UPDATED FOR 2024: When we finally figure out that just about everything a sociopath told us is a lie, we are shocked. How can anyone lie so fluently? And why did we fall for it?
Here are 10 reasons why the sociopath’s lies seem so believable:
- Sociopaths tell you how honest they are
Early on, sociopaths may tell you how much they value honesty, and that truthfulness is the foundation of all relationships. Their objective is to convince you of their trustworthiness, so that when you encounter their lies, you don’t see them.
- Sociopaths lie while they look directly into your eyes
Some experts say that if people look up and to their right while speaking, it’s a sign that they are lying. Other experts dispute this. Regardless, we all tend to believe that if someone can look us in the eye while talking, then they are telling the truth. Sociopaths know this, so they look us in the eye as they lie.
- Sociopaths mix truth with lies
This is a key sociopathic strategy — mixing truth with lies. You know for a fact that some of what the sociopath says is true (and the sociopath knows that you know), so you infer that the rest is true. Unfortunately, you’re wrong.
- Everything is a lie
One way that we spot lies is by noticing change. At first, the story was this, now it’s that. With a sociopath, however, there is no change to notice, because the lying starts from the very beginning and just keeps going.
- Sociopaths lie with no physical reaction
Lying makes most of us feel anxious, which causes physical symptoms. These symptoms are what polygraph machines measure — changes in heart rates/blood pressure, respiration and skin conductivity. Because sociopaths are comfortable lying, they feel no anxiety, so there are no physical changes to observe.
- Sociopaths cover their lies with more lies
When we confront sociopaths about their lies, they tell more lies to cover up the original lies. Most of us would never be able to keep all the lies straight, but sociopaths are frequently gifted in this — they can remember exactly what they told to whom, and they keep the story going.
- “I would never lie!”
When questioned about something they said, sociopaths often proclaim, with righteous indignation, that they would never lie. They are so emphatic about this, and so obviously crestfallen that you could possibly think that they lied, that you end up apologizing — even though they are, in fact, lying.
- Sociopaths lie with complete confidence
It’s hard to imagine that someone who is so charismatic, charming and confident, is also a complete liar. They exhibit no doubt whatsoever. They seem to command you to believe them — so you do.
- The claims are so outrageous that they must be true
Sociopaths claim to be special forces soldiers, foreign royalty, Ph.D. scientists, born-again Christians, spiritual leaders and more. They may forge or buy certificates, medals and other documentation to prove their stories. You can’t imagine anyone would have the nerve to make such claims without them being true — so you believe them.
- Practice makes perfect, and sociopaths practice a lot
The more sociopaths lie, the better they get at it — and typically, sociopaths have been lying all their lives. So they are very, very good at it. Unfortunately, most humans are lousy lie detectors, so the rest of us simply haven’t got a chance. Sociopaths lie, and we don’t spot the lies until it’s too late.
Learn more: Tools for navigating narcissists and other manipulative people.
Lovefraud originally posted this story on Nov. 28, 2016.
Should I warn the next victim?
Jan7
You are right about the red flags. They were popping up everywhere. Most people probably don’t know where the term “Red Flag” comes from and what it really means. I come from a beach community and they fly flags letting you know if it’s safe to get in the water. A red flag means,stay out of the water. It is very dangerous because of the undertow. Now for those who don’t know what an undertow is, it’s where the sand drags you out into the water extremely quickly. You don’t have time to swim to shore. It will take you so far and so fast there is little catch that you will not drown. I have been watching the videos that Jan7 recommend about your gut feeling that something is wrong….I don’t know why i ignored mine….
My mind knows what an Evil person he his. I know he will do this again. He will never contact me again he blocked my number do the no contact is easy to apply. I still cant wrap my head around this person being this way…..I asked one of my male friends why would he do something like this and he said “I dont know, I not wired that way” I went shopping today and for some reason when i walked by the mens
Part 2
Section of the store I burst into tears. I had to leave….I stopped to get gas and i was still crying and a lady stopped and asked me if i was ok…..What is wrong with me??Why would i want someone that said they never ever loved me the entire time we were together?????Am I CRAZY??? How can I get away from these awful feelings????? Anybody
My poor dear…it is the human in you. He does not have that trait.
