By | December 14, 2010 107 Comments

A guy who can’t take ‘no’ for an answer

Woman meets guy online. Woman decides guy is not for her. Guy doesn’t want to hear it. Guy wants wants to meet her RIGHT NOW to hug her neck. Woman doesn’t respond. Guy promises the greatest love ever. Woman tells guy to STOP. Guy ramps up the attention.

Read the entire audacious interaction, complete with the guy saying it was all a joke, at

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Please excuse me while i go VOMIT outside.

“Typical” wouldn’t even cut it. More like a defining trait of sociopaths : To them, “No” means “PUSH HARDER”

“B-B-But you would look so great on my dinner table with an apple in your mouth and spit bludgeoned through your delicate, soft warm body! Please reconsider my offer! I’ll give you CANDYYYY!”

Ox Drover


I’m not sure if this guy was “for real” or just trying to be a clown, but either way it was disgusting! Maybe he was a guy who was into S&M (the M part at least!) Beat me! Beat me! But he was disgusting whatever his purpose was.

I’m learning now to support my boundaries 100% and NOT FEEL GUILTY about doing so.


yes oxy, ‘one’ can definitely say internet dating is dangerous, and she just did.


Met my spath on…I wonder how many people on here met these spaths online. I thought it was a great idea to try and meet someone online bc I thought..hey..if they are actually paying for it they must be pretty serious about finding someone too. Now that I know about psychopaths…and being that I met mine online..I don’t think I will try that again. Those sites should just be called stuff like I suppose there are some real, genuine people on there..I was on there ya know..but now I am just scared. Thought it was the “now” way to meet someone. Ugh.


I guessi should not generalize like that but I guess I am just bitter from my awful experience and it all started there.

Ox Drover

Broken pieces,

You can “generalize” that sticking your hand in a blue flame will BURN too! LOL Doesn’t mean it isn’t so. Generalizing is how we learn.


@brokenpieces *raises hand* I’m in your boat ( the internet is their playground )

“Those sites should just be called stuff like”

” I suppose there are some real, genuine people on there.”
Yeah, and that would equate to looking for a needle in a haystack. Not worth it. Although before this ordeal if you will ( before the P ) one of my psych professors ( young, 30 ish ) mentioned she had gotten engaged to someone she met on Eharmony. So it seemed to me, innocuous. She got lucky I guess.. I’m glad for her because had she met an spath I think she’d have been a perfect target ( high empathy, extrovert type, super sweet ).. ( though I didn’t meet the psycho on E-harmony just as a disclaimer, not that it makes a difference )

I don’t consider you bitter for recognizing this. It’s called being educated, you’d have to knock me over unconscious and drag me by my toes before I would ever agree to date anyone I met online now.. ( and still, in my unconscious state I would still being kicking and screaming! ) If the last man in the world were on I would not oblige him! I’d rather be celibate for life for all i care.


I’m on eharmony and have met some really nice guys. I am very cautious but I have talked to a few weirdos. I don’t do much except work and I won’t go to bars bc I won’t drink and drive so ive been giving this internet stuff a try. I met my spath at work.:(


I have heard a lot of bad things about but my brother met an awesome woman on e-harmony. She was previously married to a spath (had the bigamy thing going on, he’s now in Mexico), and she is a sweet woman. I can tell she has a big heart and is a survivor. Once in a while the on-line dating thing works, but I would never take my chances. There are so many non verbal ways to communicate and I couldn’t pick up on red flags without watching their body language, etc.

Most of what we communicate is non-verbal.

I’m beginning to think that so many people have a chip missing. (I said men initially but it’s not gender based). I can’t figure out how their borish behavior is ever considered flattering. Women need to think more of ourselves and then we wouldn’t put up with so much disfunction. I need to take my own advice.


HI.. this is Ann..this guy was exactly as I presented him…

I had a couple of emails and one SHORT phone conversation.. and I felt his control, manipulation and pushiness so declined meeting him.. and days of emails followed.. I have blocked him off everything I could think of.. I didn’t realize that he was infiltrating everywhere that he could.. I am going to post his last couple of emails here.. he is still lurking around I can block him from posting but not to be completely off the site…
This is a real learning experience.. he latched onto me in record time.. and I am pretty darned seasoned..


