How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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When there seems to be no escape from the sociopath …

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UPDATED FOR 2021. Lovefraud once posted the story of "Billyjean" in an article called Alone. Exhausted. Lonely. Stressed. Stuck. She described how she felt like there was no escape from the sociopath. The headline pretty much sums up Billyjean's position. This single mom had thought she found a man who loved her. She married him, became pregnant and discovered he was cheating on her. Now Billyjean has a baby, no family support, and can't afford to leave. Plus, although her ex doesn't want to be with her, he also doesn't want to divorce her. He provides some financial support, and therefore feels entitled to show up at Billyjean's apartment whenever he wants, supposedly to see the child …

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Bullying and harassment in an Episcopal Church

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Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following story of sociopathic harassment in an Episcopal Church, endured, amazingly, by one of the church’s leaders. Names are changed. My name’s Benjamin, and my same-sex spouse and I are the victims of a sociopath. Even worse, the sociopath is the priest who married us. My story begins with a well-known Episcopal church. When I arrived there in 2011, it was love at first sight. People were friendly and welcoming, and the church beautiful. Even better the rector, whom we’ll call Dave (not his real name), was personable and gave a great sermon. It wasn’t long before I was asked to run for the vestry, which is the board of directors in an Epis …

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Sociopaths say they want love, but what they really want is supply

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UPDATED FOR 2021. Lovefraud received the following email from a reader whom we'll call "Suzette." She can't understand why sociopaths say they want love, when their behavior is not at all loving. It's strange, my brother (who I have no doubt in my mind is a sociopath), craves being loved. He bounces from relationship to relationship, using his girlfriends. Yet when he screws up, and has his girlfriend threaten to leave him, he acts so desperate! Desperate for human connection.  He tells me that he can't live without love in his life, and that he NEEDS a girlfriend by his side. I don't understand this. He's a drug addict, and he uses his girlfriends for support - and before he had any …

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Moral dilemma: Warning the next victim

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UPDATED FOR 2021. Lovefraud received the following email from a reader whom we'll call Alfred. The subject line of his email was, "A moral obligation?" I'm two years removed from the brutal break-up with my ex-spath and all in all, can say I'm doing quite well and have recovered nicely! It was a LONG journey to get to the place I'm at and it's a relief to be there after two years of continual obsessing and ruminating - I've finally reached the point where I just don't care anymore. The shock of what I had in my life for 14 years has finally dissipated - the last emotion to go. That being said, I know I still have some work to do on myself as evidenced by my need to periodically check-up …

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Why relationships with sociopaths are so addictive

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UPDATED FOR 2021. Time and time again, when I do personal consultations, people tell me how they struggle to break away from a relationship with a sociopath. It is not your imagination. It's hard to get away. Let me help you understand why relationships with sociopaths are so addictive. You know the involvement is bad for you. But even when you're not forced to interact with the sociopath — you're not married, don't have kids with the person and don't work together — you can't cut the cord. There are psychological and biological reasons for this, which I'll explain. Psychological bond Any time two human beings enter into a relationship, a psychological love bond forms. This bond b …

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Yes, sociopaths can create a totally fake persona

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Editor’s note: Last year, Lovefraud published a letter from “Natalia20” entitled “The sociopathic singer and his many women.” She was with a guy for five years, and he was cheating with multiple women the entire time. Natalia20 has written to Lovefraud again with a question about her ex's fake persona. Although it has been more than a year since my break-up with my sociopathic bf of many years, I still have more and more thoughts coming. Highly spiritual man The latest one is this: I met a highly spiritual man who would start his day by Tarot card reading, always reading self-help or spiritual books, his flat full of crystals for protection/energies, burning incense, making rituals, anal …

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Why did I want to hug the sociopath, even though I know he is bad?

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UPDATED FOR 2021: Lovefraud received the following email from a reader who posts as "amhealing2012." She ran across her disordered ex, and suddenly wanted to hug the sociopath. Why? Miss Donna, I spoke by email to you about 2 years ago about a guy I had been dating. You confirmed he was indeed a sociopath. I have had no contact at all for over a year and a half. Strangely he has been on my mind a lot the last few weeks, thinking I saw him and thinking about him. Today while coming out of the mall with my older daughter I heard his voice say, "I hope you found what you were looking for." I turned and there he was with that cute grin on his face. IF not for my daughter being by me …

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The eyes of a sociopath

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UPDATED FOR 2021. Sociopaths are hiding in all segments of society. They can be male, female, all races, all religions, all ethnic groups, old, young, rich, poor, good-looking, homely. Only one aspect of their appearance may hint at their personality disorder: The eyes of a sociopath. If you've had any type of involvement with a sociopath, you may have noticed some weirdness about the person's eyes. You may see this in one or more ways, such as: Intense eye contact In my book, Red Flags of Love Fraud one of the 10 warning signs is intense eye contact. To gather information for the book, I conducted the Lovefraud Romantic Partners Survey. Of the 1,352 survey respondents, 59% of them …

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Narcissists and the lack of empathy

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A key trait of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is the lack of empathy. At least, that’s what most mental health professionals believe, and a lack of empathy is included in the diagnostic criteria of the DSM-5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of the American Psychiatric Association). But clinical research has failed to establish that narcissists lack empathy. How can this be? Many of us have endured, first-hand, the devastating lack of empathy exhibited by narcissists, antisocials and psychopaths. Well, it turns out that there are two types of empathy, and these disordered individuals often lack one of them, but not the other. When you understand this, you’ll also understand wh …

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Explaining evil – the psychopathic agenda

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UPDATED FOR 2021 — Evil exists. That was the revelation posted back in 2014 by Richard Cohen, a columnist with the Washington Post. The world once again appears to be a dangerous place, so it seems appropriate to revisit this concept. The impetus for Cohen’s column was the atrocities committed by the Islamic State — the jihadists who overran Iraq, murdered anyone they didn't like, and beheaded American photojournalist James Foley. "I used to not believe in evil," Cohen wrote in his article, The Islamic State is evil returned. Now he does. Cohen compares the acts committed by the Islamic State to those of other purveyors of brutal atrocities Adolph Hitler and the Nazis. In the gener …

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