lf2

5 reasons why we fall for con artists

Sociopath behind mask.
Sociopaths hide their true intentions behind a mask.

We discover that our romantic partner is a complete and utter fake.

The proclamations of love, the stories of his or her past nothing was true. All the money that our partner desperately needed or promised would buy a life of luxury for the two of us well, that evaporated into expensive and unnecessary toys, or a secret life with one or more other lovers (targets).

When it finally sinks in that we’ve been conned, the first question we ask of ourselves is, “How could I have been so stupid?”

Followed by, “Why didn’t I see this coming?”

Feeling like chumps, we come down really hard on ourselves. But we aren’t the only ones who are blind to the social predators living among us our entire society is blind.

The fact that millions of sociopaths live among us is like a giant skeleton in the closet of the human race that nobody wants to talk about. This sets us up to be victimized.

Sociopathic con artists take advantage of this collective and individual blindness. With the skill that comes from practicing their craft from a very young age, they manipulate our empathy and emotions. They use us to accomplish their objectives du jour, whatever they may be.

So here’s why we end up in romantic relationships with sociopathic con artists:

Reason #1 – We don’t know sociopaths exist

Most people think sociopaths are all criminals and deranged serial killers this isn’t necessarily true. Social predators live among us, and most of them never kill anyone. Still, these people have no heart, no conscience and no remorse.

The numbers are staggering. Lovefraud uses the term “sociopath” to cover all social predators people who would be clinically diagnosed as being antisocial, psychopathic, narcissistic or borderline. If you add up the official estimates of people with these conditions, perhaps 12% of the population 37 million people in the US have personality disorders that make them unsuitable to be romantic partners.

And we, as a society, don’t know it.

Reason #2 – We believe people are basically the same

In the United States, from the time we are small children, we are bombarded with messages about fairness, equal opportunity, giving people a chance and tolerance. In school, we learn that we’re all created equal. In church, we learn that we’re all God’s children.

As a result, we believe all people are basically the same, there is good in everyone, and everyone just wants to be loved. Unfortunately, there is a segment of the population for which this simply is not true.

Sociopaths view the world as predators and prey they are the predators, and everyone else is prey. They are not motivated by love; they are motivated by power and control. These people pursue romantic relationships not for love, but for exploitation.

Reason #3 — Humans are lousy lie detectors

Research shows that people can identify a lie only 53% of the time — not much better than flipping a coin.

All those signs that are supposedly giveaways that someone is lying like looking away, failing to make eye contact well, they simply don’t apply when a sociopath is doing the lying.

Sociopaths are expert liars. They spend their whole lives lying. They feel entitled to lie. They lie for the fun of it. In fact, there’s a phenomenon called “duping delight” sociopaths get a thrill out of staring right into their targets’ eyes and pulling the wool over them.

People who are not liars never see it coming.

Reason #4 – Sociopaths hijack the normal human bonding process

Trust is the glue that holds society together. Trust is so important to the human race that it is programmed into our biology.

A hormone called oxytocin is released in our brain and bloodstream whenever we feel intimacy emotional or physical. Oxytocin then makes us feel calm, trusting and content, and alleviates fear and anxiety. Nature created this process to make people want to stay together to raise children.

When sociopaths target us for romantic relationships, they either spend a lot of time building what seems to be trust, or they rush us into emotional, physical or sexual intimacy. Either way, they get the oxytocin flowing in our brains, which makes us trust them. They keep piling on the intimacy, and we, to our detriment, keep trusting.

For more information, read Oxytocin, trust and why we fall for psychopaths, on Lovefraud.com.

Reason #5 — The betrayal bond makes it difficult to escape

Once the love bond is in place, the sociopath does things that create fear and anxiety in us like cheating on us, or taking more and more money.

Contrary to what we might expect, instead of driving us away, this actually makes the bond we feel with the sociopath stronger. It becomes a betrayal bond a powerful bond that we feel with someone who is destructive to us.

We want desperately to return to the heady experience of the beginning of our involvement, which was filled with what we believed was love and affection. We keep waiting for the sociopath to make the situation right.

But he or she never does. The exploitation continues.

Betrayal bonds are highly addictive and difficult to break. That’s why we stay in the relationship far longer than we should until we can no longer escape the fact that we’ve been conned.

 


Comment on this article

31 Comments on "5 reasons why we fall for con artists"

Notify of

Check. Check. Check. Check. Check. Yes this all sounds familiar.

Yes! All so true.