He got on and copied my lated blog and sent this to me..

What do you have to offer a woman?


What do you have to give a woman?


What is it about you that would enhance a woman’s life?


What about you would make a woman desire you?


What do you want from a woman?


Why do you want a woman in your life?


These answers are much better than the answers by the clowns on your website. They come straight from the heart and they are deep down honest answers!!



I like your website and what you are attempting to accomplish, but I am not sure you are getting what you want. You need to get rid of those jerks out there that call themselves men and recruit more of my type. We have the words, phrases and thoughts that will make it a real success. These bozos aren’t lovers or real men. They have no ability or plans to make a real woman like you happy, and their advice stinks. The scum who you had call me isn’t a real man, but a wimp that jumps conclusions and accepts anyone’s statements and phrases out of context as the real truth. The words I sent to you in those emails that you detested, misrepresented, and worshopped were straight from the heart. You turn me on, but by no means, sexually. Sorry, but I mean no harm in saying that!

If you hate me so much for being so honest and sincere, you can block my emails, or you can continue to receive them and learn the real facts of life and the true me.

A Friend Forever,


You have me blocked on your website because I dared to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Your inability to tell the difference between joking around and someone being serious shows than you do not have the ability to enjoy life to it’s fullest. I know without any doubt that you are infatuated with me and would love to meet me. I can tell by your reaction to my comments and your reaction to my meaningless, harmless email to you where I stated that I could not tell if you were actually scamming me. There are a lot of quacks on that website, and since I didn’t know you, your emails to me seemed a little suspicious. But, your response was out of line completely. You could have been understanding and reassured me that you were not a scammer, and that you were sincere and you understood my concern. But, no, you flew off the handle and were very defensive.

PS-You have my permission to print anything I say as long as you don’t distort the meaning and intentions by injecting false information and/or, taking things out of context.


Okay Men! I Questions! Dare you respond?

What do you have to offer a woman?

I offer any and all women complete honesty, respect, and the dignity they deserve. They can always trust my intentions and my words. A woman can rest assured that I always say what mean and mean what I say. I am not out to persuade women through words, but through my actions.

What do you have to give a woman?

I can give a woman contentment, ease of mind, and warmth through my words and my actions. My feeling toward them will always be felt and known through my words and reflected through my actions. I think giving material things to a woman is great, but material things cannot and will not ever ‘buy’ love, and a man’s affection is shown through his dedication and desire to be the best companion in the world for the woman.

What is it about you that would enhance a woman’s life?

I have the ability and the willingness through an undying commitment to do whatever it takes to insure a woman is totally satisfied with everything I do. I do not believe sex is anywhere close to being the top priority for any relationship, but it can be the icing on a relationship. Too much emphasis on money and sex can kill a relationship in a heartbeat. I believe if you make a woman happy and content with the relationship, you will receive her full attention and dedication to making you proud, happy, and satisfied with her.

What about you would make a woman desire you?

Although I consider myself somewhat handsome, I think by spending time with me, a woman will see my true heart and soul. My ability to make a woman smile and feel deeply wanted will help cement a relationship and will make a woman want to be beside me. I have a deep respect for women and that alone can shape a relationship into a desirable and lasting affair.

What do you want from a woman?

I would never want more from a woman than what I was able to give them. I deeply believe you get out of a relationship as much as you are willing to put into it, and more. I usually go overboard, not for what I might receive in return, but the joy I get out of a woman’s beautiful smile and a show of happiness on a woman’s face and in her actions.

Why do you want a woman in your life?

I need a woman in my life who will walk beside me and will sit across the table and talk to me in a genuine and honest conversation. I need a woman in my life so that I can give her all the inner feelings, my love for her, my respect for her, and my total affection for her. I feel these feelings have been trapped inside of me for 12 years and I need to shower a woman with them. I want a woman in my life to be my friend first and my sex partner last. I want a woman in my life so that my life will be whole again and hopefully she will have the same needs from me. I want to provide a woman with all the things she wishes for, needs, and wants. Giving my total self, spiritually and physically, to a woman would be extremely satisfying to me. My happiness comes from what I can give and not from what I will receive.


