Advice for Christians involved with sociopaths

If you’re a Christian woman, is it your duty to work harder and harder to please an abusive husband?

If you’re a Christian, should you hold out hope that God will change a sociopath?

If you’re a Christian, is it your duty to lead a sociopath to Christ?

No, no and no, says Shannon Thomas, LCSW-S, a Christian counselor from Southlake, Texas. She explains why in her blog article:

When a Christian meets a sociopath, on

If you’ve struggled with these ideas, please read this article. It may give you a new perspective.

Link supplied by a Lovefraud reader.


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This is a good and helpful article. There is much that can be said about Christianity and psychopaths. Spaths twist everything to serve their purpose, including God’s Word as revealed in the Bible. Many of them use the mask of Christianity, the Ministry, or devoted churchgoer, to hide their evil.

I was targeted in Church, and ‘married’ a psychopath and pedophile who cross dressed, was addicted to porn, lied, manipulated, abused, hypnotized, triangulated, in the worst way using ministers, brethren, and family members.

God’s power is supreme over spaths; and it was God’s grace accessed through my faith, that made possible my survival and recovery. From the Bible, especially the Psalms, I learned that the God of the Bible understands the existence of spaths and what they do to victims. I learned how God will ultimately solve the problem of spaths and of suffering in general. My theology brings me peace and hope.


I am trying so hard to get back on track!
I feel guilty, ashamed etc etc……and above all, stupid!
But I know that God knew long before I did.
I need to Elaine lean on Him again!
Thank you x


It is the most difficult thing to accept that these disordered ones cannot be changed. Doesn’t God redeem lost souls? He does. And, yet we are given a poster-perfect example of a spath in Israel’s first king — King Saul. He was head and shoulders above everyone and had it all given to him on a golden platter. His life should have been great and had a happy ending. But, in his disobedience to God and especially in his grandiose self-idolization, he threw it all away. Including redemption.

The good news was that in the end, David did become king and the royal lineage was transferred to him. Saul forfeited God’s blessings and mercies — even seeking help from a forbidden medium, damning his own soul. And, he committed suicide, a very unusual state of affairs for a king of Israel. His life and death are written in shame and disgrace and infamy — the eventual end for every spath.


I believe God offers redemption, but some don’t choose to do right. I believe God is fair and if a person doesn’t have the capacity to choose God’s way, for example children who don’t live to adulthood, the mentally handicapped, He will give them their first chance to choose redemption and salvation when they are resurrected.


Annette, do you have a Scripture reference for that?


The Bible is over 1/3 prophecy, and a principle in understanding is found in Isaiah 28:10, “For precept must be upon precept, precept upon precept, Line upon line, line upon line, Here a little, there a little.” It’s like a jigsaw puzzle that can be put together by studying all the verses about a subject.

With respect to choice, the Bible describes the unpardonable sin in Matthew 12:31-32, and Hebrews 10:26, “if we sin willfully after we have received the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins.” Basically it’s saying that if someone doesn’t choose to repent/change and stop sinning when they know about God and understand right and wrong, Christ’s sacrifice can’t be applied to them because they don’t want it. The consequence is eternal death described in Ezekiel 18:4 and 18:20, “The soul that sins will die.” Matthew 10:28 states, “”And do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. But rather fear Him who is able to destroy both soul [Greek psuche, “life”] and body in hell [gehenna fire].”

There are different times of judgement for people according to God’s plan. 1 Peter 4:17 says that judgement is now in the “house of God.” Those people called to be Christians now and who know God are judged now.

Revelation 20:11-15 describes a future resurrection of the “rest of the dead” (verse 5), the “dead, great and small” (verse 12), and “The sea gave up the dead who were in it, and Death and Hades delivered up the dead who were in them” (verse 13). The “Book of Life is opened” to them, so they can get their first chance to choose to accept God’s way of life. They are judged according to their choice during this period of resurrection to physical life. Also, Ezekiel 37 describes the prophet’s vision of this resurrection of a large number of people to physical life in the valley of dry bones.



You are right that we are to add precept to precept. But, we are not to add anything to Scripture. You know that.

You also know that “it is appointed unto man once to die and then the judgment.” There is no where in Scripture where it says or even implies that a person gets a second chance in deciding. Where the tree falls it will lie.

Your reference to Revelation and the “Book of Life” is misinterpreted. When the “Book of Life” is opened it is to discover whose names are in it. Anyone whose name is not in will be cast into the Lake of Fire. There is no second opportunity. That is why it is so critical to decide rightly and now.

The valley of dry bones in Ezekiel 37 was a prophecy about Israel. It was fulfilled in 1948 when Israel became a state after being dispersed.

Many people in a sincere manner wish to make God look nice and good because they actually fear that He looks bad. We cannot change or revise Scripture to help out His “character”. He is a good and just God. But, every word of His Word will come to pass. And, those who die Christless will be like that eternally. It is their choice.

Infants and such, go immediately to be with the Lord. David said of his child who died, “He will not come to me, but I will go to him.”