There is a term for why we keep om wondering why…or how could he…
It is called cognitive dissonance. Please google it and read it. It will help you to understand why you feel the way that you do.
It is entirely normal and something that we all go through. It sucks big time, but perhaps it is a necessary step in our getting ourselves back?
mzpris15…good analogy of the ocean Red Flags! You are a smart woman for connecting these dots!!
Bev is correct do a search on love fraud up at the top right on CD and also google. Donna Anderson site creator of love fraud just posted an article on this subject this week but there are more on this extremely important topic. I posted a post to you on this article for you to read so it will be at the top of the “forum”.
Hang in there!!
You are in mourning. I was mourning my husband’s death when I began with my sp and he had me right where he wanted me. Weak and vulnerable. I fell for it all, hook, line and sinker.
Give yourself time to heal. The wounds are wide open and each day they close up. I could not talk to people without crying when my husband died and when I had many break up with my sp I would burst into tears. The feeling of remorse and loss is natural. We gave our all to that person all the while they were taking and taking. For many of us it was our sanity and with each day that passes we must remind ourselves we are getting stronger, wiser and ready to be the person we once were. Little by little it begins to fade. Even their faces begin to fade. Hang in there little one it will get better. I am about to go shopping and I am thrilled I am not going to buy that creep one more thing.
Smile! It makes you feel better. Each time you begin to get low, smile and say “I am free” and keep smiling and be proud of yourself.
Your feelings are 100% normal. You are grieving a real loss to you. You were betrayed into believing that he was a good person and you probably hoped that he would eventually care about you. You are capable of love and you bonded with him. For most women, engaging in a physical relationship creates a very strong physiological bond.
I keep coming back here because i can’t talk to anyone that i know about this. If I hear why aren’t you over this jerk again then i don’t know what I’m going to do… I’ve been thinking and thinking about what made him laser un in me in the beginning. As i look back it was 10 years since my daughter had been killed in a car accident. That’s what made me a good mark….I should of known he was a person without empathy or a soul when he never said one thing about it. Nothing. No questions just acted like it didn’t happen even though u mentioned it and it upset me…The prior boyfriend he was so compassionate. He sent flowers to her grave. He bought me a bracelet with her name on it, it was Hope and he even found a couple of things when he went out of town that i had mentioned in passing that I wanted to make sure i was happy….how can I be jealous if this new person he’s with??? I know they are going to spend Christmas together and what an I gping to do??? I am going to work!!!! Why be off with no one to spend it with??? Why do I feel this way??? I got a promotion yesterday out of the blue with a big raise and i don’t even care. I don’t have anyone to share this with….he didn’t love me but i didntbknow this…we shared everything. Everything. Now no one to call…je was so good at making me believe him. My world is just spinning. Now I just dont know who to turn to and I just can’t find my way and i cant stop crying…😞😞
mzpis15, so heart wrenching to read your post. I’m truly sorry to hear about the loss of your daughter. Sending you hugs…I have no words to express to you just my deepest condolences for your heart break.
I’m glad you keep coming back. Keep posting as many times as you want…we have all done the same. It really does help to vent out your emotions & feelings here. It’s part of the healing process.
Yes, your heartache over the loss of your daughter was most likely what he focused on. Once they have you hooked then then drop their “nice guy” mask and show you who they really are & then start the devalue & discard process (google with the word sociopaths in front).
I’m so glad that your ex prior was a nice guy. This is your baseline to men. He had compassion & empathy = normal persons feelings.
Please reach out to the National Domestic Violence hotline in the USA 800-799-SAFE to talk with a free counselor and also to get your local abuse center phone numbers where you can go & get free counseling & join a women group meeting. They really do help & you will know that you are not alone while in a safe place to express yourself.
Most family & friends will never understand the evilness of what a sociopath does because the sociopath most likely did not show them his evil side. They are masterful and really emotional & mentally abusing their main target while manipulating others to see that the target vicim is the problem (when we all know this is not true).
Please just know that the best thing that every happened was this evil guy going off to another victims. I know it does not feel good right now but in time you will see this was the best way to get away from him. I know that the fact he did not love you, is so hurtful. I spent 12 years plus trying to make a marriage work when it was never going to work because I was married to an manipulative cunning evil man. Time wasted but know I just reflect on the fact I am FREE…this is a blessing.
