9 questions from an 8th grade student about how sociopaths think

I was recently interviewed by an 8^th grade student who wanted to know how sociopaths think. She interviewed me on Zoom as part of a school project. I was very impressed with her questions. If we all educated ourselves about how sociopaths think like this student did, we would avoid a lot of pain.

Here are nine of her questions — and the answers.

1. How did you first learn about sociopaths?

I married a man who turned out to be a sociopath. This con man took $225,000 from me, cheated with at least six women during our 2.5-year relationship, had a child with one of the women, and then 10 days after I left him, married the mother of the child. It was the second time he committed bigamy.

As I was describing his outrageous behavior to my therapist, she said, “He sounds like a sociopath.”

“A sociopath? What’s that?” I asked.

I started researching the term and discovered that yes, it was true. My husband fit the description of a sociopath.

2. How do sociopaths think?

Every sociopath is only concerned with Number One — himself or herself. They believe that they are entitled to whatever they want, when they want it and how they want it. 

They also feel entitled to do anything in order to get what they want, and they don’t care if someone else gets hurt in the process.

3. What are some characteristics of sociopaths?

All sociopaths lie. However, it can be difficult to recognize this because at first, you probably don’t know that he or she is lying.

Sociopaths can be charming, fun, and the life of the party. They’re never at a loss for words. They appear to be exciting and confident. 

Sociopaths blame other people for their problems. Whenever something bad happens to them, they blame their partner, boss, parents, unhappy childhood — anybody and anything but themselves. Nothing is ever their fault, and they don’t take responsible for anything.

4. Do childhood experiences affect whether someone becomes a sociopath?

Yes. Here’s how this works: Sociopaths can be born with a genetic predisposition to the disorder. Then, childhood experiences, including the parenting they receive, can cause the genetic predisposition to evolve into disorder.

When someone inherits a genetic predisposition, it typically means one or both of the parents are disordered, although the inherited genes may come from further back on the family tree.

Sociopaths are not good parents. They don’t really love their children. They look at children as possessions, slaves or mini-me’s. They don’t provide the care and support children need to grow into healthy individuals. 

So a child can be born with the genetic predisposition, and then get bad parenting. There’s a good chance this child will also become a sociopath.

5. Can people turn into sociopaths as adults?

Yes, the disorder can appear up until early adulthood, meaning early 20s. But typically it starts sooner.

Some parents may see traits of disorder in young children. They may see kids as young as three or four who are lying and stealing.

Read more: Key symptoms of psychopaths

Usually, the disorder appears during teenage years, especially when testosterone kicks in during puberty.

So, it may start anytime from early childhood to young adulthood.

6. What’s the difference between a sociopath and a psychopath?

This is complicated. The main problem is that mental health professionals do not agree on the definitions and diagnostic criteria for these personality disorders. 

Clinicians and psychiatrists refer to a book called the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of the American Psychiatric Association (DSM). This book talks about “Cluster B” personality disorders, which are antisocial, narcissistic, borderline and histrionic personality disorders.

The research psychologists in universities use the term “psychopath.” These researchers use an instrument called the Psychopathy Checklist Revised, which is like an evaluation form, to measure someone’s level of disorder.

The term “sociopath” is actually no longer a clinical diagnosis at all. But it was the term originally used in the DSM until the 1960s; then the official diagnosis was changed to antisocial personality disorder. However, the word “sociopath” originally meant “anything pathological in social relationships.”

That’s how I use the word “sociopath” – to describe anything pathological in social relationships. I use it as an umbrella term for all of these disorders. Why? Because most of us don’t need to understand the differences among the disorders. We just need to know that these people are out there, there is no rehabilitation once they are adults, and we need to avoid them.

7. Do sociopaths know right from wrong?

Yes. They just don’t care about what’s right and what’s wrong. As I said, they feel entitled to do whatever they want, and rules are not going to stop them.

Still, they know what the law is, and can be smart enough to avoid getting arrested. Sometimes they go right up the legal limit without crossing the line. They do things that are immoral or unethical, but not necessarily illegal.

8. What are some myths about sociopaths?

First of all, lot of people think that sociopaths are all serial killers, but this isn’t true. In fact, very few sociopaths kill anyone, and even fewer are serial killers. Many are not even violent.

Secondly, sociopaths are not all criminals. They may go right up to the edge of the law without breaking it, as I explained before. Or, they do break the law and don’t get caught. But many sociopaths have not been charged with or convicted of a crime. They don’t always go to jail.

Finally, sociopaths may not look crazy. They may not look like Charles Manson, who had wild hair and a cross tattooed on his forehead. Plenty of sociopaths are handsome, good-looking, average or homely. They look just like the rest of us. There is no way to spot sociopaths based on their physical characteristics.

9. How can people protect themselves from sociopaths?

First of all, know that sociopaths exist. This is actually the hard part. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve talked to people who got involved with a sociopath, were hurt by their experience, and said to me, “I never knew people like this existed.”

Secondly, know the warning signs. Make sure to educate yourself about their traits, like lying, blaming others for everything, and also traits like charisma and charm. 

Finally, trust your intuition. This is the most important thing to do. Almost everyone gets some type of internal warning when a person or a situation is dangerous. You get a knot in your stomach, the hair on the back of your neck stands up, you just have a bad feeling about someone. But not everyone pays attention to the warning. That’s how we get in trouble.

Are you as smart about sociopaths as an 8^th grader?

This young lady did a great job, and I commended her for her questions. 

So now, here’s the question for you: Do you know as much about sociopaths as this eighth grader? I hope so. 

When it comes to sociopaths, knowledge is power, and listening to your intuition is protection.

Learn more: Survivor’s guide to healthy people and healthy relationships