How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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Recover from the sociopath by acknowledging the pain

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UPDATED FOR 2021. Editor's note: Lovefraud previously published a letter from a reader whom we called "Bessy." It was entitled, "The only hope I have is that Karma exists." This is a follow-up letter from Bessy — she's not feeling any better. In my response, I suggest that she acknowledge the pain. My ex has not contacted me in 9 months and I know I should feel lucky, but I feel even more inadequate and unlovable than he made me feel back then. Why do I hear of boomerangs and "they always come back" stories and my phone is silent. Was "I" that bad??? I was vulnerable I think I was attracted and vulnerable in the first place because I was at a crossroads, facing losing my mother, a …

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My psychopathic ex-husband is dead, and his pedophile brother is in prison

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My psychopathic ex-husband, James Montgomery, died on February 16, 2021, in New South Wales, Australia. I heard about it a few days later from the woman he married after me. James Montgomery was still my husband when he married her; it was the second time he committed bigamy. But hey, who’s counting? The news that James Montgomery died had no effect on me. In fact, the same day I learned about my ex-husband’s death, I also saw the obituary in the newspaper for the first man I dated after I graduated from college. For him, I felt sadness. For my ex-husband, I felt nothing. That’s probably why it took me so long to write that James Montgomery died here on Lovefraud. It simply didn’t ma …

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5 warning signs of narcissistic rage and what you should do

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Something happens — perhaps even something small — and your partner explodes. He or she launches into a tirade, slams doors, throws things and appears to be on the edge of physical violence. What do you do? Narcissistic rage is really scary. The rager may yell, scream, curse, demean, belittle, shake fists and back you into a corner — and that's assuming the person doesn't get violent. If the situation escalates, the rager may throw or break items, punch the wall — possibly next to your head — and threaten you. Some may lose control totally and physically strike you. Usually, the display of aggression is way out of proportion to whatever it was that supposedly triggered the anger. Narcis …

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To Mom and Dad: 9 reasons why your son or daughter fell for a sociopath

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UPDATE FOR 2021 To the Mom and Dad of a Lovefraud Target, Your son or daughter has now come to the brutal realization that the entire relationship was a scam. Perhaps you've had your suspicions for a while. Perhaps you've even tried to tell your kid that the partner was no good, but he or she wouldn't listen to you. Now everything has collapsed, and you can't understand why your son or daughter didn't see it coming. Please understand that sociopaths are professional con artists, and they are really, really good at what they do. In fact, they spend their entire lives perfecting their craft. Following are nine reasons why your son or daughter fell for it. 1. Your son or …

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Media messages that blind us to sociopaths

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[youtube_sc url=http://youtu.be/KaOC9danxNo] UPDATED for 2021. I was watching ABC World News Tonight back in 2015. At the end of the program, ABC announced its "Person of the Week" Col. Chris Hadfield, the first Canadian astronaut to walk in space. Col. Hadfield is famous for his magnificent cover of the classic David Bowie song, Space Oddity, recorded while he was the commander of the International Space Station. The video has more than 50 million YouTube views. Hadfield's Space Oddity is absolutely breathtaking. It's such a tribute to the capacity of the human race to reach beyond our grounded existence that it brought tears to my eyes. I watched it again today. It still …

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Psychopathy can run in families – a possible warning for you

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UPDATED FOR 2021. Lovefraud received the following request in an email that brings up a scary truth: psychopathy can run in families. My husband's psychopathy was never diagnosed as far as I know, but some years after we married and her second suicide attempt that I knew of, he told me his mother had been diagnosed as a psychopathic manic depressive. Maybe you could give your readers 'a heads up and how to' on finding out as much as possible about the in-laws' medical conditions before marriage, better yet sound them out before becoming emotionally entangled? This is a great suggestion, so thank you to this Lovefraud reader. Here's my basic advice: Understand that psychopathy can run …

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Do psychopaths know what they are?

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UPDATED FOR 2021. Lovefraud received this e-mail from the reader who posts as "Flicka." Most experts seem to say that psychotics know what/who they are — different from the rest of society. However, I question whether or not this is true. My experience has been that they SEEM to sincerely believe they are a superior group of humans, intellectually, physically, emotionally and the ultimate future of the human race. I.e. when confronted with their outright lies, accusations, priorities, misjudgments, lack of morals, compassion, they either sincerely defend their lack of emotionalism as a sign of their superiority or call you absolutely “crazy”. If this response is part of their “act,” they mus …

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Gabby Petito bodycam video of Utah police stop

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[youtube_sc url="https://youtu.be/fCGsW41aQEw"] The Gabby Petito bodycam video is haunting. We are in the position of the Utah police officer on August 12, 2021, as he approaches the vehicle Gabby and her fiancé, Brian Laundrie, have been driving across the country. The white Ford Transit that they converted for the “van life” was going 45 mph in a 15 mph zone, and then hit the curb. The officer approaches. Gabby is crying. Distraught. Apologizing. She says they were fighting this morning. That she suffers from OCD and gets crazy. The officer asks her to step out of the van. She is shaking. He gently asks what is going on, and then asks her to sit in the back seat of the police vehi …

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Why you feel so shattered by the sociopath’s betrayal

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UPDATED FOR 2021. Just about all Lovefraud readers share the feeling of being shattered by the sociopath. You just can't get your arms around the experience. "How can someone who claims to love me be so cruel?" "Do you mean he (she) never loved me? It was all a lie?" "I never knew people like this existed!" When you first begin to realize that you've been involved with someone who has a serious personality disorder, you may feel shattered by the sociopath, like you've lost your bearings in the world and you're drifting. You've had your heart broken before, but no previous relationship compared to this. Even if you've managed to get away from this toxic person, you feel lost. …

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Why psychopaths talk so much

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UPDATED FOR 2021. Psychopaths tend to dominate conversation. Many of us know this first hand, but the reasons why psychopaths talk so much have been documented in a scientific paper published by the Public Library of Science, PLOS.org. Researchers brought together same-sex college students in groups of three people. None of them knew each other. The students were asked to engage in small talk. The conversations were videotaped, and researchers later analyzed who did all the talking. It turned out that study participants with higher scores in primary psychopathy, as measured by the Levenson Self-Report Psychopathy Scale (LSRP), spoke more words and controlled the conversation more than …

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