In the wake of Weinergate, CNN posted an article entitled, Stop calling Huma Abedin a victim. Abedin, of course, is Anthony Weiner’s wife, who I’m sure was, at the very least, embarrassed by the scandal, and perhaps angry enough to consider divorce.
The article quotes a couple of authors telling women to choose not to be victims. Instead, women should choose to define their own happiness. Oh, there are a couple of caveats—the advice doesn’t apply to women who fear for their safety or are facing financial ruin. But there is no discussion of what to do when your relationship is so emotinally abusive that you are psychologically traumatized.
In short, this story offers advice for women coping with infidelity whose partners are not sociopaths. Which is fine—these women need advice as much as anyone. But the article also reinforces society’s “just get over it” attitude, which makes life difficult for women dealing with true exploitation.
Read Stop calling Huma Abedin a victim on CNN.com.
ElizabethBennett
I just don’t know what to do. I feel so sad and like there’s a huge hole in my heart already. I have been knitting her a scarf for her birthday in October and it’s halfway done. I have been working on this afternoon to keep my busy until the job thing gets worked out. I don’t know how you just make yourself stop loving someone just like that. I know I’m not in love with her cuz I don’t know her well enough but I’ve been falling hard. You know how you get when you feel like you’re heart is skipping around and you have butterflies in your stomach, and just smile so much when your with that person. I don’t know how to turn that off and I don’t know if I can.
This is different from my ex narcissist/spath because I was already head over heels when the shit hit the fan and he broke it off with me and we never saw each other again. I get so twisted up over how she behaves and it tugs at me so much, but at the same time, I don’t want to stop loving her. I can’t stop crying and I’m going to have to stop and fix my makeup before she gets home-because she’s going to be wanting to see me and find out if I got the job. I can’t be crying and upset.
MoonDancer
oh my
skylar
Hey ((Liz)),
how about you make that scarf for YOURSELF? Who deserves to be treated well, more than you do? (besides me, of course! 🙂 )
I KNOW how alluring and intoxicating the narcissists are. They are just so adorable in everyway, ESPECIALLY to someone like us, who was raised and trained to worship a narcissist. I can completely relate to you.
Try as you might, it’s not going to be easy for you to just BE. You really want to be N-supply to someone. That’s why you knit scarves, wash cars, take out the garbage etc…
Other than intensive therapy, the only other thing I would suggest is to get a job where a narcissist pays you to be n-supply. or volunteer somewhere where you can bend over backwards for some narcissist somewhere.
Even if you are aware that you are doing these things because of your own need to be N-supply, it doesn’t stop your emotions from interpreting things according to a fantasy. But at least you can be aware of it – intellectually. It helps to go through that cog/dis BEFORE your heart gets broken, rather than AFTER.
MoonDancer
That’s right – if you got the money honey I got the time..no more of this people pleasing crap for crumbs and approval…got to take care of us first…now that sounds shallow, but! people will crap on ya for free if ya let em…..I gotz me some boundaries..does not mean I am an butt, but I aint gonna kiss one either…
ElizabethBennett
SKY-thanks. What you say really makes so much sense to me and I know you can relate to what I’m feeling. I’m just so afraid that I can’t turn off the feelings for her. She has meant so much to me for quite awhile. I am just so full of tears-my heart hurts really bad. Seeing her today made it worse too. She was so happy about my possible job. She has been rooting for me all this time and has been my biggest cheerleader. She was there during a really bad time this spring. She coached me with my presentation for my unemployment hearing and helped me when. I just hurt!
Back_from_the_edge
Wow hens….I know that feeling! 😉
The money doesn’t even matter anymore…
JUST GIVE ME THE PEACE & QUIET and a BUNKER to cower in!
GIVE ME A BRIDGE where I can sit and roast toads!
JUST ANYTHING other than that DEMON!
You said it all when you said: “I ain’t no butt but I ain’t gonna kiss one either!” YAY! 🙂 That is the BLINDING LIGHT, my friend. xxoo Hope you are doing well Sweetie…
DUPED
MoonDancer
Howdy Dupedster…I am doing fine thanks…yes our lives kinda change when the truth sets of free……
Back_from_the_edge
hehehehe: I like it! I might have to change my name…
DUPEDSTER….it sparkles; doesn’t it? 🙂 hehehehe
Nice to read ya hens…yah, our lives do kinda change when the truth sets us free…unfortunately I am too old now to do much about it! ahahahaha
*HUGS HENS*
Dupedster
one/joy_step_at_a_time
Star – if you are interested in Vajrayana meditation, check out Diamond Way Buddhism, and visit a center. They will teach you. I think you may like their ‘style’ (it’s not monastic, to say the least.)
I like your ‘don’t date him’ concept as a way to avoid ripening crap karma and creating more crap karma!
one/joy_step_at_a_time
hens – are you saying someone has some free crap! man, i COULD use some more compost for my garden!