Please Please reach out for help today with the National domestic abuse center. And if you have a friend or trusted family member ask them to come to Lovefraud & show them what you learned about your ex. Ask them to be apart of your healing process. They may not want to see the truth because it’s quite fearful & it’s also so out of the norm it’s hard to believe that so many devils walk among us.
The woman that he is with now is being abused just like you were. These evil guys use EXACTLY the same con game on every woman they meet. She has no idea that she is being sucked deeper into his hellish world. But one day she will either break free or she to will be discard for his next target victim.
I have been exactly where you are with the crying…when I didnt think I had anymore tears after sobbing for hours in me…the tears would start flowing. (I never cried so hard in my life) Then came the angry stage and I have never been so angry in my life. What you are going thru is exactly the same stages as a death in the family.
Google: Grieving stages so you understand what you are going thru.
Please Celebrate your Promotion…even if it’s only to run a bubble bath or to relax at home!! This is a good thing in your life!!! CONGRATULATIONS!!! Job well done!!!!
Hugs to you tonight. Keep posting here. Take care.
mzpris15, I just want to add that your mind is awakening to the true reality of who you were with. All of your suppressed feelings are coming up…this is why you are crying so much.
mzpris15…this is how a sociopath sucks victims in. It may make you cry so if it’s too much to read tonight just read it another day. This article was on another site.If you want to talk with others set up a fake email account then a fake Facebook page and then look at Facebook pages like After narcissistic abuse (there is light) and Psychopath free. But for your privacy dont use a Facebook page with your real name or if you have a Facebook page now dont use that one this way you can talk freely without friends/family seeing. Set the privacy on the new fake Facebook account to “me only”. This article was on the web.
“CONTROL – HOW THE SOCIOPATH CONTROLS YOU!, SOCIOPATH, UNDERSTANDING THE SOCIOPATHIC MIND
HOW THE SOCIOPATH FOLLOWS THE PATTERN OF IDEALISE, DEVALUE AND DISCARD
It is always shocking to the victim who has been in a relationship with a sociopath, when you are ultimately ’discarded’ leaving you feeling worthless.
You can be left questioning the following:
What did I do wrong?
Why did he stop loving me?
Why did I deserve this?
I want answers
Why has this happened?
Idealise
The first stage can feel heady, and like you are floating on air. The sociopath idealises you. Bombards you with affection. Tells you that you are perfect. Makes out that you are the person that he has waited all of his life for.Tells you that you are the love of his life. He mirrors back to you:
What you need
What you want
What you think is missing in your life
Who you would like to be
The best side of you
It is the idealisation stage (the seduction) which lures you in. Idealising you, makes you feel good. In your own mind you are being given the message:
He likes me for who I really am (who you perceive yourself to be)
He sees my good qualities
He will encourage personal growth
He is just like me
I like this person
This creates a false bonding to the sociopath, because it is based upon manipulation and deception.
Devalue
Once the sociopath has you hooked to the feel good factor, and you are emotionally involved with him, once he has used you for what he wants, you will notice a shift in the behaviour towards you. This is negative attention and words, which will knock you off balance, and take away your own personal power.
He will say now often the opposite of what he said in the initial stages, which will leave you feeling confused.
He now puts down your personal beliefs
Will make you question things that are important to you
Will make comments about how you look
Will make comments about your personal connections and who you are close to
Will often say the opposite of what was said in the idealisation stage, leaving you confused
Will minimise and invalidate whatever is important to you
When the sociopath is in the discarding stage, he is already making plans for exit. He likely has a new source of supply lined up. Everything is behind the scenes, for he is the master strategist and manipulator.
The message you are left with is
This is my fault
I am not good enough
I have done something wrong
I am confused
Discard
After the full blown love affair that has swept you off your feet, to the discarding stage, where you are belittled, put down, made to feel small, made to feel that everything was your fault, were blamed, were accused to deflect from their behaviour, suddenly without warning the sociopath will discard you.
This can be incredibly painful to experience. You are treated as if you are worthless, that you mean nothing. The cut you dead attitude, from the full on seducing stage, can feel dramatic and cruel. Perhaps you had felt that when the devaluing was happening that things would return to how they were in the earlier idealisation stage of the relationship?
