By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired)
When I read the news sometimes I just want to cry. It seems the news is filled with hate, prejudice, evil and just plain mean stuff!
The following article about a young man who was “hazed” to death in a college band and beaten so badly that his muscles were destroyed, made me just have to stop and “take a breath” before I could continue to read such a sad story.
Expert: Autopsy of Florida A&M drum major shows badly beaten muscles
An entire group of college age young adults who would inflict such punishment on a fellow band member, a person they probably called a “friend,” is beyond belief to me. This was not some group of inner city dropped out kids on drugs who were gang members; these young people were the “flower” of our society, receiving an education at college level.
I sincerely doubt that any of these young people who pummeled their friend hard enough to destroy his muscles intended for him to die, or be so severely injured that he would be crippled, yet that is exactly what they did. They killed him. The entire group on the bus participated in manslaughter.
In light of the Penn State scandal of child abuse that was “openly rumored” around campus, this school also had “open rumors” about hazing in the band that was no “big secret.” Apparently it was not seriously addressed by the band director or the administration of the school. I can only imagine what the family of this young man feels after his death, knowing that he wanted to be accepted badly enough that he was willing to participate in such a “ritual.”
I sincerely doubt that many, if any, of the young people who participated in such a ritual were what we would likely label as “psychopathic.” But for whatever reason that can be ascribed to the behavior that led to this young man’s mutilation and torture (I can’t find other words that fit), they behaved in a way that is totally unacceptable in a civilized society.
In order to stop this kind of behavior it is going to take not only the administrations of schools, coaches, and directors of programs, but it is going to take students who will stand up and say, “I will not be a part of this kind of behavior. I will not participate.”
I think about the times that I have participated in things that were painful to me, just like this young man did, because I wanted to be accepted by the people who were pummeling me with their words or their fists. I was afraid to stand up and say, “I don’t deserve to be treated like this,” or say, “People who treat me like this are NOT my friends, because friends do not hurt each other.” I felt shamed when those I loved treated me poorly, lied to me, physically or emotionally hurt me, but I’ve decided to stand up now, to face those who try to tell me that I must be abused in order to be accepted. To face those who would abuse me, and say a resounding “NO!!!! I will not be abused.”
Let us all stand up for those who are not yet strong enough to stand up and shout “NO!” and to speak out for them that abuse is NOT OKAY!
Diarrhea saved my life. Don’t knock it – it works wonders for the poisoning victim. My spath never got upset about my other illnesses. But when I told him I had chronic diarrhea from all the magnesium I had to take to relieve the muscle pain, he got very upset. “It’s not GOOD to have diarrhea all the time, you know.” he said.
Well, it was better than strychnine!
Panther, hazing and various “rights of passage” that included painful or debilitating things, from starvation to the Native American “sun dance” to other kinds of running the gauntlet are nothing “new” for sure. Boot camp in the military service is a sort of “hazing” but is limited by what is allowed, or is supposed to be, though recently 8 young military men have been indicted for killing a young recruit that they targeted because he was “different.” At least that young man didn’t willingly participate in his own death however, and the drum major did willingly participate in the hazing ritual.
College fraternities are notorious for hazing rituals and when I worked at the college, though there were no fraternities at that college, there were various groups and alcohol toxicity was something that we (the adults and administration) were very aware of during certain events at the college and it was “all hands on deck” to prevent any hazing or over dozing on alcohol. Our best efforts were to keep ALL alcohol off the campus, but of course that wasn’t going to happen, but we did a pretty good job of keeping down alcohol poisonings.
BBE brought up a good point on another thread today about how contact sports, even soccer, cause brain damage and the head injuries from foot ball, boxing, extreme sports of all kinds, and yet they continue. I doubt that they will ever be “outlawed” or even if they are legally “outlawed” that they will be stopped.
A friend of mine has a son that advanced almost to the olympics in boxing, (not professionally though) and now at 21-2 he is having major brain problems, thinking problems, memory problems, etc. and it breaks my heart. He is such a sweet kid.
He was a local “hero”—I never went to see him box, because I never have approved of boxing as a “sport” but in the opinion of some that makes me a “fuddy duddy” but be that as it may, the scientific evidence that is coming out now about how brain trauma causes all kinds of problems may make at least a FEW parents stop and think before they allow their children to participate in such “sports.”
During the depression in the 1930s lots of kids boxed their way out of the ghettos and slums, and lots of kids today try to ride sports out of the ghetto into the NFL and other leagues.
