Woman meets guy online. Woman decides guy is not for her. Guy doesn’t want to hear it. Guy wants wants to meet her RIGHT NOW to hug her neck. Woman doesn’t respond. Guy promises the greatest love ever. Woman tells guy to STOP. Guy ramps up the attention.
Read the entire audacious interaction, complete with the guy saying it was all a joke, at womenexplode.com.
OMG! Celibacy is the thing for me! I have been in a relationship of one kind or another since I was 16, definitely time to take a break. Freaks!!!!
One step,
Parasites, donkeys, oh my! Way funny, the spath translations are sooooooo flipping funny! I needed a laugh!
OMG.. must be my xspath….
spath wrote:
but material things cannot and will not ever ’buy’ love, and a man’s affection is shown through his dedication and desire to be the best companion in the world for the woman.
ALSO he wrote:
Too much emphasis on money and sex can kill a relationship in a heartbeat. I believe if you make a woman happy and content with the relationship, you will receive her full attention and dedication to making you proud, happy, and satisfied with her.
Translation:
I can’t keep a job so therefore I have no money (so there will be only a life in survival mode and nothing materialistic) and I have a major sexual dysfunction going on( porno addict, pedophile, rapist etc.
Style,
Thanks for exposing this spath… what state do you live in? Just to warn those that might live in the same area!
Soimnotthecrazee1!!
There is a lot to this I don’t understand.
Red Flags everywhere….NO doubt. The guys a ‘crazy’.
How is it after one whatcko email…..you proceed to talk on the phone…..
Or after a weird phone exchange, you exchange with his whacko email?
This is confusing to me? you owe him nothing, just press ‘delete’.
I also am confused at how he knew about your blog?
Did you tell him?
Did you give him your full name and he found out via google?
Did you give him YOUR phone number?
Even though the blog is public, is this info really something you should be giving out so soon? (to connect you to something) I think it has the potential to compromise the blog, as it has……let alone an avenue to ‘get closer’ or find you. Danger Will Rodgers!
Never give your phone number to a man….until you Vet him! So much can be learned from a simple phone number.
NEVER give your full name, again, so much can be learned about you this way.
A stalker will always use this simple info. Always assume your dealing with the worst……until you a sure your not.
Okay, so he already knows about the blog……AND THEN you post about HIM on the site, posting his emails and this situation as it’s occuring? This is pouring salt in wound. I would think a better aproach, (as people DO need this valuable lesson) would be to sit on it awhile and post it when your ‘clear’ of this ‘crazy’, and he’s moved on, months later.
You knew he was reading the blog, he made that clear….so why post about him.
I see that as contact, but indirectly. You can’t be TOO surprised that he responded in this fashion can you?
At that point he viewed you as having power over him, tie that into the rejection and his ego…..it’s a recipe of trouble.
I’m confused about you chose to online date,after all that has been written and known about meeting people online, and your experience with a sociopath in the past…..why you would fish in these waters? Your a good looking woman who seems to have personality and friends and a ‘life’…….you must be aware of those dangers right? Yet still drop a line into that cess pool?
Coming from toxic relationshits, we need to keep our own ego’s and fantasies in check…..and realize…..YES, SOME peeps are successful at online romances, lovely wonderful soulmate type deals…..(that we seek)…….but the majority do NOT turn out that way. Some are just not right for us, or vs, versa……and some are like the dude you met……a freak who could very well be dangerous.
If we have room in our lives for ‘another’ toxic relationship…..proceed online…..
If we don’t want that, we should seek out other venues or carry on in life until we ‘stumble’ upon our ‘fantasy’ man, who is who he is really, in ‘real’ life.
At some point, we need to take responsibility for our own actions and choices……and we can’t be shocked when we fish in a pool of scum and come out with scum on our poles.
There ARE creeps everywhere, toxic peeps all around us……if we didn’t have a good experience in the past……we must learn why and forever remove those rose colored glasses in order to identify the toxics in front of us.
Good luck to you, Keep yourself safe.
Dear EB,
What do you mean by “vet him”…I don’t want to screw up next time and end up dealing with another spath :/
BrokenPieces:
Due diligence….checking someone out…..
