In the wake of Weinergate, CNN posted an article entitled, Stop calling Huma Abedin a victim. Abedin, of course, is Anthony Weiner’s wife, who I’m sure was, at the very least, embarrassed by the scandal, and perhaps angry enough to consider divorce.
The article quotes a couple of authors telling women to choose not to be victims. Instead, women should choose to define their own happiness. Oh, there are a couple of caveats—the advice doesn’t apply to women who fear for their safety or are facing financial ruin. But there is no discussion of what to do when your relationship is so emotinally abusive that you are psychologically traumatized.
In short, this story offers advice for women coping with infidelity whose partners are not sociopaths. Which is fine—these women need advice as much as anyone. But the article also reinforces society’s “just get over it” attitude, which makes life difficult for women dealing with true exploitation.
Read Stop calling Huma Abedin a victim on CNN.com.
ElizabethBennett
Star-just got back from counseling and I’m all emotional. I can’t stop crying. I am so upset about leaving HER. I’m going to miss her SO bad. It hurts really bad and I don’t know how I am going to manage with not showing her these emotions before I leave. My heart feels like it’s going to explode. I’ve never felt like this before and it’s really hard.
Louise
Star:
Even though I am not dating, I can feel inside me that I will deal with things the way you are now as far as dating when the time comes. I was so out of control in my head with the X spath and have learned so much, I will never be that way again. It was way too painful and I can never let myself go there again. As you said, I will know in the future to not act on my “feelings.” That only causes a lot of drama and trouble. Peace to you.
ElizabethBennett
Star-I don’t just know how to handle it. I am feeling some kinda way. I already miss her and I’m not even gone yet. I have a huge hole in my heart.
ElizabethBennett
Star-I hope the other shoe doesn’t drop. I wish someone could do something about my back pain. It’s driving me crazy. I hope you get to do the immersion thing. I heard that was the best way to learn.
ElizabethBennett
Star-it does feel like something I never experienced before and that’s why I don’t know what to do. It’s just SO hard. I’m going to try and go to bed now and see if I can sleep. Goodnight.
Louise
Star:
My best friend’s 17 year old son is doing exactly that as we speak!! He is in Spain. What an awesome opportunity for a 17 year old!!
I am so happy to hear that you are happy! So many of us on here are sad that it feels good to see someone happy!
I WILL set the pace next time in dating. I have no doubt in my mind.
skylar
Star,
good for you. You don’t have to trust anyone but yourself. And you can still love and have fun if you are your own best friend first.
hugs.
Louise
Star:
Good to be cautious. It might save some pain in the long run.
Shalom
Star:
My first thought about your guy not calling, is that he may be in a relationship. Taking a day off to be with someone is not that difficult. Taking off for the beach and coming home with the evidence of a day in the sun…not so much. Hope I am totally wrong.
one/joy_step_at_a_time
Star – i think we need to make spreadsheets of green, yellow and red flags – and then tick off the appropriate boxes as we go along. categories to include (beyond the usual) would be ‘my triggers’, ‘things i may be projecting’, ‘mistakes i have made before’.
when i met the fake boy i had instituted a new rule about how long i had to know someone before i became sexual with them – that includes serious flirting. I broke it with the spath. if i had waited as long as my rule i am sure she would have gotten bored and pissed off. I will never be a person who gets to know someone for years before even considering a lover relationship – first of all because I have been programmed differently and I don’t think that I can change this late in the game, second of all, I am a very sexual person and thirdly, I am too old – their are not enough years left to get to know someone for ‘years’. LOL. so, i have to figure out how to work with what i have.
i am a gut instinct person. but in my business life i have learned to create ranking systems to use to aid me in making decisions. i have found this very interesting, because I always get data i wasn’t expecting, and i integrate it to decide on ways forward. no reason I can’t do this for lovers. every reason i should.