Sociopaths violate all human values

As part of my day job—writing scripts for web-based training programs—I came across some information developed by the Institute for Global Ethics. Surveys conducted worldwide have consistently identified a group of values that people of all cultures and nationalities recognize as essential. These universal values are:

  • Honesty
  • Responsibility
  • Respect
  • Fairness
  • Compassion

Sociopaths violate all of them.

Perhaps that’s why those of us who are ethical, who care about others, who want to live cooperatively among our neighbors, feel so shaken after a collision with a sociopath. These predators take the qualities that people all over the world consider essential to the social contract and stomp on them, run them through a meat grinder and then pulverize them.

But they don’t tell us what they’re going to do. (Or if they do, we think they can’t possibly be serious.) Instead, they mouth eloquent words about their loyalty, trustworthiness and caretaking. We believe the words. Eventually, however, we discover that the words are empty, and their behavior reveals their true attitude: To them, the universal values of humanity mean nothing.

Then we, trying to extricate ourselves from the sociopathic relationship, lose our footing. We suspect that no one really cares about honesty, responsibility, respect, fairness and compassion. We were the only chumps who took these qualities seriously.

The good news is that we were right in the first place—most people in the world do respect the universal values. As we heal from our traumatic experiences, we’ learn how to differentiate those who do from the sociopaths who don’t.

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Wow…just…flippin wow.

Benz piqued my curiosity regarding Rhoad Warrior and her terrible situation with a psychopath. I wanted to get the low down on her own personal time with a monster. I became more than royally %^*& by the unbearable crap she endured with him and the justice system. Unbelievable how thoroughly heartless and corrupt the system is for many victims in NOT doing what they’re paid to do: to protect and serve, to provide a FAIR and non-biased hearing.

Ok…I clicked on the other revealing article about Brian Ellington. About a year and half ago, I joined a dating website. I know, stupid and dangerous, but I considered myself then to be still naive and personally uninformed that sick, twisted people patrol the internet. I got me a big lesson with the dude I dated for 3 months. He is/was a flaming narcissist. NPD personified. Good thing I terrified him with my confrontational behavior, as he wasn’t able to manipulate me like he desired. He tried to contact me via emal 2 weeks ago and I sent him a SCATHING email, ripping him to shreds, declaring him a subhuman, and to FO! Haven’t heard a word from him. Guess he got the point. Idiot.

Anyway, back to Brian. He actually contacted me while on that website. I never forget a face and when I saw his photo on LoveFraud, I was not shocked at all. By reading his emails, I thought he was a strange, strange dude. I must have been listening to my intuition very closely, because he really creeped me out, regardless of his external appearance. I blocked him after a few emails.

It’s true…it IS a small world after all.

Hey I have a situation as well but i’m not sure wat to make of it so far what I read about a sociopath and so far it seem to fit his personality?? if thats wat you call it.

This guy i really loved and I decided to move on cause I couldn’t take it anymore I realize I the one that was feeling sad and not getting respected as should. I never said he loved me , I even remembered him telling me once that he can lie without hesitation or remorse, that he can act what he wants to feel, I never really took into thought about what he said and I guess cause I loved him. He was the one looking me and one holding my hand and telling me i’m unique and such a genuine girl that he doesn’t want to hurt me.

He calls himself “Adonis” if anyone doesn’t know its a greek God one who thinks hes so beautiful among the others, He always tells me he never really have any problems just like set backs and nothing never really bothers him, well anyways I remember before everything started to go bad I would tell him I’m moving on and he always tells me he doesn’t want me to move on and always convincing theres some hope and because of that I always coming back till I realize he wasn’t like how he was before and I couldn’t take anymore.

for certain closer I wanted answers and I asked him if he actually cared for me or just playing me, he said I not gonna get wat i want cause he never loved anyone before and he doesn’t know how it feels and all the time I was talking to him he would have witty comebacks, like as if because I called him out on his bullshit he wanted to have the upper hand ?? well the whole time I was there cryng and hes like he doesn’t know wat it feels like and he had the vague stare, he said that we can go back being friends, he wants us to be friends and because he was my first and I loved him I agreed.

After that I heard He was dealing with this girl who I knew and we were all friends and I remember asking him about her and he said they’re just friends, even and incident came up with the same girl and he told me he never done anything with her and now as soon as I am out of the picture i hear they’re together because of that I decided to cut him off, but his bro and I are friends so I see him sometimes and every time I go out I realize he keeps staring at me or walks past me he tries to touch my hand or something and I just ignore him all the time.

And then he came on online one day and said I telling our friends lie that we weren’t together and that i’m trying to make him look bad, n’ i can dream the fuck on i will never be his gf and I was laughing most the time cause he was raving n’ ranting cause I know i’m not a liar, he was acting like I was the one did him something I never thought he would act that way.

With all of that said I’m new here and reading all about sociopaths n’ all I want to know if his actions were of one, cause I kept thinking I was played and maybe its my fault or something or probably I read too much into his actions ?? i don’t know can someone help me ?

Dear Grey2,

Sounds to me like you were played. I would suggest that you keep reading here and learning about narcissists, sociopaths and psychopaths (there are various terms to describe them) but the bottom line is that they CANNOT love you. They can use you, and fake affection, but in the end they will LIE LIE LIE just like a rug. CHEAT CHEAT CHEAT.

