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Archive for January, 2007

Learning to be in relationship after an encounter with a Sociopath

It’s been almost four years since the sociopath was forcefully extricated from my life by the police. Four years to heal, learn, grow and to rebuild. I’ve been feeling pretty strong, centered, together. And yet, no matter how much I heal or grow, I still shy away from an aspect of being human that drives the creative spirit to express itself through books and poetry, songs and movies, paintings and sculptures and all kinds of other art forms; ”˜a loving relationship’. In fact, I have pretty well convinced myself that I was content to spend the rest of my life ”˜a single’. I mean, really, my life is full. Two daughters living at home while going to college, my career, my writing, a busy social life filled with friends with whom I love to share time. This is a good life. Anyway, I’m fifty-three, I’ve had my share of relationships gone bad. Who needs to risk another one? Who needs a man?

Posted in: M.L. Gallagher

Judge orders woman arrested for blog exposing ex-husband’s military fraud

Lovefraud has written extensively about Phil Haberman and the efforts of his ex-wife to expose his military fraud and crimes. Last week, his ex-wife was charged with contempt of court by a Florida judge for refusing to take down her blog. A warrant was issued for her arrest.

Haberman had previously accused his ex-wife, of California, of domestic violence and cyberstalking because of her blog. On September 7, 2006, Judge Robert B. Bennett Jr., of the 12th Judicial Circuit for Sarasota County, Florida, ordered her to “remove or cause to be removed all blogs, e-mails or other web-based communications” about Haberman. The woman, believing her First Amendment rights were violated, has not complied with the order.

“How did he really feel?” and “What did he want from me?”

“How did he really feel?” and “What did he want from me?” are two questions that often haunt victims of sociopaths. The reason we are haunted by these questions varies but often stems from the habit of over-focusing on the sociopath instead of ourselves. That being said, victims also have a healthy ”˜need to know’ that can help with recovery and healing.

Futility: trying to save a sociopath

Dorothy Hooks is a Christian woman who tries to live by the Bible. When she met Cedric Youngblood, she saw a man who never had a chance. His family life as a child had been abusive. He had been in and out of jail. Dorothy saw someone who just needed to get out of the ghetto and learn the meaning of love and family.

In Dorothy, Cedric saw a giving, caring woman who wants to do the right thing and help people.In other words, Cedric saw a target.

Why do we say sociopaths are like animals?

“He’s an animal!” is a statement commonly made regarding sociopaths. To those like me who love animals, this comparison is a bit distasteful. However, this week we will see that this statement may indeed be true.

Previously, I introduced the idea of the Inner Triangle. The Inner Triangle is a way to understand the hows and whys of sociopathy, and to predict how a sociopath will behave in a given situation. The Inner Triangle consists of our Ability to Love, Impulse Control, and Moral Reasoning. I have already described Ability to Love and Impulse Control, and the relationship these have to the disorder. This week we will discuss the Moral Reasoning of sociopaths.

The six steps of healing from a psychopath

There is no straight line to healing after an encounter with a psychopath. No clearly defined path that says, step here, go there. For most of us, there are no tools in our lifeboats that will aid us in the process of letting go so that we can move on to live and laugh and love again.

Healing from such an encounter takes energy. It requires a personal commitment to doing what it takes to clear your mind, body and spirit of his or her lies. Healing takes time.

When authorities do nothing about sociopaths–disaster

Last summer, former Army Pfc. Steven D. Green was charged in the rape and murder of a 15-year-old Iraqi girl, and the murder of her mother, father and 5-year-old sister.

The incident took place on March 12, 2006. According to CNN.com, Green and four other soldiers were “drinking whiskey, playing cards and hitting golf balls when Green brought up the idea of going to a house near the checkpoint where they were stationed to rape the girl.”

Green was described as “persistent.” The other four soldiers went along with the plan.

“Would somebody please tell me why he did this!”

“Would somebody please tell me why he did this?” is one of the most common questions victims of sociopaths have. Three weeks ago I introduced the idea that the Inner Triangle can help each of us understand the individual sociopath that infected our lives. The Inner Triangle is formed by three qualities that develop in concert during childhood. These three qualities are Ability to Love, Impulse Control and Moral Reasoning. Last week I discussed the concept of Ability to Love. Lack of Ability to Love defines those with sociopathy. No less important however, is the lack of Impulse Control, also universally found in people with this disorder.

Sociopaths and their smear campaigns

Lovefraud received the following letter from a woman who was married to a sociopath for 16 years.

I was a stay-at-home mom until my son entered kindergarten, then I got a job. This was the end of any peace I would have for 10 years. The worst possible thing happened to my husband—the woman he could make fun of for being stupid or having no goals (whatever he would say to hurt my self-esteem) became a huge success. In fact, I made three times as much as Mr. Wonderful. The abuse escalated. He was so obsessed with destroying me that even on a business trip where I was getting an award for being the top sales rep in my company, he was pulling my boss aside and insinuating I was committing fraud and that was why I was #1.

Love not lovefraud

Within the last 6 months, I received word that my ex-husband (still in prison after having destroyed my life) pledges undying love for me. One of the most disturbing after-affects of a relationship with a sociopath is confusion about love. As part of my own healing, I resolved to study the scientific literature to understand what is known of the nature of love. I will summarize my findings here but also please visit Ability to Love.

Attachment is what causes us to stick together

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