Over the years, Lovefraud has heard from about a hundred people who realize that their mother, father, stepparent, or perhaps all of them, were psychopaths. These readers repeatedly asked for articles to address their experience.
Fortunately for me, I did not share that experience. But unfortunately for them, I could not possibly do justice to what they endured in any article that I would write.
Still, I recognize how important it is to give voice to the madness of growing up with self-centered, manipulative and abusive parents, and the struggle to recover from the ordeal. So I am pleased to announce that Wendy S. Weber, whose mother and father were both psychopaths, will now be contributing to Lovefraud.com.
A few weeks ago, Wendy posted a comment on a Lovefraud article. The comment linked to her website, Raised by Psychopaths. There I read the traumatic story of Wendy’s upbringing.
Here’s how Wendy described her parents:
Dad was almost always full of rage, and mom ”¦ well ”¦ with mom, you just never knew. The only thing consistent about mom was her mind games. But her demeanor changed minute-by-minute. Any little thing could trigger a furious outburst. She dictated our every move, and independence of any kind was forbidden. You didn’t choose your hobbies or interests — she chose them FOR you. Participating in activities outside the home or developing friendships was rarely allowed. When it was, it had to be a situation where mom could monitor you. In our house, there was no such thing as discipline, per se. You see, reprimand for normal childhood misdeeds was coupled with punishment for offenses imagined in mom’s mind. In other words, you lived in perpetual punishment.
Wendy tells more much more in her story, which I invite you to read:
My Story, on Raised by Psychopaths
Wendy’s first article for Lovefraud will appear on Friday, and she’ll be contributing regularly. So please welcome her.
And if you, too, have been raised by psychopaths, feel free to share your story, and join in the healing.
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Welcome, Wendy! I’m looking forward to your articles. I am also the product of two very bad people. My Dad was diagnosed with NPD when I was in my 20s. I haven’t seen or spoken to him for nearly 20 years. I’m not sure what my mother is – no formal diagnosis there. She’s very manipulative and abusive, and she’s getting worse in her senior years. My deepest, darkest fear is that I will be the one who has to take care of her someday. Even after years of therapy, I still feel some guilt admitting that.
First I want to say I’m so sorry you’ve had a similar situation. It is a deeply sad experience to not have nurturing from either parent. Kudos to you for having the strength and courage to seek therapy! My therapist helped me tremendously, particularly as my mother got older. She, too, became worse in her senior years. When the time comes, if you and your therapist decide the healthiest thing for you is to detach from your mom, please don’t feel ashamed. If a parent is very abusive, it is often healthier for the child AND the parent if a neutral party is doing the care-taking. In my case, detaching gave me the freedom to show love to my mom, yet leave before things got out of control. I wish you the very best, and that you will have peace in whatever you decide.
Thank you for the welcome!
Thank you for the kid words, Ms. Wendy Weber.
I sought a therapist’s help near the end of a devastating relationship with a disordered man in my 43rd year. It was the straw that broke the proverbial camel’s back. The most frightening words I ever heard were “Let’s talk about your childhood.”.
I went to your website and read your story. Wow, I’m so sorry you lived with not one, but two psychopathic parents. Your story is truly heartbreaking. I’m glad you were able to find happiness in life and break the cycle that could have been created. My heart also breaks for what your brother went through.
Welcome to Lovefraud, where I hope you find friendship and support to continue the healing process.
Best wishes,
Vicki Kuper
Thank you so much Vicki!
Wendy
Welcome. A whole new facet is being presented here. Thank you for putting a face on a situation that all of us who suffered needlessly under the ‘facade’ of loving parents can express and share with others.
My mother? NPD. I read, ‘You’re Not Crazy, Its Your Mother’
My father? I am starting to believe he was a sociopath…don’t get
in his way…ME ME ME first
Hi Wendy,
I am so impressed and amazed that you survived this experience and are a whole, functioning human being. I worry for my two children who are with their sociopathic Dad half the time, thanks to the courts. They are scared, are regressing, their self-esteem is plummeting and they are starting to mistrust each other.
From your experience, please tell me what best I can do for them. What should I say about Dad or is it best to say nothing? Will they feel ties to him forever? Should they know that he is a sociopath and what that is? I cant see this kind of information anywhere. I cant find any psychologists willing to help my children. Any help would be much appreciated. Thanks!