Perhaps the biggest question asked by people who have been targeted by psychopaths is, "Why?" 1. Why did he work so hard to win me, proclaiming his love and promising a beautiful future together, and then suddenly dump me? 2. Why does she intentionally scare, upset, demean and embarrass her own children? 3. Why does he lie about stupid things, even when he'd be better off telling the truth? 4. Why doesn't she care that she's hurting me? I'm sure you have your own list of "why?" questions. We try to make sense of the psychopath's unfathomable behavior. We look for explanations that we can understand: Perhaps he was abused or felt abandoned as a child. Perhaps she has low …
Cognitive dissonance: Vicky Cilliers can’t accept that her husband tried to kill her by tampering with her parachute
Emile Cilliers, a British army sergeant, was convicted last week of attempting to kill his wife, Vicky. The two were avid skydivers, and in April 2015, he tampered with her parachute before a jump. She fell 4,000 feet, but miraculously survived. Earlier in the week, Emile Cilliers damaged gas fittings in their home. If the gas had exploded, it would have killed Vicky and their two children. But even though the court found him guilty, Vicky Cilliers can't believe her husband was capable of murder. Read this story: 'I still can't believe he tried to murder me': Tearful wife of Lothario army sergeant refuses to accept his conviction for cutting her parachute, says she has NO plans …
Sociopaths keep changing their demands, keeping you in turmoil
When you're dealing with sociopaths, figuring out what they really want is nearly impossible. Why? Because they keep changing what they want. When my ex-husband, James Montgomery, moved into my house, I agreed to convert my basement, which I used as a small gym, into an office for him. I put away my gym equipment. I hired builders to install more electric outlets to run his array of computers, televisions and business equipment, which required enclosing the lower part of the walls. Making the improvements, and installing a small bathroom downstairs, cost me $6,000. (He promised to pay me back, but of course he never did. When Montgomery first moved into the office, he was …
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School shootings: Understanding patterns is great, but doesn’t prevent murder
Another school shooting — in Santa Fe, Texas. Ten dead — eight students and two teachers — and 13 wounded. This one wasn't like the Parkland, Florida shooting, where everyone knew that the perpetrator, Nikolas Cruz, had serious psychological problems. No, this time, when 17-year-old Dimitrios Pagourtzis opened fire, people were shocked. There was only one mention of a possible motive mentioned so far. One of the students killed was Shana Fisher, 16. Shana's mother, Sadie Rodriguez, said that for four months, Pagourtzis kept making advances on her, and she kept refusing. According to the Los Angeles Times, "Pagourtzis continued to get more aggressive, and she finally stood up to him and …
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A sociopath claims, ‘We are evolution’s next step’
Do sociopaths know what they are? Many, many Lovefraud readers ask me this question. The short answer is that some of them do and some of them don't. The man who sent me the following email certainly has insight into his own personality: I would like to thank you for making your videos they have given me an insight into how you people recognize us. WE are not to blame for your short comings because you are weak minded and foolish enough to be taken advantage of. We are evolutions next step we don't allow silly emotions to cloud our judgments. In fact we use our advantage for survival because we are natures next course. I know I sound very narcissistic and apologize for that but if you …
Book Review: ‘Miracle in the Madness:’ All real therapy is release from the past
The Miracle in the Madness — Grateful to be the son of a murderer, by Travis Vining Review by Donna Andersen The following article refers to spiritual concepts. Please read Lovefraud's statement on Spiritual Recovery. Travis Vining is the son of a sociopathic serial killer. His father, John Bruce Vining, killed four people, and coerced Travis, as a young man, into helping him escape prosecution. How does anyone cope with that? Travis tried to forget what happened, and he did, sort of. His psyche repressed direct memory of many incidents. But the efforts of his mind had repercussions in his body. Travis had all kinds of physical problems, ranging from rashes to addiction to p …
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What do we do when sociopaths experience no consequences?
Lovefraud received the following email from a reader who posts as "Salvation2012." Thank you for helping me decide when I needed to cut my losses during my divorce. I did cut my "losses," yet the total I received tallied up to a number similar, just not in all cash. Because I settled in his eyes, he told everyone I was just proving how I was the guilty one and didn't want to risk being exposed. To the end he will deny permanently injuring me and bleeding me of money, and cheating on me (which I only later found out about the extent). My recent concern is watching him seemingly have no consequences. I'm not a vengeful person, so this is a distressing area for me, but I just thought karma …
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Dating again after the sociopath – Webinar May 16, 8 pm ET
[youtube_sc url="https://youtu.be/wMXEep7qAuM"] You'd like a romantic partner, but after one sociopath, you're afraid of meeting another. Learn how to know when you are ready for a new partner, and how to date with awareness, so you can protect yourself from scammers and predators. Bring your questions! Dating again after the sociopath Presented by Donna Andersen, author of Lovefraud.com Wednesday, May 16, 2018 • 8-9 pm ET • $25 Highlights How to protect yourself from sociopaths Why internal healing is important Lovefraud's 3 rules of dating 10 tips for dating with awareness Staying safe with online dating The initial presentation will be recorded. If you want to …
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‘Liar’ by the Rollins Band — singing about a sociopath
[youtube_sc url="https://youtu.be/FFyZ8QU-FgE"] Check out this music video of the hard rock song Liar by the Henry Rollins Band. It's clearly about a sociopath. What's interesting is that this song was recorded in 1994. Without Conscience, Robert Hare's book that introduced psychopaths to the world, came out in 1993. I don't know if Rollins read the book, but he is certainly describing disordered behavior. Story suggested by a Lovefraud reader. …
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My Bill Cosby experience: I definitely dodged a bullet
Entertainer Bill Cosby, 80, was convicted of sexually assaulting Andrea Constand last week. He drugged and assaulted her in 2004. Five other women testified that he did the same thing to them back in the '80s — proving it was Cosby's pattern of conduct. The Philadelphia Inquirer has extensive coverage of the Cosby case. Click this link: Bill Cosby trial And here's a story from USA Today: A complete list of the 60 Bill Cosby accusers and their reactions to the guilty verdict I am now convinced that my personal experience with Bill Cosby was a near-miss. I was young and naive. But luckily, my guardian angels were looking out for me. I wrote about my experience when the story f …
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