I dated a few guys on, including my husband. I researched my husband before I met him. Lucky for me, he had idiotically put his full name as part of his screen name. Some of the other guys I dated were not as easy to vet beforehand, and it showed.

One guy kissed me ten minutes into the date. Believe me, that wasn’t what I wanted. ugh. My husband went on match because he was shy … the others … not so much.


Okay, those were three of his last emails.. if you read the original blog, you can clearly see how he talks in circles..

I have now blocked him everywhere.. and the police have been notified..

I will say that he told me that he emailed the FBI and the police about me.. too stupid..

and the police contacted me from his email to ask what I wanted to do..

It was and is clear that this man is ‘crazy’… or ‘something’

and to think he is still out there ….

careful everyone!!!


style – can you not block his IP address?

you want him to go away? you know how – NC. don’t give him any ink.


“if you hate me so much for being so honest and sincere”


O for Umbrella

Sorry I had to.




it’s really quite amazing, isn’t it. what kind of effing mind, wow.


one step.. yes he has been blocked on my site from posting.. then I blocked him on my private email..

he subscribed to the blog.. I need to do more blocking.. but have done the way that he was communicating the most…

It’s like running around ahead of someone trying to get into your house and locking all the doors…

and definitely NC.. but I haven’t contacted him since that first interaction I told you of.. all the rest is on his own..

He was on my site and gets on and reads… I have to research further to see if I can totally block him from the website..
I am doing it all as fast as I can.. while life..
when this occurs as many of you know.. it’s like a big shocking surprise.. I couldn’t believe that he still continued to email me..

Even after I sent him what the police told me to..

“Stop all contact. If you don’t I will force me to pursue criminal harrassment.”

After that NO CONTACT..
and he still kept emailing…


i hear ya. just went through a spate of having my email addys hacked – have a lot more security on my computer now. and i have taken myself offline to a great extent. ‘cept for coming here.

if you ignore him, don’t give him any more ink – he’ll be quicker to go away. i’d just stop talking about him. treat him like a potted plant in public and send the cops after him.


His initial email..

Gosh, you are a real knockout. I want to meet you and woo you and treat you like the lady you are. You have my insides churning.


that’s intestinal parasites.


and you responded to this email Style? I’m surprised. it’s so full of crap.


one step.. sure it’s full of BS… duh? But many men start out that way and they don’t turn into this..

And I responded back..

That’s a bit much since we have never met… LOL.

I just diffused it..

I have many men respond in this manner.. and they back it off and are ‘normal’, just nice guys..upon meeting… and if not interested, we both go our merry ways..this guy just escalated..

Here is another email.. I find interesting.. guys.. just look at this for your knowledge… and or entertainment…



I politely request you remove your insulting, slanderous webpage concerning me personally, immediately. I expect the webpage to be modified to contain a complete apology. I also expect your friend with no balls to contact me to apologize fully.

You slandered my name and you blocked my ability to defend myself through free speech. I want my name cleared completely and a full apology posted immediately. If this is completed by 10 PM tonight, I will drop all charges against you and any future lawsuits against your website in the future.

You are what you are and have no use for you and your poor followers. I lowered myself to respond to you knowing that was not what I wanted to do. I looked at you as a joke and I joked with you. That was my big mistake. I will pray for you to recover rom your mental sickness soon!

( his name was of course, never on the blog)

Ox Drover

There’s no way to deal with such a creep as this. After the FIRST “I do not want to hear from you” (and subsequent blocking) then after that, notifying the police of harassment by the creep, as Gavin DeBecker says “ANY response” to them just tells them how many times they have to bug you before you respond.”

