In the wake of Weinergate, CNN posted an article entitled, Stop calling Huma Abedin a victim. Abedin, of course, is Anthony Weiner’s wife, who I’m sure was, at the very least, embarrassed by the scandal, and perhaps angry enough to consider divorce.
The article quotes a couple of authors telling women to choose not to be victims. Instead, women should choose to define their own happiness. Oh, there are a couple of caveats—the advice doesn’t apply to women who fear for their safety or are facing financial ruin. But there is no discussion of what to do when your relationship is so emotinally abusive that you are psychologically traumatized.
In short, this story offers advice for women coping with infidelity whose partners are not sociopaths. Which is fine—these women need advice as much as anyone. But the article also reinforces society’s “just get over it” attitude, which makes life difficult for women dealing with true exploitation.
Read Stop calling Huma Abedin a victim on CNN.com.
KatyDid
Louise,
I understand you are new but sadly, an spath is never “torn”. That would require a conscience. What they are is manipulative. They imply. You deduce b/c you can imagine feelings. Spaths can’t. They can mimick what feelings LOOK like, but they can’t imagine, they have NO frame of reference.
If your guy is torn with two feelings, he may be a jerk but he’s not spath.
ElizabethBennett
Katy-his wife never did keep him on a short leash until after she found out about me and took him back. He never used that as a hook with me. He never referred to her as a b#### per say. The only thing he did was play the pity ploy saying that all she was interested in was his money. I knew that she did give him a lot of freedom, or, he was just too damn slick. I think he was pretty slick and she was naive to think that he wasn’t doing it again-after he had already done it 3 other times. Honestly though, I don’t even know if that’s true. She was so angry with me, and rightfully so, that she told me a whole bunch of other really hurtful things that weren’t true.
I can’t assume that either one of them were being honest for any reason. It’s like I said before and Oxy said it, they have some twisted little thing going and it’s sick. It is obviously a totally different situation than what happened with you. I think his biggest hook was my low self esteem. He knew that he could get away with so much because I had low self esteem and so did his wife. I know she does because I’ve talked to her many times, and I don’t know whose is lower-hers or mine. It’s how he kept me in a relationship that deep in my heart I didn’t want to be in. I couldn’t decide what would be more painful though, breaking it off or staying in it. I tried to break it off so many times but he would always start crying and pull me back in. He would cry and I couldn’t take it and he would do something really sweet to rope me back in. It was sick. He was playing with my heart and with my mind. That is what they freakin do and they’ll never stop.
He wanted to have the appearance of the perfect doctor with the faithful wife on his arm but he also wanted to have flings with pretty younger women and not get caught. People like him need to realize that they can’t have it both ways. I pity him if he does do it again because I would be surprised if she didn’t kill him if he did. She told me before she cancelled the divorce how she was going to take him for everything he had and completely humiliate him. You don’t just do an about face like that and cheerfully take him back. She knows where to get him and that’s what’s sick about it. All I can say is that the 4th of July and Independence Day has a whole new definition to me these days.
KatyDid
Yeah Lizzy
When I truly understood what kind of animal my husband turned out to be, I wanted him to be as humiliated as the humiliation that he did to me. I wanted everyone to know the truth about him. I yelled and screamed at him, told him all the things about him that I was NOT going to miss. I even tried to tell a couple people the truth b/c I knew he was pulling a big con on them, but he is so convincing and charming that no one would believe me. Besides, it sucked off the energy I needed for myself.
I focused on my own recovery and getting my life together. And There’s that curse… the one where I told him I would not seek revenge. I didn’t need to b/c he would do it for me, just by him being himself.
I too, am celebrating a true INDEPENDENCE DAY! (But no fireworks! In fact, I am looking at where Oxy lives b/c it sounds so much cooler and more comfortable than here!!)
ElizabethBennett
Katy-where the heck are you then? Everyone talks about the heat. NOLA is stifling right now and it’s only July-wait til next month.
Ox Drover
Katy, if you think 101 with 85% humidity is cooler than where you are, you must be living in HELL ITSELF! LOL Sheesh.
KatyDid
I is jes goin by the wather report. weather.com
Oxy, sure is hot there but we’re a little hotter here, more humid, and NO rain. It’s supposed to be a swamp but this year, we are in the worst drought on record so it is a sauna outside with NO rain. It was also the hottest June here on record. You all dip down to much cooler temps at night as well.
But lets be honest, just b/c you are further north does NOT make your weather cooler. I’m jus’gripin. I am a puff who is not used to this heat, and it started a month earlier this year, after a miserably cold winter where is snowed like 6 times, ruined all my tropical plants b/c it not supposed to snow at all. Went from FREEZING to sauna. Where’s my relief? I’m thinking of going to north dakota. They’s supposed to have jobs there. ‘Course I may havta wait until the flood goes down a bit…..
whine….. is there anywhere with comfortable weather, and no floods, earthquakes, tsumanis, tornados, hurricanes, snow/ice, AND jobs?
Ox Drover
Katy,
In “FANTASY LAND” maybe! LOL ROTFLMNAO
ErinBrock
How does a high of 77 and low of 49 sound?
No humidity….dry ‘heat’.
Jobs, no tornados, no hurricanes, YES snow……small earth tembles….. and beautiful scenery!
I listen to all ya’ll and think…..YEP….stayen here!
after 20 years in this climate, i’m not sure i wouldn’t melt if I left. 🙂
Ox Drover
EB, you are the kind of kid who would come home and eat your ice cream in front of all your friends who didn’t have any—what a witch you are! I hope you get fleas, NO, I take that back, you might transfer them to Holly and I wouldn’t want anything to happen to her that would be bad, okay, I hope you get hang nails and ingrown hairs! SO THERE!!!!! BLAH!!!!!
ErinBrock
Oh….i forgot to mention the cool breeze, abundant sunshine and the many lakes….to cool ya off when it hits 80!