I was reading back over some journaling from the summer of 2013, long before I found LoveFraud and read Donna’s books. It was amazing the words that I used and the examples I used like-
Did he ever love me?
He became so dissatisfied with me.
He lies about everything.
He’s manipulating me.
He’s evil.
I’m scared.
Why would he do this?

All of these statements were shared with counselors pastors, family, friends, attorneys….and only one person suggested that it could be a personality disorder. My friend. Thank God for her! Of course, I didn’t believe her and defended him. I denied..

And I was experiencing all five on your list. Social blindness is destroying so many lives!

Thank you Donna!!

Here again, another great article into the grit of reason.

I used to ask myself why I couldn’t just dump him and forget him.
That is after I knew he was cheating. Taking money and breaking promises to pay me back.

It was a hard struggle to break free from the addiction, that Oxytocin thing….along with my betrayal bond…

Then after 9 months of complete NC, I still had a hard time letting go. I was doing well and moving on, and not letting another man into my life seriously since I found out I was very vulnerable….

But that sexual attraction as I called it, for how could I really love someone like this, and as we know the facade of a good man, well, that attraction kept him alive in my head.

I would reason “He had women all over, he has women now, and in past, horrible.” Yet, I still found him creeping into my thoughts.

But I would just say to myself, “This is just a mirage.”

Like a person dragging through a desert, with no more water, suffering dehydration, we too, start to delude ourselves, seeing an oasis, yes, he will change, or come back and beg forgiveness, and so on.

So by recognizing that it’s ALL a mirage, a delusion, and a fake reality, like him, well, it is far easier to move on and stop the thought process.

My advise to those in this state:

Keep on moving ahead. When a thought pops into your head, don’t get upset. Just realize what a wonderful person you are to love so deeply and that this was nothing about you. Then let it go as a mirage. You might feel sadness when you do this but that is okay. It is very sad. But keep it moving.

We need to have something to look forward to. I was ostracized and therefore secluded as I had a job as an estate management and home care. I wasn’t able to work a 9-5 job. I had little time to get out and socialize.

So I had a nice network online including LoveFraud. I went to Bible services. I started a second job so I could eventually leave the one I had and have more freedom.

I started to slowly build friendships with wonderful people and then get invited to gatherings. I am still building solid and worthy friendships. I allowed myself to explore some “men” friendships very slowly but I kept my distance as I gathered info on them. I turned them down because of various reasons but at least now I wasn’t vulnerable.

And I was using my head and all the info here on LoveFraud. I had read every book offered here as well.

Ask yourself “What do I want my life to be in the near future.”
What do you want? and then go for it.

So EDUCATE yourselves. Apply the knowledge and then you will be wisely choosing your path.

Vision

aintgonnatakeitnomore

I am having a hard hard time with the sexual attraction for the narc, also. As time goes on it gets harder, not easier lol
Is it becuz I am not rly having sex? Maybe. Is it becuz I don’t think I will ever have that great of sex again? Possibly.
And I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW, none of it was or is or will ever be enough reason to ever be with him again. It’s not even a possibility to me.
Yet I think about him…for the simple reason of that attraction.
It’s maddening!
its like I want what i indeed THOT *was*. i cant get it thru that it never ever *was*. nor never ever will be. the thot he will never be happy with the new one or next one or the next one ad nauseum makes me a little happy — in knowing it’s not me (nor will be them either). and i feel sorry for the women he entraps. seriously. cuz thats what it is ENTRAPMENT. simply nothing more. he’s like a human black widow and gets u in his web of deceit and disorder.
i rly need distractions :0

I notice that in none of the 5 reasons were we ourselves to blame for falling for a con. It is not our fault, so for anyone who is beating themselves up, please be kind to yourselves.

I sometimes think I’m too trusting in the aftermath of a sociopath. But the knowledge of sociopaths is firmly planted, and I do act on it accordingly. Not long ago a guy contacted me on a dating site who just seemed a little too good to be true. No one thing on its own was a red flag but a few things together just didn’t seem quite right, even though I did a reverse photo search and even googled his profile statement and found nothing. He was 13 years younger than me, very well dressed, and extremely good looking. He commented in his message to me that I was one of a very few he’s contacted and that he thinks we’d be a good match. But when I would respond to him, it would take him several days to a week to respond to me. I thought this was odd. I’d ask him a question and he wouldn’t give me much information. I commented that he’s rather quiet, and he said he’s afraid he might say the wrong thing and “lose me”. My old self would have felt so flattered that a guy like this thought I was special. I would have started fantasizing about him right then and there. The new me just replied, “You can’t lose me because you don’t have me. We don’t even know each other.” When I didn’t hear back from him, I figured my gut instinct had been correct. Usually, when a guy only replies every week or two but love bombs you in every reply, it’s a sign that they’re busy love bombing other women too. Though he didn’t lay it on thick, I think what he was doing was a form of love bombing. Does it sound like that to anyone else?