_______________________
Main Entry: examine
Part of Speech: verb
Definition: analyze, test
Synonyms: appraise, assay, audit, canvass, case, check, check out, chew over, consider, criticize, delve into, dig into, explore, eye*, finger*, frisk, go into, go over, go through, gun*, inquire, inspect, investigate, look over, look see, parse, pat down, peruse, pick at, ponder, pore over, probe, prospect, prove, read, reconnoiter, research, review, scan, scope, screen, scrutinate, scrutinize, search into, sift, size up, study, survey, sweep, take stock of, try, turn over, vet , view, weigh, winnow
* = informal/non-formal usage
Stand back, watch, listen, disect,learn……in whatever situation you are in…..online is hard, because how do we know we are being told the truth? WE DON”T and this is where we insert our ‘fantasy’ of it sounds good, this person may sound great, they may be masters at projection also, ya know?. Unless we do a check on them……but how do we know we were given the right name even?
When in person, we can watch body language, treatment of others, how they speak of others, get a glimpse of their drivers licence, check them out online…..there are ways to ‘vet’.
Dating is just that…..dating……two people having ‘expectations’ of the other…….yours may be pure….theirs may not be….how do we know…..we stand back, not offer too much, ‘date’ them, enjoy ourselves, feel our guts, talk to peeps who know them, listen to the above stated things. Keep a distance of sorts.
Once you give someone your phone number….(or they give you theirs) you can find out so much online. A name….same thing.
Decide on how you are willing to be treated, and not settle or allow yourself to cloud issues……take off those rose colored glasses while we look for our perfect mates.
Is there a perfect mate? I don’t think so……
Are there compatable peeps…..I believe so…..we need to decide for ourselves what is okay for us and not.
If this person treats others badly, screams at cars inside his car when your going to dinner, talks about all the shitty drivers in xx, talks about his biatch ex wife and what a bad mother she is, controlling……better bet, you’ll be the topic on his lips before long…..in the same negative fashion.
If this person claims to be YY…….look (without speaking) and see just how far those veins run.
For example: If he’s a pastor and you see him take the extra change the cashier at the market accidently gave him……..is that honest?
Does he always take the ‘edge’ when it inadvertantly is persented to him?
(Even though he can easily get away with it)…….hmmmmmm.
Not good character in my books.
I would expect a pastor to ALWAYS do the ‘godly’ thing, and what is right, live by the ten commandments, never judge, be compassionate, give of himself for God…..and be a pillar for his congregation and community….
We know this is NOT always true…..there are pastors who hide behind the veil of god……to con peeps or use it to their own benefit……not so godly behavior?!.
None of us are perfect…..so we can’t expect perfection…..BUT……we can expect certain things WE determine acceptable and NOT acceptable.
Listen to me????? Like I know what i’m saying Jeeze……….I spent 28 years with a spath……i’m certainly no pro dater, I only qualify for the spaths wives club….pro division!…..I guess I’ve just figured out what is and is not acceptable, in love AND friendships….NOW I need to get out there and put it to practice more! 🙂
I’ve weeded my friend/family/business garden……so I guess the love garden may be on the horizon…..hope there isn’t much weeding….my back hurts!!!!
This man contacted me. And sent me his phone number..
He had photos of his children and he looked like a very nice man. And he’s a writer and has a published book. I checked this out and he lives near me in a great area.. so he ‘appeared’ like an okay, nice guy!
We exchanged like two emails.. I called him and left a message..
Then in a couple of days..he sent me an email saying that I was a liar and a scammer.. and that upset me.. so I emailed him to ask why.. then I called him. I was concerned why someone would say that about me. And we talked for five minutes and I felt uncomfortable in my gut ..I got off the
phone and that was it..
Then he began the emails..and calling..
I sent him one more email asking him to stop contacing me.
That was it guys!
And then rest is history!
Stop blaming the victim.
style i understand where you are coming from and I want to say don’t put any weight upon yourself because others will always have their opinions, and you can’t change that. But you know what you saw, and you know that you did nothing wrong, you were preyed on and should not have to take responsibility for that. some of us have been outright idiotic in drinking the S’ “koolaid”, even though the stench was overpowering we acted on our compassion which took the better of us. the best thing we can do for ourselves in these situations is learn from our initial “blind spots” and make our perspective fixes accordingly. the responsibility that we should take, is being strong enough to admit that “I should have listened to the red flags” or “i should have acted on my gut feeling” and apply that knowledge and keep it in mind for the future so a similar incident does not happen again. do not feel ashamed, just learn from the experience and look forward with a stronger arsenal of boundaries to forge ahead with.
Take the responsibilty for your poor choices in this matter.. No you didn’t want or expect, deserve or ask for this…..but you let your want/need/wish/desire whatever overrule your head and cloud your thinking and better judgement on several occasions throughout this ‘ordeal’….
I think calling yourself a victim in this matter is a stretch.
vic·tim (vktm)
n.
