Lovefraud Live is evolving. What started out as my Youtube show is now an informal, inexpensive support group. If you’re looking for advice or support, join us!Four years ago, I started presenting my Lovefraud Live videos on Youtube. But I wanted to take it to the next level, offering you more opportunities for advice and interaction. So I moved Lovefraud Live from Youtube to a private Zoom call, with a focus on recovery. The calls are every Tuesday at 8 pm ET. You can protect your identify if necessary.FormatHere’s what to expect: First, I do a short presentation, just like in my Youtube show. Then, I turn off the recording and answer your questions. You can ask general questions about nar …
Psychopaths as puppet masters
UPDATED FOR 2023. You and I feel personal satisfaction through accomplishment, or warm human relationships, or being of service to others.Psychopaths feel personal satisfaction through pulling the so-called strings and making people jump.They do something that they know will upset you just to see you cry. They trap you into no-win situations to watch you squirm. They devalue and discard you, so they can watch you fall apart.Why do they do this?Social motivationsThe answer lies at the heart of the personality disorder. According to Dr. Liane Leedom, psychopaths have an out-of-control power motivation.Researchers have identified four social motivations. These are basic motivations that people, …
To recover from the sociopath, be selfish
Perhaps you’ve always taken care of everyone but yourself. But now, you finally figured out that you’re dealing with a sociopath. Whether it’s your partner, parent, sibling or boss, this person has manipulated, abused or exploited you. How do you recover? You do what you must. You put yourself first. In this situation, it’s perfectly acceptable to be selfish.It may take some time to sort out, in your mind, exactly what is in your best interest, and what isn’t. The sociopath, after all, causes so much trouble for so many people that their problems may seem to be your problems. It’s important to identify what is not your concern.Problems that are not yours to solveTypically, when you’re dealing …
If a sociopath cries at movies, does it mean he has feelings?
UPDATED FOR 2003. Lovefraud received the following email from a reader whom we'll call "Alana." She asks what it means when a sociopath cries.Thank you for this wonderful site. Unless you have been through it, no one can understand the insanity of a Narcissist/psychopath.There are three things that I have noticed about my Narcissist.Donna Andersen respondsBefore I address Alana's questions, I want to lay some groundwork.We all know that there is an infinite variety of people in the world. People all have different traits, behaviors, virtues, faults, habits, strengths, weaknesses, passions and fears.This applies to disordered people as well. Even when psychopaths, antisocials, narcissists and …
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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Houseless, wifeless and kid-less
Editor's Note: Lovefraud received this letter from a man in Massachusetts, who ended up houseless, wifeless and kid-less. We'll call him Gary.I just turned 39 this July. I got married to a woman in 1995. We just got divorced in February of this year.While married to this woman, two beautiful children were born to us — or so I thought. The oldest just turned six in May. The youngest will turn three in August.One night in July of 2007, I came home to find my wife speaking with another man in my home late at night. Of course the reasons for him being there were all phony, as I later discovered. Anyway, uncomfortable with that situation, I decided to do some investigating. It turns out there w …
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Games sociopaths play
Perhaps you’ve been making yourself crazy, trying to understand your relationship. No matter what you do, you can’t seem to make your partner happy. You feel confused, dismayed and, thanks to your partner’s complaints and accusations, guilt-ridden. Well, there’s an easy way to clear up your confusion. You just need to understand the games sociopaths play.Here’s the bottom line: To the sociopath, the relationship with you is nothing but a game. What’s a game?A game, according to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, is a “physical or mental competition conducted according to rules with the participants in direct opposition to each other.” When you’re in a relationship with a sociopath, he or sh …
To recover from the sociopath, allow yourself to feel the pain
UPDATED FOR 2023. Lovefraud published a Spath Tale in which a reader, "simpleme56," describes her terrible experience of multiple betrayals. Here's how she begins her story: I came from an abusive childhood, an abusive marriage, and worked hard for over thirty years to heal, to educate myself to be able to understand the dynamics of my abuser and move forward in my life. Believing she finally found an incredible man, she left the abusive marriage, but quickly learned, to her horror, that the new man was another abuser. Here's her story: Back and forth, from the abusive husband to the sociopathic boyfriend It seems so disheartening. Simpleme56 worked hard to understand what had ha …
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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Not one thing about him was real
Editor's Note: In this post, another Lovefraud reader tells her story of being deceived by a sociopath. He was an attractive, well built-man for his 47 years. When we met three years ago, I thought he was extremely handsome and charming. He was fun to be around, and seemed to crave the same physical and emotional contact as I did. He said he was not married and that he had just ended a relationship with a woman he had been dating because she was pressuring him to meet his daughters and he was not ready for that kind of intimacy. Over a short period of time, about four weeks, he talked about his abusive mother, his time in the Navy as a SEAL and a reservist. He suffered from the same kind …
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Announcing the True Lovefraud Stories podcast
Did you ever try to tell someone what you went through with the sociopath, and they looked at you like you were crazy? Most people really don’t understand the extreme deception and manipulation that goes on in these relationships. Now everyone can learn what happens, up close and personal, by listening to the True Lovefraud Stories podcast. Since I launched Lovefraud.com in 2005, I’ve heard literally thousands of unbelievable stories of people’s encounters with sociopaths. They’re shocking, but true. You literally can’t make this stuff up. Now, I’m giving you and all Lovefraud readers and viewers the opportunity to tell your stories. Brave survivors have said to me, “If I can save one person …
Advice for dealing with sociopaths: Don’t take it personally
UPDATED FOR 2023: Lovefraud received this note from a reader; we'll call her Allison. She offers excellent advice for recovering from your entanglement with a sociopath: Don't take it personally. I want to thank everyone involved with the Lovefraud website. It is truly a gift. To the brave survivors, I wish you peace. I am a survivor myself. In fact, I'm divorcing mine as we speak. I will write my story another time because this time I only want to give a piece of advice that has helped me the most. When I was able to do this, the rest was easier to get through. I stopped taking it personally. It was not an easy task. I read everything I could get my hands on and while I learned his actions …
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