Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we’ll call “Trevor.” Read Part 1. Part 3 will be published tomorrow.
Needless to say, contact between us stopped for a long time. A year went by and one day I opened my e-mail and there was a letter from her. My father had passed away the week before and she had read it in the paper and was saying sorry for my loss and for all she had done. She added she hoped I didn’t hate her and that she missed us talking the way we once did. I fell for it. I replied and told her I didn’t hate her, that I missed her too and before long it was on again. This time her struggle was with the wedding that was coming up. She had agreed to go through with getting married back when she lost the baby. But now, she knew it wasn’t right and she still didn’t feel the way she did when she was with me. We were not together as frequently, but when we were the passion and the magic was same as ever.
I came home from work one afternoon; phone was ringing. When I answer it’s her, calling from her boyfriend’s house and she’s crying, sobbing, trying to tell me something. I hear her mom and her sister in the background screaming at her to just tell him. Just tell him its over and that you’re going through with this wedding. Sobbing the entire time she repeats what they tell her. Before she hangs up she says, I love you, I will always love you. Heartbreak number I don’t know at this point! Here is this woman, I love her still, she claims to love me but she’s going marry this guy she cant even stand to kiss. Though she told her family she was not in contact with me, she was nearly every single day up to the day of the wedding.
I cried on that day a lot. I thought of going to the church and making it known to everyone what was going between us. My sister was one of the few that knew what was going on. She offered to come stay with me to make sure I was ok. I wasn’t, but I didn’t do anything other than cry and ask myself a lot of questions. With in a week of the wedding, she was at my door and in my bed again. This continued for a few months and we started to see each other less and less. I eventually accepted the fact she was gone and I tried to rebuild my life. She ended up pregnant, this time I had not been with her for over a year so I completely backed away and tried to wish the best for her.
Try as I might, I never did get her out of mind. Small things would trigger a thought of her and make me wonder why she made the choices she did. We remained mostly no contact other than a few times when she had been drinking and stopped to see me. My health, finances and relationships with friends and family were in a complete shipwreck. I decided to sell the house I had built and to move out of state. My children were 16 by this time, still with me 90% of the time. Staying strong and providing for them was the only thing that kept me sane. Their mother refused to let them go out of state with me, my attorney told me it was doable but the money and the time involved was going to eat up any money I had left from the sale of my house.
The house sold faster than I ever thought. My girls ended up having to stay with their mother full time for the first time in their lives. It hurt me horribly but I knew I had to get away. I moved 900 miles away and bought a home there that needed repairs. I worked on my broken house there, met a nice lady and started a friendship with her. When she wanted to take it further I honestly could feel nothing. I told her the truth about what had happened with the last woman I was involved with. She understood and we remained friends. My initial plans were to fix up the house and to somehow fight my ex in court so my girls could come be with me. I drove the 900-mile distance often to see them and spend time with them. I rented an apartment back in my hometown so we had a place to be together when I was home to visit them.
On one visit, the man I rented from was going into town and asked me to ride along with him. He pulls into the shopping area and parks right beside her car. My stomach flipped and I asked myself why does this stuff happen? As he went into the store, she came out and like a magnet our eyes locked. She acted depressed and asked me how I was. Told her all was good, and asked how things were for her. She sighed, and said not good. She continued to say she really made a mistake getting married. She loved her son they had together but she couldn’t stand staying in the marriage any longer but felt trapped. She said I wish you were around to talk to because you’re the only one who understands me and listens. I fell for it again. We swapped phone numbers and began texting each other.
I put the house I had bought on the market; it sold with in 2 weeks and left me with a nice profit. I moved into the apartment full time in part to be with my kids but also to be there for her. We met a few times to talk and it ended up with us in bed. She was concerned her husband would find out and use it to keep their son from her. Our visits very limited and mostly I was there for her to talk to and confide in. She began looking for a house to buy and asked if I would go look at some with her. I looked at a few and she finally found one she really liked. She talked the owner into letting her rent it until her divorce was done. I went with her to meet the owner and look over the house one more time. A closet door was off the track and the owner pointed it out. I asked the owner for a screwdriver and got the door working proper. When I got back to the apartment that night I got a text from her saying, this isn’t ever going to work between us, I seen the way that lady looked at you and you jumped right in to help her. I was shocked, and tried to defend what I did as only helping a person and besides it was going to be her house soon and thought maybe she wanted the door to work. The next day she didn’t want to talk about what she said, she acted like it didn’t happen.
