I am recently divorced. I reconnected with my high school sweetheart after many years. We both had married other people and had children. I have three children and he has one daughter. We began talking and he told me he was divorced. That was Xmas Eve.
We decided a week later that we would go out on a date for New Year’s Eve. I later found out he was not divorced and actually did not even file for divorce until two days before our actual date, on December 29.
We had a long distance relationship and we seem to be doing pretty well for the most part. There were a few things I wondered about whenever I saw some comments on social media post, but he always had a reason that he said that, or he was just kidding around. I wanted to believe him so badly.
Mama’s boy
He ended up moving to my area and we began to live together. I then realized he was a huge mama’s boy. She was involved in every aspect of his life. He stopped calling and texting me as much or answering the phone as much whenever he moved here. I chalked it up to he was very busy trying to start his business.
We actually had about a six month period of time where we broke up, because his mother was so overbearing and I could not deal with it anymore. He got angry with me and just moved his stuff out of the house while I was gone.
We finally ended up mending fences and things seem to be going well, his mother somewhat was staying out of our business. I would not let him move back in, so he went off and bought a house that I absolutely loved. I thought he was trying to make good on our relationship.
Asked me to marry him
Later that year he asked me to marry him, and all of a sudden things went very quickly. We had been together for almost 7 years.
We were on the way home from our New Year’s Eve vacation, where he asked me to marry him, and he immediately wanted us to go to a venue and start looking for a place to get married. I thought it was a little quick, because he had always said he did not want to get married. But we had also been dating for a long time, and I hoped that he had just had a change of heart.
We got busy on wedding planning. His mother was involved of course. She always had some sort of comment and he always thought we needed to listen to her and hear her out because “she’s old, she’s lonely, blah blah blah.”
We got married in September. Things seem to be going well.
Filing taxes
Whenever it got to be tax time, I told him since we had only been married three or four months, we should probably file separately. He was not thrilled about it, but he was not ugly about it either. He did often bring up the fact that we could’ve gotten a lot more money back, had we filed together, I said I understand we can do that next year.
We had a wedding to go to that summer in June up north. We kind of made a vacation week out of the wedding weekend and extended it to go do some things that we wanted to do.
We were not allowed to stay at the hotel where all of his family and cousins were staying. Who were basically our best friends. We had to stay at a hotel where his mom and aunt, who by the way is a total crazy woman, like I can’t even describe how crazy she is. Anyway, we had to stay at a hotel where they were going to be staying to save money.
We went to the mall one day to eat lunch and he ended up buying a $500 jacket that he may or may not wear to the wedding, even though he had packed his suit. So really the money that we were supposed to be saving at this hotel as he told me, was not really saved at all because he spent $500 on a jacket.
Wants my 401(k)
Anyway, things started getting a little awkward around that time because my company was being bought out. He started telling me how we needed to take my 401(k) money out of where it was at and look into investing it into something that would make us a lot of money. He and his mother have been notorious for bad deals, which, by the way, she is totally involved in his business and pays him out of her business. He does not even receive a paycheck from his business. She pays him.
I did not know all of this until the big fallout. Anyway, I digress.
I told him at that time that my company had frozen the 401(k) and I was not able to take anything out until our deal was done the next spring. He seemed to be halfway OK with that answer and did not press a whole lot more.
But I will say one time whenever we were dating I sold my home and made a substantial amount of money off of it. He did ask me if he could borrow $20,000 or even 10 if I could spare it. He said talk to your dad and see if he thinks that’s a good idea for you to do? Me and my mom will pay you back.
I did not talk to my dad and I did not give him the money. I said we should not mix money in our dating relationship, I do not feel like that is a good thing to do.
He’s acting weird
Now that I’m telling you all of this, I realize that all of the red flags were probably always there and I just chose to look past them because I wanted him to love me and I wanted him to be the person that I thought he was.
Anyway, he started acting very weird, he was all the time on the phone with his mother, he was all the time dodging phone calls from what he said were spam calls. He was up all hours of the day and night on his computer working because he was so worried about work and making money. By the way, he owns a plant nursery.
So I had a friend that got married in November, the weekend before Thanksgiving, and it was only like an hour away, but we decided that it would be a nice weekend if we stayed in a hotel and came back and shopped for Christmas gifts for the children that are grown and just have a relaxing weekend. So we stayed in a very nice hotel that was pretty pricey. We shopped and ate all the way back home.
Lawsuit
About three weeks after we got back, probably a week or so before Christmas he decided to tell me that his company was getting sued and he was in the middle of a lawsuit. He said he was in the right and that he was not going to have to pay as much as they wanted.
I later found out that he had rented some trucks from a trucking company and he had not paid on them in months so they were repo’d. He told me all of this about a week before Christmas, which put a major damper on the holiday. We had already spent lots of money that evidently we did not have. He said everything was going to be fine.I also found out that he had not been paying the insurance on our home and that the taxes were late as well.
Did I mention that anytime I ever come home if it’s nice and sunny outside, his mother is in our swimming pool?
