It has been five years since the sociopath was arrested and I was set free. Five years of growth, of change, of healing.
Five years of pain and sorrow leading the way to laughter and joy, abundance and gratitude.
Five years after the ending of that debacle, I am grateful that I no longer have to think about him, or worry about him, or do things because of him, or even for him.
Five years of growing into doing for me. Living for me. Turning up for me without fear.
What a difference time makes.
As I look back to those days when my life was narrowly defined by what he wanted, he said, he needed, he dictated, I am in awe of how far I’ve come, by how much has changed.
I am in awe.
Of who I have become, who I am, how I’ve changed.
In these five years I have found my voice and claimed my right to use it proudly. Sure, I had a voice before the sociopath rode in. And, I had a voice while with him. Even before him however, I never truly knew how to use my voice. I never truly knew the unique qualities of my voice.
When I met him, he told me how sweet my voice sounded. I believed him and asked him to tell me more. And he did. Beautiful, round, plump words of affirmation that seduced me with the sound of his voice echoing my words. And then, time moved on and his words became bitter and harsh. The sound of my voice irritated him and frightened me. I grew silent. Afraid. Lost. In my silence, I lost my ability to speak up, to voice my feelings, my thoughts, my ideas. I lost my ability to recognize my very own unique voice.
Five years since the moment of his arrest, I have found my voice again.
Hear me roar.
My voice is no longer a dulcet tone sweetly singing a serenade befitting his promises of love everlasting. Of gentle words calling out for his love undying, his love forever more. My voice is no longer a plaintive ode running away from the truth of his deceit and my betrayal ringing loud and clear through every note.
Today, my voice is a mighty roar. It is power. It is strength. It is courage. It is my truth spoken in love because I have the courage to stand up for me and speak without fear of ever being judged unlovable, unwanted, unworthy.
I am worthy.
Today, my voice is a song of freedom. Pure. Clear. Powerful. My voice carries. It carries me through tough times, hard times, over rocky ground and inclement weather.
My voice is strong. My voice is the sound of me standing up for what I believe in, what I desire, what I deserve. My voice is speaking up for me and speaking out against that which I cannot stand up for without fearing ridicule or dissension. With my voice I know, disagreement does not equal rejection. With my truth spoken clearly, I no longer reject my voice or allow it to be turned off by someone else’s assertions that they hold the only truth I need to hear.
My voice is fearless. My voice is caring. My voice is loving. My voice is unique.
Long ago I lost my voice beneath the sadness of loving a man whom I did not deserve. Long ago, I buried my voice beneath the sorrow of loving a man who was untrue.
No more.
Today, I claim my right to speak up. To be heard. To be counted on and counted in. Today, I let go of searching for meaning in someone else’s words because I know my own truth. When I speak for who I am and what I believe in, I am free to live in love with all of me. Fearlessly. Effortlessly. With grace and ease.
Once upon a time, I lost my voice. Today, I speak up, passionately, courageously, fearlessly. In having moved away from those days of loathing the sound of my own voice, I know what was can never be because what was with him was only fantasy.
Today, I step fearlessly into the truth. My voice is unique. Hear me roar.
And in my voice, I invite you to claim your truth as well. Your voice is unique. Let it roar.
ML Gallagher, Can you say more about marriage fraud? How does one establish a case etc.?? Thanks
Bird, ML and everybody,
Thank you!
I am in the middle of my finals. Of course, my whole program people know about what happend and are helping me to go through this hardship.
I am going to finish my school no matter what.
That will be the best revenge for the man who tried to take everything from me. The real valuable thing for me was no matter what my school and my family.
He lied that if I don’t behave me well bad people will kill not just me but my whole family (with his fake CIA job and his friends)….. I was so relieved when I first heard my mom’s voice after he almost forced me not to contact aybody with a gun.
Eyeswideshut,
a wedding fraud is really serious that can destroy your whole life…. everybody who even married to sociopaths, they are all victim of wedding fraud I think….
I am going to finish my finals…
Cheers everybody!
The power of many women and men rising up, speaking up, calling out to each other with strength, hope and experience is awesome!
Thank you everyone for your words. You give me courage to keep using my voice. You inspire me to keep standing up.
