By Joanie Bentz, B.S., M.Ed., LBS This is the last article in a series about my work with a client, “Mary,” in which I used the empty chair technique. This therapy technique helped her explore generational abuse and express long-suppressed feelings to her father, who was deceased. You can read the previous articles here: Empty chair technique to resolve issues with deceased father Coming to terms with an abusive mother and an indifferent father Her father felt sorry for her sociopathic ex During Mary’s processing of her emotions through this empty chair technique, she realized that she had nothing to do with the origination of her family’s chaotic problems. Mary learned that while she wa …
How sociopaths become expert manipulators
Sociopaths, when we first meet them, typically seem charming, friendly and exciting. Later, after we’ve been exploited, we realize that we were targeted by a professional who deceived and manipulated us. But how did the sociopath become an expert exploiter? How do sociopaths know exactly what to say and what buttons to push? For example, Lovefraud received the following email from a reader: HOW do sociopaths KNOW what to do or how to act or what tactics to use to get what they want? They use tactics such as intermittent reinforcement or hijack our human bonding system, but they do not have degrees in psychology, nor do they consciously understand (I assume) that this is what they are d …
He wanted to psychologically destroy me
Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we’ll call Louann22. She was involved with a lying, cheating man who she now says, “wanted to psychologically destroy me.” He faked being in love with me for a year. I found out so many things were lies. I eventually realised he was filming me through a camera that was attached to his phone. He would plant things in his room to watch my reaction, such as dirty underwear from other women. He faked a future with me. I ended up selling my house and moving across the country, all the while he knew he was not genuine. I'm fairly certain he doesn't actually have a job, but was using myself and other women to make pornogr …
Sociopaths in long-distance relationships: 7 reasons why it’s hard to spot them
Today, if you’re looking for romance, you aren’t limited to searching your local community. With online dating apps, texting and video calls like Facetime, Skype and Zoom, you can meet and stay in contact with potential partners in distant cities, states and countries. It may seem like you have worldwide romantic possibilities — but you also need to be on the lookout for sociopaths in long-distance relationships. Quite frankly, long-distance relationships are dangerous. Sociopaths can be difficult to recognize when you’re around them every day. If you only see them in real life intermittently — well, they can run their scams and manipulations almost indefinitely and you may never know it. H …
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Dealing with dying Cluster B parents
Editor’s note: The following article was written by the Lovefraud reader, “Matt,” a long-time member of the Lovefraud community. By Matt It has been many years since I last posted on Lovefraud. When I first joined Lovefraud in November 2008, I was among the walking wounded having just pried my sociopath boyfriend out of my life. This site was my godsend. Among the many topics covered, although it wasn’t on my radar at the time, was dealing with Cluster B parents as they came to the end of their lives. Having buried both of my parents within the last 5 years, I’d like to share my experiences dealing with such parents. My parents My parents were two martinets who treated their children as …
Her father felt sorry for her sociopathic ex
By Joanie Bentz, B.S., M.Ed., LBS In my last two articles, I described how I’m using the “empty chair technique” to help a client, Mary, get closure about her disordered, but deceased, father. She wanted to know why her father felt sorry for her sociopathic ex. Read the previous articles: Empty chair technique to resolve issues with deceased father Coming to terms with an abusive mother and an indifferent father Here we have a continuation of the empty chair technique with Mary and her father. Mary finished the last session discussing how she was infantilized and abused by her mother. In this third session, Mary confronts her father about his relationship with her ex-husband. Mary’s ex …
Doing business and working with Senior Sociopaths
Some senior sociopaths are in jail and many are parasites, living off of a partner or family member. But millions of senior sociopaths are in the workplace, causing havoc with co-workers, customers and sometimes bringing down the company (think Bernie Madoff). If you’re working with senior sociopaths in any context, watch your back. My new book, Senior Sociopaths — How to Recognize and Escape Lifelong Abusers, is now available here on Lovefraud and on Amazon. It’s based on surveys that I conducted with Lovefraud readers. Most survey respondents described romantic partners or family members, but 62 described a work colleague or business associate. It was not a pleasant exper …
The sociopath ‘ruined me,’ Lovefraud reader writes
Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we’ll call “Sassy22.” She says sociopathic ex-partner “ruined me.” I answered the door and a good-looking guy was standing there asking if Sean was ready? I was confused cuz I lived alone with my son, not named Sean. This guy, dressed in construction work clothes was very apologetic, and said he must have got the address wrong. That he was carpooling with a new coworker and was sorry to have bothered me. As he left, he turned around and ask if he could make it up to me by taking me out for a drink later? I politely denied, and closed the door. The next few weeks I started seeing this guy all the time. He drove down …
Senior Sociopaths: Antisocial behavior and abuse until they die
My new book, Senior Sociopaths — How to Recognize and Escape Lifelong Abusers, is now available in the Lovefraud store and on Amazon. Here’s the book's take-home message: Senior sociopaths engage in antisocial behavior and abuse until they die. I wrote the book because I married a con man, James Alwyn Montgomery of Australia. He swindled my money, cheated with at least six women, had a child with one of them during our marriage, and 10 days after I left him, married her. It was the second time he committed bigamy. Montgomery's behavior made no sense to me — until I learned that he was a sociopath. That’s why I founded Lovefraud — to warn other people about the sociopaths living among us. …
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Coming to terms with an abusive mother and an indifferent father
By Joanie Bentz, B.S., M.Ed., LBS In my last article, I described how I’m using the “empty chair technique” to help a client, Mary, get closure about her disordered, but deceased, father. Here we have a continuation of the empty chair technique with Mary and her father. Mary finished the last session telling her father that she is finished trying to reason with unreasonable people. In this second session, Mary picks up where she left off. She wants to discuss her abusive mother. Mary’s father makes a choice too Joanie: Mary, you told your father you are done reasoning with unreasonable people. You told him you made a choice. Did he agree with your choice? Mary: No, by his silence, he di …
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