By September 14, 2017 11 Comments Read More →

Be careful–sociopaths think boundaries and laws don’t apply to them

Husband Liar Sociopath

Every week, a chapter of my book, “Husband, Liar, Sociopath: How He Lied, Why I Fell For It & The Painful Lessons Learned” (available via, just click on the title or book cover) will be published here on Lovefraud. To read prior chapters, please see the links at the bottom of the post.  

I’ve also just released a new ebook titled Narcissists, SOCIOPATHS & Wolves: Lessons From Little Red Riding Hood. (Just click here to find it on Narcissists SOCIOPATHS & Wolves.)

Chapter 51E:  The Earthquake Strikes

Jessica was spending a lot of time at Paul’s but had not officially moved in with him and Linda. One day, prior to Paul and I going to court for the first time to work out our pre-divorce separation agreement, I noticed a light on in our basement. Paul’s home office was on that level, but with him gone, Jessica, Daniel, and I rarely, if ever, went down to that part of the house. It struck me as odd. Tension rose within me.

As I reached the bottom of the stairs to turn off the light, I noticed that the door to Paul’s office was ajar and a closet light was on. My body tensed even more. I took a deep breath to clear my thoughts and to manage my mounting anxiety. I had not left Paul’s office like that. Seeing as it was unused, all the lights were kept off and the doors closed. Paul had always been above everyday menial tasks like shutting off lights or closing doors. My blood pressure surged. Paul had been there. How had he gotten in?

I asked Daniel if he knew anything about his father being at the house. He didn’t. I believed him. Then I asked Jessica if she had let her father in. She denied it, but when I confronted her with evidence that I knew Paul had been inside, her story changed.

“So what if I let Dad in?” she said defiantly. Parroting what Paul must have told her, she continued, “It’s his house, too, and you have no legal right to keep him out. He just needed to get some of his stuff.”

“Jessica,” I replied, horrified, “I was clear with you that your father can never be in this house.”

“It’s no big deal, Mom!”

“It is a big deal!” I said, trying to control the mixture of fear and anger welling up inside me. “We both need our privacy during the divorce. I don’t have access to where he’s living now. He’s not supposed to have access to where I’m living. I have to prepare documents for my lawyers. So does he. We both need privacy to do it.”

The issues were much bigger than those I expressed to Jessica, but I tried to couch her father’s ban from the house in as neutral terms as possible.

“I can’t believe you think Dad would ever do anything wrong,” Jessica said. “He never would. You’re just paranoid. He says what you’re doing is illegal and that he’s being so nice and reasonable to respect your stupid, controlling wishes.”

“Your father broke into this house before and took things!” I said, against all the advice I had been given to not say anything bad about Paul to Jessica and Daniel. I did it to buy some credibility with Jessica. It was a mistake.

“He’d never do that! You’re making it up!” Jessica cried.

“Jessica, have I ever lied to you?”

Jessica glared at me without answering.

“You can never let you father in this house. NEVER! You have to trust me. I have good reasons.”

Jessica shot me a look of pure hatred and contempt and then stomped off to her room, slammed the door, and did not come out for hours. Paul’s credit cards and promises of total independence went a long way.

A week later, I felt eerie when I got back to the house. I had been volunteering at a lacrosse tournament for hours, someplace Paul knew I would be. I found a receipt of Paul’s from a purchase months ago near my desk that I was ninety-nine percent sure had not been there hours earlier. But was I 100 percent sure? Sometimes when I was locking up for the night, I discovered a window unlatched that I could not remember unlatching during the day. Had Jessica left it unsecured so Paul could gain access? I would never know.

One day when I walked into the house after being away for hours, I noticed a curtain askew that I typically left pulled over a glass door to keep sunlight from overheating the house. It was positioned as if someone had exited via the door and, therefore, was unable to pull the curtain back into place. I walked around the house, but nothing jumped out at me as looking wrong or missing.

Later that evening, I went to use the toilet in my bathroom before going to bed. I lifted the seat cover. The toilet was filled with excrement. Blood drained from my face. My pulse quickened. Could Paul have gotten in and done that? Could the toilet have backed up? Could Jessica and Daniel have used my bathroom and forgotten to flush it? When I asked, they said they hadn’t used my bathroom. What were the odds that any of us had used my bathroom and not flushed it? Almost zero.

Thoughts flooded my mind. How was Paul getting into the house? Was I safe? Were the kids safe? I waited until Daniel and Jessica were asleep, and then I barricaded all the doors after checking the locks on all the doors and windows. I slept with my cell phone and home phone in my bed. I set the alarm clock unusually early so I could remove my safety precautions before Daniel and Jessica awoke, so as not to alarm them. Sleep eluded me. My mind overflowed with fear, and adrenalin coursed through my body.

The next morning, I called a home alarm company. I did not want to spend the money alarming a house I knew I had to sell soon, but I had no choice.


Start from the beginning:

Chapter 1

Go to previous chapter:

Chapter 51D


Identifying names, places, events, characteristics, etc. that I discuss here and in my book have been altered to protect the identity of everyone involved.

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11 Comments on "Be careful–sociopaths think boundaries and laws don’t apply to them"

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If this weren’t true and real, it would be a terrifying movie.

