Why everything falls apart after the sociopath

I’ve noticed a pattern among people who have left, or are leaving, sociopaths. Here it is: As they are escaping, multiple aspects of their lives become a mess. Today I’ll explain why everything falls apart after the sociopath.

This happened to me. I left my sociopathic husband when I discovered that not only was he spending all my money, but he was also cheating on me and had a child with another woman during our marriage. 

We had moved to Florida for one of his business schemes. Because we were married, I felt obligated to support my husband’s goals — until I was broke. That obligation ended when I discovered his infidelity. I abandoned him and drove back to New Jersey.

Another day, another catastrophe

Once I got home, I started looking for the truth about what he’d been doing. The more I dug, the more I discovered. Every day I was met with another a shocking realization.

And then all kinds of problems started cropping up. I hit roadblocks in my divorce. Pets got sick. I had car problems. My business was chosen at random to be audited by the state. 

I went through a period of time in which every single day brought a new catastrophe, and I’m not exaggerating. All I could do was sigh, “What’s going to happen today?”

I’ve heard similar stories from others who are extricating themselves from involvements with sociopaths. While dealing with that situation, they also have a fender bender, problems with their jobs, their kids get sick, household appliances break, they get a flat tire, their best friend dies. 

Crisis on top of crisis — it happens all the time. So why does everything fall apart after the sociopath?

Drained resources 

Part of the answer is that sociopaths take so much from us that we are completely drained.

I spent all my savings, refinanced my house, neglected my business and took on credit card debt, all at the behest of my disordered husband. This is what sociopaths do. They bleed you to take everything you’ve got. When it’s all gone, they move on to a new target.

You’re left without the resources to manage your life. So, you defer maintenance on your house, or drive your ancient car for another year, or skip medical checkups. When your house, car or body finally break down, it’s a major problem.

Your internal resources are also depleted. You’re emotionally and physically exhausted from the stress of the sociopath. But now that you know what he or she is, you’re obsessed with learning the truth about what was really going on. Then you discover the truth, it’s so shocking that you go numb.

Eventually, you may be simply overwhelmed and incapable of making decisions. You fail to act and miss deadlines, so whatever problems you face get worse.

Drained resources partially explain why everything falls apart, but there’s more.

Energy turmoil

The energy turmoil within you is a big contributor to seemingly unrelated life crises happening all at once. What do I mean by that?

We all have personal energy fields — you may have heard of concepts like auras, meridians and chakras. These are specific components of our energetic fields. 

When we have painful experiences but are unable to emotionally process them in the moment, they get stuck in our energetic fields. There they stay until we release them.

What do these energy disturbances do? They block us from the good experiences that we want. And they attract negative experiences that have the same vibration levels as the energy disturbances.

This is why everything falls apart. We are in turmoil because of what the sociopath did to us. The turmoil is stuck in our energetic fields. The turmoil then attracts other experiences that have the same energetic signature, so to speak. We end up with car problems, sick pets, colds and flu, speeding tickets and other crises. They seem to be totally unrelated, but they are energetically the same as the problems caused by the sociopath.

The Law of Attraction

You may have heard of these ideas before in the book called The Secret or the Law of Attraction. Perhaps you dismissed the concepts as crackpot. They are not. In a book called Mind to Matter, Dawson Church, Ph.D., explains how it all works, using evidence from published, peer-reviewed scientific studies. (Dawson also leads the EFT certification program that I’m following.)

We are all physical beings, and we are also energetic beings. Western cultures like the United States don’t talk about this much, although but the concept has been part of Eastern philosophy, medicine and spiritual practice for thousands of years. If you calm down and tune in, you can feel your life force energy within you. It’s called qi in Chinese and prana in Sanskrit.

Now, finally, the ideas are spreading. Energy medicine is recognized by the National Institutes of Health as one of five forms of complementary and alternative medicine. 

Proponents say that energy disturbances show up before physical health disturbances. If the energy is not addressed, the problem eventually turns into disease. The opposite is also true. If energy disturbances are healed and released, physical disease never happens.

Mindfulness

What does all this mean when everything falls apart? You can reduce and perhaps eliminate your real-life problems by processing the energy disturbances. As you become calm and centered, current problems may disappear and future problems may not materialize.

How do you do this? Sit quietly and let your anger, fear, resentment, grief — whatever you are experiencing — come into your awareness. Don’t try to explain, analyze or justify your feelings. Simply observe them without judgment — this is mindfulness. Sooner or later, some of the emotions will start moving, and then they will disappear.

I was exposed to some of these ideas as I was going through my turmoil after the sociopath, but I really didn’t understand them. I wish I did — I may have had an easier time.

But perhaps you can take advantage of the concepts to ease your situation. It works.

Learn more: Releasing energetic disturbances for true recovery from betrayal