Researchers at Yale University developed studies to answer the question: Do babies have a sense of right and wrong? What they came up with may surprise you.
Read The moral life of babies, on NYTimes.com. Be sure to watch the video.
Link submitted by a Lovefraud reader.
RAW, EXPOSED, JAGGED NERVES, FRAYED BEYOND IMAGINATION, FRYING PANS FLYING (thanks to OXY), THUMPS ON THE HEAD, HUGS, KISSES, HISSES, STORMING, SHARING LIKE VIEWS, INSULTING OPPOSITE VIEWS … AGREEING, TAKING OPPOSITE SIDES TO GET ANOTHER POINT OF VIEW … NAKED, NAKED, NAKED AS THE DAY WE WE WERE BORN, REACHING OUT … CRYING OUT, SHOUTING OUT, CRAWLING OUT, STUMBLING, UP AGAIN, DOWN AGAIN, FLAT OUT, STRAIGHT UP … IN FRONT OF ALL, EXPOSING AND BARING THE VERY CORE TO OUR PRECIOUS SOULS.
YES, THE HEALING PROCESS … IT ISN’T EASY, BUT AT LEAST WE FOUND IT HERE.
PEACE.
.
ooh:) Wini I really like what you just said.
Wini –
damn girl, that’s beautiful!
a slam poet; knew there was some reason i liked you!
ONe !!!!
HI! Talk? Funny thing showed up on the web today. I think I might benefit from your expertise…..
Hello all,
My boss is a sociopath and I think a narcissist and a bully.
She had done bullying things in the past, but this year I have stood up to her and not allowed her to get away with her shananigans. She hates me for it and is trying hard to WIN and come out on top. Please give me feedback about my actions and next steps.
She is a dept. chair. Came to my class w/kids present and raised her voice at me about some miniscule issue. I told her to stop yelling at me in front of kids, she then emailed that my comment to her was rude. When she put that in writing, I had to defend myself and went to her boss, the asst. principal to tell her this has happened before and I want help in being treated professinally.
The chair, D, freaked out–at the meeting with AP I also brought a union rep, was very calm and objective, she very defensive. Wouldn’t look at me or say hi after that.
At every turn, she’s tried to catch me doing something wrong. She’d email me reprimands about any little thing, building a case against me. None of the things she criticised me about were a real issue.
Now she wrote in my evaluation a vague insinuation that I need to follow dept. policy, but not saying what policy. I feel angry about this because it’s a veiled intimidation, plus it’s not true.
In the past I have disagreed with something in the evaluation that was baseless and wrote a response to it. ANother time she wrote something that was not true and didn’t talk to me about it first. I let it slide bec. I was freaking out over my separation that year, but next year I went to talk to her about it, nicely, how it made me feel as though I am being picked on without a chance to state my side.
Today she came to ask for the signed eval. I said I have a question about one part and want to talk to her. She said how about right now? I said I have a class starting in a minute I can’t. ANd she did this exaggerated, mocking “Oh, I’m SOOORRY”–really weird–as if being sarcastic that I won’t jump to the time that’s good for her.
I must say I am nervous about talking to her. She is irrational, mean, underhanded, and vindictive. She HATES me because I exposed her to her boss. The worships people in authority above her and hates me for making her look bad.
Lastly, I wrote an assertive response about her telling me to change a summer assignment–gave her reasons why my assgt. was needed, that kids respond positively, it agrees with other schools in state, and I want her to trust my decision based on good test scores. I ended by I want to put this question to rest. If you have further concerns I’m willing to talk to you. She NEVER answered me. I think she absolutely HATES thta I challenged her and stood up to her and said NO.
She is a freakin’ bully and a tyrant.
What do I tell her next week?
I am unlear what policies you are referring to, would you please clairfy? Then what? What if none of it is true adn she won’t take that part out? I hate to have a tit-for-tat and every year play this game of responding to her criticism. I am afraid that will call attention to me?
What do you guys think of all this?
Dear DancingWarrior:
1st. Your bosses masks slipped off and exposed her true evil self. You saw this and called her on it. The worst case scenario for any of the evil ones is to know that another knows they are evil. Never to believe that sugary sweet, put together self that she pretends to all others.
2nd. She is out to destroy you. Make no mistake about this. She needs to rid the threat of anyone exposing her … and that means it is you.
