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10 years of hope and heartbreak with a sociopathic woman, Part 3

Spath TalesEditor’s note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we’ll call “Trevor.” Read Part 1 and Part 2.

About two months into this and things seemed great with her. We went on a date and when we got back to my place she asked if I had noticed this old shipping crate that they used for decoration in the bar we had been to. I told her yes, and she asked if I seen one in my travels to get one for her as she had been looking for one for her home. I told her I happened to have a few in my flea market items and went to my shop to get her one. When I returned with the crate she loved it, was just what she had been looking for so I gave it to her, We went inside my place and out of the blue, she brings up other women in my life. Asking me if I talked to or had other women I was dating or was friends with. I told her I was only interested in her and had no reason to talk to other women. She kept it up, asking what were the names of my sisters and again asking about women I had as friends. I had one woman who I never met who was in my phone. I didn’t admit that to her because of the way she had reacted about other women in the past. The woman and I had nothing going on, she would send a text every once in awhile and always ended with hugs hope your doing well.

She went home early that night, told me she didn’t feel well. The next day I had planned to go and till up her garden spot for her. My friend and I went over in the morning and did the work. She came out and gave me a hug and said she was going to go with her mother to do things for the afternoon but would like to do something when she got back that night. I said great and went about my day. By 6 pm I had heard nothing from her, so I text her to see what her plans were. She sends a text back and all it reads is, you lied! who the hell is Lori? My gut went into knots. She had used the time while I was going to get that crate to look into my phone and Lori had sent a message while I was gone. This turned ugly really fast, I could not reason with her. She was drunk and turned it into a huge fight, telling me it was over because of this. I tried to explain why I was not totally honest with her, and pointed to her behavior in past of being needlessly jealous of other women.

After arguing with her for and hour she passed out and I went back to my home. I honestly don’t think she ever really got over it; things were always a little off afterwards. Even though I had nothing to hide she always seemed to think I was and this didn’t help that situation. A week goes by, I see her a few times at lunch and I think things are back to ok for the time. I had done some volunteer work for a local historic site. I do blacksmithing in my spare time and I repaired a few items for them. The ladies in charge of the site invited me to a wine tasting event they were having. I invited her to go with me; she said yes it sounded fun. She shows up late, drinking beer. We go to the event and there are not many people left due to us being so late. But she seems to enjoy herself nonetheless, that is until we go to leave. One of the ladies walked us to the door and asked me if I was going to have any more of their items ready. I told her no, that I needed to make some parts for the one item. She said no rush and wished us a good night. As soon as that other woman spoke to me, my socio was headed to my car angry. When I got in she says, “I see what’s going on here and that’s fine! We are not in a relationship and you can do who ever you want I guess!” I was not even surprised and I finally said, “Listen, I love you. I am with you and no one but you.” The conversation changed on our way to a bar she wanted to go to but this was exactly the reason I didn’t admit to having a female friend who sent a text once a month.

She spent the night with me as she was too drunk to drive home. We had coffee and made love the next morning before she left for her work. Afterwards she said, you are the only person I can have sex with and want it again and again right after. She came back later that afternoon and we went to a winery she likes. We came back to my place and it was sorta awkward with neither one of us coming up with anything else to do. We ended up having sex again and she decided to go home and get some rest. This was the last time I saw her.

The following week she had her son and I didn’t hear much from her. We had planned on seeing each other mid-week when she took her son back to his dad’s. She sends me a text the day we were going to meet saying she was going to try to get her son to just stay with her as they were leaving for vacation the day after. Before I could reply to her, she sends another one saying, did that make you mad? I told her no, by no means and that I was happy for her if she got to spend more time with her son. The next day I send a text wishing them a good time and a safe trip. She only replies with, thanks. I don’t hear much from her and don’t expect to, as they were going to a big theme park.

From here out it all goes to crap. I had bought a used hood for her car because the paint was peeling. Rather than have her car tied up for days in the shop I was painting the hood to match her car and was just going to exchange it when it was done. To have this done in a body shop is $500 job if she was lucky, and I was doing this all for free for her. I bought the hood, the paint and the supplies to do it all. I needed the paint code from her car and asked her for a photo of the sticker in her door. She sent it later on and acted as if all was ok. I sent a text asking if they were having fun and she did reply saying her son was having a great time. The last text I sent to her was I was planning on painting her hood the next day and wished her a good night. She never replied, nothing.

By this time I am missing her really bad and beginning to think she’s acting odd with either not replying to a text, or if she did, it was very short. I go to her Facebook page to see if she had posted any photos of her son at the park. She had posted a few, but I noticed something that turned my gut. For years, I would pick her wild flowers and put them in tiny vases. If she couldn’t be with me to have the actual flowers, I would send a photo of them to her. She had several of these photos posted on her Facebook page, along with photos of some roses I had made for her out of steel in my blacksmith shop. When I went to her page that night, every single one of those photos had been removed. In fact anything that had anything to do with me had been removed. This really upset me and maybe it shouldn’t have, but no matter how I looked at it I could see no other reason than she didn’t want someone knowing about me.

I didn’t sleep well. Finally at like 4 am I sent her text, asking what was up with her removing the photos and was she dumping me? She replies, very nasty, that she removed photos all the time and what the hell was the big deal. She added that dumping you how? We are not in any kind of a relationship! I said I was sorry but it just didn’t look good to me with her removing photos that only had to do with me. She again down plays it and acts as if I’m being stupid for letting this bother me. This is all done through texting; she refused to talk to me in person. I ask her if we were going to be ok. She replies with I will talk with you about this more when I get home. They were going home that day but I didn’t hear a word from her. I send a text the next day asking her if she was ok. Nothing; no reply. All day I am left to worry and wonder what the hell she’s up to. I hold off on painting the hood, I just know something bad is unfolding in slow motion. Finally she sends a text late Sunday night saying she will be over to talk Monday after work.