What you have been through. ‘Paul’ is vile and dangerous. One does not ‘cross’ him by discovering the truth about who he is. That was to be kept quiet, forever. When you really saw who he is, you knew what you had to do and left. How dare you. ( Please know that I am being facetious).

You will be forever punished by him, unless you can have complete no contact. Forever. I know that you are fully aware of that.

No contact has absolutely no effect on a Sociopath. I implemented no contact 4 years ago. It didn’t take long for me to be served with fabricated contempt charges. Luckily I learned long ago to document…and document more. I was able to prove myself innocent. But, he was not sanctioned for lying on court documents, or for filing frivolous and vexatious contempt charges. The judge never addressed my request that he pay my legal fees.
In the last 3 years he has taken me to court 23 times. It has cost me $35,000.00 in legal fees. I lost my home last year and after working so hard my entire life I now get my food at the food pantry.
After losing my home I rented an apartment and took precautions to insure he wouldn’t know where I was living…he has a police documented history of stalking me.
I felt relief for 6 months. Anxiety and fear decreased slightly and symptoms of Complex-PTSD were getting a little under control.
Last January I received an email from him that he hired a private investigator to find out where I live. I seldom respond but did this time questioning him, “ so a private investigator will locate a woman at a man’s request without doing any background check with local and state police to make sure there’s no history of stalking?
(How dare I question him!)
He wrote back 2 weeks later…”I didn’t hire a private investigator. I found you myself and it would have made my life much easier if you had given me your address when you moved.”
Instant fear. All evening walks with my dog stopped. The slightest noise in the hallway of the apt building I live in causes an immediate startle reaction and the internal fear is instant .
I was served again…3 times since January. Again, I’m found innocent of contempt each time.
I was served again last week on something that he brought me to court on 3 years ago and the judge addressed it and ruled on it. I spent the night looking for that ruling and found it and will bring it to court.
I have 3000 pages of real documentation…most are his own written words, disclosures, etc. in emails, texts that I printed. I continue to document. He’s blocked everywhere including email but to a Level 1 Sociopath that has little to no effect. He creates new email addresses and they, of course, come thru. Or, he creates fake Facebook accounts and messages me.
My point ; if you are dealing with a true, diagnosed Cluster B disordered person “no contact “ doesn’t apply. I’m not saying don’t do it…I’m just saying in no way will “no contact “ protect you. A true diagnosed Sociopath will stop abusing you when he wants to. I thought when he hooked his next victim he would be done with me. Nope.
Since I’ve been told by several psychologists that he will most likely abuse me until I die, and my therapist and I have talked extensively about, “as long as I don’t agressively do something, and not just keep showing up for court then sit and wait for the next time , then I’m saying, “ It’s ok to keep abusing me.”
But it’s not. Right now I’m filing a lawsuit for Intentional Infliction of Emotional Harm in Superior Court. There’s no question with the documention I have where he’s actually written about his history since “as far back as I can remember” of emotionally and psychologically harming women so that he may benefit… sexually, financially, etc. He actually writes about, “ I knew I had to become a great con.”
The behaviors he describes are considered outrageous by any civilized society. I meet all criteria with the written diagnosis I been given due to extreme relational abuse.
This case , I’m hoping, will set a precedent since after researching for many months I’ve only come up with one case for f a woman suing her ex Narcissist/Sociopath but it never went to trial. She committed suicide prior to the trial date.
A trial by jury means total exposure . Total exposure is a Narcissistic Sociopaths only fear.
Boundaries such as “no contact” have little effect on a true Narcissistic Sociopath except for feeling anger because now you’re forcing them to use their time that they use for “other interests” to figure out a different way to stay in contact.
Always implement “no contact”…just don’t have any expectations that they accept that boundary.
BTW, each time he files fabricated contempt charges requires reading thru file cabinets filled with documents of the most heinous abuse. I relive the horror. I’m re-traumatized over and over. There is no healing ever. I read stories of “Survivors” and it’s foreign to me. I’m hoping after winning my lawsuit against my ex Sociopath that I can begin to focus on me , not the next court date and start to recover.
I also hope that I can send a message of hope to victims all across this country by showing them that you can seek justice and have a jury of 12 people tell your Narcissistic Sociopathic that he is a heinous abuser.

dlanigan, Good luck to you! Oh my goodness my heart goes out to you in the biggest way.

Good for you!!!! Get friends to write to the judge on your behalf.

Yes, I have letters from friends but more importantly other women he victimized while we were married contacted me a few years ago and are very supportive of what I’m doing and have offered letters.

Great. every sign of support helps influence the judge.

So terrifying. Sadly most people just dont get their evil ways even when you tell them stories like this! They want to believe that everyone is “good” or had “goodness in them”. We all know the truth!

I knew when I escaped my ex was capable of this type of break in(s).

Bev, you are correct it was be terrifying as a movie but in real life it’s absolutely petrifying!!

That is so true, Jan. Some think that everyone has good in them, wants to be loved, and DESERVES love.

Only those people who have never interacted with a spath think that way.

OMG what a horrible nightmare. I hope you got some good security cameras?

psychopaths are capable of anything their nasty/evil/mean minds can think up. nothing is beyond the pale for them, if they want revenge or payback for you standing up for yourself, or (heaven forbid) you actually DO leave him and get legally free. Mine threatened to kill me months AFTER the divorce.

very true.

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