Granted there are a lot of decent guys on dating sites. But when they start off saying we are perfect for each other, it’s usually a red flag to me.

Stargazer,

I think you are so smart to listen to your gut, and just back away if anything feels off to you.

Yesterday someone wrote about it this way: She said, ask yourself if you would do the thing the person is doing?

In this case ask yourself if you would take several days to a week to respond, AND declare how compatible you are without knowing each other?

If the answer is no, then you do exactly what you have done, you set up a BOUNDARY.

Staying involved would mean that you would already have allowed a boundary violation, that would leave you feeling ‘bothered’.

Your response to both of these questions is obviously ‘no’. This is a reflection of your value system. Having the courage to then USE THAT SELF REFLECTION and knowledge to set up a boundary is exactly the correct action.

Predators are experts at manipulating us into feeling shamed if we use our values to impose healthy boundaries. Shame feels awful, and then we feel like bad people, who are inflexible and rigid and unloving.

This is, to put it simply, totally wrong.

Slim

aintgonnatakeitnomore

Actually I think there are alot of hideously sick men on dating sites. Hideous hideous men in their souls.
I think there are very FEW decent men on sites.
So think about that and act accordingly. Do not trust. Be suspicious.
I’d say that guy has a fake pic and was in a different country. SCAM.
I’d had 4 of them since just this spring. I can spot a foreigner a mile away anyway, but they are just clogging up the sites now. its terrible.
i think the paid sites may sift some out but it’d be worth it to a major money scammer to pay the fees. if you put urself out there as having money, watch out. somehow *I* am doing that rofl. if only they knew!
i have guys from different STATES also. these are semi legit i think. but once i get it thru to them that they are not coming out for the weekend to get laid all weekend nor staying at my house AT ALL, they go away. WOW. talk about hard up! lol
i still meet local guys and date. but nothing comes of it. the ones i rly want to, just evaporate ~maddening~. the ones i befriend becuz theyre bored out of their mind and theyre, hey, boring…give me something to do..txtg, emailing etc but theyre a dead end.
Men need to get a life b4 inviting me into it.
ohw ell.

This is so great you got to this point and gives me hope since it has only been a couple days since I learned of all my spaths deceptions and broke up with him for the final time…wandering if I will every trust again has been bothering me, but it is nice to see you putting the pieces together, and yes your instinct is correct!!!

Thank you Donna for yet another article which is so spot on and articulat!The depht of your understanding of what psychosis truly is can only be fully comprehended by someone who has once been a victim him/herself. But how many people who haven’t been similarly exposed, comprehend what you advise? Hopefully, the majority. Thanks again.

Donna, an excellent article…and Vision, I like and appreciate your thoughts. Donna, whether these predators have always been here in such mass numbers or are increasing, your site, data, and referral information are astoundingly important.

I have read that some believe the scope of their operation has increased dramatically with the affordable use of computers and the internet…just maybe this can be turned against them as we share information.

I don’t know the difference within the predators and those like Dr. Fallon, but people like you who have the courage to change such a horrifically devastating experience into something quite worthy, are of extreme importance in getting the word and resources out. Thank you.

I think our society today makes it easier for then to get into positions of power and so they are more obvious to those who can see it. It is like the Emporer’s New Clothes.

All so true. How can we help, what can we do to even get this one article out to the world? Especially judges and people who make decisions about our children’s future with the sociopaths? It is so spot on and a huge skeleton in the human race destroying so many lives.

I have moved on, have rebuilt family & friendships I was secluded from (finally). My concern now is that we have a 4 year old together which he has joint custody of and 50% time with and has since he was 2, despite a 20K court battle, psych eval (MMPI2) which he did not yield a normal profile (was not ruled out he was under reporting and not admitting to any faults-of course he lied about everything) refused polygraphs regarding criminal activities against me, false police reports & child abuse reports, documented his pattern of deceit, abusive childhood, his first arrest in 4th grade, history of substance abuse, termination of employment for being unethical, etc. and he still got 50/50 time and joint custody.

