UPDATED FOR 2024. I have a friend who lost his wife to cancer. After a year, he started going out in search of companionship. He knew my history of being involved with a sociopath, in fact, he knew my ex, James Montgomery. So when he had a bizarre experience with woman he dated for a few weeks, my friend had questions for me.
The woman claimed to be separated from her husband, although I’m not sure that was the case. She pursued my friend relentlessly, until they had sex. At some point, she made a comment about “a lion needs fresh meat.” After that, they spent an entire day together, then she unceremoniously dumped him.
My friend asked, was this woman kooky like my ex?
He told me more, and it sounded like the woman had sociopathic traits, although perhaps not the full-blown disorder. So we’ve been discussing this personality type. One conversation went like this:
My friend: “What’s the first thing sociopaths do when they meet you?”
Me: “Evaluate you to see if you have something they want.”
My friend: “What’s the second thing they do?”
Me: “Look for your vulnerabilities.”
My friend: “Then what?”
Me: “Then they figure out how to use your vulnerabilities to manipulate you.
Sociopathic MO
This short conversation identified the sociopathic MO, or modus operandi. Here it is:
- First, do you have something he or she wants?
- Second, what are your vulnerabilities?
- Third, how can they manipulate your vulnerabilities to get what they want?
Here is the brutal truth: Sociopaths view the world as predators and prey—they are the predators, everyone else is prey.
Feeding opportunities
Here’s another brutal truth: Sociopaths view all social interactions as feeding opportunities.
So what do they want from their targets? In many cases, the answer is obvious—sex, money, a place to live, someone to support them.
But we also have to remember that sometimes, sociopaths just want entertainment. They want the fun of manipulating someone into doing what they want. They get a rush from getting over on their targets. These cons feed their primal desires that I’ve written about before — the desires for power and control.
My friend was shaking his head over the encounter with the predator female. Like all of us, he was having a hard time coming to grips with how soulless these people truly are.
Learn more: Survivor’s guide to healthy people and healthy relationships
Lovefraud originally published this story on June 7, 2010.
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: I did not choose this guy
I’m reminded of when my ex said he was invited to a fairly well to do woman’s house. This was the second time he’d seen her, and he wanted to check out her “situation,” He asked for a tour of her “lovely home.” He said as she showed him around he was picturing where he would put his furniture, art work, etc after he moved in. He also wondered how she would like “picking up after me.” He then set about love bombing her. She must have felt something was off about him and stopped returning his calls. But I think about this—about what was going on in his head (taking over her home) and how she no doubt had no idea what he was thinking.
I remember one of the ex’s acquaintences told me “he’s shopping for a wife, to farm with”..I didn’t take that remark seriously. As it turned out, I should have. It was the truth.