3rd. Sign your evaluation with a written statement that you ARE NOT IN AGREEMENT WITH HER EVALUATION. Period. You have to sign, but you have the right to disagree. You can also write that your written disagreement will be supplied at a further date.
4th. Stand your ground with her and know it’s going to be a bumpy road.
It would have been better that you didn’t let her know that you saw her true evil self. But, that is water under the bridge at this point because she did expose her true self to you and now it’s war. Pure and simple. She’s going to do everything to undermine you to leave. Whether that be firing you, getting you transfered, or simply quit.
HOLD YOUR GROUND and get union representation in immediately. File grievances on her first exposure to you, the insults and non-truths she wrote on your evaluation, her intimidation practices towards you. If she looks at you inappropriately, file a grievance. Hopefully your union rep is legit. If not, and they are in management’s back pocket like mine were, write to your chapters upper union officials. Mine was in Boston, MA.
You are at war now. She will never let you out alive. It’s her or you and she’s going to do every dirty trick in the book. Never expect truth with her … and don’t get overwhelmed by her lies. You are at war now. First rule of war is never back down. You are going in it to the end. Period. No, ifs ands or buts about it. She wants your juggler and you have to do the same to her. Sorry, it’s painful, but you can not take her as a prisoner.
I don’t know your personal history … if you have a significant other in your life, children, best friend etc. But, bring in your closes friends and family member because it will be overwhelming and you will need the close people in your life even closer … to listen to facts, listen to what she and others (oh, yes, she will bring in enforcements to help her destroy you) … but, you need others to keep tract of all the facts for you.
Do yourself a favor, bring in a small tape recorder that can record every evil thing she says to you. Just make sure no one knows this. It’s your guarded secret. Every night keep a journal of what transpired, who was in, who was out sick, who was on vacation, who you saw, times, dates etc. who was with who, when, where, what time … note down every possible situation you see/hear at the time.
Finally, stay calm. I know this is the most excruciating thing to do. But, get a message, sit in a sauna, go swimming … walk, ride a bike, make sure you get your excersize … because going up against a SPATH is the most excruciating event anyone can do and endure. When you can’t sleep at night … fill your tub with a bubble bath and relax … at least I fell asleep in the tub when I went through this … and got some sleep.
Of course, there is more to this … but, remember to file off all grievances, even if it seems to be ridiculous to you at the time or that no one will believe you. Because, it matters. It matters at the end when you get up to arbitration they will ask, well, why didn’t you file grievances immediately?
Peace.
Hi Wini,
I talked to two union reps. One did not want to go in with me to be present when I discuss the evaluation because the chair is in the same union as teachers. Another rep told me that the wording is so general, it says nothing that I did wrong, so to just leave it alone, because she is NOT actually saying I did anything wrong. If I questions her, then she’ll actually specify some things I did (as I listed things she’s been after me).
I spoke with an asst. principal whom I trust, who is not her supervisor, who told me to ask her to clarify, and if I respond in writing, I would have to comment on specific things, then call attention to it more. But if issues have been addressed already, to ask her to take out that piece.
My T has advised me before to try to stay relaxed and warm, non antagonistic, non adversarial, when I talk to her–not passive, but not rigid. When I am afraid, and I am afraid as she is a bully, I get tense and project a fight mode, which would be like red to a bull.
I am going through a divorce–just starting. With NO family or social support network. So no I have no one to realy on for a boost. My union has been very ineffective before. She triggers me more because I just can’t tolerate being pushed around. But I can’t afford to put my job on the line as I am now a sole breadwinner. What horrible timing!
I had to assert myself to her because she kept doing these nasty things. It SCARES me that you say it’s WAR. I didn’t really sign up for WAR!!!!
No idea how to file a grievance or on what grounds. Or if that will make a more hostile relationship that’s definitely war. At least up to now she’s left me alone academically–she doesn’t observe me, nor comment about my teaching.
But first complaint from a student or a parent, and she’ll attack me and find fault with me.
Dancing,
You have to follow the advice of your T and be extraordinarily high performing and professional.
On the job, your personal situation is no excuse and it can and will be used against you if you bring it up.
It is what it is and if my understanding from outside your profession serves, the politics of being in it are viscous.
So, I’d get a resume ready and get my head in the game over the summer and have alternatives lined up before push comes to shove which if you can’t get control of being a red flag in front of a bull, it will.
While people who exert the power of their positions may in fact trigger you, your job as a subordinate is to make your boss look good. If you don’t, they will target you because you are a threat. And in a world where getting another job isn’t easy, disordered or not – expect a defense of her position.