Of course it is impossible & tortuous to co-parent with him. He uses our son as a pawn and has manipulated and fooled so many systems, lawyers, judges, parent coordinators, therapists (including 2 PHDs) & it is painful to watch him fool so many people and get away with it. He laughs about it. He is so proud of fooling these people, major ‘duping delight’!

I’ve been reading and taking advice from Lovefraud for years. Most experts say do not mention the word sociopath or do any ‘diagnosing’ in court settings, but if we don’t; how will they ever know? How do we raise awareness and keep quiet about it at the same time? When he is going off on his lies and manipulations and I don’t respond, attempting to not engage, his lies have been accepted as truth. If I respond with truth it’s a big ‘he said she said’ battle and creates chaos.

Has anyone had success in court with a sociopath? We know sociopaths are not suitable romantic partners, are they suitable parents? Has anyone had their children raised part time by a sociopath who could share any positive or negative experiences or advice?

I much as I know how harmful this is to my sons development I have come to accept it will not change and spend every minute I have with my son showing him real love & I pray his genetic disposition & 50% environmental exposure to his father doesn’t impact his own development. I accept it, but it sure doesn’t make watching him manipulate everyone, every system, and sadly his own son any easier.

Believe me, the lawywrs and the judges are sociopaths.

Awareness, I am sorry to read about your story. You asked if anyone has had success against a sociopath in court. I could write a book about my experience, and it sounds much like yours. We did the gambit, all the way down to the full phyc. evaluation. It was like a 3-ring circus before it was all over.

In my case, I did “win” in that I maintained my 50% interest in my girls’ lives, and in that most of what I wanted implemented in our “co-parenting” arrangement before trial was ordered by the judge. I’d like to say that the 15 minutes that my lawyers took destroying her on cross exam was worth the 35,000.00 that I was forced to piss away,… but it really wasn’t. The cost of this trial has pushed my legal spending to over 80,000.00. It is just pathetic to think of what that money could have done for our quality of life.

The family court system is broken in this country, and it is a 50 billion dollar per year industry. From what I have seen, most of the people involved are nothing more than blood-sucking parasites, greedily feeding off of you and me “in the best interest of the children.” Complete bullshit! If anyone really cared about the children, the system would not be ripe for abuse. It is sickening to me.

You asked of these people can make good parents, since they can not make good partners. From what I have seen, and you describe the very same behaviors of things like using the children as pawns, the answer is always no, they can not ever be good parents, because they completely lack the ability to love. What loving parent could ever treat their child as they often do? They are only able to appear to be loving parents, but it is as empty as every other relationship for them. It is all a game, parenting included,..part of their facade. They lack the ability to love or to nurture. They can’t love us, and they can’t love their children, therefore, they can’t be good parents.

Love your children, and teach them about the importance of being loving and genuine. Help them to understand that they are not responsible for the way others treat them, and they will grow up realizing the truth of who you are, and of who their father is, just help them to understand that they do not own other’s faults.

Do sociopaths view this Love Fraud site? At least some of them must know. They probably enjoy being discussed and observed microscopically. At least they are the center of attention.

If one out of 25 of us is sociopathic, then some of them must read Love Fraud. Are they learning new tactics now that they know we are ‘on’ to them? It is kind of scary. But as I consider it, we are the winners here. It is our right and justification to be trained to detect their wiles (and we learn and grow here).

A part of me delights in knowing that THEY know we mean business and we are ‘on to them’. So even sociopaths are eventually discovered and brought to a kind of justice. We know! That makes us strong. We support each other! That brings us satisfaction and relief.

Take that, sociopaths!

awareness…..it can save us, so when we hear all these stories, how the spath can have so many convoluted sides, our awareness is heightened and that threatens the spath because we are onto their wicked games…..but I see your point, lets just hope as we continue to educate ourselves on this site and get stronger that we are not only helping ourselves, but helping others by pointing it out when we spot one and thus saving them from years of lies, hurt and despair. the spath then looses!!!! and our best revenge in when they loose at their games.