I’m really beginning to judge myself telling you all of this.
His mother’s surgery
So then we get through the new year, his mother is going to have surgery. I had to work out of town the day she was having her surgery, so I was not near where he was located. He called me frantic. I was already out of town. He had left his wallet at home and he did not have any money. I told him I could DoorDash him some food or that I could call the burger place or the pizza place across the street and he could walk across the street from the hospital and go pick it up. I would pay for it.
He was not happy with that and was angry. Later that day whenever I got home from work and his mother was home and settled from her surgery he needed me to meet him and give him his wallet. Before I could even get to the meeting point, he was calling, barking out orders, and wondering where I was at. I gave him his wallet and I went, and I got him and the old crow some food.
By the way, did I mention there was a blizzard of snow that came into Florida last year in my area, on January 21? This woman’s surgery was on January 20.
I went and got them some food and some things so he could have it at her house while he was taking care of her. Also, he got stuck taking care of her because his family member that was going to had a better offer to do something else and backed out at the last minute.
Whenever I met him later to give him the food it was at the Walgreens. He was angry because he could not find baby aspirin. I said an 81 mg aspirin is the same thing, just buy that for her. He barked at me and said well I hope it doesn’t kill her.
By the way, I am a nurse so of course my response back was you do know I’m a nurse, I hope it doesn’t kill her either.
Crappy attitude
At that point I was angry because his attitude was so crappy. So I gave him the food and said I’m going home, he said you’re not going to see my mom and I said no. I’m tired. I’ve had a long day. He was angry about that. It was not OK for me to be angry that he was ugly and hateful to me, but he was angry that I did not want to go see his mother and hold a vigil at her bedside I guess.
The next day it snowed. Did I mention I had been asking him for two weeks to get us some wood for the fireplace? He did not get any for us. Luckily, I have a son that was kind enough to stop and buy a bundle of wood for me and put it on the back porch. I basically took care of myself, the whole snowstorm in Florida, where it never snows, so I had no clue what I was really doing.
Every time he answered the phone at his mother‘s house he put me on speaker. Anytime he called me from his mother‘s home, he put me on speaker. He never would tell me this though, until she started yammering in the background. I was not happy about this at all.
His mom comes to visit
He stayed over there for over a week. Then whenever she did start staying home alone, or with a friend, he brought her home one evening, and I did not even know she was coming. I had cooked him and my son‘s dinner. Homemade cornbread, pork tenderloin, Black Eyed Peas, and dirty rice.
When she came in, she announced she was there to get a shower. He called me into the bathroom and asked me where the towels were. At this point we had lived there for over two years, I’m pretty sure he knew where the towels were in our bathroom that we shared in the master bedroom. I showed him where the towel was for her and I walked out.
I know he thought I was gonna scrub her nasty body, but I was not going to do that. He had treated me so poorly.
She then complained that the meal had too many carbohydrates, she did not know if she could eat it, and she also complained about how hard the water pressure was, she said she would get us a new showerhead. I told her I did not want a new showerhead, I like the way the water pressure was, and it did not bother me.
She fell asleep on the couch for a little bit and then he took her home. I made sure that I pretended to be asleep by the time he got home.
Tax time again
So now we’re back to tax time again and we get the taxes. At this point in time I found out that he’s getting sued. He’s lied about paying taxes and insurance on our home, he’s been a hateful jackass to me about his mother, and he wants to file taxes together, which I also had found out that his mother was actually the one paying him, and oh by the way did I mention that she did not take any taxes out of his check, so he had paid in no income tax?
I told him I did not think it would be a good idea after a few days that we filed together. I said if we file together, we are both responsible for your debts on the taxes and I don’t want to have to do that because you made $129,000 that you paid no taxes on. I said I don’t have that kind of money laying around to pay taxes on that.
He was so heated and angry. He called me screaming and yelling at me on the phone, told me if we did not file our taxes together that we either needed to see a lawyer or a counselor.
Going downhill
It just went downhill from there. He was ugly to me every day, he got angry with me when I did not want to have sex with him, and the one night I was trying to be kind and cooked a meal for us to eat together, he loudly let me know that he was going to be off that weekend and he wanted to know if I was going to be acting the way I had been for the last week, and if I was he would work. That was the last meal I cooked for him.
We got into a big argument. He pranced his self to the bedroom and took a shower. I finished my meal. I wanted to throw it away, but I did not want to waste it. So I put everything up.
Whenever I went into the bathroom to get a shower, he came out and went and got their food out of the refrigerator. I ate alone that night and he ate alone.
Things only continued to get worse. He tried to convince me that we needed to file our taxes together, because that’s what married people do. He told me we were worth $10 million and I should not worry about all of that, he would never let me go to jail. I felt like this was his mother coming out and he was just the mouthpiece.
I leave
We continue to fight and argue, and I told him if he did not stop treating me the way he was treating me that I was going to leave for a little bit and get some distance between us so I could think about things. I packed a bag and I had all of my work computer and things that I needed for work packed along with it. They sat by the front door for about two weeks.
