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10 years of hope and heartbreak with a sociopathic woman, Part 1

Spath TalesEditor’s note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we’ll call “Trevor.” This is Part 1 of 3. Part 2 will be published tomorrow.

I became involved over 10 years ago. We met while on a wine tour, she was with another man and he was with her on this tour. She approached me at the bar, asked me where my girlfriend was. I told her I didn’t have one at the time and asked her where the boyfriend was. She replied, I sent him to the bus so I could talk to you. I made an excuse to leave and did my best to ignore it the rest of the night. A few weeks later at a wedding reception I see her again. She’s a very beautiful woman and was dressed to kill.

Again she’s with the same guy and I try not to take notice of her but every time I look in her direction she’s staring right at me. It’s so noticeable that my friends and family ask if I know her and why is she staring. I was holding the after party for the wedding at my house and made it the excuse to leave the reception early. On my way to the door she stepped in front of me and asked if she was invited to the party. I told her sure and gave her directions to my house. She and her boyfriend show up for a brief time, I was busy with things going the only thing she gets to say to me is what’s my cell number. The boyfriend appears just as I am going to give it to her and he’s wanting to head home. We never ended up exchanging numbers that night.

By this time she’s in my head, I think about her and wonder who the hell she is. I ask one of my relatives, and she knew her and had her cell number. So I asked her to contact this mystery woman and see if it’s ok to have my number and text me. Few days later she sends a text inviting me out to a bar for a beer. We met and I asked about the guy she was with. She said they had just got together and she wasn’t sure it was going to work out. Said that he was a great guy but not her type. After two beers and small talk we were headed back to my house. She was in my arms in seconds, with in minutes we were in bed.

The sex was unbelievable, she completely blew my idea of good sex out of the water. A few days go by and I don’t hear from her. I’m thinking I let her down in bed and she’s not coming back. Finally she sends a text, saying we should talk. We meet again at my house and she breaks my heart for the first time. She say’s that as much as she would like to be with me, she is having a hard time telling the other guy because he’s so good to her. In a nutshell, she wants me to keep quiet about what happened between us and us go our separate ways. Hard as it was, I told her I would not say anything or cause her any trouble. Before she left, she gave me that stare and we ended up making out and back into bed supposedly for the last time. We exchanged e-mail addresses and agreed to keep in touch.

A week passes and I don’t hear from her. I come in from work one day and she had sent me an e-mail. In it she explains how good it felt to be with me, how the passion between us was the way it should be. She went on to say that the boyfriend and her were engaged and that she really didn’t know why she said yes other than that he was so good to her. Next she wants to be certain I didn’t say anything about us being together to anyone. In closing the letter she adds we should not remain in contact as it was just going to confuse her.

So, broken heart number 2. I respond and tell her I didn’t say a word and promised I wouldn’t. I also tell her as much as I like her she’s right about not remaining in contact as I didn’t want to get my feelings hurt either. I say my good byes and sadly think it’s the end. I try to go about my life and get her out of my head but it’s very difficult. I am pretty sure by this time I was in love with her because she would just pop in my mind at random and I would wake up thinking about her. Before the week was out she sent me another e-mail.

This one saying how sorry she was that she had got involved as deep as she did with this guy. She tells me the passion isn’t there, in fact, she can’t even kiss the guy, so she’s pretty sure she doesn’t love him the way she should. She goes on to tell me how great it felt being with me and that is the way she’s supposed to feel. She asks me to please be patient and give her time to think things over and could we please stay in touch because she felt she could tell me anything. I replied telling her sure we can talk, and that I didn’t want her to rush into anything.

Within a week of sending e-mails back and forth she asks if we can see each other one more time just to talk face to face. I agree but warn her that we seem to have a chemistry between us that is going to lead to more than talking. When we met, the talk was short and the lovemaking lasted until she had to leave. The following e-mails she told me she had to end things with this guy, she knew too much was missing and just needed time to tell him her way. I agree and tell her I am feeling guilty over what’s going on behind his back. We agree not to see each other again until she’s single.

Another week goes by, I get an e-mail from her asking she can come over to talk about her leaving this guy. She shows up sad and I try to get out of her what’s going with her leaving. She tells me she’s thought about it and he’s just been so nice to her she don’t know how to tell him or even if she should. I explain to her that I don’t want to keep cheating with her, that it sorta has to be me or him and she needs to make up her mind. We end up in bed again and this time the “I love you’s” come out. As she left she tells me she’s going to tell him that week one way or another.

This pattern repeated itself most of that summer. She would be sure she wanted to be with me when she was with me, the next day I would get an e-mail contradicting it all. We would agree not to see each other and end up breaking that by the end of the day sometimes. She would ask for time to get out of the relationship her way, I would give it to her. She would contact me with news she had made up her mind to tell him and ask to be with me. I would fall for it and the next day she was right back stuck with not being able to tell him. I was full-blown in love with her by now, and I wanted to believe she was just very confused person who was going to find the right path sooner or later. There was not a doubt in my mind that she loved me, I swore I could feel it in the air the instant we were in the same room.