The violence in the band though was totally uncalled for in every way….and every participant in that event should be brought before the law. I don’t think sending these kids to prison is the answer, but they should and I think MUST be held accountable for their behavior. To be liable for the consequences, to be financially responsible for what they did, to do community service in teaching against violence in schools and colleges as part of their consequences. To be required to stand up and say “I was part of this, and violence is NOT okay.”
True, Sky!
Vomiting and diarrhea are the body’s defense reflex to get bacterias and digested poison out as soon as possible. When I’ve eaten a wrog shrimp or something, I’ll vomit unitl there’s only gall left to spew. That’s when I’ll take a pill to stop my stomach from reflexing.
The problem in the 3rd world is that thousand children die daily because of diarrhea, because they don’t have clear drinking water. For this week’s case it’s to help villages in Nepal to get waterpumps with fresh water, build toilets, education not to use the street as a toilet and gather garbage, and medicine to stop diarrhea.
As for the article itself. I read the hazing article. I think that sanctions ought to be taken against the band, even if it’s not possible to always pinpoint the beaters in a legal way. You are right… management would have heard at least gossip of this ritual, and should have done something preventive.
Darwinsmom,
Clean drinking water is the key, you are right. I think it’s a great thing those DJ’s are doing.
As far as the band goes, why not manslaughter charges? Someone died but the members of the band diluted their responsibility by doing it as a “team”. We shouldn’t allow responsibility to be diltuted “because everyone else was doing it”. People need to stop being sheep or we will never win against the spaths.
I have been prone to stomach problems from time to time. I wish I could have $100 for every time I get diarrhea. ha ha Maybe I will do a fundraiser…..LOL
However, you couldn’t pay me enough to vomit. I’d rather lie on the floor for hours and not breathe, to avoid throwing up. I can probably count on one hand all the times in my life I’ve vomited.
We need to be THANKFUL that we have clean water and a roof over our heads because much of the 3rd world doesn’t have clean water, which is the basic necessity of LIFE ITSELF.
I agree that the responsibility for the “crime” should not be diluted because “everyone participated” but I do not think that prison time is the answer either. I think as much as anything the INTENTION of the persons should be taken into account, but I do not think the group or individuals should get off lightly at all.
I think the band director should be FIRED out of hand, if he did not know, he SHOULD have known, and the band itself should be disbanded as a marching band, and every member of the band that was on that bus that night and either participated in that beating or did not make any attempt to stop it should be kicked out of the college and the law should prosecute each and every member that was on the bus that night with community service and public disclosure as the consequence, but not prison time.
There may have been a psychopath or two “leading the charge” but I think it was a culture larger than just one or two psychopathic members in the band…it had apparently gone on for years.
Probably every person who participated in that hazing had themselves been hazed….but I think this particular one was more over the top than the rest of them had been, maybe because the man was larger or older than the usual band member, but whatever the “reason” (excuse) there IS NO REASON OR EXCUSE for why this went on and the “adults” did not stop it. This “gang like” behavior in college age and college educated young adults and administration can not be tolerated and must not be tolerated any more than hushing up Sandusky’s pedophila is acceptable. It is going to take a collection of people standing up and saying “NO!!!! I will not do it, and I will not allow it to be done to me!”
We also need to be thankful for RUNNING water. My first trip to Costa Rica, the water in the town shut down with no warning for hours every day. One day it shut down for 24 hours. And thanks to our old friend Murphy and his laws, it would be during that time, in the middle of the night, when I got the runs very bad without being able to flush the toilet.
(Anyone here who is trying to diet should be greatly helped by that visual – LOL)
I just thought I would check in and say a very happy Christmas and lots of love to Donna and all those who know me – especially Oxy D.
I am doing well. My angst, which some of you will know during my outpourings at Lovefraud – is now well behind me and my life has moved on in peace and I have healed from my ordeal. It may come up in conversation occasionally, but other than that, I barely think about it, it no longer has centre stage in my life and I am so pleased I chose to have no contact.
With my best wishes to you all. Beverly XX
BEVVIE!!!!!!! What a wonderful present from you to me!!!!! I sure do miss your posts here on LF but I am so glad that you are doing well! Your logical and smart brain would win out I knew! It is wonderful when old friends stop by LF to say how wonderful they are doing now that the P is out of their lives! Gives hope I know to the “newbies” here who wonder if the pain will ever end! ((((huggles))))Bev!!!! and my wishes for the best Christmas and New Year that can be!!!!! Love Oxy
ps to Bev,
Did you notice I have “come out of the closet” now and am publishing articles under my “real life” name now. You can contact me under Love Fraud authors. I’m no longer hiding behind the shame of the psychopaths! Joyce