Revelation 22:19 also tells us nothing is to be taken away from scripture either.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I agree that everyone gets only one chance, and only God knows a man’s heart (1 Samuel 16:7). With respect to children who die young going to heaven, nowhere in the Bible does it say anyone goes to heaven. John 3:13 tells us no one has ever gone to heaven, except Jesus Christ who came to us from

The correct quote from 2 Samuel 12:23 is “I will go to him, but he will not return to me.” King David was explaining his reason to stop fasting, since his son was not longer alive and would not be resurrected during King David’s human lifetime (would not ‘return’ to King David).

The modern political nation state of Israel is not the same as ancient Israel, of which Judah is only one out of 12 tribes.

I respectfully disagree that I misinterpret the 20th chapter of Revelation. I can offer more background if you wish.

Thank you for an interesting discussion!


Paul went to the third heaven. Lazarus was resurrected from the dead, as were others. “Absent from the body, present with the Lord” (2 Corinthians 5:8).

Although David explained his reason for fasting, it was a Scriptural principle for us. Often the OT statements, etc. are explained in the New Testament, as was this one.

Israel is very much Israel. You need to bone up on the OT and prophecy. The state of Israel was resurrected from the dead. It was a necessary step for the fulfillment of end-time prophecy which we are now seeing come to pass.

IMHO, many of your understandings and interpretations of the Bible are incorrect. But, we do agree that there are no second chances after death. There is no purgatory; there is no reprieve.

It is important that everyone settle the question of what they are going to do with Christ. The time is short. And, there are no “do-overs.”

Our theology matters. It is a matter of life and death.



Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Since we are severely off topic for this post, if you would like more information let me know and I’ll get you a personal contact.

We can agree to disagree. However, I do know the OT. I’m graduating with a Certificate in Theology in a couple of weeks, including 2 semesters of coursework in OT. I am currently finishing a paper on the Great White Throne Judgement period. My understanding is based on extensive study. Although I don’t agree with you, I’m not ignorant.

It’s best to let the Bible interpret the Bible; and what the Bible really tells us, without anything added, is a wonderful Gospel.

Thank you again for our discussion. Again, if you would like more info, let me know, and I’ll ask Donna to give you my personal contact, since our discussion is not really a topic for this post or LF in general.

Take care.


I am a Christian. I recently left my fiancé, my third relationship with sociopathic/narccisstic/borderline traits. I see now, my intent was to be accepted, to be loved, to please……

After an “episode” in our “cycle” he would come to me with, “What of love? What of forgiveness and grace? Doesn’t love cover a multitude of sins?”

And so I would buy it, and forgive, and forgive, and forgive…… I see now that forgiveness is fine, but that it is not wise to continue in a relationship where you can see the future mapped out for you……I would be doing a lot of forgiving, and left un-nourished, emotionally deplete, and questioning my sanity. God gave us brains for a reason. Let’s use them. 😉



Christians are excellent prey for spaths. We are trusting, forgiving, evangelical, and desiring to give the benefit of the doubt. We choose not to think evil of others. We are the perfect dupe, the perfect patsy, the perfect victim.

Rev. C. J. Connor wrote a book on this topic, called, “Christians and Sociopaths.” He gives plenty of high-profile examples and quotes Martha Stout from her “Sociopaths Next Door.”

We should not be over-wrought that we were “taken in” but, on the other hand, if we are continually falling for them, we need to look into our own “hooks.”

I think about Ted Bundy and how that man fooled so many and played the courts mercilessly. It was all a game to him. He never repented. No amount of love touches these soul-seared creatures.

That being said, there is always room for God’s saving grace. The “Son of Sam” was turned into the “Son of Hope.” We can and should pray, but it is best to keep our distance. Can a leopard change its spots or and Ethiopian his skin?


Exactly. Xo

Brigitte Knowles

What about Christian dating websites? There are women who have been murdered who met their men online at those websites. I think Psychopaths use this as an entry point to get into relationships with forgiving and understanding, compassionate women. The scary part is that these men can continue a masquerade for years and get away with fooling everyone. Prevention is the answer. Educate and learn. My big beef with God used to be that He would forgive those who repented and that they would get to heaven by begging for forgiveness at the last moment after a lifetime of sin and crime. Then I realized that I was not the one who would tell God who to sit next to me in heaven. It was a lesson in humility. We have no right to judge those that God forgives. It still makes no sense to me that we can live a life full of goodness and still those who lived lives full of evil can repent and sit next to us in heaven. Criminals who spend our money after stealing it and make us suffer can wind up next to us in heaven. Go figure. So ya, websites that offer Christian men…..beware….wolves in sheep’s clothing.



If we cannot tell who they are when we see them face to face in “real” relationships how in the world could we discover them on dating websites or even FB? What tremendous scamming tools these things are for apaths!!

As for forgiveness, etc…comfort yourself with this: when a person chooses evil as a lifestyle, their heart becomes hardened. It requires a willing heart to repent — which they increasingly do not have. And, Scripture is replete with references to the wicked and their fate. God is angry with them everyday. Should God graciously grant them repentance, they will have a LOT to repent for. Nobody gets away with anything.

For our sake, as survivors, we need to let go of feelings of revenge and vengeance. Leave it to God. He WILL repay. But, it is always good to be conscious of all we have been forgiven for. God hates pride, but gives grace to the humble.

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