Do you suspect that someone you work with is a psychopath? Do they act superficially charming, lack remorse, lie to you, cheat, or attempt to manipulate you? Read more to find out about our study.
Dear Members of the Lovefraud Blog,
My name is Janelle and I am a Master’s student at Carleton University in Ottawa, Canada. I’m currently working on my Master’s thesis in Forensic Psychology under the supervision of Dr. Adelle Forth. The topic of my research is psychopathy in the workplace and the effects this has on victims.
Psychopathy in the workplace is a relatively new area of study in psychology. Most of the research to date focuses on the psychopathic individuals while neglecting to take into account the voices of survivors. I want to investigate how psychopaths establish relationships in the work environment and the behaviours they exhibit that lead you to believe they are psychopathic or that have victimized you. I also want to know what effects and impacts the relationship has had on your job and your life outside of work.
If you believe that someone you work with possesses psychopathic traits and you would like to share your experience by participating in the study, please click here. This link also contains more information on the study. Please note you must be 18 years of age or older to participate and the study is only available in English. Any questions, comments, or feedback about this research project or its content, are welcome at working.with.psychopath@gmail.com
Sincerely,
Janelle
UPDATE
The survey is now closed. Thank you to everyone who participated.
Oh, Truthspeak, I should have been more careful how I put all that!
I know NOW that I did not. I did not “get” spaths during my marriage (which ended 13 years ago) or for several years afterwards. But for about a year now, I have pretty much “gotten” it.
I don’t beat myself up any longer for what I did to survive. But I’m telling these stories partly because I think when we share with each other, it is validating… maybe someone else is going through something similar or has done, and my sharing helps them. Partly, too, is the witnessing aspect. I think the mosaic or tapestry of our collective voices is very important — we need to speak, we need to be heard, we need witnesses to our experience. My experiences AT THE TIME were solitary. My suffering was SOLITARY. I dealt with it over the years in various ways, but it never quite got healed UNTIL I learned about spaths.
But I do think that there are so many ways they abuse us, and messing with our sense of personal integrity is a big one.
And I will definitely go have a buttercream chocolate now — yummm!!! Thanks. 🙂
20 years, YES, they do provoke us to the point that we violate our own integrity…but, you know there are ways to look at what we “do” (or don’t do)
“Hitting” him in that case was not (like truthy said) an elaborate scheme to damage him for your own pleasure….so I don’t think what you did was “wrong” but an attempt to survive. Though he may not have been hitting you at the EXACT moment that you “hit” him….I think it was still SELF DEFENSE.
My egg donor kept up this “honor thy father and mother” and “forgive” or you will go to hell and burn forever….of course in HER definition “forgive” meant to RESTORE TRUST (if you ever had any for that person) even though they had shown no remorse.
“Honor” meant that you had to put up with whatever cr4p that your egg donor dished out.
Well, you know, “turn the other cheek” doesn’t mean to be a door mat…it simply means to not start fights and the Bible also says AS MUCH AS IN YOUR POWER live peacefully with all men. IN YOUR POWER…sometimes it is NOT in your power to live peacefully with someone. A psychopath is not going to let anyone live “peacefully” as long as they draw breath.
So give yourself a break or I’ll have to get the cyber skillet out and boink you a good one! LOL (Hugs)))
OxD…the “self defense” point is extremely true. By the time I sorted out what I had been married to, I was broke, mostly unemployed, very sick (physically), and I lashed out in a violent rage, myself. I had been backed into a virtual corner and, perhaps, it was the only way that my subconscious knew to force an end to a fraud.
20years….you put it the way that it needed to be put out there. And, Oxy’s right – we are forced/coerced into compromising our integrity and beliefs because of the spaths’ machinations. That WE can (and, DO) stand accountable and speak truthfully about our experiences is a blessing and relief. Spaths will never, under threat of death, speak truthfully about anything, including the barometric pressure.
The “spaths’ machinations” is a very good way of putting it — and a very horrible thing.
Their manipulations have power over us, they pull strings on us as though we were marionettes… they rob us of our personal power to CHOOSE with complete freedom and safety, the straight and narrow path that we are taught is the “right path.”