Assuming the man is not trying to be a clown, the man is obviously either mentally ill, socially inept, narcissistic &/or psychopathic, but my guess is that he is more on the mentally ill and socially inept scale, however, meeting someone on line there isn’t any way to really tell whether they are simply some pitiful poor suffering soul or whether he is seriously sick and delusional and may end up physically stalking you like the guy in the Article in the NY Times Donna put up about the stuff the woman ordered from him that was a cheap knock off.

The guy was taking pictures of the front of her building and threatening her. Fortunately the judge and the cops took it seriously. The judge wouldn’t even give him bail.

I agree with One_step, the more cyber ink he gets the more it turns him on and makes him feel important.

Ox Drover

P-speak to English Translations services, Inc. Oxy, Owner

QUOTE: “I lowered myself to respond to you knowing that was not what I wanted to do. ”
TRANSLATION: “I didn’t want to respond to you, but I felt like I had to, it was your fault.”

QUOTE “I looked at you as a joke and I joked with you. That was my big mistake.”
TRANSLATION: “You are laughing at me, so now I have to pretend it was all a joke. I laughed at you FIRST.”

QUOTE: “I will pray for you to recover from your mental sickness soon!”
TRANSLATION: You are calling me a sicko, so I have to say that you are “mentally ill” and I will, nice guy that I am PRAY FOR YOU.”


Exactly Oxy…

One thing… As I think back.. a key to my psychology in it..

He sent me his number and I called and left a simple message and forgot all about him..

then I had an email where he called me a liar and a scammer.. and I couldn’t imagine why?
So I emailed what was this all about?

Apparently, he was expecting me to call him and he didn’t get the message so he called me a liar..

My sense of honor, and I was trying to make sure that he knew that I wasn’t a liar or a scammer.. but even in the very beginning.. I thought him weird.. and got off the phone and said .. something.. “No need for us to meet..”
Then comes the blasting of all these emails.. you all saw the sequence on and I have share some here. but there are many many more.. and I sent him like 3..

he sent me like 50 or more…

and all are crazy..

I am posting this here.. he doesn’t know about here…

Just learn from it guys.. and how fast it can get bizarre.. and again I am seasoned.. like the police said thank God you didn’t meet for a burger.. he lives in close promixity to me.. and we live in a great area… so I felt a kind of trust.. in the beginning..



P-speak to English Translations services, Inc. One Step, Owner

QUOTE: “I lowered myself to respond to you knowing that was not what I wanted to do. ”
i am a turd and YOU WILL RUE THE DAY you told others i was a steaming pile of crap! SPIT HISS…

QUOTE “I looked at you as a joke and I joked with you. That was my big mistake.”
you are a frigid feminist bitch. and probably a lesbian. and you f*** donkeys. and dogs.

QUOTE: “I will pray for you to recover from your mental sickness soon!”
denigrate and insert some shit about religion here.

super chic

… 😀


style – lots of guys start out like this? i am having a big reaction to your way of dealing with this, the rationalization you offer for even answering his first email. that very first email is full on red flag – and I have to challenge you on this. Yes, it can escalate or not – but why do you respond to anyone who works at that level? who needs to respond to ‘lots of guys’ – how about just responding to nice and grounded, and not weird?

I know i am pushing it – and I know you probably will be irritated with me – but i find your lack of self respect and boundaries extremely disturbing. I know you have a lot of time in post spath, longer than me..maybe i am missing something here, but i don’t think so.


Wow..that guy is a real piece of work.

one step …thanks for saying the” intestinal parasites” bit. That made made me lol.

Seriously though..that guy is freaky. Aren’t they supposed to hide the crazy stuff a little better at first to try to suck us in? ..saying that his insides were churning or whatever… Weird.


one step .. I am not irritated..

This is all for learning.. that is why I put it out there..

I have been single 15 years.. I have seen it all..

I have never encountered anyone like this man..

I don’t interact with lots of men.. but many start out with some silly over the top compliment.. and some don’t.. that isn’t necessarily the total indication..

I have a man friend now that approached me that way in a car dealership.. and we are really good friends…

He approached me something like.. “When you walked in I lost my breathe!”
And I jabbed back.. “Freak.”

And we have been friends for years..and he is not a stalker.. he was the one that called this man to ask that he leave me alone..

