Researchers at Yale University developed studies to answer the question: Do babies have a sense of right and wrong? What they came up with may surprise you.
Read The moral life of babies, on NYTimes.com. Be sure to watch the video.
Link submitted by a Lovefraud reader.
silvermoon
Dancing-
If we desire to avoid insult, we must be able to repel it; if we desire to secure peace, one of the most powerful instruments of our rising prosperity, it must be known, that we are at all times ready for War.
George Washington
Psyche
Silvermoon, that quote is awesome. Many times I’ve wished to have abilities, resources and power (internal and external) that would help me do just those things, on a personal level. I don’t want to fight or even have to defend myself (my nature is peaceful), but I want to send a message to abusers that says I’m ready all the same.
Libelle, the idea of using the same weapons (but for good, not evil), and finding the healthy narcissism is where it’s at. I often wish I could ‘live in the moment’ as they do, without fear, and with full confidence, as they do … but not because I’m lying to myself like they do, but because I believe in myself. I love what you said.
Psyche
Hopeforjoy
Psyche, Silvermoon, and Libelle,
Finding my healthy narcissism is a difficult task. This is awesome advice and it is a goal of mine to dig deep, putting those self doubts aside. Oxy was talking about the FOG (fear, obligation and guilt) which seem to be the guiding force when dealing with these disordered people. Grasping on to that healthy narcissism, I believe, will keep the FOG at bay.
The guilt is the hardest thing to overcome. Am I doing the right thing? Will I be hurting my son? Will they forgive me for breaking up the family?
Just breathe, and listen to the wise advice of the LF community.
Hopeforjoy
Side note on my daughter, she auditioned for a performing arts high school today, I haven’t seen her so excited about school in a long time. I hope she thrives and is happy there. She deserves to be happy and to have a chance to be a healthy teen. She was accepted and will be attending it in the fall. Best news ever.
Psyche
Hi Hopeforjoy,
I agree with you, finding that healthy narcissism is a really hard task. I can’t find it many days (maybe most days). I still feel ‘bad’ or ‘guilty’ when I don’t do what others think is right. But one thing that’s helped me is to act, or do things, that I know are true to myself, and best for me and what I believe is right. Even if I mess up, I always know i did the very best I knew how to do in that moment. We don’t have to be perfect to be good. Your son will forgive you for any mistakes you make, if he knows you cared for him and yourself as best you could, every step of the way.
Doing what’s right for you will definitely make the people who got used to abusing you very upset. I don’t know your whole story, but wanted to warn you about that, just in case. They probably know it’s easy to make you feel guilty and torn or conflicted inside, and that’s what they’ll probably try to do, as you pull away.
I’m glad your daughter had such a bright spot in her day, and now in her future, it sounds wonderful!!
((( Hugs! )))
Psyche
Psyche
Hi Hopeforjoy,
Just one last thing before I sign off for the weekend – just keep telling yourself it’s about love, not perfection — love for yourself, and love for your kids. You can help your kids more as you become stronger and more stabilized in yourself.
Even if you lots of make mistakes, you’ll figure things out one step at a time, as long as you keep finding your way back to what your heart knows is true. It sounds like learning to not feel guilty, when you aren’t guilty, may turn out to be an important part of your process.
Take good care,
Psyche
struggling
Shabbychic,
HI!! Thank you for remembering me! I haven’t visited much lately so I don’t know anything about the new articles or how anyone is doing in their recovery, but I will catch up, hopefully.
I miss you guys…I don’t have internet so I have to visit family to use it. I finally went back home after several months of being gone so that the P wouldn’t torture us but it’s been on again every since we went home,,,the games the p’s play that is. I’m stuck in limbo in some ways.
We r falling apart though at home,,,me and my boys 🙁
My oldest is going through an awfully hard time with growing up. I didn’t know he was so mad at me, but I guess he is…:(
I love you all and I hope everyone is hanging in there!
Thank you again, shabbychic! I didn’t think anyone would notice I was gone…I know that’s awfully selfish of me but I don’t feel valuable to anyone at all and so I am walking and talking and breathing in pain.
I must go home now. 🙁
hens
Heavenbound – I will never forget you.. Remember me? Henry? I am so happy to see you here and sad that you are still struggling – you mean alot to all of us….peace and hugz to u
super chic
heavenbound, so good to hear from you!!!!
of course I remember you,
of course I would notice that you were gone.
Don’t let the p take away your self worth,
your worth is measured by God, not the p.
You are not a selfish woman,
you have more value than you will ever know,
everyone here loves you,
you are a special person,
you have to value yourself
give yourself strength,
you and the boys
can get out, one tiny step at a time.
God has not forgotten you, he promises.
Ox Drover
Dear Heavenbound,
Of course we noticed you were gone! I’m so glad to see you back here, even if it is just once in a while.
It’s really difficult to know just how strong, how valuable and how good you are when you are around a psychopath, they suck the life out of us like a vampire.
God loves you and he has NOT forgotten you and neither have we. I’m still here because I know that the healing process is not just a “one day you are healed” it is an ON GOING process for the rest of our lives, but it does get better where it is not painful like it was. (((((hugs))))) and you are still in my prayers!!!!! God bless you and your boys!