Our communication out side of the bedroom was very fuzzy. She once sent a text accusing me of having several women at my place. I had two minor children of my own, they lived with me full time and I explained to her any free time I had that I had spent with her. There were no other women, never, not even a thought of them, so this really knocked me offguard. The next text would be one saying she was sorry, her ex had once cheated on her and for some reason I reminded her of him. The confusion continued, she would say she didn’t feel safe with me one day, and the next she never wanted to live with out me. She would take my sweatshirts home to sleep with so she could smell me and leave her panties for me. On a weekly basis we would go from not being able to see each other to she had to be with me. Love letters back and forth through e-mail at least once a day, texting at night when she could and from work she would make phone calls.

Finally the day came and we went and looked at an apartment for her. She ended up taking it and I remember feeling so relieved that she had made up her mind. She warned me not think we could hop into a relationship right away because it would make things look bad. I told her fine, I would want to take things at her pace and that I didn’t want to lose her. She moved in, her family was pissed because she left this nice guy. By this time word had gotten out about she and I to a few people close to the situation. I did my best to give her time alone in her new place, we only saw each other a few times and her mood was never the way that it had been. She seemed very depressed, our conversations often led to an argument with her saying she needed time.

A few weeks go by with her in the apartment. I hear less and less from her, my excitement over her making the move has turned to wondering what the hell is going on. We set a date on a weekend for me to go see her. She sends a text an hour before I am to be there that she’s not feeling good and wants to be alone. I am frustrated as hell by this time and go to a bar outside of our town for the night. When I came back into town it was early the next morning and I drove by her place. The old boy friends pick up truck was parked in front. I send her a nasty text, angry that she had lied to me and had him at her place. She calls and tells me we need to talk.

I go to her place later and she’s crying when I get there. She can’t answer me when I ask what’s going on so finally I ask her if she’s pregnant and more crying and sobbing told me she was. She swears to me she was only with her boyfriend one time since I had met her. I had a vasectomy after my children were born and she knew this. She tells me she knows it has to be his, that she’s moving back to his place and we can’t see each other any more. There was no talking to her, I tried to tell her things go wrong with vasectomies and for the amount of times we had slept together I wanted to know for sure who the baby belonged to.

It was at this time I met the other part of her. It was as if the person I was in love with wasn’t even there anymore, completely replaced by this evil thing that I could not reason with no matter how hard I tried. None of what happened between us seemed to even matter to her, it was like it never happened in her mind. I left her place a complete mess, I had never been so upset in my life. I went home, cried and ended up missing work the following day. I tried to talk with her but she had changed. She said the only reason I wanted to know who was the father of the baby was to hurt her and make her look bad. Explaining that I loved her and that there was a chance it was mine went nowhere. She ended the conversation by hanging up on me.

I was outraged and took off the gloves for the first time with her. I looked up her boyfriend’s number, called him and told him there was a lot that he needed to know. I printed off every single e-mail she had sent me, there was some very damming evidence in them. He and I met in a parking lot that evening. He remembered me from the wine tour and asked me what was so important. I told him, my hands are in my pockets and I will leave them there, if he wished to hit me do so and I wouldn’t hit him back. He was oblivious to everything she had been doing and asked why would he want to hit me.

I told him straight up I had been sleeping with his girlfriend for the last 8 months. That the times she told him she was working late she was at my home. He started to cry and said he didn’t believe me, that the two of them talked about everything and there was no way. We sat in my truck and I showed him the stack of e-mails. He read the first few and started crying again. He then says, you know she’s pregnant? I told him I knew and that I wanted a test to know who it belonged to. He agrees and says he had only slept with her once in the past months. We left with both of us in tears and I told him I was out of the situation unless the child was mine.

She went ballistic the next day, my phone rang and she went into a rage because I had exposed her. I told her it was her mess, she made it I ended it and by law I was entitled to a dna test on the baby. She again insisted I was only doing this to hurt her, I agreed to go get tested myself. The results came back positive live sperm. I notified her of the results and she went into complete silence. She ignored all attempts of contacting her and I was left confused, hurt and alone.

She says nothing to me for over a week, I meet her on the road and see her jeep is packed with stuff and she is headed towards her boyfriend’s house. Another week goes by still no contact and I meet her on the road again. This time in the middle of the day when she would normally be at work. I sent her a text and ask what the hell is going on. She calls me later to tell me she lost the baby. If I wasn’t sad and depressed enough, this sent me over the edge. I went home and took my own two children to my sister’s and asked her to watch them. I loaded my gun and drove to the top of a very isolated mountain. I sat in the snow crying, thinking this was all my fault. She lost this baby because of me and I didn’t feel like living with my self knowing that. I heard my cell beep that I had a text message, wanting it to be her saying something to change my mind. When I opened it, it was my sister asking me to pick up milk for her because my girls had made milk shakes. That was the only thing that stopped me from taking my life that night. My mind was such a wreck from her that nothing other than my own kids would have stopped me.

Read Part 2.


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