So ‘just the words’ aren’t always the total indication..

But sure they can be..

I have no lack of self-respect.. or boundaries.. I cut this guy off fast.. he just kept it up.. which I have never had occur like this before..
I mean a couple of emails, one five minute phone call.. I knew he was off and I cut it off.. and he continued and now, I am having to go to greater lengths to cut it off…

And yes, his emails are classic… I ‘get’ it.. I am shairing for benefit…


While the “you have my insides churning” was pretty darn creepy, I think it’s an honest mistake. Two people can see violet and one might deem it dark blue, while the other may plainly and clearly proclaim that it’s violet. Or the perspective with which it was approached- thinking such words harmless, brushing it off as a joke, or something of that nature. Of course I hope that you DO consider such things now not only RED FLAGS but freakin’ bloody red flags.. but can understand why you may have interpreted it differently. As “okay that line was creepy but hey, this guy might actually be nice. I may just give him the benefit of the doubt ( A mistake we all can potentially make )” ( which is wrong dead wrong but now we know! That’s what learning’s all about. )

..As a side note I hope this guy rots in hell.


Like I know when I was involved with the P, some “bad manners” or whatever I kind of brushed off as lack of social skills, I actually kind of felt sorry for the guy? ( I know, punch me now. ) But yeah, it’s all just another lesson to learn. Don’t let “pity” be your motivating force in remaining involved, and don’t as Dr. Rubenstein said “Make buckets” that serve to excuse appalling behavior.


It’s all hindsight.. yes.. I thought him forward.. but again..

My insides are churning didn’t send alarm bells..

I have had these kind of comments many times in my life.. and they are not an indication of pathology.. just dumb struck men…

Him calling me a liar.. and his erratic talk is what freaked me to cut it off..

I did and he is still going strong. I think he is mentally ill.. bi-polar perhaps…


Men can say goofy things when they are besotted…

it’s what comes after.. the actions.. etc…


I think it’s safe to say we need lay the “what if’s” to rest after the Spath. What if he’s actually a good guy. What if he meant to do this. In theory, yes, your “what if’s” may be right. But is it worth it to act based on “what if’s”? If you find yourself asking yourself these questions around someone now, after having learned about the Spath, it’s an indication that you need to bolt, and quick.

kim frederick

Wow, Style. One small response got you up to your neck with this hot mess? Definately disordered.
Are you familiar with Dimitri the lover? Google it and listen to his recorded message to Olga. So obviously Narcissistic!
I’m sorry you had this brush with disorder. I agree with One-step. Stop posting anything about him…ignore! Go gray rock on him! He’s probably getting off on the attention and drama. Sick f— that he is.


He’s been blocked on all levels.. My sharing this was to show how fast they can get going.. and with so little contact. This went from 0 to 100 in record speed.. he got me in his sights and would not let go…
And how even somone ‘aware’ can get blindsided.

And flip little remarks and compliments can’t always reveal how ‘ill’ someone is…

There are lots of really lonely and sick people in this world. It is sad.. and this is just how vigilant we must be to keep distortion out of our lives..

My site is two blogs past him…

Rock on… thanks for your posts and insights..


OMG! Celibacy is the thing for me! I have been in a relationship of one kind or another since I was 16, definitely time to take a break. Freaks!!!!

One step,
Parasites, donkeys, oh my! Way funny, the spath translations are sooooooo flipping funny! I needed a laugh!


OMG.. must be my xspath….

spath wrote:
but material things cannot and will not ever ’buy’ love, and a man’s affection is shown through his dedication and desire to be the best companion in the world for the woman.
ALSO he wrote:
Too much emphasis on money and sex can kill a relationship in a heartbeat. I believe if you make a woman happy and content with the relationship, you will receive her full attention and dedication to making you proud, happy, and satisfied with her.

I can’t keep a job so therefore I have no money (so there will be only a life in survival mode and nothing materialistic) and I have a major sexual dysfunction going on( porno addict, pedophile, rapist etc.
Thanks for exposing this spath… what state do you live in? Just to warn those that might live in the same area!


