Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we’ll call “EllenMarie.”
I met a covert malignant narcissist on an online dating site. I had no idea such people existed.
I had lost my wonderful husband of almost 30 years to cancer 4 years previously. We’d had a terrific, healthy relationship, and I wanted another one. I have two master’s degrees, one in psychiatric social work, and have always considered myself very intuitive and a good judge of character. Not this time!!
I met the narcissist on Feb 3, 2017, and was thoroughly love bombed for 5 months. He proposed after 6 weeks, and we were married on June 30, 2017. I saw no red flags. He was really a pro at keeping it together.
Exactly two weeks and two days after the wedding, on the last day of our wonderful honeymoon, he suddenly and without warning FLIPPED into a different person. He flew into a narcissistic rage over something HE had done wrong, and from that moment on, he never treated me the same again.
There’s so much more to the story, of course, but even though I was devastated by what was happening, and my head was spinning, I am a strong person. Because of my previous great marriage, I knew what a good relationship was, and I knew how it feels to truly be loved.
I kicked him out after 5 months.
I found myself still missing him in spite of the HORRIBLE treatment I had endured, which I found very odd. I did some research and stumbled onto the term “narcissistic abuse.” This was it, exactly!!!
I have now read 23 books on the subject! I went No Contact and filed for divorce. The divorce was a nightmare, thanks to him, but at last it was final in August 2018. Now I am trying to get him out of my head.
These are truly evil people.
Finally recognizing a sociopath’s abuse
Dear Ellen Marie,
This sounds very familiar and female sociopaths are exactly the same. As Donna has written and spoken about, they are Jekyll and Hyde personalities. And it always starts with love bombing. Or to put it another way, everything happens very fast. Before you know it you are living together. Based on my experience online dating sites are dangerous. Perfect arenas for predators. Therefore I stay away from them. Thank You for sharing.
Ellenmarie, So incredibly sad to reading your post. ? My sincere condolences for the lost of your beloved husband. That’s a deep heart ache.
Steven Hassan, cult & domestic abuse expert, states in his book Freedom of mind, that the most likely time to end up in a cult or domestic abusive relationship is when you have a life change such as, a move, going off to college, job change, death in the family, empty nest etc. So this guy saw your grief from a mile away & target you with his love bombing. If you do a search here on love fraud on Steven Hassan you can read Donna’s write up on his book.
I am so sorry that you endured such hell from this pure evil narcissist. Thankfully you saw his mask drop quickly and even more thankful that you filed for divorce & followed the now contact rule. What a blessing that you followed your gut instinct. To learn more about listening to your gut google: Oprah Gavin Debecker you tube.
With time your mind will settle down. Look into Adrenal fatigue symptoms. The stress you have been under for a the last few years have most likely weakened your adrenal glands which need to be healed. This guy that you just divorce caused a lot of chaos & drama and you may now suffer from PTSD. Some symptoms of adrenal fatigue: depression, anxiety, racing mind, sleep issues, not being able to deal with stress etc etc. It’s a long list.
Look at symptoms list on:
Adrenal fatigue. org
DrLam. com
google Adrenal fatigue symptoms
Also look up at the top Red tab for books on healing that Donna has written as well as others she has posted. The Yellow tab on the home page has good info on healing. Look up Mary Ann Glenn here at love fraud. She conducts free group for victims of narcissist/sociopath abuse. One is coming up very soon.
Sending you huge hugs!! ???So glad you had the courage to post today.
Wishing you all the best. Keep venting, posting & reading here at love fraud.
Take care.