In the wake of Weinergate, CNN posted an article entitled, Stop calling Huma Abedin a victim. Abedin, of course, is Anthony Weiner’s wife, who I’m sure was, at the very least, embarrassed by the scandal, and perhaps angry enough to consider divorce.
The article quotes a couple of authors telling women to choose not to be victims. Instead, women should choose to define their own happiness. Oh, there are a couple of caveats—the advice doesn’t apply to women who fear for their safety or are facing financial ruin. But there is no discussion of what to do when your relationship is so emotinally abusive that you are psychologically traumatized.
In short, this story offers advice for women coping with infidelity whose partners are not sociopaths. Which is fine—these women need advice as much as anyone. But the article also reinforces society’s “just get over it” attitude, which makes life difficult for women dealing with true exploitation.
Read Stop calling Huma Abedin a victim on CNN.com.
Star-that sounds really awesome. I would love to be able to take lessons like that. I wish I dated someone who was interested in doing it too.
Star….quit worrying about being “desirable” just have fun…even if you are on a walker, enjoy it like you were 16!
WANNA LAUGH? Here is the funniest thing that has happened to me in years-the dude working the Rally’s drive thru just asked me out-and he was serious!!!
Lizzy:
Hahaha…that IS funny!!
star – we are all going to keep getting older – we better get good with it (i say ‘we’ for a reason. 😕 )
someone about 15 years my junior flirted with me on friday – in a really openhearted and subtle way. it was very nice.
going to the batting cage tomorrow to see if I can bash some of the drama out of my life. Maybe hitting at least 100 softballs will help. I found out new info tonight that is particularly unsettling.
star – you know, it matters to me, that’s why i commented on it.
Donna: To quote you:
“…But the article also reinforces society’s “just get over it” attitude, which makes life difficult for women dealing with true exploitation.”
Yes; completely. “Just get over it” attitude.
My counselor and I discussed this yesterday.
She asked me if I had anyone else to talk this all out with besides her? And, if I didn’t, why did I think I didn’t have these people to lean on?
Like I explained to her, most people consider WHAT we have all just come through OUR OWN FAULT for getting involved in the first place! “WHY DID YOU DO THAT? I DONT WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT! WE MAKE OUR OWN CHOICES! JUST GET OVER IT!”.
Yes, you are doubly traumatized. Because it wasn’t my fault. What did I do? – CARE about someone? DO WE MAKE OUR OWN CHOICES? You can’t ‘get over’ something that has so traumatized your life. All you can do is accommodate the change in yourself afterwards. Doubly traumatized:
ONCE: from the person who has inflicted their wickedness on you and TWICE: because you are alienated within your own self.
Getting over a relationship with a spath is a lot more involved than a ‘regular’ breakup and I cannot stress this more. By the time you realize “WHAT” you are dealing with, you are usually in over your head already. In my case, my x sp has violent tendencies and has a habit of bursting forth whenever he is told something he doesn’t like. TRUTH; for instance….
Tell “IT” the truth and it may or may not kick your butt!
“IT” has beaten every single woman “IT” has been with except for me. And the only reason THAT hasn’t happened is because I never let “IT” that close to me. Physically. Emotionally and psychologically, “IT” became my mind; but I always kept it at bay and even doing that, my life has been completely turned upside down and psychologically left in ruins. I can empathize with those who are ‘married’ to such a person and/or have children with them. THAT has GOT TO BE like the most difficult! My heart goes out to you…truly.
Yes, it is definitely true: not only are we left with our heads slammed into the curb, we are also traumatized further by the alienation and people truly not caring that we are walking around with a completely blown mind and our insides ripped out. I found NOBODY to listen. It was a trauma just TRYING TO FIND a counselor who truly understood. Most of the ones I have ‘shopped’ a long this journey were NOT very ‘accepting’ nor understanding of the complete implications. That didn’t stop me. I kept searching until I found the one I was looking for.
Don’t give up. And don’t always believe what you are told.
YOU know YOU better than anyone else. If “I” had listened to the first counselor who came along, “I” would be in an institution, right now, instead of living life and wrestling with the devil. 🙂 Guess who is going to win?
*BLESSINGS*
Thanks for sharing this Donna.
Have a joyful Sunday.
DUPED
It is always a nice ego boost when we get a compliment or noticed or flirted with….gettin older aint for sissy’s – but everybody is aging at the same pace as we are…
Star-thanks. I appreciate what you said. I haven’t yet been able to figure out meditation but I do other things. I am getting my face on so I can go over to the northshore to the big park to the batting cages and bash some softballs for awhile, since I can’t afford to go to the shooting range.
I am maybe starting to consider what you said about just getting into the match.com thing and maybe just letting her know by bringing a girl home for the first time. I don’t know if I can rely on her having the time to have the conversation. I was just going to tell her about the match.com thing and see how she reacted. When she told me alll about her fears last night, it just weighed heavily on my mind and it may be too much. I tend to be a rather fearless person, except when it comes to the whole job/financial thing and coming out to her. I can’t relate to the amount of fear that she has and she doesn’t seem to want to deal with it but just lock herself inside her apartment alone and use the job as an excuse. I know she is extremely overworked but I doubt she is doing as much “work” as she says. I think she’s hiding and I don’t if I can handle that well. She is starting to look like a lot of work to me but I do have to handle that myself and in my own way. That is why I so appreciate what you said about my situation and still talking about it on here. I really appreciate what you say to me all the time and HOW you say it. I like your positive energy.
I feel like I am slowly starting to back off-at least in my head. My damn heart though is a whole other issue. I am a caretaker, nurturer, counselor, protector type and I tend to want to take care of things and fix things. I can also handle emotions and feelings. That is really why I am going to complete my degree in psychology as soon as I can get back into school. It’s a good major for a cop and if I get my masters too, it will lead me to something that I can do once I retire from police work, or god forbid I get hurt on the job.
I sent her an email last night and told her that I was glad that she trusted me enough to reveal those things to me and that she could feel free to talk to be about anything-that it would be kept private between the two of us. It makes me sad that she’s so fearful because I care about her, I just don’t know what I can do beyond that. I have enough to deal with on my self esteem issues without adding a lot of extra stuff to the mix. I also think that even if she has any interest at all, she would still be really afraid of intimacy with a woman and I am going to need that. I honestly miss the sex. I don’t believe that I can have a healthy long term relationship with someone without it. It would be really easy for her to pull me toward her for comfort but be uncomfortable with the sex. I couldn’t be able to sleep with someone at night because they are afraid and hold them and turn off those needs. I think that’s how it would be in that scenario and I am NOT alright with that.
I think that I am really going to just do what I can to distract myself and make the conscious effort to try and let these feelings for her disappear. I deserve someone who I can have a whole relationship with. I am not being fair to myself. Having that talk with her last night really opened up my eyes to the fact that there is a lot in there that is too much. So now I guess I am going into distraction mode.