There is a lot to this I don’t understand.
Red Flags everywhere….NO doubt. The guys a ‘crazy’.

How is it after one whatcko email… proceed to talk on the phone…..
Or after a weird phone exchange, you exchange with his whacko email?

This is confusing to me? you owe him nothing, just press ‘delete’.

I also am confused at how he knew about your blog?
Did you tell him?
Did you give him your full name and he found out via google?
Did you give him YOUR phone number?

Even though the blog is public, is this info really something you should be giving out so soon? (to connect you to something) I think it has the potential to compromise the blog, as it has……let alone an avenue to ‘get closer’ or find you. Danger Will Rodgers!

Never give your phone number to a man….until you Vet him! So much can be learned from a simple phone number.
NEVER give your full name, again, so much can be learned about you this way.
A stalker will always use this simple info. Always assume your dealing with the worst……until you a sure your not.

Okay, so he already knows about the blog……AND THEN you post about HIM on the site, posting his emails and this situation as it’s occuring? This is pouring salt in wound. I would think a better aproach, (as people DO need this valuable lesson) would be to sit on it awhile and post it when your ‘clear’ of this ‘crazy’, and he’s moved on, months later.
You knew he was reading the blog, he made that clear….so why post about him.
I see that as contact, but indirectly. You can’t be TOO surprised that he responded in this fashion can you?

At that point he viewed you as having power over him, tie that into the rejection and his ego…’s a recipe of trouble.

I’m confused about you chose to online date,after all that has been written and known about meeting people online, and your experience with a sociopath in the past…..why you would fish in these waters? Your a good looking woman who seems to have personality and friends and a ‘life’…….you must be aware of those dangers right? Yet still drop a line into that cess pool?
Coming from toxic relationshits, we need to keep our own ego’s and fantasies in check…..and realize…..YES, SOME peeps are successful at online romances, lovely wonderful soulmate type deals…..(that we seek)…….but the majority do NOT turn out that way. Some are just not right for us, or vs, versa……and some are like the dude you met……a freak who could very well be dangerous.
If we have room in our lives for ‘another’ toxic relationship…..proceed online…..
If we don’t want that, we should seek out other venues or carry on in life until we ‘stumble’ upon our ‘fantasy’ man, who is who he is really, in ‘real’ life.

At some point, we need to take responsibility for our own actions and choices……and we can’t be shocked when we fish in a pool of scum and come out with scum on our poles.

There ARE creeps everywhere, toxic peeps all around us……if we didn’t have a good experience in the past……we must learn why and forever remove those rose colored glasses in order to identify the toxics in front of us.

Good luck to you, Keep yourself safe.


Dear EB,

What do you mean by “vet him”…I don’t want to screw up next time and end up dealing with another spath :/


Due diligence….checking someone out…..
Main Entry: examine
Part of Speech: verb
Definition: analyze, test
Synonyms: appraise, assay, audit, canvass, case, check, check out, chew over, consider, criticize, delve into, dig into, explore, eye*, finger*, frisk, go into, go over, go through, gun*, inquire, inspect, investigate, look over, look see, parse, pat down, peruse, pick at, ponder, pore over, probe, prospect, prove, read, reconnoiter, research, review, scan, scope, screen, scrutinate, scrutinize, search into, sift, size up, study, survey, sweep, take stock of, try, turn over, vet , view, weigh, winnow
* = informal/non-formal usage

Stand back, watch, listen, disect,learn……in whatever situation you are in… is hard, because how do we know we are being told the truth? WE DON”T and this is where we insert our ‘fantasy’ of it sounds good, this person may sound great, they may be masters at projection also, ya know?. Unless we do a check on them……but how do we know we were given the right name even?
When in person, we can watch body language, treatment of others, how they speak of others, get a glimpse of their drivers licence, check them out online…..there are ways to ‘vet’.
Dating is just that………two people having ‘expectations’ of the other…….yours may be pure….theirs may not be….how do we know…..we stand back, not offer too much, ‘date’ them, enjoy ourselves, feel our guts, talk to peeps who know them, listen to the above stated things. Keep a distance of sorts.
Once you give someone your phone number….(or they give you theirs) you can find out so much online. A name….same thing.