Things never got better and we really got into a big argument one night, so I left. I went to my parents’ home. He did not call to check and see where I was for three days. He did not know if I was in a ditch, up a tree, abducted, sex trafficked, no clue as to where I was.
Read more: How to leave or divorce a sociopath
He finally called and he started defending his mother and defending his actions and then he said he really did want us to go to a counselor.
Counseling
We went to a counselor. We went three times. He lied every time we went, and I called out all of the lies that he had told.
The fourth time we went to the counselor we had a whole session which was an hour or 55 minutes. Whenever we were in about the last 10 minutes of the session, she told me that his mother had called the counselor. She wanted to come in and sit with me and him, or she wanted to come in and sit with me and her and have a big counseling session so we could get everything out in the open. The only way she knew who the counselor was or what her name was is because he had told her.
My mother-in-law had crossed a big fat line and called the counselor, and he knew she called and was OK with it and made up four or five excuses in the months to come about why she called.
I did not go home
Needless to say I did not go back home. He used all kinds of hateful tactics to try to get me to come home. He changed the locks on the door one week after I moved. He took down all of the pictures of me and him and the kids one week after I had moved as well. He tried to say that I had empty nest syndrome, my boys had moved out one week before he decided to be Mr. Attitude with me all the time. And they actually had come home almost every other day to get something they had forgot whenever they had moved. There was no empty nest syndrome going on.
I never went back to that counselor again. Our relationship continued to get worse. He gave me ultimatums. Come home or I’m divorcing you. So well, then you’ll have to divorce me.
Then he would say I did not mean it. I did not mean it. Then he would say you come home and I will leave. Then he started just doing bizarre things. Coming by my parents home, trying to get into their garage, even though I told him not to come to their home.
Divorce paperwork
We were still talking and still trying to figure things out, but I knew it was not going well. He was demanding and did not want to give in on anything that I needed him to give in on. I understand we both needed to give in, but he was not willing to give in on one thing.
He texted me one morning and said to get him the divorce paperwork within the next two weeks. His next text to me was I will go to the bank today and get a check cut for you for half of the amount that is in our account. He texted me later that day and asked what address he needed to send it to, even though he knew what my parents’ address was.
I got him the divorce paperwork, and he said he never asked for this he could not believe that I was sending this to him. Then he did not want to sign it. Whenever he did sign it, he did not get it notarized.
So I had him served. He then sent as I not so affectionately call it a love letter to the clerk of the court, and he sent me a copy of it as well. It was long and sappy, and was telling her how much he had changed and how he had started going to church and how he puts his mother in her place. It was really quite gross.
Zoom divorce hearing
We later got a court date and we had a zoom call with the magistrate for our divorce hearing. We both swore under oath that we had filled out the paperwork and everything was true, until it wasn’t. He started flipping out with the magistrate telling her that he never wanted this divorce, he did not ask for any of this and he did not know why I was doing this to him.
She said well, sir in Florida this is a no fault state. She said I cannot make you and your wife stay married if she does not want to stay married to you.
He said well I don’t want this. She said then why did you send in the paperwork and why did you just swear under oath?
He said I sent the paperwork in because I thought it would make her come home. He then told the magistrate that he had so many questions and had no closure.
That was not true at all. I had texted him and talked with him numerous times until I no longer could. I realized it did not matter what I said, he was always going to turn things around on me, he was always going to make it someone else’s fault other than his own, and he would always take up for his mommy.
By the way, the man is 54 years old. He is her puppet.
Do I want counseling?
So before we got off of the call, the magistrate said I never ask but since you sent in this letter of correspondence I will ask, she said ma’am do you want to go to counseling? Have you tried this?
I said yes ma’am I have and no, I do not want to go because my husband and I are in a throuple with his mother. I told her there was not room for three people in a marriage, and I would no longer be entertaining anything like that.
Before we got off the zoom call he went to the mat one more time for his mother and said our mother is no more involved in our relationship than her family her parents.
First of all, I have never called this old hag, my mother. And my parents have probably been to our house only once in all the time that we have lived together, that his mother was not there.
They can’t stand the woman either, she’s Satan. She brings out the absolute worst in my ex-husband. Nobody likes her because she’s passive aggressive, and she controls him. My parents are never around.
So I was sure to point that out on the call that no my parents are not involved like her. They don’t pay me a paycheck, they don’t come over and get in the pool whenever I’m not at home, they don’t try to get up in our marriage.
I think he’s a sociopath
We are divorced and I am working on healing.
I really do think he is a sociopath. He is unable to feel anything for anyone else other than himself, or possibly his mom. And really if she was not as with it as she is at her age, this would be considered elderly abuse. It’s just Gross.
I have taken some of the test that were on the website here and I feel like he is a sociopath. I guess that would actually be up to a professional though to come to their conclusion on that.
Thank you for hearing my long drawn out crazy story.
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