It is now that the truth starts to emerge. When you really see the true person come through. Now in the final stage of discard, when the sociopath has a new source of supply you are discarded like last weeks newspaper.
The way that the sociopath cuts you dead at the end is heartbreaking as you search for answers. You call but they blank your calls, or put down the phone. If they do pick up they rant on the phone, and then cut you off mid conversation. You are now nothing to them, and if they do speak to you, it will often be just to tell you how great their life is now. How their new person is nothing like you. How much happier they are without you.
You are left stunned, and often believe the lies that are being told to you. Yes, that is right lies. As that is all that it is. Just as the sociopath lied in the beginning ”“ and the middle he now lies at the end. Both to you (about you) and likely to others about you.
The messages that you receive at the end are
This is my fault
I am worthless
I was used
Everything was a lie
Nothing was real
Confusion
And this is the point where, without answers from the sociopath, you search for answers online. Or wherever you can find answers. You are heartbroken, as you think that you will never hear from this person again.
Will you hear from the sociopath again?
Most likely, yes. The sociopath is also a Narcissist and looks for narcissistic supply. He often leaves a relationship with sudden discard, no explanation, and leaving things ’open’ with one foot in the door, so that he can return, should and when he needs to. Sometimes it might be a year before you hear from them again. Sometimes much less time. It really depends on when he needs additional supply. As rarely can he be on his own. He always needs someone else to give him whatever it is that he needs.
Likely he will return, full of further empty promises. Which will be no more than the empty promises that he sold you in the beginning. And he will return (if you allow him to) back to the cycle of:
Assessment
Seducing/gaming
Ruining
But you should not take him back. Things will not get better and he will not change.
You can never change anybody else, and you certainly cannot change the sociopath. But you can change you. It is now time for you to take care of you. To love yourself. To focus your energy on yourself.”
All the feelings you describe are normal and natural. You have been betrayed and you have experienced a big loss. Jealousy is a normal emotion in your circumstances, even though you know in your mind that he’s worthless and he is not good to you. Normal people bond to one another and that works well in a committed relationship with an honest man who cares about your well being.
Sometimes crying is the right thing to do – I hope you feel better soon.
Keep coming back. I felt the same way you did. My addiction and my competitive nature was the cause of me not wanting to lose. I finally asked myself, “lose what?” A person as you mention that show no empathy or compassion. I have seen over and over this none feeling bastard show no emotion whatsoever when I told him things. I saw him cry only once when he talked of leaving his mother in Bosnia and she died and he could not go back for her funeral nor ever to see her again. Many people suffer that loss. Both my grandparents did too but both very religious and both prayed very hard.
The loss of a child is something that is so unexplainable unless one goes through it. My sister died at 39 and my mother was never the same again. She even show distain for me, almost like she wished it was me rather than my sister. I understand, they had a much closer bond. I reminded my mother of my sociopath father who she never got over and I paid dearly for it my entire life.
Christmas together? Christmas is a day of giving and sharing. Find and event where you can go and give a gift for children in need. These people who we devoted our time and love for were undeserving. I can make 24 hours pass like it is just like any other day in my mind. It gets me through the day. I have done it on many occasions.
These people had control over us and minds, we can control our own minds.
Many blessings and prayers you stop crying, your tears are far too valuable to waste on the likes of him.
Know we are all in this together. We all are feeling a loss, but this too will pass.
Thank you, everyone for sharing. I am a newbie and this site has saved me!
Hi dim 15,
I know I am posting to you all over the place this morning, but that is because you are one of the LUCKY ones who can get out FAST, and walk away with just a few scratches.
There are women here who have been dragged through YEARS of torment, who started out just as you have…with a brief ‘affair’. Don’t let this happen to you. Just CUT CONTACT of any kind. Simply take your good heart and make a hasty exit.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Do these people become dangerous once exposed???
Dim15,
Sociopaths and psychopaths are always potentially dangerous because they do not have the internal restraints that prevent normal people from harming others. Spaths say and do whatever they think will
work to get them what they want in any given situation if they think they won’t get caught.