1. One who is harmed or killed by another: a victim of a mugging.
2. A living creature slain and offered as a sacrifice during a religious rite.
3. One who is harmed by or made to suffer from an act, circumstance, agency, or condition: victims of war.
4. A person who suffers injury, loss, or death as a result of a voluntary undertaking: You are a victim of your own scheming.
5. A person who is tricked, swindled, or taken advantage of: the victim of a cruel hoax.
I was confused at a few points after reading your submission, your blog and on LF and comments here.
YOU opened up the discussion?
Are we not allowed to ask you questions and be clear? Are we not allowed to offer something here? Am I supposed to only pat you on the shoulder and say there, there dear,you were a victim?
Sorry…..
This isn’t a case of ‘blame the victim’.
Yes, the outcome didn’t land up with happily ever after, you never met the guy…..you didn’t expect his responses, but YOU DEFINATELY contributed……
It was like…..’UHhh, How DARE you speak to me this way”
(Kinda like your defensive posts here)
and dammit, your gonna set him straight!
You want people to learn the valued lesson…..isn’t this why your writing about it…..if we ignore what your role in it was….how can anyone INCLUDING YOU learn…….
Just like MY role in my marriage, MY CHOICES, from beginning to end…I CAN”T BLAME the ex for MY choices……it’s a hard lesson, we have to get past our ego and be honest with ourselves…..or we keep making the same choices…..Lessons are hard learned.
I see red flags in your posts, and the fact your so shocked with this happening?
“he looked like a very nice man”
Yeah…….they all do! Look at Ted Bundy. Are you still looking for the creep tattoo on the forehead?
“We exchanged like two emails.. I called him and left a message..”
2 emails is ‘safe’ to leave a stranger your contact info? Call him, fine….but from a blocked number….*67.
“he sent me an email saying that I was a liar and a scammer”
He was also saying…..i’m throwing you red flags…..
” I emailed him to ask why”
Why do you care, he’s a stranger? Do you owe this man anything? At that point are you STILL considering him as potential love material?
“then I called him.”
He baited you, you took the bait…..again, why did you care?
“I sent him one more email asking him to stop contacing me.”
So far, all i’ve gotten is you made some really poor choices, for whatever reasons……and you made them with a guy who was looking for someone just like you to played…..for whatever reasons…..you both fed each other, you tried to call the game off…..and he wasn’t ready.
I’d like to hear what you can teach us about this. That would be helpful to all.
ErinBrock…
I put this out here as an awareness…
I do not think I made ‘bad’ choices..
I have men give me their number and I call from my cell.. there is no way for them to find me…
I played it safe..I am out of it..
I was showing how quickly a person like this attaches..
I was never looking at him as a ‘love’ interest’ I don’t go from 0 to 100 like that..
I am a known person in my community and I was concerned that someone called me a liar and a scammer.. when I had no idea why..
Doing it over… I would’ve have acted the same way… I have no regrets in my behavior.. in five minutes.. I knew..
And the police stated.. I followed my gut and my gut was correct..
So the awareness is his behavior.. I felt something was off but didn’t know how off..
and I get tons of emails everyday.. business, website, all sorts.. I was not even certain who or why this person was emailing me in this manner.. I would respond the same if it occurred tomorrow.. as I deal with businesses and charities in my communities and am known.. and would not would want to know why someone would say that …
take this as an awareness and glean from it what you want or not..
I am not paranoid… and afraid to call someone.. but I use good common sense.. and I have never had something like this occur ever in my life.. and it could happen to anyone.. if it happened to me…
I did nothing wrong.. I interacted then I cut it..
that is it!
Erin,
stop.
you know it won’t help.
don’t you?
One thing I’ve learned is that people’s personalities don’t change because we want them to.
My personality isn’t changing and I actually WANT IT TO. I have serious problems.
This is one thing I’ve learned from studying my new BF.
We really have to want to change, and most of us don’t.
We LIKE how we think. It’s a LIFESTYLE CHOICE. I LIKE being a doormat.
I keep trying to change my programming, but I know it’s going to take time.
My BF wants to change how people react to him but not how he thinks. He sort of gets that it’s connected, but he doesn’t want to give up his perspective. It feels right to him. It’s his programming.
Style means well from HER perspective. She isn’t a spath, so please let it go.
I completely get what you mean, but I see how she perceives things too. And I know that you do too, if you try. There are better ways to fight the spath war than to fight with each other here. united we stand, divided we fall. THEY ARE EVERYWHERE. KEEP FOCUSED.