So. get real and get with it. As sole bread winner you can’t afford to let your emotions control your professional life and you’d better keep your personal life out of it.
Again and again, do your homework, know your requirements, guidelines and procedures COLD. Don’t wait for somebody to rescue you. It isn’t going to happen on the job.
And, you’d be in a stronger position to be working with your boss during a divorce. My advice, be a worthy politician on the job and get yourself in line so that you aren’t out on a limb.
The first rule of business is don’t trust anyone on the job with your story. Document everything. Be visibly positive and in writing or emails even when you disagree or reverse another person’s position do it positively.
It doesn’t matter if you like it our not. It matters that you keep your job. Do what a professional does. Know what the Union can do for you, how it works and how you can use it, but don’t bring them in unless you can wield them like six guns with pearl handles!
And above all else, leave your emotions and your triggers and your moods at the therapist’s office. If you are in a conflict with the person your report to directly and you are a threat, you are going to be replace because you are a troublemaker and there are kids just out of school and experienced teachers out of work who want your job.
Like it or not, its time to get real and don’t take your job for granted.
That is not to say I don’t feel for you. I do. But it is what it is.
DancingWarrior, she drew first blood (started the war between you) by using her authority to write her dissatisfaction of you for NOT taking her evil harassment. And, harassment she will do to buckle you in line. Therefore, anti-socials always do the “DO AS I SAY, NOT AS I DO” rule of thumb for how they live their lives.
She did NOT act professional when she reprimanded you in front of the children. Supervisors/management are NOT to reprimand subordinates in front of an audience. Period. They are suppose to maintain, keep their composure with everyone, including subordinates. She is NOT to bring her petty irrational mindset of what she perceives you are doing or not doing into anything in the workplace. She owns her own perceptions. Not you. Just because she’s thinking negatively about you, does NOT make it truth. It’s NOT your problem, but she’s making it your problem. That is what I am trying to prevent for you. As a former union steward, I know what I am speaking of.
First, I would grieve how she reprimanded you in front of an audience (the children). NOT professional behavior (she lost her cool because she wanted to control you … take you off guard). I would grieve the fact that she continued it into her office, face to face with you. It’s her problem how she perceives a situation. Her perceptions do not make it true. Apparently, the two of you already discussed this and you denied her allegations. If so, why he she insisting to write it on your evaluation? That shows that there is no talking with her to air problems she perceives. Her perception (meaning her arrogance is leading her, no rational thought behind it). Therefore, there is no need for you to have to be injured by a situation that happened already to clear the air.
Then I’d grieve her on bringing her personal hostility and NOT professional judgment towards you in your evaluation.
That’s it. Most likely it will be resolved at the first step process and go no further if your union has any bite behind their bark.
Most of the grievances I handled for co-workers were handled at the first step. Resolved. Case close. They won, not the Spath supervisors or managers. It all has to do with business, not personal perceptions. You weren’t doing anything out of the ordinary except not wanting to be abused while you try to do your job. I don’t see anywhere in any supervisors/managers job outline that lists bullying another is part of their job responsibility.
Reminder … sign your evaluation and ensure you include that you do not agree with what she wrote and that you will outline the details of your comment at a later date (when you run it by your union steward).
Beside, signing an evaluation doesn’t mean you agree or disagree with it. It only means that you saw it. There is rebuttals that go with any evaluation and you need to do this or what she wrote, becomes permanent. That’s what you are preventing by grieving her and how she is treating you.
Peace.
DancingWarrior, Always stay professional. Never open your mouth to respond at any given moment you find yourself not fully composed. If response is needed, explain that you will give it at a later date (when you write and re-write your professional GENERIC response). Never, ever respond when your emotions are welled up. Leave the meeting with anyone knowing they will get your response in writing by COB the following day or days … however long you think you need to cool down, think clearly, and write a professional response.
Remember, she’s the one that came unglued and she’s trying to put that action on you. Do not allow it to happen. Stay professional at all times. If you need to cry or just get away from anything … keep your head focused and excuse yourself to the ladies room to wash cold water on your face … and rid yourself of any emotions that will wash over you.
Keep your head up high. Smile through the horror … and your smile will become your armor.
This war is about Good versus EVIL. Always was, always will be. Truth versus Lies. Don’t let lies control your life. You have a right to live a life of truth and peace even when Spaths want to trip you with boulders.
Peace.