Ah, it’s a cheap and clever weapon they use as they turn us against ourselves, second guessing our judgement while they gaslight and giggle at our confusion.
They keep that up as long and with as many as possible.
With the figure of 37 million people in the USA who are incapable of a proper romantic relationship, and as a factor of all the marginally eligible people that might have a romantic relationship, I’d say that anyone real who finds anyone else real is a very lucky person.
But, better alone than with a hurtful one.

it disgusted to me to no end, after two days of finding out all the other women and his fiance(we got to speak and get each others stories, so we knew his convoluted deception was thick) he sent me a text. I sent him a couple ‘let you hear my wrath’ and he sent back “you were as dumb as she was, please stop texting me.” I just knew he was sitting back, not caring, because he still had other girls that didn’t find out and he could still get over on them. but the fact that he called us dumb was salt on the wound, like the was sitting their in his chair, twiddling his thumbs as his horns grew from his head, he gave an evil laugh from his red face and slammed his pitchfork. But this image now helps me look back and him and say who is the dumb one now

I wonder sometimes if the only person who can spot a psychopath, is another psychopath? Can they con and dupe each other? Or, can a spath recognize another spath from a great distance, so they just kind of smile at each other in silent acknowedgment as they glide past one another, like sharks in the night ocean?

I suspect that in my own case, I seem to be “spath proof” because I simply never believed that anyone who was being nice to me actually meant it. I always felt that they must want something from me, and were just pretending to like me in order to get it, whatever “it” was.

So far, that’s pretty much the only advantage I can see for having avoidant pd with a touch of paranoia; it can help keep you from falling for spaths.

The Christian Ideal is to forgive one’s enemies, and historically even Christ was betrayed by someone thought worthy of trust. That experience was shared — apparently by everyone — even in the most extraordinarily memorable spiritual event, involving souls who in theory were aware of, and accepted, that not all men are evolved to the same degree. The prescribed remedy for this was to be more forgiving.

Many bloody wars followed. Christ cannot have intended that his people not defend themselves, right? or they’d have died out altogether. So someplace between forgiveness and adequate defense is where spiritual Safety supposedly lies, we try to meet our duty of compassion to other souls sharing our lifetime “space” while at the same time not giving away the farm.

If we follow Christ’s example, we will die on this cross of Reality about just how low people can be — and be reborn somewhat later, having cast away the bloody rags of that previous life. The Force that will bring us back to life will be our Connection to Understanding … that our souls are not described by the hidden acts of those who betrayed us and themselves, but by the invisible Essentials to which we remained committed to the bitter end.

The search to be morally ethical in the face of betrayal is the common thread I see running through many articles and posts on this site, echoing this same theme.

That always puzzled me, because Jesus (being omniscient) already knew that Judas was going to rat him out to the police, so to speak. It wasn’t a surprise; I don’t think you can define something you’re already aware of and OK with, as “betrayal.”

But those of us who are not omniscient do get blindsided by slick spaths all too often.

In any case I think a person can make ethical, moral choices no matter what religion he or she happens to be, or even if the person is not religious. If a person is able to feel genuine empathy and compassion for the needs and feelings of others, then, that is the impetus to make moral, ethical choices. Here at this blog, the discussions in a lot of cases (seems to me) revolve around how to better protect ourselves from spaths, how to spot them, how to avoid getting entangled with them, and how to extricate oneself if you do get entangled with one.

The way I understand it as described in the Bible is that Jesus was with God from the beginning (John 1:2), and He and God the Father agreed and planned that He would become fully human (while remaining also fully God) so that He could give His perfect life for the salvation of all people, as part of God’s overall plan for salvation, redemption, and permanently removing Satan from the Universe (Rev 20:1-3).
So even though Jesus was willing to be betrayed to fulfill God’s plan, it still hurt Him as He was fully human and understood the human experience while he lived in the flesh (Hebrews 4:15).

ColoradoKathy, I have a slightly different take on forgiveness. There are people I have actually forgiven because I have seen their suffering and have compassion for the wounded child part of them who never grew up and learned to love. I feel forgiveness for my mother and father who abused and neglected me (though it was long in coming after many years of resentment). However, for the sociopath, I don’t ever recall a time when I actually “forgave” him. I would not even call it forgiveness because I cannot wrap my mind around the cause of his pain, if you can even call it pain. I just became detached. Now I don’t really care what he does or where he does it. He is nothing to me. I don’t think of him with love and compassion. I suppose having love and compassion for a sociopath is okay, too, if that’s how your healing manifests, as long as you are not in denial and tempted to go back. You can be in a state of love and compassion but still see the truth quite clearly. The person we must have the most love and compassion for is ourselves. We must put our self-care above the needs of others, including the needs of toxic people – no matter how much compassion we have toward them. It is not our job to save them nor our destiny to stay connected to them. They have their own journeys and we have ours. If our paths have intersected for a short time, or a longer time than what we liked, we can take the lessons we need and move on, wishing them well along the way.