Decide on how you are willing to be treated, and not settle or allow yourself to cloud issues……take off those rose colored glasses while we look for our perfect mates.
Is there a perfect mate? I don’t think so……
Are there compatable peeps…..I believe so…..we need to decide for ourselves what is okay for us and not.
If this person treats others badly, screams at cars inside his car when your going to dinner, talks about all the shitty drivers in xx, talks about his biatch ex wife and what a bad mother she is, controlling……better bet, you’ll be the topic on his lips before long… the same negative fashion.

If this person claims to be YY…….look (without speaking) and see just how far those veins run.
For example: If he’s a pastor and you see him take the extra change the cashier at the market accidently gave him…… that honest?
Does he always take the ‘edge’ when it inadvertantly is persented to him?
(Even though he can easily get away with it)…….hmmmmmm.
Not good character in my books.
I would expect a pastor to ALWAYS do the ‘godly’ thing, and what is right, live by the ten commandments, never judge, be compassionate, give of himself for God…..and be a pillar for his congregation and community….
We know this is NOT always true…..there are pastors who hide behind the veil of god……to con peeps or use it to their own benefit……not so godly behavior?!.

None of us are perfect… we can’t expect perfection…..BUT……we can expect certain things WE determine acceptable and NOT acceptable.

Listen to me????? Like I know what i’m saying Jeeze……….I spent 28 years with a spath……i’m certainly no pro dater, I only qualify for the spaths wives club….pro division!…..I guess I’ve just figured out what is and is not acceptable, in love AND friendships….NOW I need to get out there and put it to practice more! 🙂
I’ve weeded my friend/family/business garden……so I guess the love garden may be on the horizon…..hope there isn’t much weeding….my back hurts!!!!


This man contacted me. And sent me his phone number..
He had photos of his children and he looked like a very nice man. And he’s a writer and has a published book. I checked this out and he lives near me in a great area.. so he ‘appeared’ like an okay, nice guy!

We exchanged like two emails.. I called him and left a message..
Then in a couple of days..he sent me an email saying that I was a liar and a scammer.. and that upset me.. so I emailed him to ask why.. then I called him. I was concerned why someone would say that about me. And we talked for five minutes and I felt uncomfortable in my gut ..I got off the
phone and that was it..
Then he began the emails..and calling..

I sent him one more email asking him to stop contacing me.

That was it guys!

And then rest is history!

Stop blaming the victim.


style i understand where you are coming from and I want to say don’t put any weight upon yourself because others will always have their opinions, and you can’t change that. But you know what you saw, and you know that you did nothing wrong, you were preyed on and should not have to take responsibility for that. some of us have been outright idiotic in drinking the S’ “koolaid”, even though the stench was overpowering we acted on our compassion which took the better of us. the best thing we can do for ourselves in these situations is learn from our initial “blind spots” and make our perspective fixes accordingly. the responsibility that we should take, is being strong enough to admit that “I should have listened to the red flags” or “i should have acted on my gut feeling” and apply that knowledge and keep it in mind for the future so a similar incident does not happen again. do not feel ashamed, just learn from the experience and look forward with a stronger arsenal of boundaries to forge ahead with.


Take the responsibilty for your poor choices in this matter.. No you didn’t want or expect, deserve or ask for this…..but you let your want/need/wish/desire whatever overrule your head and cloud your thinking and better judgement on several occasions throughout this ‘ordeal’….
I think calling yourself a victim in this matter is a stretch.
vic·tim (vktm)
1. One who is harmed or killed by another: a victim of a mugging.
2. A living creature slain and offered as a sacrifice during a religious rite.
3. One who is harmed by or made to suffer from an act, circumstance, agency, or condition: victims of war.
4. A person who suffers injury, loss, or death as a result of a voluntary undertaking: You are a victim of your own scheming.
5. A person who is tricked, swindled, or taken advantage of: the victim of a cruel hoax.