You might consider how much the spath in your personal experience harmed you already. You might also consider ways to keep yourself safe. Limit all access the spath has to you and anything about you that you can, such as social media and any other online/internet presence you have. Change locks. Try not to let the spath get information about you andyour activities. Avoid engaging in a war to ‘win’ against the spath. Consider not ‘exposing’ the spath to others unless it is clearly beneficial to prevent harm to them. Consider making yourself as invisible and as boring as possible to the spath, for your safety.
I keep coming back here because i can’t talk to anyone that i know about this. 😞 I hear why aren’t you over this jerk again then i don’t know what I’m going to do… I’ve been thinking and thinking about what made him laser un in me in the beginning. As i look back it was 10 years since my daughter had been killed in a car accident. That’s what made me a good mark….I should of known he was a person without empathy or a soul when he never said one thing about it. Nothing. No questions just acted like it didn’t happen even though u mentioned it and it upset me…The prior boyfriend he was so compassionate. He sent flowers to her grave. He bought me a bracelet with her name on it, it was Hope and he even found a couple of things when he went out of town that i had mentioned in passing that I wanted to make sure i was happy….how can I be jealous if this new person he’s with??? I know they are going to spend Christmas together and what an I gping to do??? I am going to work!!!! Why be off with no one to spend it with??? Why do I feel this way??? I got a promotion yesterday out of the blue with a big raise and i don’t even care. I don’t have anyone to share this with….he didn’t love me but i didntbknow this…we shared everything. Everything. Now no one to call…je was so good at making me believe him. My world is just spinning. Now I just dont know who to turn to and I just can’t find my way and i cant stop crying…😞😞
Thank y’all for you kind words and support. It has helped so much.I am in the adopt a senior program and go 1 time a week to see my beautiful Ms Carol…She has MS so she can’t hardly talk, she cant feed herself or get dressed or any of the things we take for granted each day. But she has the biggest smile on the planet. She is my girl.. I love her so much. There are also other seniors there and all they want is asmile and a hug….my Ms Carol hadn’t been our of her bed for 2 yrs. Not because she couldn’t but because she said she didn’t have a reason to. Today was a big blessing. She got out of bed and we went to happ hour and listened to some music and she was happy and now she doesn’t want to miss anything….i try feel sorry for spath that do not have empathy or love or anything else in their life…When i go there my problems are nothing compared to what i see. That man will never take my joy again. He will never joy in his life..and I will always have angels in mine
Thank you for sharing this inspiring and heart warming experience. It put a smile on my face this morning.
Yes, this is beautiful 🙂
Many of you have read my posts. In one of them I told you that I left a series of messages and even took photos of quote with respect to sociopathic behavior to my sp.’s ex who was with him for seven years and was going to take him back. I learned today that she is not taking his calls. The last message I sent her simply stated that I did not seek him out and when I found out about her I dropped him but he was relentless and charmed me back on numerous occasions. I also told her to show the information I shared with her to someone who loves her in her family or a good friend and get their opinion and take from there. I was not the enemy, he was.
i pray she stays strong. I am. He is almost a distant memory.
Sounds like you are doing the right things for yourself and for others, and that you are doing the hard work of moving forward.
Today is another hard day for me. Off 4 days and no one to spend it with. I know my ex’s schedule and he is off 4 days as well but he has someone to spend it with. Its hurtful and painful that I spent over a year with this awful person and he just gets to carry on like he doesn’t have a care in the world. Its true. The good ones finish last.. I just hate this time of year so much. Everything you see on tv says if you don’t have a family or significant other then you are not anything. I am trying so hard to work through this. I’m trying to decide if he really is a sopath or if it was really just me. I’m just so mixed up. What do I keep doing wrong? What did I do for this person to do this for over a year and me not leave ? I’m lost and can’t find my way..
Hi mzpris15, I know it’s hard this time of year especially everything you are going thru & have gone thru.
There is a site called Meetup. com. It’s a free site that list all of the clubs, organizations and groups in each city. Check it out to see if there is something that interest you. Stick to the ALL FEMALE groups for now since you are vulnerable you dont want to get caught in another abusive relationship.
As for this guy…is he a sociopath or not?
