In the wake of Weinergate, CNN posted an article entitled, Stop calling Huma Abedin a victim. Abedin, of course, is Anthony Weiner’s wife, who I’m sure was, at the very least, embarrassed by the scandal, and perhaps angry enough to consider divorce.
The article quotes a couple of authors telling women to choose not to be victims. Instead, women should choose to define their own happiness. Oh, there are a couple of caveats—the advice doesn’t apply to women who fear for their safety or are facing financial ruin. But there is no discussion of what to do when your relationship is so emotinally abusive that you are psychologically traumatized.
In short, this story offers advice for women coping with infidelity whose partners are not sociopaths. Which is fine—these women need advice as much as anyone. But the article also reinforces society’s “just get over it” attitude, which makes life difficult for women dealing with true exploitation.
Read Stop calling Huma Abedin a victim on CNN.com.
Louise and H2H-thanks. It isn’t really anything to worry about with what I was talking about in my middle paragraph. She and I had developed a decent friendship and things were going well. Then a problem developed. I accidentally hurt her feelings on Friday night and even though I apologized, she was upset. I though she was fine the next morning, but apparently she is holding on to it. She didn’t act like herself this weekend and then told me some personal stuff that had me worried and then had me at arms length this morning. Apparently she can dish it out but she can’t take it.
I just decided that it isn’t worth my time trying to play tug o war with her anymore. First she wants to be around me and then she doesn’t and I don’t have the energy for it anymore. Before this happened I was planning to come out to her in a manner that I would know for sure if there was an interest. I decided not to do it. I was going to just start dating and leave it at that. I just quit playing the game. I don’t like games that are not athletic in nature-mind games. She is troubled, as Hens says and it’s sad, but I can’t fix things for her or take care of her. Plus she is so fearful that I can’t relate to her.
In order for things to get fixed for her I would have to dig up Freud himself and have him work on her full time, and it still may not help her.
Star-LOL, maybe that’s a good idea for us. An exclusive club. I think you are probably right about things being awkward if they didn’t work out. Even if we had dated though it would have been a long while before we were intimate and based on the fears that she has, and as wound up as she is, I don’t even know if she could have sex without freaking out. I wouldn’t be suprised if she’s never had an orgasm before. I would have to teach her everything, if she could even learn, AND it would be horrible if she freaked out and then I had to live next to her. I love my apartment and the only way I’m leaving is if I can’t get any job and the landlord evicts me.
BTW. I really hope you don’t end up offline because you’re way too much fun to talk to
Hi Liz, Hi Star,
just popped in for a second and saw you’ve started your own club. LOL!
Liz,
I wish you would keep a diary. In that diary, you would write your impressions of the neighbor, using just a few choice words. What I’ve seen since you first started talking about her is that she is hot then cold. She whipsaws you. Now you are telling me that she is less than honest. OK, I won’t call her a spath, but that is narcissistic behavior pure and simple.
Narcissists feel the need to manipulate other people’s emotions. I guess the reason I don’t differentiate between a narc and a spath too much is because…the toxicity is the same. Narcs are more obvious, IMO, because they feel entitled to behave how they do. Spaths know they are evil and take great delight in manipulating and machievellian schemes. So for spaths its very important to keep up a facade that is 180degrees the opposite of what they really are and want.
Your neighbors whipsaw and lying are just ways to manipulate. I don’t know why she does it. But it’s extremely unhealthy on your emotions.
I hope you find a way to achieve a peaceful existance without drama.
Lizzy:
Is she gay? Did you ever find that out?
Hello Gang – So, Lizzy did you have that ‘talk’ with your neighbor?
Hens-we did not have the talk and I don’t think it’s going to happen and I’m not sure I really care anymore. I had two different ways to do it and haven’t had the chance to do either. She has been avoiding me since I hurt her feelings on Friday night-even though I apologized for it.
Louise-to answer your question, I really doubt it-that giant stick up her butt is way to big. She is the most uptight wound up person I have ever met in my life.
wowzer – maybe she will move and not leave a forwarding address.. 🙂
Hens-I think that may be wishful thinking on her part. I was also thinking that Sky was right in what she just said up there. I was starting to think myself that I may be dealing with a narcissist.
I can’t keep trying to overanalyze her anymore cuz it makes my brain tired. There are a lot of things about her that I haven’t shared on here and I don’t really want to. It’s like I said in my earlier post, in order to figure her out and fix her, I’d have to dig up Freud himself and have him work on her full time. There is definitely something wrong over there. It’s really weird though, when I first met her I could have swore she was a virgo because her house was spotless and she was constantly vacuuming and cleaning. For the last month or so, her place is a total wreck and she said she doesn’t care.
I cannot explain or try to figure out the behavior. It’s weird.
Lizzy:
If her house is a mess and she says she doesn’t care, it sounds and looks like depression to me.