In the wake of Weinergate, CNN posted an article entitled, Stop calling Huma Abedin a victim. Abedin, of course, is Anthony Weiner’s wife, who I’m sure was, at the very least, embarrassed by the scandal, and perhaps angry enough to consider divorce.
The article quotes a couple of authors telling women to choose not to be victims. Instead, women should choose to define their own happiness. Oh, there are a couple of caveats—the advice doesn’t apply to women who fear for their safety or are facing financial ruin. But there is no discussion of what to do when your relationship is so emotinally abusive that you are psychologically traumatized.
In short, this story offers advice for women coping with infidelity whose partners are not sociopaths. Which is fine—these women need advice as much as anyone. But the article also reinforces society’s “just get over it” attitude, which makes life difficult for women dealing with true exploitation.
Read Stop calling Huma Abedin a victim on CNN.com.
Louise
Star:
I agree. Even though I am on Facebook, I really don’t care for it and as I said in my post above and you also just mentioned, there are other ways to communicate…call, email, text, VISIT IN PERSON…imagine that…hahaha! Who does that anymore? All this social media is ruining face to face contact.
So anyway, we will see how much longer I stay on it.
Stargazer
Louise,
A month or so ago, my computer got a virus and was “out sick” for a week. I could not believe how much I got done during that time and how much my social life improved! From what I hear, FB is terribly addicting to a lot of people who use it. It’s probably a good thing that I don’t have that addiction. Between this site and my reptile site, it would suck my life away.
Louise
Star:
Exactly!! Facebook is such a time waster! It can be very addicting. Most people (not me) even have it on their phones so it is with them everywhere they go. I think that’s a bit obssessive.
On another note, can you help me with something? I have discovered something…an aha! moment and need some advice on how to get past this now that I am aware of it. I have come to realize that I am stuck in fantasy mode with my X spath because we weren’t together long enough for me to hate him. Does that make sense? We were together long enough for me to fall hopelessly in love with him, become addicted to him and everything else. He did pull a lot of crap on me, but it was more the push/pull crap and f*ucking with my head…keeping me on the line…making me crazy. Playing all the games. But not enough for me to HATE him. I never saw the “real” him so I am still in love with the fantasy that I can’t shake. Any advice on how to get past that other than just telling myself that I didn’t know the “real” him (even though I THOUGHT I did)? At least now that I know what I am dealing with as far as my emotions, maybe I can better get the help I need. Because right now I am not doing so great. I was thinking tonight about how much it hurts to realize that I most likely am never going to see him again…never hear his voice again, etc. I know he’s a bastard, but because I am still in the fantasy mode, it hurts to realize these things.
one/joy_step_at_a_time
Louise, I think you will have to do what most of us have had to do: work to turn off the fantasy.
given your experience, I’d suggest you think about whether you would truly want this person in your life. would you want this behaviour to repeat and repeat and repeat, until you hated YOURSELF?
it just takes time and practice and you WILL get to the point that you don’t want him, and you will on an emotional level see him for what he is.
Louise
one/joy:
Thank you. I know you are right. I am going to work HARD on it.
ErinBrock
May I pop in here with an update…..and Louise, this may allow you to count your blessings you didn’t stick around long……
WELL……it happened, this am…..spath contacted the jr’s.
He called repeatedly….and left some very disturbing yet interesting messages. The first message was all ‘teary’ and ‘somber’…..with claims of I love you’s. Then….he ran out of message….and called back in a TOTALY different tone…..Dr. Jeykle/Hyde gig…. No hello’s, no I love you’s….only YOU LIED and STOLE my golf clubs from me?!?!?! Why did you lie to the police when you PUNCHED ME IN THE NOSE? WTF? His use of words was interesting, his anger was a tell.
He can’t contain.
Then….message ran out…..he called back…..I love you guys, I love your mother, I didn’t make her sick….she’s tainted you guys…..blah, blah……He hopes your mother (me) has done a good job raising nice kids. (He spoke like they were 7 in baby type talk). It’s been so hard being w/o you for the last 4 years, we were always together ask anyone in town it was dad and kids……(tell he’s in town).
I won’t stop calling, I hope you pick up one day. I hope you appreciated the money I….er your grandparents xx and oo left for you. (tried to claim responsibility for kids inheritence from HIS g. parents).
Then on to …….you lied to police, you lied to xx state (drug arrest state) and I have never done anything wrong to you?!?!
I can’t hate you or your mother. It’s impossible to hate the woman you’ve been married to for 28 years…..I know you all hate me and you can do whatever you want. I never forbid your mother from doing anything……she always did whatever she wanted……
Blah, blah, blah…..
Be good kid’s. I love you.
UMmmmmm. OKAY!
So….know we are a bit on edge….and I DON”T LIKE IT!
I believe he may be in town and I’m not sure what he’s fishing for……
Jr answered the phone one time (blocked number) and when he heard spath fathers voice he told him to F* off…..Your dead to me, never call here again! Click…..
Jr said……the anxiety in hearing his voice took me off guard. (YEp…..something I think we can all relate to).
It’s hard for me to see the fantasy in this crap anymore…..more like impossible. BUT…..what used to grab me was the I love you’s…..
NOT ANYMORE!
I want him gone….and gone far away….forever! Move on homey!
Stargazer
Louise, if there was a snowball’s change in hell that this guy loved you or could love you, you would not be here. Maybe you need to tell your story again to convince yourself of this.
Stargazer
Oh, EB, I’m SO sorry you had to deal with that crap. You are absolutely right – if you stick around with a spath long enough, that is exactly the kind of crap you will see.
ElizabethBennett
EB-WOW! All I can say is what a freakin Psycho-literally. I really really hope he stays away and you don’t have to keep hearing from him. I’m glad you son was smart and didn’t fall for his crap.
superkid10
EB
HUGS. I’m so sorry he appeared in your life again.
I’m so glad JR has his head on straight. Kudos to you.
There are some phone companies (AT&T, comcast) who offer services to block incoming calls. AT&T will let you block incoming calls from both a specific number, AND from somebody who blocks their number. It’s a great service.
Isn’t it funny, the further away we get, the more accurate VIEW we have of who they are as a person. Yuck.
All power to you!
Superkid