The fact that he had zero compassion & empathy for your daughter passing each year leads to the fact that most highly definitely he is a sociopath!
It is very common to start to question everything about your relationship over and over. Is it me or is it him. This is another indication that YES it is him that is the problem. A normal person does not cheat or lie and then go off leaving the ex in the dust so quickly if they have empathy & compassion.
When I first went to my counselor after literally packing up my car and driving 3000 miles away I told my counselor the same…I said “ I dont know if it’s me, if it’s him or both, I am so confused”. And right there that was a huge red flag for the counselor that I was in a abusive relationship. After 20 minutes of asking me question the counselor told me that she believe I was married to a sociopath.
I had no idea what this meant…more confusion. She gave me the book “Woman who love psychopath by Sandra Brown. I read it none stop for next two days literally sobbing endlessly because it was TRUE I was married to a sociopath.
Everything made sense with regards to my marriage….all the craziness he did made sense…every thing made sense as to why I felt like I was going crazy (he was gas lighting me!!).
The biggest thing you should focus is not “is is a sociopath or not” but instead ask this question:
Did he abuse me emotional, mentally, verbally, financial and/or physically. IF the answer is yes to any or all = he is a sociopath with narcissistic personality disorder or a narcissist = ABUSERS!!
If I remember correctly you thought he cheated on you with several women. This is exactly what sociopaths do.
But again the most important thing is to ask yourself was I abused. Was I miss treated.
If you are not sure post some more about your relationship here and also go to the National Domestic Violence Hotline website and read every thing on their site.
But more importantly CALL THEM to talk with them for free! USA 800-799-SAFE. They will help you to find your way!! I promise this is what they do everyday of the year. Help victims of domestic abuse.
Did you know that 1 in 3 adult woman will ben in a abusive relationship?
Keep reading & watch Donna Andersons video’s up at the top of this website. You can also contact Donna to talk to her via the phone for a small fee just look under the top “Contact” tab for info. Many people call her for help. Especially when they are questioning everything.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE PLEASE KEEP REACHING OUT FOR HELP!!!
Hugs to you!! Take care. â¤ï¸
Your thoughts and feelings are normal for what you’re going through, and the holidays are a very tough time to end a relationship.
You’re asking good questions. There are a lot of good resources on this site and others. The book Women Who Love Psychopaths might be helpful, but there is lots of other helpful books and articles.
The longer you are away from him, you will think more clearly. I am several years out, and still opening my eyes to what happened when I was targeted by a psychopath.
Consider that he chooses to carry on without caring about anyone or anything. You would not make that choice and he is not even in the same universe as you – a ‘good one.’ He isn’t even in the race competing with you; he is just in a hamster wheel of his own destructive, harmful cycle of boring, meaningless behavior.
You sound as though you will find your way again soon.
I hope I can be of help dropping in here once in a while many years since I’ve moved on from the sociopath for whom I discovered this site. I remember one of the hardest things to understand was the pathological lying. I had never seen anything like it, and it took a lot for me to realize it was even happening! For anyone who is in the throes of trying to figure out if the person is lying or not because their incredible lies seem SO believable, I want to share how totally sincere my guy seemed at the time. I was just totally floored when I found out he was lying about so many things. It took a while for me to believe he lied. His lies (and stories about the lies) were so believable. The important thing you need to know here is that there ARE these people capable of playing these kinds of games. They DO exist. And if you think you might be being played or duped, there is a good chance that you are. Listen to what your gut is telling you. There will be a great desire to understand why and try to figure it out. But it is an unsolvable riddle that you will never solve. Just know that you are better than these kinds of games and just move on. You cannot fix or understand the problem.
Hi Stargazer,
Just wanted to add a tiny point to your wisdom.
There’s a REASON I believed his lies. It wasn’t that I was stupid and believed anything someone would say.
My ex was SO loving and sincere and logical and assuring when he lied to me. We were a TEAM and his way of explaining was VERY reassuring to me b/c there was nothing to disagree with. That changed later, because as TIME WENT ON, he forgot what he lied about and he started undermining his own lies. He couldn’t hide absenses anymore (unfaithful), and he had begun showing duping delight for how he was able to use people’s trust to fool them.