Eyes — marriage fraud was a term HL used — it’s a good one. I don’t know that there’s a legal precedent, but it’s worth investigating.
Apt/mgr — I love this! “I am a mouth!” LOL — that friend was so right!
Ox, we are a mighty roar!
JaneSmith — what a beautiful voice you have. Thank you for adding it to our song. Thank you for rising up in spirit and joy!
Bird — that is a powerful realization. I’m so glad you are living it for you and your baby.
HL — Yipeeee!!! Now that is powerful. Good for you for exacting the best revenge of all — a life well lived! You go woman!
Cheers,
ML
I’m not free of my P yet. He was arrested and tried. He was found not guilty. He and his mother both lied under oath to discredit my testimony. The judge could not find guilt beyond a reasonable doubt.
Here’s the thing. I wake up in the morning angry. Angry thoughts pop into my head at random times during the day. I have bad dreams about them.
I found out that he has 3 warrants for his arrest someplace in the US. When I called there to ask about why he wasn’t picked up, I was told the crimes had to be serious violent offenses.
It turns out though, that I can actually pay for his return to that state by hiring a fugitive recovery agency. This is possible because he skipped bail and the contract can be transferred from that agency to this one. The agent I spoke to got copies of the warrants and are waiting for me to make a decision.
The fugitive recovery agent believes he would serve time — as much as a year. Any time he’s off the streets would mean fewer people at risk. Fewer people would be conned. Fewer people would be at risk of injury or death because of his drunk driving. I believe the whole episode would be over for me at long last.
Does anyone know enough about the legal system to know if a bail jumping, probation violator would most likely be kept without bail? I think my biggest concern is that they’d just let him go on bail again, and there’d just be a 4th warrant.
BTW, the fugitive recovery agent promised complete anonymity.
Thanks for you words of encouragement and hope for a better tomorrow. I know that I am stronger because of what happen to my children and I. In pain we do grow. From tears we do heal. The flog of denial lifted. The fear of shame lessen day by day… Yes, people of the world. Hear us roar our theme of freedom and independent from those we once loved…
I wrote this a few years ago and wanted to share it with you all..
The Community
By: James XXXXX
Found a Community with people like me
Waking around in a fog, needing answers or
just needing to be..
Begging for lost ones, Lost in a Fog of tears
and fears…
Lost to this community, lost to me
Lost forever in a fog of dreams, and of lies
Of things that can never be…
So, we help each other in this Community
Were all paths lead to heartbreaks in
the center of this Community
Leaving trails of tears, and of fears…
With each member reaching to each other
in this Community….
Oh, why did this had to be?
oh why did they have to leave us be?
Along crying and begging for thee
Each one of us broken and busted inside of
this community..
And why oh why, my community?
Do I still cry for them to return
to this community. Lost of us, lost to me
Oh, No don’t let that be. But let them
come out of their fog, their dreams
And lies of what will never be….
My voice is soft and strong. I find it’s in the whispe not the screams where I find peace where I can be of assistance to the next woman. Who has no hope. To be a power of example, is so healing to say this is what was and this is what is booms with a soft, encouraging blast that can pull us through. It can happen to you (the healing) it happened for me.
Betrayed,
I have also been thru something similar. Unfortunately, it all depends on the judge. Your guy could be picked up and spend a few days in jail until his court hearing and the judge could post bail or the judge just may sentence him right on the spot. The system is not always a good one.
I just thought of what else positive comes our way after the anti-social psychos are gone from our lives.
What they did to lie and scheme to destroy us to our very core.
After we heal through our pain caused by their devastation … we dust ourselves off, pick ourselves up and go on in life backing our words and our actions to others we shall meet on our journey in life.
We learned the hard way and know first hand how devasting and ruthlessness the anti-socials are in this world and what they have done and will continue to do to others.
Our legacy is to ensure the complete opposite of what anti-socials are all about TRIUMPHS “Godliness over the egos of evil”.
A Prayer for Today
Dear God, I know that I can often rely on what you have given me rather than on you, the one who has given it all to me. Help me to realize that when I look to you first for security, though, everything else will fall into place. You will give me security beyond the here and now. In you I will find eternal security. In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen.
Peace to every one.
Dear Wini, I think your pray is one of the routes I am striving to learn.