In the wake of Weinergate, CNN posted an article entitled, Stop calling Huma Abedin a victim. Abedin, of course, is Anthony Weiner’s wife, who I’m sure was, at the very least, embarrassed by the scandal, and perhaps angry enough to consider divorce.
The article quotes a couple of authors telling women to choose not to be victims. Instead, women should choose to define their own happiness. Oh, there are a couple of caveats—the advice doesn’t apply to women who fear for their safety or are facing financial ruin. But there is no discussion of what to do when your relationship is so emotinally abusive that you are psychologically traumatized.
In short, this story offers advice for women coping with infidelity whose partners are not sociopaths. Which is fine—these women need advice as much as anyone. But the article also reinforces society’s “just get over it” attitude, which makes life difficult for women dealing with true exploitation.
Read Stop calling Huma Abedin a victim on CNN.com.
H2H-thanks for the encouragement but it is so hard to not beat myself up over this. I guess I was blinded by the attraction-since she IS the most beautiful thing I have ever seen, but that is no excuse for me missing all the red flags, since I have had way too much experience with the Ns-my father, mother, exspath, and the girlfriend before him-plus all my former coworkers.
I really wish my boss would hurry up and get things situated for me to go work out of state for 3 months. I need a break from her for awhile and a little physical distancing would be good-like 700 miles away.
Lizzy ~ I hear you. I have that tendency myself. I’m always VERY hard on myself when I feel that I’ve made a mistake. It’s hard not to be when I feel humiliated, especially when I should’ve known better, but hey, sometimes it takes a few times to finally learn the lesson.
H2H- thanks. I just hope that I learned the lesson this time. I wish I could figure out how to make them afraid of you. All the literature says that it’s beneficial to do that, but no one says how to do that.
I am wondering if that is one of the reasons that she is so against me becoming a police officer-my dream. I thought it was because it wasn’t girly and then she couldn’t make me like herself. Maybe it’s because she will feel that I have more authority and that it will compete with her level of authority-after all, they are extremely jealous and competitive. I also think she can’t relate to my desire to help others.
Lizzy ~ Well, with my aunt I just started letting her know that I saw right through the bs that she was always spewing. She was always making comments like: “you should do this” or “this would be better if you did it this way”. My response, “I like it this way.”
Just little things like that. She got the idea after a short time, and now she leaves me alone. 🙂
H2H-thanks, that helps. I need to think of some ways to do that-maybe when she’s correcting my grammar/language, I should just ignore her and talk the way I always do.
She thought it was a great idea to try and go away to work because I would make SO much money. I’m sure though that if I actually get to leave then she will start some attention seeking strategies before I go. They hate to live alone-I guess that’s why she was so happy when I moved in and has tried to make sure that I stay. I fed into that by doing a lot of things for her to take the stress off of her. Little did I know though, she feeds off the stress because of the marytr thing that N women have going on-my mother has it. I may eventually end up having to move because I can see some real craziness in the future-she is 61 and supposedly their narcissism gets worse the older they get.
I also read something interesting in my article stating that they tend to look younger than they’re actual age because they haven’t lived like us normal people. She looks a lot younger and her complexion is perfect-no wrinkles/lines. The other day when the other neighbor hurt her feelings about her looks, she took me inside and starting showing me old professional photographs that were taken when she was in her 20s and getting off on my reaction to them.
EB;
Interesting comment about “looking younger.” When I met my x-spath, I was attracted to him because he looked good for his age, some lines especially around the mouth, some gray hair showing up, but over-all not bad.
When I can across his profile online, he used a picture that to be honest, looked ten years younger and very “boyish” and he uses profile names ending in boy or lad. Even dresses like a late teen or early 20s guy.
My guess is that until about 32-33, he looked young for his age, the rapidly aged. When I realized this, I actually felt sorry for him and the pictures I had of him from the time we met, from a friend’s FB, he appears drawn and tired. Part of this is due to his lifestyle, part perhaps due to his own health issues.
Since he does not take good care of himself, and his health issue is arguably self-inflicted, one can make a case his past has caught up with him. You cannot go on living like a teenager and it not show.
OTOH, people who do take care of themselves can look very good for a long time. I exercise very much, do not smoke and now that I am healthy drink only in moderation.
The x-spath was surprised to learn I was a bit older than him. Thus, it is possible for healthy people to look good.
Unless he took drastic measure to change his lifestyle around, I doubt he looks any better today. I would love to have him see me today as I am back to my healthy weight and look better then when I met him.
And I know that would irk him to no end.
My X spath also looks very young, I mean very young and he is 44. Very smooth skin, doesn’t even look like he has to shave…face like a 12 year old boy as far as smoothness. I have never seen a full grown man who looks like he doesn’t have to shave. I guess being on the blonde side helps, but still. Twice Betrayed mentioned though that they tend to start waning after 50.
Louise;
35 in the case of mine…
my exspath looked young in the face too-despite his silver hair, no wrinkles or lines, and looked like a minimal need to shave-smooth skin, just like this woman.
OMG-where is Oxy with her big skillet when I need her!
Lizzy ~ Yeah, that would be a start, but I would make sure to TELL her: “This is just my way of speaking, get over it.” I know, that sounds a bit harsh, maybe even rude, but maybe it will help to wake her up to the fact that she should NOT be trying to change you.
My aunt always tries to play the martyr also. Constantly talking about always having to do EVERYthing for herself, complaining that “nobody ever helps ME”. Since my husband and I have helped her PLENTY, all she gets from me is “THE LOOK” that says, “come on did you forget who you’re talking to?”
She quit coming over to visit when we are back home visiting family. YEA!!
I guess ya just have to be firm, and not let ’em draw you into their web of crap! LOL
h2h