I do think, though, that it is a solvable riddle. Once I realized what a sociopath is, then it ALL made sense b/c then I knew, his agenda was ultimately about duping people… he was the ConMan.
oops. I meant to conclude with restating:
There’s a reason we get hooked in, they LIE so VERY believably. When a person has NO conscience, they are VERY sincere.
I found I could fairly accurately predict my ex psychopath’s behavior in many cases, when I understood his motivation. His behavior made absolutely no sense given a motivation for the well being of his family and others, a motivation to protect, improve, appreciate, connect, to keep commitments, honesty, and the Christian values he verbally espoused. But when I knew his true motivation – exploitation, control, power, sadism, sexual perversions, desire for church office, etc, what he chooses to say and do are what he thinks will work to achieve his goals. Of course his motivations don’t make sense to me, but it is what it is.
EVERYONE…please read this!
There is something very wrong in this world and we should keep quiet about it!
http://psychopathsandlove.com/mass-manipulation/#more-30987
I am so happy you posted this. I am sharing with each and every group I belong. Thanks Bev. Not only taken in by the man I was with for two year. Our nation was taken in too.
It is really something.
I meant to type NOT…that we should NOT keep quiet about it.
It is beyond strange that some are saying ‘well, Trump is in now so we just have to give him a chance and the benefit of the doubt’.
No. I will never do that.
I keep thinking that something will happen to finally disqualify him from taking office.
Fingers crossed.
I have been praying for days and working my little fingers off signing petition after petition and sharing them. I have also written so many posts with information so others see the man for what he is. An animal.
AnnettePK — Thank you. Well said. It is hard to not want the last word and to expose him to the world. Like that would even matter. This site has helped me more than I thought possible. Donna Andersen – and all of you out there -my eternal gratitude. My experience was textbook…ran into the guy I LOST MY VIRGINITY TO 30 YEARS AGO at a wake. I am 47. You do the math. Hadn’t seen or wanted to see him. Didn’t even notice him until he approached me. Have to say, wow he aged incredibly. Holy shit.
He then tried to contact me via social media. I blocked him, he had a live in gf. 3 days later, 3 dozen roses at my door and the love bombing began FULL FORCE. They (he and the gf) were just roommates. Blah Blah. Weird thing? She was my fb friend from the same hometown. Her posts were saying the same thing and he basically moved in with me….what a trainwreck…I have to say it was the MOST intimate sex I have EVER experienced. Ever. Felt like making love like never before. Hours.
However, I am a pretty independent, strong willed woman. I have raised money and awareness for nonprofits, including many national women’s organizations, for 25 years. As soon as the gaslighting was even remotely evident, I knew something was off. He also wasn’t the most sophisticated man in the world. But I am not a judgemental person. I started to panic immediately…blah blah…I reached out to her (gf) and everything was a lie. SHOCKER. They have a very toxic, destructive relationship.
Devastated. Soul wrenching.
Then I found this site.
He is TEXTBOOK Lovefraud/Sociopath. Vacant eyes. No soul. Said things to me I had never heard in that way. Fell quick and fell hard. Friends, family very surprised. Caught him off guard discarding and exposing him before he could discard me. His lies were outrageous in retrospect.
I hate to say this really but the gf has stayed with him for YEARS. DECADES. You can’t tell me this was the first time. She needs to stop enabling him and his facade. I emailed her this site. I told her her spirit needed to read it.
Why do they stay????
THANK YOU. Stay strong, stay safe and rock on..
One last thing – the experiences we have all had — are emotional rape. No doubt about it.
That is exactly what it is – taking from their victims by deception and by force. If we knew the truth about them and their motives and how they really feel about us, we would not have chosen to give a minute of our time to them. I felt like I’d been used and raped before I learned what my ex psychopath was about.
It’s difficult to watch someone being victimized and not be able to help, frustrating when they don’t really want to leave. There are so many factors in the mix of every situation; there are many reasons why some victims stay. A Google search on the subject will bring up lists of reasons. Sometimes all we can do is let go and put our energy into ourselves. Maybe the most you can do is let the gf know that if she ever would like any information from you, if she ever wants to talk, she’s welcome to contact you. That way, if she every wakes up and wants to change, she will know that you will offer support. Be careful, though. Interactions and connections of any kind with the spath disordered can be dangerous.