We remain in contact but I don’t see her because of the divorce just starting. She asked me to do some painting in the house before they moved in and to change the locks. I went to the house, painted the rooms for her and changed out all the locks, all out of my pocket. She comes to house after her work and she asks if I want to go see her room. We end up having sex on the floor and she says to me when we are done to get used to that cause we are going to have lots and lots of sex when this is over. She really seems to have changed and made up her mind she wants to be with me. The next few weeks she starts reminding me to not expect a relationship right away. That she will need to be alone for some time to adjust. I agree and tell her I am not pushing her into anything. I am happy that she made up her mind but that I am willing to wait for what’s right.
On move-in day she has no help but her sister and her mother. The same sister and mother I had heard on the phone years ago. She texts me and asked if there was anyway I could help. I dropped what I was doing, drove to her place and unloaded the moving van placing her things where she wanted them. Her son was there also, sadly this is the only time I ever met him. After her family left and took her son with them we had sex on her floor again and I felt a sense of relief that this time she was for real and someday we could start to share this life we talked and dreamed about. A few days go by and I don’t hear from her. She sends a text telling me what an ass her husband is being and he is going to fight her for her son. How this whole divorce could end up halted because now she had to get her own attorney and didn’t have the money after setting up the house. I offered to loan her the money and she accepted it. Telling me how thankful she was and that she would repay me soon as she could.
I never would have guessed what came next. Our conversations were short, she ignored texts and when we did talk she was very agitated and began to blame me for her being stressed out. The next thing that comes up is she has been to a counselor who suggested she at least talk to her old ex boy friend who had abused her. I said to her that I didn’t think that was very good advice and really wished she would just not even go there. She insisted that we were fine but that she needed to settle this thing in her head with him. Our contact becomes even more scarce; when we do talk she is angry at me for asking to talk with her and keeps telling me that I am trying to push her into a relationship. Things continue to go down hill, we don’t talk don’t see each other and I am beginning to get frustrated with her.
Finally after a week not hearing from her I send a text saying if she was going to treat me this way I want my money returned to me. This brought out a violent reaction of her calling and screaming at me that we were never together to begin with and she thought I loaned her that money as a friend only. She was right back to the person I had seen years ago, nothing that had happened between us even registered with her. Just like before, I didn’t even exist. It grew into a nasty fight lasting days. I told her in anger that I knew she was back with her ex boyfriend and I wanted my money back and her out of my life. She drove to my place and threw the money on my porch, called and said it was there. I told her to stay out of my life and to never contact me again. She jumped in a relationship with the very man who had beat her and abused her mentally years before. All of the things I had done to help her meant nothing. She remained involved with this man for the next three years. We had no contact in this three-year time.
I have been stuck back in the hometown since this. I invested most of my money into a property I own here. My daughters have both moved out and are on their own and relocating has been top of the list for me. About four months ago I receive a text message from my niece who is friends with this woman who has caused so much grief. It read, She’s been asking about you and how you are, I think she holds a special place for you in her heart but thinks you hate her. I replied that I didn’t hate her, hoped she was doing well and agreed to talk with her. We sent a few texts back and fourth and the next week she came to visit me. She had been drinking, conversation soon turned to her coming onto me and we ended up in bed. In conversation after wards she made it clear she didn’t want a relationship right away. She had dated some guys and things didn’t work, one was very crazy for her and kept leaving gifts at her house.
I went into it knowing full well what she was capable of. Her looks had not changed a bit, if anything she was even more desirable than ever. At 43 years old she would pass for being late 20s. Talking with her she seemed to be on the verge of settling down. She spoke of her son often and I do think she honestly cares for his wellbeing. We began to see each other a few times a week when she didn’t have her son. He was her top priority, and she told me if she did get involved with anyone that she would have to know they would be good for him also. She knew I was a good parent to my own, she knew I would never do anything to hurt her or her son and still I never met him. We seemed to be getting closer. I was really beginning to think once again that she had really changed. She would drop hints of things that need fixed at her home, I would set about making them right. She showed me a photo of a table one of her friends had received as a gift from her boyfriend. She made it clear she really liked it and how nice it was that guy got it for her friend. I went out the next day and bought her one, took it to her place for her and her son to enjoy.
She told me the guy she had dated had been texting her, calling her and threatening to show up at her house. I looked up the info in the state we live in and she had every right to file a PFA on the guy. I even told her the names of the people she needed to contact to do so. She said no, she hoped he would just go away on his own. She was concerned enough to have a gun to protect herself, the gun didn’t operate right and was going to do her no good. I gave her one of my own, one that was safe and easy to operate. I would ask if she had any more issues from the guy and she would say no, I think he got the message.