In the wake of Weinergate, CNN posted an article entitled, Stop calling Huma Abedin a victim. Abedin, of course, is Anthony Weiner’s wife, who I’m sure was, at the very least, embarrassed by the scandal, and perhaps angry enough to consider divorce.
The article quotes a couple of authors telling women to choose not to be victims. Instead, women should choose to define their own happiness. Oh, there are a couple of caveats—the advice doesn’t apply to women who fear for their safety or are facing financial ruin. But there is no discussion of what to do when your relationship is so emotinally abusive that you are psychologically traumatized.
In short, this story offers advice for women coping with infidelity whose partners are not sociopaths. Which is fine—these women need advice as much as anyone. But the article also reinforces society’s “just get over it” attitude, which makes life difficult for women dealing with true exploitation.
Read Stop calling Huma Abedin a victim on CNN.com.
One step, I am a failed Buddhist, too, obviously. 🙂 Perhaps we should start a “failed Buddhist” club? ha ha I’m still interested in hearing about your meditation technique for cutting off karma at the root. My technique is (are you ready for this?)….just don’t sleep with him in the first place. ha ha
P.S. I am a Libra. Lizzy, do you remember what Adam Sandler says about libras? Here, I will quote him:
“Libra (Sept 23 – Oct 22) – You are the artistic type and have a difficult time dealing with reality. Chances for employment and monetary gain are nil. Most Libra women are whores. All Libras die of venereal disease.”
This just cracks me up, if only for the small grain of truth. LOL Okay, well, maybe the grain of truth is more medium-sized. 🙂
Star-my neighbor is a GIGANTIC FLAMING FU**ING NARCISSIST and I finally realized that I have been feeding her all this time. I got out all my checklists and research and info and she is textbook and all of her crazy confusing behavior is all based on my responses to her. She is an emotional vampire and I am not taking it ANYMORE!!! I read an article saying that if they suddenly start to act normal, like expressing something personal and disclosing fears, then it is time to RUN because they are about to do something really nasty. All the pushing and pulling and hot/cold behavior explains everything. I have been dealing with her exactly the opposite of how I am supposed to and exactlly the way she wants me to. Wow do I ever feel like a big giant idiot. WOW
Expressing feelings is natural for a narcissist. They are all about their own feelings. It’s other people’s feelings that they cannot handle.
Star-I was trying to court this woman old school and all I am is narcissistic supply to her. She can’t deal with feelings at all though because she thinks it makes her like everyone else-SANE and NORMAL. It’s like she thinks she’s some kind of superhero or something. I will have to post this website that I went on tomorrow that totally describes our relationship so far. My alarm is supposed to go off in like 3 hours, in case I get to work and now I am too freakin mad to sleep. I’ve been made a fool of-AGAIN and I can’t stand it.
lizzy Do you need a refresher course in NO Contact?
HEns-I don’t need a refresher in NC but my ex spath was a narcissist and so was the woman that I dated before him. I am upset that I didn’t see the similarities between her and the prior woman. I think narcissistic women are a different breed than the males ones-they are worse. I am so angry with myself that I didn’t see it until yesterday.
I read an article that completely described the entire way that she and I have been relating since the beginning. I am going to post it when I find it because it is REALLY good and so eye opening. Unfortunately I can’t go completely NC with her like with my ex but I can limit contact to the bare minimum. I really don’t want to think about it but eventually I may have to find another place to live. It just depends on how all this goes. I have been such unbelievable suppy to her and once I really limit and minimally respond to her, she could get ugly. Especially if I start this and then she tries to pull me toward her again to get my attention. If I am still able to maintain distance then and not fall for it, she could get nasty. I know her well enough to know that when she gets angry, she is like a hurricane-literally.
SKY-if you are out there, THANK YOU, THANK YOU for pointing out to me last night what I woke up feeling yesterday morning. I have finally seen the light in my situation and the drama STOPS here. I had started to wonder if I was dealing with a narcissist and I was. I missed the red flags and it’s my fault. I have to admit that once I got on here and figured out what my exspath was, narc/spath combo. I quit doing all my reading and research to reinforce my knowledge of the NPD. It turns out that I needed way more information than I already knew and had.
I found the most unbelievable site late last night that basically describes everything that she has been doing and why she is doing it, and what behaviors of mine cause her to act a certain way. I was able to pick out what I was doing wrong in relating to her. I had gone to very limited contact for a while and then fell for her pity ploy and was roped back in. They don’t like it when you ignore them. I can’t really physically distance myself yet-unless I get to start doing travel work but emotional distancing can be affective.
I am so mad at myself and I feel so unbelievably STUPID right now. Where is Oxy and her big massive skillet cuz she needs to wear it out on my head for being an idiot. A big giant cast iron skillet would be nice. Here is the link to the site for anyone who wants to see it because it really opened up my eyes.
http://www.halcyon.com/jmashmun/npd/traits.html
I am going to have to keep re-reading this over and over because it was like the author knew her and gave me a blueprint in how to deal with her
Lizzy:
I posted this exact site last week. My X spath has the weird sense of time, working habits and unusual food tastes…and of course all the rest of them except the religious one since he is not a believer. He’s an spath, but is also very narcissistic. We know that sometimes they go hand in hand.
Awww Lizzy ~ please stop beating yourself up over this. You are NOT stupid. Personally, I think you were probably a bit blinded by your attraction to her. You’ve said several times that she is beautiful. Yep, on the surface she probably is, but now you’ve seen through the veneer.
The important thing is, you’ve seen her for what she is, and now you know what to do about it.
I just read the article. Man oh man, those traits describe one of my aunts to a “T”. Thanks for sharing it 🙂
Take care Lizzy, you ARE on the right track.
h2h
Louise-I cannot believe how this describes EVERY single aspect of her and how she does things to me based on what I am doing/saying to her. It is insane. I have a lot more work to do as far as understanding this. When I look at it, she is SO much like the last girlfriend I had, before the spath. I think the NPD women are almost more evil than the men and apparently only 25% of Ns are women.
She is been attempting to turn me into her little mini-me and it reminds me of my N mother. I have been HAD for the last few months and I am really mad and feel really stupid.