I wondered the same thing why my ex narc new girlfriend was staying with him?? Specially after she heard quite a bit in court!! when I had to get a restraining order against him for stalking me while they were together.. a week later she moved in with him go figure.. he actually used her to try to make me jealous!! By driving by a restaurant that you are able to sit outside with his New GF.. hoping to get a reaction from me. really didn’t get a good look of her until we went to court and oh my God was I surprised?? Cuz he’s all about impressing people I was I can do for him we would go everywhere together to try to show me off not that I’m trying to toot my own horn but I am attractive and slender and pretty well-to-do on top he was a boob man…She on the other hand is ugly, her face features look like she’s either been a drug addict or she’s an alcoholic!! Very heavy.. and wobbles when she walks.. that’s what he was trying to make me jealous with?? REALLY!!.. getting back to what I was told that there are a lot of women out there that are WILLING!!! THEY don’t care if they’re cheating!!! As long as Narc/ sociopath keeps promising them they will be taken care of!! three meals a day.. keep a roof over their head..don’t have to put any money out.. as long as she doesn’t question him of his whereabouts!!?? In her mind that’s a gold mine.. it’s called manipulation on both of their parts..he can do whatever.. usually women like this is insecure.. maybe they have a little bit of narcissist and sociopaths in them. not attractive probably can’t land a man..one does come along has a nice house.. portrays himself to have money.. which she doesn’t have any money that I do know for a fact.. has a Harley, jet ski, lives in an exclusive neighborhood!! In her eyes she feels she has latched onto something wonderful.. these type of women will put up and put out..just to hold on to them.. we all know how these type of narcissists sociopaths have done a smear campaign us all over town this is exactly what I have gone through with the ex narc that I ended the relationship with before he could discard me.. and he knows cuz I’ve thrown in his face that he’s a narcissist sociopath he knows I have his number.. and he knows that I’m going to stick up for myself.. of course that pisses him off.. to this day a friend of mine literally almost pulled him out of the truck! When he kept stalking and harassing me. And was confronted by my friend and all he did was Lie.. state’s not stalking harassing her. half the town has seen him doing this to me.. when Ex Narc sees my friend Ex Narc gets very nervous and Twitches when he sees my gentleman friend that stood up for me one day.. and this is even happened after I got the restraining order against him.. and she’s living with him.. they’re sick individuals and so are the women that latch onto them that stay in abusive relationship! she has to see the writing on the wall!!! and when I’ve seen her in town a couple of times at the grocery store.. she just gives me a smirk that shitty smile.. like I have him he’s mine..he wants nothing to do with u!! That’s the smirky smile that I get from her really that’s why he’s stalking me?? that tells me enough about the bimbo!!! he is with.. they deserve each other that’s why they stay!!!
J.Bridgford, glad you vented here. It’s complexing why a new victim would go out with a sociopath especially since your latest ex’s target victim was in court to hear the truth.
But remember he has already done his smear campaign against you…he has used pity play & every other trick in the book to manipulate her including Lovebombing!! She is being love bombed just like you were love bombed in the beginning of your relationship with him. Because she is being loved bomb she cant connect the dots that he is a bad guy. The love bombing makes him appear to be a “nice guy” so in her mind she is just thinking maybe you & he were not a good match.
His words & actions right now MATCH = this is why Lovebombing is so dangerous to the mindset.
PLEASE PLEASE Dont focus on her!! He is attempting to “sociopath triangulate” (google) you against her. And it’s working.
Please know that she is a victim. I know right now you dont want to believe this, that you want to take your anger out on her but stay mindful and keep your anger pointed directly at him for all the evil he did to you!!!
Dont play his games!!!
Stand back and just laugh at him attempting to suck you back into his sociopath con game and that YOU are wise to his games!!
YOU know the truth about him = he is a sociopath!!
She does not know this fact!!
But she too will learn the truth sadly when his mask falls and reveals his true evilness just like what happened to you.
This guy will play the exact mind games, brain washing, manipulation & tell the same lies to her that he told you. They just keep repeating the same con game because it works over & over for them.
Hugs to you. Stay focused on his games & keep reading to open your mind up from his brain washing & con game.
Take care.