In the wake of Weinergate, CNN posted an article entitled, Stop calling Huma Abedin a victim. Abedin, of course, is Anthony Weiner’s wife, who I’m sure was, at the very least, embarrassed by the scandal, and perhaps angry enough to consider divorce.
The article quotes a couple of authors telling women to choose not to be victims. Instead, women should choose to define their own happiness. Oh, there are a couple of caveats—the advice doesn’t apply to women who fear for their safety or are facing financial ruin. But there is no discussion of what to do when your relationship is so emotinally abusive that you are psychologically traumatized.
In short, this story offers advice for women coping with infidelity whose partners are not sociopaths. Which is fine—these women need advice as much as anyone. But the article also reinforces society’s “just get over it” attitude, which makes life difficult for women dealing with true exploitation.
Read Stop calling Huma Abedin a victim on CNN.com.
H2H-I heard that if you respond to them like that then they just get nasty and she is like that. I think my best thing would be to pretend I never heard her.
I realize now why she behaved the way she did this weekend when I hurt her feelings. She made a suggestion to me to do something and I sarcastically laughed in her face. Big mistake. They hate to be humiliated and shown they are wrong. This woman is a different breed. She had the chancellor of a major university fired here because he chose to call her out on her behavior in front of others-BIG BAD idea. She went into a major rage and flew off the handle. This woman can be spiteful, vindictive, vengeful and will vow to take you down if you cross her. Now that I have gotten over her beauty and see her for what she really is, she isn’t much to mess with. I still have my future police career to worry about and she has dirt on me that could make things difficult. I need to ignore her as much as possible and not show her any kind of emotions and quit doing all these little things for her. I may have to find another place to live in December when my lease is up-depending on what happens.
Lizzy~ oh my…. she sounds more like a SPATH to me, as in possibly dangerous. Maybe I have my definitions a bit skewed, but I don’t think that a Narcissist is normally the type that would get dangerous. Ugh, I’d hate to see her spoil your dreams of becoming a police officer! Perhaps NC is the best way to handle her? Yikes!
Lizzy,
thanks for that link on NPD.
I read it when I first learned about spaths, but I had forgotten it and I’m glad to re-read it. I should print it out and hang it over my bed!! LOL! It’s very very good and so right on and I definitely needed those reminders.
Never forget that the N’s will continue to drag you back in because they are sooooooo loveable. Their magic is in their charm, they are irresistable and in a few days you will be wondering if you were wrong and thinking that she has some bad points that you can overlook, but you still love her because she’s worth it. This is called cognitive dissonance.
They make you FEEL contrary to what you KNOW.
Part of it is our own fault for being guilty of black and white thinking. We want the world to be simple and to be able to categorize people into good or bad. It’s not that simple, so until we are able to figure out how to deal with the gray area, we aren’t capable of dealing with a narcissist.
That’s where I’m at. Still trying to figure out what to do with people who are toxic but unavoidable – which, BTW, is almost the entire world.
SKY-thanks for that. I am going to have to just be really really careful. I just got word though that it is highly possible that I may soon have a travel job in Joplin MO. They are desperate for ICU nurses there and they may interview me as early as today. My boss is sending over my resume and references because they need someone to start quickly. That would be three whole months away from her.
I saw her a few minutes ago and told her and she got all excited. I showed no emotion to her about it. She is all about me making the big bucks but when it’s time for me to leave she may feel differently. She is somewhat dependent on me since I have been treated her like a princess for the last few months. I am going to be have to be careful not to let her rope me in and get emotional with her. She has had me at arms length for the past few days since I hurt her feelings and if I continue to gray rock her before I leave then she will probably be calling me when I’m gone. This is the game she plays. I am praying for courage and strength in regards to her cuz they are so loveable when they want to be.
I really just have to make myself not love her and keep in mind WHAT she is, cuz trust me, she is easy easy to fall for-her beauty and sexiness is almost intoxicating for someone her age, but it is danger. She will be the emotional vampire sucking the life out of me. I did this walking on eggshells around my last girlfriend and I have to remember that feeling again whenever I see her, because it was hard looking at her this morning because she looked so beautiful. It scares me. A change of scenary is really what I need right now.
skylar: I so loved your post!
I hear ya…that’s where “I” am at too.
NPD: yep, I keep forgetting about that when trying to sort out this mess inside my head. NPD; hmmm…I will need to remember that. Without that, the rabbit hole only is dark and makes no sense. Thanks skylar. xxoo
cognitive dissonance. Hmm….yep, that certainly was there. 🙂
Thanks skylar for putting my thoughts on the narrow where they belong. I owe ya one.
Love,
DUPED
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_dissonance
Oh yah, that rabbit hole sure runs deep; doesn’t it??
Cognitive dissonance with this woman really really sucks. She is intoxicating and it really freaks me out.
It is meant to be intoxicating, Dear EB…
Mine was very intoxicating….
TO THE POINT OF MIND CONTROL!
I refuse to allow this to stay in my life.
RUN for that new job EB and best of wishes to you!
DUPED
I’m not sure how to overcome cog/diss except to go NC and give it time. Hope you get that job Liz.
Another thing I’ve accepted is that my programming set me up to be attracted to narcissists and I hardly notice normal people (it’s like they are in perpetual gray rock). There is just nothing dramatic or exciting about normal people. So I’m learning to train myself to notice people who aren’t dramatic, because that increases my chances of meeting a normal, non-toxic, person.
Sky-I feel the same way about hardly noticing normal people. It must have something to do with growing up with both N parents and having several N relationships and being victimized on the job. The emotional hold she has on me is so intense that I can’t stand it and I think it may be initally hard for me to go away from her for a few months. You get addicted to the drama of it all and she is so dramatic and charming. It is so hard for me to look past all of it and all the intensity to see what she really is. It was hard for me to see her today. It makes me miserable because I want to see her so bad and also not want to see her at the same time.
I feel so stupid right now. It is all I can do to not go out and put her freakin trash can away for her. It’s ridiculous. I was washing her car on Saturday and another neighbor made comments about me doing it and said, “I really hope she appreciates it”. I don’t think can truly appreciate anything that I do for her because she isn’t capable of feeling the desire to do things for other people because you care about them. I feel like a total ass right now and I’m about to start crying. And I can’t start crying, in case people start calling me about trying to get the job set up.
I just feel so unbelievably sad right now. Last night I was so angry when I finally realized what she was. I couldn’t sleep all last night. Now that mourning has set in. I guess I am mourning what I can’t have with her and it really hurts. It hurts that she won’t ever trust me or have emotional intimacy with me. She totally runs from it everytime it starts to come up. It’s a vicious circle. She starts to feel to close and then she pushes me away and then when I start gray rocking her then she pulls me back in by faking to want closeness and then the circle starts all over again. It hurts that she doesn’t care about how I feel-only how she feels.