Recently, a reporter was inquiring about people who live double lives. Why do they do it? Can they maintain double lives for a long time? What are the dangers? Like most of us at Lovefraud, I have some experience with this. My ex-husband, James Montgomery, cheated with at least six different women during our 2.5-year marriage. He had a child with one of the women. Ten days after I left him, he married the mother of the child, which was the second time he committed bigamy. And of course, he took a quarter-million dollars from me—spending much of the money entertaining these other women. Not everyone who lives a double life is a sociopath. Some people, like spies and undercover cops, are …
George Hartwig: Justice finally served?
It has been almost exactly 9 years since my life as I knew it ended with the arrest of my ex-husband. I can say I am a “survivor,” but my life will never be what it would have been had this not happened. In the wake of Barry Lichtenthal, many people have been permanently damaged. Perhaps the best marker of a sociopath is the number of broken and wounded who fall on the paths of their lives. But I am lucky, as are the rest of those who survive life shared with a sociopath free of bodily damage. I have come to understand that the bodily damage that sociopaths inflict is both direct and indirect. George Hartwig's story gives us an example of both. It also causes us to pause and think about th …
Don’t quit in the middle of the lesson
By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired) Someone posted one of those “signs” on my Facebook page today that everyone forwards and shares, which I call “one-sentence wisdom or humor” but this one struck me as suburb wisdom. The past is where you learned the lesson. The future is where you apply it. Don't quit in the middle. We have all had the misfortune to learn our lessons the “hard way” in associating with a psychopath (or two), but actually I think “misfortune” may be the wrong word, because learning things “the hard way” means that we will not forget those lessons. “The burned hand never forgets the fire” is another way to say it. Maybe we have actually been fortunate to escape from …
BOOK REVIEW: Cults In Our Midst
I recently finished reading Cults In Our Midst—The continuing fight against their hidden menace, by Dr. Margaret Thaler Singer. The book is not new—it was originally published in 1995, and the revised edition that I read was published in 2003. It is a comprehensive description of cults, which the author defines as: a group that forms around a person who claims he or she has a special mission or knowledge, which will be shared with those who turn over most of their decision making to the self-appointed leader. Before reading Cults In Our Midst, I'd read and watched TV programs about some cult leaders, and noticed the similarity between their behavior and the behavior of sociopaths. I dev …
Link between Facebook and narcissism
According to new research, people who score highly on the Narcissistic Personality Inventory questionnaire had more friends on Facebook, tagged themselves more often and updated their newsfeeds more regularly. Read Facebook's 'dark side': study finds link to socially aggressive narcissism, on Guardian.co.uk. Link sent by a Lovefraud reader. …
The latest psychopath cartoons
The always-creative Sarah Strudwick has created another cartoon describing the inner lives of psychopaths (NOT!). [youtube_sc url=http://youtu.be/AMeALBOUksQ] …
Background noise and background pain
By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired) Sometimes my parrot will come up with a sound or a word and we will wonder “where in the heck did he come up with that!?” We noticed a few years ago that he would make a “Whooooosh” sound when anyone opened the door either to go in or out. He did it consistently, so we knew he had associated the door opening with the sound, but we couldn't figure out who would make that sound often enough that he had picked it up. Then one day my husband came in the house and it was very hot outside and when he came in he made that “Whoooosh” sound as he hit the air conditioned inside! My son and I went, “Whoopee! We know where he got it now!” It takes endless rep …
A sociopath claims, ‘We are the uniquely gifted’
Editor's note: A reader who identified himself as a sociopath recently posted this comment on the Lovefraud Blog, and sent it to me in an email. I am posting this piece because it provides a good description of how sociopaths view themselves, and explains why they are quite comfortable taking advantage of the rest of us. Be sure to read the question I asked him, and his response, at the end. We are uniquely gifted "Sociopath" is a misleading word: it implies a disorder, something wrong and unnatural with the person, and this couldn't be further from the truth. We, the people you refer to as sociopaths, have nothing wrong with us. We are instead, the uniquely gifted. Our gifts have been …
Authenticity – After The Sociopath, Finding Peace In Being Real
This week I've been thinking a great deal about how we move back to authenticity after having lived in a false reality with a sociopath. After all, like so many of us here, when I was in the grips of that particular relationship, I believed that everything was real at the time. More than real in actual fact — it was all my dreams come true! So now, I'm wondering, how do I know — really know — whether I'm living in an authentic way or once again falling in to a contrived existence that is nothing more than imagination or self-deception? Yes it's true that I am physically free from him (and have been for nearly three years thank goodness) but am I really free from the thought patterns that had …
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Self-centered, irresponsible young men
Here's another twist on dysfunctional personalities—today's young adult women are complaining that young adult men simply don't want to grow up. Read this fascinating article in Philadelphia Magazine: The sorry lives and confusing times of today's young men They don't have jobs. They're dropping out of college. They play video games all day and watch porn all night. Even their sperm counts are low. Why won't guys grow up? …