It’s not your fault, there was nothing you could have done to make things any better with him. The only thing you CAN do now, is learn all aobut how they act, and the next time you start dating someone and your intuition kicks in and says “there’s something about this guy…” RUN LIKE HELL!

Dear OxDrover,

Thanx for responding to my post even now he acts like I’m the one trying to get back him, he doesn’t think hes wrong and it hurts cause he doesn’t even look liek it phase him and hear I am thinking all those good time together and to think it was just fun for him. bowy, sure sucks. His bro and I are good friends so its sticky situation.

Dear Grey2,

I know it hurts the way they treat you, and when you realize that they don’t and never did really care for you the way you cared for them, sometimes we tend to think it is our “fault.” But that is NOT true. Read here and learn about psychopaths. They are NOT ABLE to love you, they can’t love anyone. They just bounce from person to person pretending. Sure there were some good times together I am sure, but that was the pretending part he did.

Being friends with his brother and trying not to see him I am sure is a “sticky situation”–most of us here recommend NO CONTACT, which means avoid them entirely. No speaking, no seeing them, e mails, texts, phone calls. Just NO contact of any kind. Maybe you can explain to the brother that your heart is raw and you don’t want to see the X-BF for “a while” and he will understand.

Being NO contact lets you heal from your broken heart and learn what to look for that we call “red flags”—signs that someone might be a psychopath—so the best defense is to learn the “patterns” of their behavior. Start loving yourself, and not letting anyone treat you the way he did. There is so much really good information here and knowledge is POWER. Take care of YOU first!

thank you :hugs: It’s good to have people can understand cause most people i’m around it’s hard to explain to them what I went through and how he was. my situation was very complicated and they weren’t in my position so its hard for them to understand but thanks again and It’s making me down cause I have to distance my self from his brother and some of my friends. It’s been almost three months now and I think I’m doing much better than before so I’m glad I found this site 🙂 thanks again

Dear GRey2,

It will get easier, I can promise you, but the only way you can make my promise come true is to read about and learn about these people. It is like they are cut out by a “cookie cutter” in many ways, there are so many things that are similar in the way they behave, but the main thing is that theyy don’t care about YOU.

It is also difficult to distance yourself from mutual friends and so on, but at least for a while it will make it easier on you, especially if you can just stay away from him, NO contact. Don’t listen to his lies to hook you in again. It’s all about controlling you. That seems to be what they most get off on.

Most of us here have also found our friends don’t understand either, that seems to be almost a “given” and that is why we are here with people who DO understand, to help support each other. You are not the crazy one–you are not the bad one, yet the psychopaths try to make us the crazy and the bad ones. We don’t have to accept that. We don’t have to believe them, or even listen to them. Going NO contact gives YOU back your control. It means you won’t let him hurt you any more. ((((HUGS)))) Come back here often and learn more, the key to me seems to be to be able to figure them out and to recognize the next one when you see him or her. They are not an endangered species, unfortunately. Good luck.

Hi everybody. I was just reading over some of the posts here.
Tami…major wowz on the random write. I want to send it to my ex-boyfriend/heartbreaker..but i won’t

LOL at the sociopath island.. and at gentle Henry as hitman.

Kat, there are impulses to send them all kinds of things—tell them off letters, articles, etc. I am not sure that URGE ever goes away…recently when we accomplished keeping the Trojan Horse P from getting parole and got legal possession of the money and the vehicle he stole, I SO WANTED TO WRITE HIM AND GLOAT, to let him KNOW I accomplished this. After his arrest, he sat in the court room and SMIRKED at me. Oh, I would love to wipe that smirk off his face…to LET HIM KNOW…but I WON’T.

I think as long as I have that URGE, I need to work on my healing more, to work on ME, and the first thing I have to do is to NOT GIVE IN TO THE URGE. That is the FIRST step, but not the only one I need to make. Hopefully, the time will come when I don’t have that urge for ALL of the Ps in my life. I no longer feel the urge to tell my P-son off, or even to know what is going on with him in his life, ditto the DIL, and even with my mother, but I DO still feel that urge with the Trojan Horse, so I think I need to work on that aspect of my healing. He is OUT of my life, can’t hurt me any more, and I have gotten as much justice as the law will allow, so I need to let the emotions go to “tell him off.” I need to stop letting that court-room smirk irritate me as long as it does, I am still “renting him space” inside my head. Giving him the power to irritate me.

“Dodged_A_Bullet says:
Process this:

The sociopath that lied to me about his HIV status, and put me at risk by exposing me, has this as his signature block (and was added after the fact):

“Respect for self, respect for others, and responsibility for your actions.”

How warped is that!? ”

Mine did not expose me to HIV, as we were “moving slowly.” I found out after he left me.

Never once mentioned the subject and when I had my own concerns — I was dumped the next day

Interestingly, his online dating is via a mainstream website with a relatively small number of gay members, He does not overtly indicate he is HIV+, but after reviewing his neary 700 “matching questions” I realized he is HIV+.

Most gay people on Facebook have a link to or are a member of some HIV/AIDS group, such as Red Ribbon. Not Jamie.

Our first real date was in World AIDS Day. No comment from him.

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