Some of our greatest life lessons are learned after we think we already passed the test. I believed that ending my marriage to a sociopath would be the defining step to my recovery and healing. I committed myself to a healthy lifestyle, and practiced the long-forgotten skill of believing in myself and trusting my instincts. So, it came as quite a surprise that there was much more work to be done if I wanted to rid my life of the residual effects of a toxic fifteen year relationship. Starting Over By the time I met the man who would turn out to be the real love of my life, I thought I had grown and healed much more than I actually had. Not eager to start a new relationship, I spent …
Narcissists at work
A Lovefraud reader sent me a link to a free e-book. The reader's only comment was, "ugh." Here's the book: The Upside of Narcissism in the Workplace The book was created by Hogan Assessment Systems. On its website, this company says, "Hogan uses the powerful science of personality assessment to help you hire the right people, develop talented employees, build great leaders, and impact the bottom line." I downloaded the e-book. It's very short only nine pages. It points out that young people in general exhibit more narcissism than in the past, but in "controlled doses," narcissism may be good for an employee's career. The e-book points out the potential pitfalls of narcissism. …
Three-part series on the criminal brain of sociopaths
NPR radio explores the criminal brain in this three-part series of reports. Part One: A Neuroscientist Uncovers A Dark Secret James Fallon, a neuroscientist at the University of California-Irvine, believes that psychopathic tendencies may be passed through the DNA of family members and that upbringing can determine if the tendencies get triggered. Part Two: Inside A Psychopath's Brain: The Sentencing Debate Kent Kiehl, a professor at the University of New Mexico, reports that some psychopaths are born with certain parts of their brain not working like the brains of non-psychopaths. For example, their emotional circuit does not engage in the same way as non-psychopaths and therefore wha …
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Lovefraud Professional Resources Guide: Barbara Monett, LCSW
Lovefraud presents a series of Q&A articles with members of the Professional Resources Guide. Barbara Monett is a clinical social worker in California specializing in therapy for individuals facing problems of addiction and/or codependency. Q. What experience have you had dealing with sociopaths or other disordered personalities—personally, professionally, or both? A. Professionally—I am trained as a clinical social worker and have also completed the Hendricks Coaching Program for Couples and Individuals in Ojai, CA., as well as numerous other related trainings on mindfulness, codependency recovery, substance abuse recovery. I have personally been involved with Alanon, Coda, AA for over …
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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: I loved my first wife; I was played by my second wife
Editor's note: The following letter was sent by the Lovefraud reader “Philip.” Names have been changed. My very long story starts in December of 2004. My first wife, Lee, was terminally ill, and I was the only one that took care of her. I also had two teens, and they were not any help at all. My mother in-law had moved from out of state in order to give me some help. She was more trouble at the time than help. None of Lee's family other than her biological mother came to help. As a matter of fact, they all pretty much kept their distance since she got sick. So, I took care of Lee, by myself, for about five years or more. I ended up having a breakdown. I was told that this was "Care giver b …
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Divorced From a Sociopath: The Imperfect Stranger
by Quinn Pierce Have you ever looked at someone that you've known for much of your life and thought, “Who are you?” I had that moment today, standing outside my son's doctor's office listening to my ex-husband threaten to bring the police to my house to enforce his visitation rights. I watched his face contort and strain, his eyes hardened to match his tone, and his entire body tense as if for a fight. I looked to his right to see my younger son frozen in place, thrown into a state of post traumatic stress, and I thought: who is this maniac standing here yelling at me? A Moment of Clarity But then, I snapped back into the moment and realized I was about to get sucked into arguing wi …
Brains and bad behavior
Many research studies show that the brains of sociopaths are different from the brains of non-disordered people. Does this mean they are responsible for their bad behavior, or not? Adrian Raine, a neuroscientist at the University of Pennsylvania, and Sally Satel, a psychiatrist and American Enterprise Institute scholar, debate the issue. Can brain scans explain crime? on WashingtonPost.com. …
Sociopaths and soul mates
I'm reading Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert, which was the #1 New York Times bestseller when it was published in 2007. Gilbert tells her story of supposedly having everything career, marriage, home yet feeling depressed and unhappy. She left it all, got a divorce, and then spent a year abroad to find herself. She ate her way through Italy, studied spiritual practice in India, and sought to balance pleasure and divinity in Indonesia. While going through her divorce, Gilbert had a relationship with a man whom she calls "David." This didn't seem to be a sociopathic relationship, just normally dysfunctional. Although they broke up, Gilbert, from time to time, pined for David. Her …
LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: A sociopath in a very senior position
Editor's note: The following letter was sent by the Lovefraud reader "Speakout." Have you ever wondered what happens when your sociopath goes to the office? Where to start ”¦ I should begin by saying that my experience included getting to know his ex-wife after I was fired, reading the transcripts and emails of their seemingly endless divorce. She is the one who opened my eyes. I reacted poorly to her when she first told me about her experiences with him; I sat there in stunned silence. I had to let it sink in. She told me later that my response confused her. I had no idea such creatures as him existed. I'm a girl geek I'm not good with feelings and people. Some highlights that de …
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Genetics, experience and antisocial behavior
Luke Hyde, at the University of Michigan, and colleagues, are researching the contributions of genes, experience and the brain toward antisocial behavior in boys and adolescents. Bad boys: Research predicts whether boys will grow out of it or not, on ScienceDaily.com. …