In the wake of Weinergate, CNN posted an article entitled, Stop calling Huma Abedin a victim. Abedin, of course, is Anthony Weiner’s wife, who I’m sure was, at the very least, embarrassed by the scandal, and perhaps angry enough to consider divorce.
The article quotes a couple of authors telling women to choose not to be victims. Instead, women should choose to define their own happiness. Oh, there are a couple of caveats—the advice doesn’t apply to women who fear for their safety or are facing financial ruin. But there is no discussion of what to do when your relationship is so emotinally abusive that you are psychologically traumatized.
In short, this story offers advice for women coping with infidelity whose partners are not sociopaths. Which is fine—these women need advice as much as anyone. But the article also reinforces society’s “just get over it” attitude, which makes life difficult for women dealing with true exploitation.
Read Stop calling Huma Abedin a victim on CNN.com.
Louise, I will be watching this thread to hear how it goes. I have healed so much of my pain through meditation. And a lot of it happened in my early 20’s. I would probably be dead now if not for that.
Star:
OK, great! I will report back after I have done this. It’s good to hear you were able to heal so much through meditation. So glad you are still with us!!! You seem like a very gentle spirit; I feel warmth from you.
Star-I LOVED your softbal story and I’m glad you’re having a good time. BTW, I finally winked at a woman on match.com last night. She is one of the ones that was interested to beging with. I really just got mad last night in regards to my neighbor. The situation is so damn frustrating. In my case though, it’s actually good for me to get a little mad. If I can stay mad for awhile, then I may be able to get over these feelings and I am also trying to get my company to send me to Missouri for 3 months to work. I would get to work full time for the 3 months for high pay and they pay my rent so I can keep my home here in NOLA. It would provide a few solid months away from HER and it would put my 2 hrs away from where I grew up, so my old buddies would love that. I could drive in on my weekends off and actually have some social activities.
Hi Star – a few days ago you mentioned meditation to me and then I didn’t find the thread again.
I do Vajrayana meditation and the way and the goal is very different than the processes you are describing. it’s less about getting in touch with oneself and what one is feeling and being in ones body and more about identifying with the buddha aspect one is meditating on, and cutting karma at its root.
meditation that focuses on breath ( Vajrayana does not) and bodily sensation and feelings within the body are a great way to get connected. Breathing in particular is a huge help to reducing anxiety.
Vajrayana meditation is not relaxing, nor is that the goal – depending on the buddha aspect one is meditating on and one’s karma, it can be quite disturbing. It does, however, change lives. it changed mine. But it can be very painful. and i am pain adverse right now, so i am focusing on doing specific meditations that historically haven’t been difficult for me.
BTW, if anyone tries the meditation technique and likes it, let me know. I have more resources for you, including how to find a center in your area where they practice it and support people who practice it.
Thanks, Star!!!! 🙂
Hi Star,
oops, I mis-worded my post a bit. Vajrayana buddhism is one of the schools of Buddhism, and I practice within the Karma Kagyu lineage of Tibetan Buddhism (which is a lineage that is Vajrayana). There are numerous meditations that we do. The forms of meditation I do should not be done without initiation or the intent to be initiated.
I actually can’t give instruction, as it should come with taking refuge in the lineage with a teacher or with this intent (to take refuge and begin a practice), or it can be given by a Lama.
the connection to the teacher (Lama)/ lineage, is of primary importance in Vajrayana Buddhism – and this is not the case in other forms of Buddhism, which means that other lineages may have the option to share their practices more freely.
Star-thanks. I really hope that I do get to travel for 3 months. It would be nice to go to Missouri and hang with my friends there for a few months and be back before the cold weather comes. I would stay there for 3 mos and then come home for 2-3 weeks and then maybe go to Texas for 3 months.
Right now I really just want to quit the neighbor. I don’t think I need closure but to quit her. She was standoffish this morning and I really didn’t want to talk to her either. Some things don’t quite add up to me also. I did some looking on the internet this morning and there appears to be a discrepancy with what she told me about her history. Her father was a well known attorney here and I read something posted on a blog by another local retired attorney who used to work with her father, stating that her dad did not come from the country she told me he came from, so I am starting to wonder if she has some issues with misrepresentation. She’s uptight, depressed, and anxious with a high level of fear. She has issues and it is much more than what I need in my life, so I am going to attempt to have limited contact with her and leave it at that, and try not to let her pity ploys influence me anymore. I still don’t think she is a spath, but a very troubled person. I am even wondering if there was some sexual abuse there from when she was young. I just gotta quit.
As far as the lady I winked at, I don’t know how much good that will do if I leave town. I would like to leave and come back 3 dress sizes smaller, not smoking and then maybe concentrate on that then. Maybe I really am not quite ready to date until I polish myself up a little bit and feel a little better about my self.
Hi Lizzy ~ I just read your post above (6:01 pm).
If you were to take the first paragraph, and the last paragraph, without the middle one…. In other words, keep the focus on YOU, you’re doing GREAT!!
The middle paragraph kinda worries me a bit. Hon, you’re still stewing over your neighbor. I know it’s hard with her living right there, but this 3 month hiatus from her would be AWESOME for you!!
Your last sentence above “Maybe I really am not quite ready to date until I polish myself up a little bit and feel a little better about myself.” SPOT ON!!
When we feel better about ourselves, we shine from the inside and others can see it. They are drawn to us like moths to a flame. You can do this Lizzy, you are strong, find your “adamant” as EB says, and take charge!
Gotta go now, but will be back later on. ((((hugs)))) h2h
Lizzy:
I think that would be great if you can travel. It will get you away from there for awhile. I hope it happens for you!
I don’t know what to say about the neighbor, but I know it will all work out in the end for you. Take care, lady! 🙂