I was confused at a few points after reading your submission, your blog and on LF and comments here.
YOU opened up the discussion?

Are we not allowed to ask you questions and be clear? Are we not allowed to offer something here? Am I supposed to only pat you on the shoulder and say there, there dear,you were a victim?
This isn’t a case of ‘blame the victim’.
Yes, the outcome didn’t land up with happily ever after, you never met the guy… didn’t expect his responses, but YOU DEFINATELY contributed……
It was like…..’UHhh, How DARE you speak to me this way”
(Kinda like your defensive posts here)
and dammit, your gonna set him straight!
You want people to learn the valued lesson…..isn’t this why your writing about it…..if we ignore what your role in it was….how can anyone INCLUDING YOU learn…….
Just like MY role in my marriage, MY CHOICES, from beginning to end…I CAN”T BLAME the ex for MY choices……it’s a hard lesson, we have to get past our ego and be honest with ourselves…..or we keep making the same choices…..Lessons are hard learned.

I see red flags in your posts, and the fact your so shocked with this happening?

“he looked like a very nice man”
Yeah…….they all do! Look at Ted Bundy. Are you still looking for the creep tattoo on the forehead?

“We exchanged like two emails.. I called him and left a message..”
2 emails is ‘safe’ to leave a stranger your contact info? Call him, fine….but from a blocked number….*67.

“he sent me an email saying that I was a liar and a scammer”
He was also saying…..i’m throwing you red flags…..

” I emailed him to ask why”
Why do you care, he’s a stranger? Do you owe this man anything? At that point are you STILL considering him as potential love material?

“then I called him.”
He baited you, you took the bait…..again, why did you care?

“I sent him one more email asking him to stop contacing me.”

So far, all i’ve gotten is you made some really poor choices, for whatever reasons……and you made them with a guy who was looking for someone just like you to played…..for whatever reasons… both fed each other, you tried to call the game off…..and he wasn’t ready.

I’d like to hear what you can teach us about this. That would be helpful to all.



I put this out here as an awareness…

I do not think I made ‘bad’ choices..

I have men give me their number and I call from my cell.. there is no way for them to find me…

I played it safe..I am out of it..

I was showing how quickly a person like this attaches..

I was never looking at him as a ‘love’ interest’ I don’t go from 0 to 100 like that..
I am a known person in my community and I was concerned that someone called me a liar and a scammer.. when I had no idea why..
Doing it over… I would’ve have acted the same way… I have no regrets in my behavior.. in five minutes.. I knew..

And the police stated.. I followed my gut and my gut was correct..

So the awareness is his behavior.. I felt something was off but didn’t know how off..

and I get tons of emails everyday.. business, website, all sorts.. I was not even certain who or why this person was emailing me in this manner.. I would respond the same if it occurred tomorrow.. as I deal with businesses and charities in my communities and am known.. and would not would want to know why someone would say that …
take this as an awareness and glean from it what you want or not..
I am not paranoid… and afraid to call someone.. but I use good common sense.. and I have never had something like this occur ever in my life.. and it could happen to anyone.. if it happened to me…
I did nothing wrong.. I interacted then I cut it..
that is it!


you know it won’t help.
don’t you?
One thing I’ve learned is that people’s personalities don’t change because we want them to.
My personality isn’t changing and I actually WANT IT TO. I have serious problems.
This is one thing I’ve learned from studying my new BF.
We really have to want to change, and most of us don’t.
We LIKE how we think. It’s a LIFESTYLE CHOICE. I LIKE being a doormat.
I keep trying to change my programming, but I know it’s going to take time.
My BF wants to change how people react to him but not how he thinks. He sort of gets that it’s connected, but he doesn’t want to give up his perspective. It feels right to him. It’s his programming.
Style means well from HER perspective. She isn’t a spath, so please let it go.
I completely get what you mean, but I see how she perceives things too. And I know that you do too, if you try. There are better ways to fight the spath war than to fight with each other here. united we stand, divided we fall. THEY ARE EVERYWHERE. KEEP FOCUSED.

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