In the wake of Weinergate, CNN posted an article entitled, Stop calling Huma Abedin a victim. Abedin, of course, is Anthony Weiner’s wife, who I’m sure was, at the very least, embarrassed by the scandal, and perhaps angry enough to consider divorce.
The article quotes a couple of authors telling women to choose not to be victims. Instead, women should choose to define their own happiness. Oh, there are a couple of caveats—the advice doesn’t apply to women who fear for their safety or are facing financial ruin. But there is no discussion of what to do when your relationship is so emotinally abusive that you are psychologically traumatized.
In short, this story offers advice for women coping with infidelity whose partners are not sociopaths. Which is fine—these women need advice as much as anyone. But the article also reinforces society’s “just get over it” attitude, which makes life difficult for women dealing with true exploitation.
Read Stop calling Huma Abedin a victim on CNN.com.
Verizon lets you block numbers too-too bad I switched to Sprint cuz they don’t. Oh well, not thinking I’ll ever hear from ex spath again ever anyway-after all it’s been two years.
EB:
Wow is right!!! So sorry you had to encounter those phone calls and the spewing of all those words. Yuk!
Yes, it does help me realize that I got out and I won’t ever have to be a victim of all that crap. Thank you!
Jr handled it well…..he had the initial anxiety and anger. Then he chose not to listen to the rest of the messages and gave the phone to me to record them….without listening to them.
He has ‘removed’ himself’ from the word salad whackyness.
The thing about blocking the number…..is two fold.
Spath has placed himself within reach of local kids…..it would be ‘easy’ for him to get any new number Jr’s could change to.
Also….the block….he calls from various numbers and others phones…..he also calls from ‘out of area’ numbers……
We decided we were not going to attempt to block out every number we have ever been aware of……spath changes his number about every 6 months.
We have decided long ago…..just to follow through with the law. Document his whackyness and report when necessary. We will get another restraining order if we find these calls continue…..OR he shows up again with the stalking.
We are DONE….he is not. I think this is the way it’s going to go and this isn’t news to us…..we figured this one out right from the ‘gate’.
I don’t think he’ll ever ‘give up’. Kids are HIS posession. These messages showed this. It’s important for HIM to put his kids back on the ‘right’ path….HIS path. Believe it the way HE ses’s it.
All the lies they tell themselves to justify behaviors…..they DO believe over time. They become their reality! They nestle nicely into being the victim.
The downtrodden one…..HE’s been wronged by his family…..
The sad thing is….if the kids did decide to ‘reconnect’….they will never get their needs met. They will never be validated by their father….he will take that opportunity to berate them and tell them how wrong theyv’e been. How wrong it was for them to xx or zz or ff……and he’s really a good guy….WHO LOVES THEM.
A spaths ideal of love is just NOT the same as the rest of the world!
Louise, be ‘reality’ based in your thinking…….Star is right….you wouldn’t be here if you thought differently about him. Hold onto the grasps that you DO know…..and allow the days to pass. Time and knowledge is the healer…..
EB, with the HATEFUL VOICE MAILS, Maybe you can get your order of protection re-upped again for another year. I know it is a pain in the butt to do it every year, but as SOON as it expires, he comes back again and maybe the hateful voice mails are a GIFT TO YOU if you want to look at it like that….that will get your and Jr’s orders of protection updated! Hee hee you always manage to FIND HIM to get him served….
BE CAREFUL! But put your ADAMANT ON and go get him girl!!!! ((((hugs)))))
EB:
Thanks. It’s just that you know how spaths are…they MAKE you believe they care about you, but then they disappear again or whatever tactics they use to make you question everything. I posted something just a bit ago in another thread regarding that. But you are right…I need to focus on the REALITY.
Louise, everytime I read another post by you, I think our experience was one in the same. It also seems to be that many times, we are in the same place within our recovery/ healing process. I used to look for you, here, at times, but now find you are posting more, and it helps me on my journey to read what you have expressed. Some of it is in the past, now for me, but many times, you write about just what I may be struggling with at that moment, and since your experience was so much the same as mine, it is of great help to me to read what you express, as are everyone’s posts, here, but I relate to you and yours profoundly. Same with Kim Frederick, whom I have not seen here, lately. I hope she is doing great.
I hope all is going well with everyone!
Happy 4th of July weekend!
Eden
Louise, sugar you posted something that I would like to change your mind about—NO ONE CAN ***MAKE*** US believe anything. We may fall for their lies and believe them, but they did not MAKE US BELIEVE ANYTHING..we did it ourselves, by ourselves, and we can UN-BELIEVE just as easily.
They do NOT HAVE MIND CONTROL. The only way someone can get us to believe or not believe something is if we CHOOSE TO BELIEVE…they may lie to us and we may believe that lie, but we choose to believe it (maybe because we don’t know it is a lie) but when you KNOW IT IS A LIE, you can no longer CHOOSE to believe it.
When I found out my egg donor was lying to me, when I knew for sure she was telling me lies and sending money to my P son who had tried to have me killed. I CHOSE TO NEVER BELIEVE A WORD SHE SAID AGAIN…even when she told me she loved me, I did not believe it because though Ii wished it was a true thing, I KNEW her ACTIONS spoke the REAL TRUTH….
So believe the ACTIONS not the words….he never loved you, and the good things he said to you were lies, and the mean things he said to you were lies too. You do not have to believe a word he says or ever said. He is the liar, not you. (((hugs)))
Eden:
Thank you so much. It feels really good to know that someone can relate.
Happy Fourth of July to you!
Oxy:
I know…as soon as I typed that he MADE me believe him, I knew it was wrong. You are right…no one can MAKE us believe anything, but I believed it because I didn’t KNOW it was a lie. Same with the OW although with her I suspected because other females in the office had warned me about her. But, stupid me (and I admit I was really stooopid), I CHOSE to SOMEWHAT believe her. I say somewhat because I always had in the back of my mind that she was lying to me. So what I would do is avoid her for awhile, but then she realized it and she would say “are you mad at me?” Hell, if you didn’t do anything wrong, why would I be mad at you? It was her conscious getting the best of her because she knew what she was up to.
So now that I KNOW they are both liars, I don’t have anything to do with either one of them. Of course like so many others on here, it bugs me as it seems they just both go on with their lives. That’s where the OW narcissistic traits come out. She doesn’t care that she has hurt people; she just moves on.
Thanks for setting me straight.
Louise, they are nothing but pieces of TRASH….and the way you know they are trash is the WAY THEY ACT….that “are you madddd at me?” (whine) is just trying to act like they are “innocent.” When they are anything but innocent.
When someone pulls that carp on you, look them directly in the face, smile and say “Whatevvvvvvver would make you ask a question like THAT?” It throws the ball back on their side of the net and puts THEM ON THE DEFENSIVE. It is NOT what they are expecting either. LOL That is a good answer to use when ever someone asks you a question that is NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS or is a question that is really a cover up.
You are getting there, Louise, just keep on one step forward at a time! (((Hugs)))