Monday comes and I am a mess inside. I go to work dreading going home and hearing what I know I’m going to hear. I make it through the day and when I got home I sent her text simply asking what time she was thinking she would be over. She replies, I will text you when I’m on my way! I ask again a ballpark idea, as I would like to do some work if it’s going to be later. With that the phone rings and it’s her. She’s in a complete rage. Yelling at me saying I told you I would text you and that’s not good enough. I tried to calm her down and said I simply wanted an idea of what time so I could get some things done. It didn’t matter what I would have said, she was totally out of control angry for no good reason I could see. She finally said she didn’t know if she was coming at all. I ask her nicely what was it we were going to talk about and she blew up even more, screaming at me that we were not in a relationship and that I was pushing her. She repeated this several times. When I did get a chance to speak I asked her exactly what I had done that made her feel pushed and she had no clear answer, only that she did and that’s all that mattered.

The conversation went nowhere but downhill, I could not get her to calm down, I couldn’t get any real answer from her as to what it was I had done to make her think I was pushing her into anything. I asked her what happened to the person I had seen the last time at my house because whoever I was talking with now was certainly not her. All she could do was repeat that we were not in a relationship and that she wasn’t where I was as far as feelings went. The week before this all went down I got a text from her saying how happy she was and that it had been a long time since she felt this way. That same week I reassured her of taking things slow and going at her pace. Same week I told her to spend time with her girlfriends and do things she normally would do. All of that was thrown out; it meant nothing. I said to her that I had a hard time believing that in the course of one week she could go from being happy and looking forward to knowing each other better to being mean and acting as if she had no feelings at all for me. She again reverted to the not in a relationship statement. I said to her that times I see you act this way in the past, you were seeing someone else. With that she hung up on me and refused to answer when I called her back.

She ignored all texts, all phone calls. I tried to go to her Facebook page and she was gone from friends list and her profile blocked. I made an alt Facebook account the next day and see she posted photos of flowers sitting at her work desk that I never sent to her. I went to Facebook page of the guy who she was so concerned about and would not leave her alone. He has the exact same photo posted on his page. This is the very next day after her totally crushing my heart and telling me she just wants to be alone for now.

She’s done this same thing in that past, for some reason this time hurt me so bad I don’t know if I am going to recover. It’s been weeks now; some little thing will trigger me to think of her and what she did. My blood pressure is sky high; I don’t sleep well. As soon as I start to doze off I wake back up in a rage. I stay in my home after work, my blacksmith shop only reminds me of her and I have not produced a single thing since this happened. The only thing that keeps coming to my mind is to leave. I feel a huge need to just be 1000’s of miles away from her and anything she had to do with. I am committed to stay here at least the next few months to complete work that I had bid. My friends have heard this all before, all they can tell me is I told you so. They only know a normal relationship, a normal break up and it’s all they can relate to. I have been through several of those myself and this is nothing like that. She has made me feel like a piece of trash, something she is done with and just discarded.

 


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4 Comments on "10 years of hope and heartbreak with a sociopathic woman, Part 3"

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Hi Trevor. You’ve probably heard it all before on here, but as you said this relationship was not normal. If you can get away from her & all memories of her that would be good. You don’t necessarily have to go 1000’s if miles away, just a different town & go absolutely no contact. No stalking on Facebook or any other media sites. Block her from your phone & email. This actually helps in not knowing whether or not she has attempted contact. I know it will be hard, because we are all curious & hope that they will want to contact us again, but it is the best way. That way you don’t give yourself false hope & feel disappointed every day. Let’s be honest, even if she did try to contact you it would be just to reel you back in again, or because you are of some benefit to her. Nothing at all to do with you. I wish you all the best & keep communicating on here and with Donna. I have been where you are now, only a few short years ago, only I had 4 kids to him & refused to believe that he would discard all of us so easily & start up fresh with someone else. But now the kids & I realise how lucky we were to get away from him completely & what a blessing it was that he discarded us.

Sorry to here about your heartbreak. Sociopaths are always dangling a carrot above your nose so you can chase them, then they completely make you confused, or frustrated when they discard you, its part of their, gas-lighting skills. Go no-contact and stay strong and tough it out. Most people who leave a relationship with a sociopath end up with PTSD, so make sure you take care of your health, take vitamins and supplements if you need too, do yoga and meditation, or go see a counselor. You can win this battle. .

Well, if we’ll talk about the humans there are certain things a male or female got almost same, but what about an sociopath? Who find this mostly a lady or a man.

https://viralbigo.com/dating-a-sociopath

I want to Thank You for your post, Trevor. While I know your heart is breaking and you are struggling right now, you also enlightened me on what a relationship with a REAL MAN should be. You are a caring, loving, nurturing person who deserves much better. It is extremely important to maintain NO CONTACT of any sort. I can tell you this from my own personal experience. Each time I broke contact and let that person back into my life it was like inserting the knife all over again. Be thankful that you never had children with this woman because she would have continued to make your life a living hell. I wish you all the best in getting over this monster….because as much as we WANT to see the good in them; I’m afraid there isn’t any.

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