be. But my life has changed for the better.
Very helpful at the very beginning was the series of Kathleen Hawk, who explains very well the universal steps of healing after such a tremendous shock. It is very reassuring to realize that it is NORMAL to be crazy after such an experience.
Another thing is that most people in normal life do not get what it means to have survived such an encounter. Therefore LF is a very good place to vent and rant and get somebody to listen who understands. As spaths/N/toxic people are all over the world, also on this site there is always somebody online who will respond. For me the responses were very comforting and reassuring, but writing alone kept me sorting out the unspeakable, kind of logical and grounded and rational even in the rants, and it is really a very helpful self help group, and I am infinitely thankful for all the peeps around. Might it be as useful for all of us! (((((Hugs)))))
Libelle, indeed writing out my despair, disbelief, fear, rage, anger, and all the rest was extremely helpful. I believe that writing it out, in conjunction with other techniques, is vital. And, I mean taking a writing utensil in hand and putting it down on paper – NOT recording it on a technological device. Writing it out, by hand, connected me to the words in a physical way. I wasn’t just ranting and raving, but I was using my own physical efforts to form the letters that made the words that joined into sentences. NOT that all of it made any sense or was always readable! BUT, it was a physical connection to the experience.
And, this most definitely is the place to vent, rant, rave, and heal.
Truthspeak – 30 years of sociopaths? OMG that is terrible.
I’ll take your advice and I wont go down the legal action path
as I know that it will only exacerbate the problem.
I feel so bad. Every day I have all these unanswered questions. Last night I got 4 hours of sleep. Its really bad when I tell myself everything will be OK and I feel OK …. but my body and subconcious mind does not lie. And if I tell myself these positive thoughts but my bodyclock only allows 3 or 4 hours of sleep a night then it just shows what a pyshcological impact this whole spath experience has had on me.
Kathy – appearances. Yes you are damn right. Its all about “keeping up appearances”. I learnt the hard way.
She always would taunt and threaten me saying “if one word gets out you will never hear from me again” etc etc
The punishment was her dissaparance. Now I know that sounds like a good thing but I can tell you in all honesty that I was deeply in love with her. Like a lot of other spaths she had a lot of energy. Was exciting, was happy, was influencing. Perhaps too influencing. She was guiding, she was comfortable to be around. She put me on a pedestal in the beginning. I felt like a king. That all came crashing down in the end when I did not fulfil her expectations of marriage. Well unfortunately for me I didnt have 9,000 dollars lying around to buy her a silly ring. She didnt care about the concept of marriage. She only cared about the material possessions. She even wanted a horse and cart to her wedding complete with candles etc and she asked ME to pay for it to show MY love for her. I played along out of fear of losing her but I knew deep down that I simply could not afford it and it just proves the GRANDIOSITY that goes hand in hand with sociopaths. Her greatest fear of me was that I had all types of information on her. She revealed to me her prmiscuos past and she didnt want any of her family knowing her risky sexual behaviour. I am just so angry and upset. I have been silenced and she’s defintely out there getting another victim as we speak because she has threatened me with a restraining order should I make any more contact with her again – further securing her need to keep up appearaneces and silence the people who know too much.
Libelle – Its interesting what you have written . I agree 100%. With the concept of treating others like an “escort”, my spath girlfriend actually played that role. As mentioned before she was highly promiscuos. Too high for my liking. And she openly searched the company of other men to my disgust. I didnt know what I was getting myself into as I had no idea in the first 3 months just how sexually promiscuos she was. I found out too late when I saw her openly make moves on other guys at parties. She then “hooked” me in accusing ME of treated her like an escort and accusing ME of taking advantage of her. This was her way of retaliating towards me when I tried to stop her from seeing all these different guys. She accused me of holding her back and said that I needed constant re-assurance. I did need reassurance because I was being cheated on but she had no remorse about that. She coundnt care less. It was her way or the highway. A month later she wrote me a 3 page email going through a list of problems about me. When it came to her she said “Accept me with no changes”. This was so hurtful to read because in the start of the relationship she told me that she would love me unconditionally if I did the same in return. Obviously she lied.