So I don’t think of the mandatory “forgiving” that we all must do to heal as something we proactively think or feel toward the other person. I think of it as the ultimate act of kindness toward ourselves. We just let go of the grievance. This frees us up to move on. If love and compassion fill up the place where anger once was, so be it. If it doesn’t, so what? As long as we don’t still have the anger, that’s the most important thing. We can choose to fill that place up with whatever we want. Maybe instead we want to fill it up with home decorating and a trip around the world. Awesome! That is a manifestation of love. I have found that when I’m out having fun and living my life, sometimes forgiveness for various people who have hurt me just seeps in. Sometimes not.

Point 4 is really helpful – I’ll repeat it below:

“When sociopaths target us for romantic relationships, they either spend a lot of time building what seems to be trust, or they rush us into emotional, physical or sexual intimacy. Either way, they get the oxytocin flowing in our brains, which makes us trust them. They keep piling on the intimacy, and we, to our detriment, keep trusting.”

I had a 6-year on again / off again “relationship” throughout high school and into college with the first type. He took his time building trust and being patient and really, really nice. Not always available and on again / off again with other women. He would always tell me that I was “special” and when he was “ready to settle down” I would be “the one.” So I did not date anyone else – not knowing that I was part of a “harem.” Then he got his teenage 2nd cousin pregnant and married her. Then I learned that I was not the only shocked woman who had been told she would be “the one.” Then I was left with shattered self esteem and a mother who told me I should have been the one to get pregnant so I could have had him (so not a good attitude for her to have). It made me crazy for awhile. I loved the way he was so patient with me, but it was because he had so much going on all the time. That was why he showed no anxiety. I’m sorry to say that I still miss that aspect of the false front – the patient and easy going type – the wolf in sheep’s clothing.

It was during the discard phase by the first type that I met the second type – the pushy, love-bombing type and I was totally taken in. I married this one and have paid for it ever since.

I think it confused me that the same type of person – sociopath – can have different approaches. But this article explains it so that I clearly see both types have the same agenda – seduce and exploit.

Thank you for the clarity – it really helps me think straight.

aintgonnatakeitnomore

the spath and the narc i encountered had two different “ways”. thats the reason i fell for the narc after enduring the spath. he was so healing to me! shoot, he still is in a way. or “it” was. knowing i cud be loved and cared about. yet hey, i wasnt rly. lol
STILL; in my brain, i was cared for, for a time period. it did heal some neural connections that were so fried from the spath. it untwisted some of the mental chaos. and never did it get so bad as the spath. he’s just not aa twisted a person. the narc is SICK but the spath ~shudder~
the self-centered spouse should be grounds for hanging IMO
exemplified in either persuasion.
sick bastards.

I think that the same spath can have different approaches depending on what will hook their current target, and what needs the current target has. My ex P changed his politics, his pastimes, his diet, his hobbies, etc. based on what he perceived would hook a particular victim.

All five points applied to my experience with my ex P.

Every minute I turn the page on this site, there goes another sign I was dating a spath. I remember saying a couple months ago to my ex spath partner, “I just want to go back to the way it was in the beginning”…he of course changed the subject, he was very good at changing the subject. He created that betrayal bond I am learning just now.

The one that scares me the most is the weird stare, I think I saw that spath sign on another site….he did this all the time and I knew it made me feel uncomfortable. I even eventually called him out on it and he joked and made his face try real hard for the stare and then we would laugh. He was good and turning things he did into jokes and we always commented on how sarcastic he is….he would always use this when things got heavy, he would see me questioning his actions and then use sarcasm to act like he was kidding, well he wasn’t kidding when I when I found out he had a fiance the other day and other women too, this now explains our fights over his disappearing for several days, or we would have plans and he would never show up….this incited me to no end.

My ex spath has been in prison since 2011 and gets out in 2016- because of me he is in there and I am fearful for my life. Are there resources for protection? please help.

please. the abuse became so horrific, my dog and I are lucky to be alive. When he got arrested it turned out he had a whole different identity… well he got extradited— prison….. is it likely he will come after me? He cared much for his material possessions but f him. He stole tens of thousands from me- all i had , and told me when it was all gone then he would “REALLY MAKE ME SUFFER”. A black eye or broken ribs wasn’t “real abuse” because I still had my teeth. okay. Any resources out there? I need help. Please. Very frightened of his release. Which of course can always be sooner than the release date in 2016. help. or my dog and i may wind up being tortured. He would not just kill us, he would incite horrific torture. help please before this happens

Send this to a friend