It is like raping someone and then blaming them for the rape. (How many unfortunate rape victims have a sexual response/orgasm during the rape which is not an abnormal physiological thing, but feel confused and distressed about that? It just adds to the complicated feelings of violation that need to be processed.)
I mean, I do fully support the premise that people choose to behave however we end up behaving. And as it is our choice in how to behave, we are responsible for the choices we make, and for our behavior. It is a moment-by-moment choice, and we can choose to act with integrity or to do evil (either by deliberately preying on others or by ignoring and therefore enabling evildoers). That presumes we are in a position of some power, where we can see more than one option.
It is this awareness of our power to choose, that correlates to our responsibility for our actions; if we are acting in ignorance, it doesn’t mean we are not responsible, but it is a far different thing if we deliberately choose to do harm, when we “know better.” If we don’t see any options but one, then how can we choose an alternative?
When we are psychologically worn down by repeated physical, psychological, sexual, emotional abuse… that is torture, pure and simple, and it is much harder to keep one’s wits, to think clearly, to make ethical choices in how to respond to the abuse.
This is tough to admit, especially for someone who lived a fairly normal and ethical life for some years (30, in my case). to be a strong person, then slowly eroded to a weak one.
But on the outside, we may look perfectly normal. So other people may not grasp at all, how damaged we are on the inside. they say, “you have choices.” I say, not really, not so much. Not under these circumstances.
Truthspeak, you are absolutely correct that spaths are way different — they lie even when the truth would do just as well. Spath victims lie only when absolutely pushed beyond their limit of control, and then wrestle with the shame and guilt of their “choice.” Because we “know better” even if we are not, at the time, able to find the strength or awareness or support to find or choose another option.
But that’s the whole point you see? They want to turn us into them. The money they take, the cheating etc… all that is just frosting on the cake. The meat and potatoes are the SLIME.
They want us to lose trust, feel envy, become paranoid, lose our innocence and feel shame. So, it is important NOT to do that. I think we need to fight back but keep your perspective about WHY you are doing what you do. Don’t let it be a response to their machinations. Make it your own choice about YOUR VALUES.
In the book, The Happiness Trap Russ Harris says to define your values first and foremost. Write them out. Then make sure that each and every thing you do is IN LINE WITH THOSE VALUES. That won’t lead to ecstasy, but it will lead to a deep happiness in your life, and that life won’t be blown off course easily.
Skylar, I couldn’t agree with you more.
It really is slime.
It is also an illusion.
Like in a mirror. You know, the mirror they use to reel us in, in the first place. Then turn it back around, till all we see reflected about ourselves is ugliness. But that is not us. That is them. What they want us to see. And they trick us into buying into it.
The healing comes when we turn away from that projection of theirs, either look through it to the truth and it dissolves, or dare to look deep within ourselves to see the beauty and purity still intact.
I know that the sliming IS an illusion but it feels oh, so real. Don’t believe it!!! Easy to say, tough to do.
SLIME….oh yes….they want us to turn like them because they can’t be us. They are envious of us and our insights and strengths and that is part of the reason they treat us like they do.
Defining our values and holding onto those are the most important thing we can do in our lives. We know who we are. This behavior is unacceptable and the heart should not weigh in…I truly believe that if I had followed my heart, I would be deader than a door nail, right now. I had to wake up and shake off the ‘spell’ and realize that if I didn’t get it away from me and keep it away from me, one of us would have ended up dead and it sure wasn’t going to be me!
The whole relationship and experience was nothing but an illusion. Yes, sliming IS real. I am still washing it off and I don’t think it completely comes off. I think it has to ‘wear off’.
Dupey
Newsflash! I heard yesterday my spath got promoted at work…big promotion! I am so upset about this, but of course there is nothing I can do. Corporate America absolutely rewards sociopathic behavior. They know what he is and instead of him getting reprimanded, he got promoted. So very sad today 🙁
Also, I forgot to tell everyone…I stopped going to therapy. I sent an email to my therapist last week telling him I wasn’t coming back, thanking him for his time, but just that it was not helping me. All he could say is “I understand.” That was it…nothing more. Made me feel even worse, but I am over it.
Louise: He needs a big promotion, alright…
🙂
Dupey