First, I would like to say how beneficial reading the Lovefraud site has been. It has really pulled me through some rough moments of dealing with the sociopath that I was romantically linked to.
He and I were in a LDR relationship (or so I thought) for a year and a half. I knew something was off right away, but I thought it was fear of commitment on his part or depression. He did all of the textbook things a sociopath would do (before I knew what one was.) He blew hot and cold, would ignore me for weeks, try to make me jealous, disappear on special days even when I was in town, and so much more.The final straw was him ignoring me when I was in town and then basically inviting me over for a booty call. That is when I said no more. Well, his rage came out along with a horrendous discard.
Here is the kicker, he is my mother’s neighbor!! That is how we met, and he pursued me for years before we actually got to know each other. I have had no contact with him since January 19th of this year. I am a teacher and usually go home for extended times at all of the usual school breaks. This year, I rented my own place and would see my Mom during the day. He would call and hang up both her home and my cell. He would also feign concern /interest in her — I suppose to get more information. The last thing he did was walk around to her house and try to introduce his latest instant girlfriend to my Mom. Hey, he’s a classy guy.
This is my question to the other Lovefraud readers — is it normal that I get so agitated /upset when I do go to my Mom’s house? It was especially bad on the weekends when I knew he would most likely be home. I would just go into her home and close the blinds. I never want to see him again, and yet he is right across the pathway from my Mom. I wish he would just stay away from her. I will continue to stay at another place in the evenings as long as they are neighbors. (Someone broke into my car when we were “together,” and I know suspect it was him.
Are all of these feelings normal that I am having? I have come a long way since the discard, but I still do not understand why he skulks around when he made it clear how useless I am to him.
Be careful–sociopaths think boundaries and laws don’t apply to them
Donna Andersen
Sarah – thank you so much for sharing your story. To answer your question – yes, it is absolutely normal to be agitated when you are in his area, which unfortunately is your mother’s area.
Why is he skulking around? To get a reaction. Sociopaths are motivated by power and control. Even though he discarded you, he still wants to think that he has power and control over you. If he can provoke a reaction, then he gets a charge out of it.
Your goal is to get to the point that you just don’t care about him and what he does. How do you get there? I recommend you try EFT Tapping. Lovefraud now offers a webinar on it, and this technique can break the connection between your memories of this terrible treatment of you and your emotions.
https://education.lovefraud.com/courses/how-to-use-emotional-freedom-techniques-tapping-to-recover-emotionally-from-sociopaths/
This technique is amazing, and it works. I recently posted an article on why it works:
https://lovefraud.com/scientific-research-shows-eft-tapping-relieves-anxiety-depression-and-ptsd/
Sellenna
This is a type of sociopathic behavior that has always baffled me: this need to terrorize people just because they’ve become useless to you.
I guess this guy feels you committed a huge offense by refusing to show up for his booty call, and in his mind, you must now be punished for it. Hence, his trying to freak you out when you visit your mother.
I once had a guy act similarly with me. He was a sociopath, but he was batshit crazy too. He tried to get me to design a website for him and not pay me, and I refused. He was pissed at me. He told me he was never talking to me again. Fine, I said to him. Then his other friends called me and left incessant messages on my voicemail. Long story short – I eventually realized he had gotten them to fish information about me to him. I cut off contact with all of them, and everything was fine.
Almost a decade later, he tried to friend me on LinkedIn! He disguised himself using a hilarious pseudonym in his profile, but I knew it was him. I was like “Hello! You told me you never wanted to see me again, doofus.” I blew him off and blocked him.
I have not had any problems with him or his minions since. Then again, they’ve all moved away from my area and now live in a city hundreds of miles from me, so it’s probably too inconvenient for them to bother me.
However, if you’re concerned that he’s dangerous, I would document everything he does to you, and research stalking laws in your mother’s area, and yours too.
One question: how has your mother been reacting to this guy?
sarah1986
Thank you Donna and Sellena for your advice and insight!!Unfortunately,my Mom has some sort of interest in seeing us together. We have not talked about him in months ,but up until then she was holding out some hope for him to snap to it.I am embarassed to say ,but I know she monitors his coming and goings.
I have told her to say hi,make no -eye-contact and keep moving if he comes toward her.The last encounter she swore she did just that. However,it was months ago. I have no control over what either of them does. I just do not like that he is so close in vicinity to me or my Mom .I knew that he was a neighbor when I met him.Unfortunately assumed/hoped that if things didn’t go well between us we would both take the higher road and be cordial and civil and discreet. However,that was before I knew what he was. I will not assume things anymore ,and now I know the red flags to look for. I was recovering from breast cancer when I dropped my guard and decided to give him a chance. Yes,just like it says here in lovefraud,when a person is going through life changing events, one is more vulnerable.
Thank you both again. This site and the stories on it have really helped me to understand how disordered some people are and how they perpetuate that onto others.
Sellenna
It’s so aggravating when parents are poor judges of character.
That said, it sounds like you’re doing a great job getting on with your life after your run-in with Psycho Dude.
Clearly you have moved on and he hasn’t. He might be still trying to get a rise out of you because he knows this.
Lots of luck, and stay safe..