How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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If a sociopath cries at movies, does it mean he has feelings?

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UPDATED FOR 2003. Lovefraud received the following email from a reader whom we'll call "Alana." She asks what it means when a sociopath cries.Thank you for this wonderful site. Unless you have been through it, no one can understand the insanity of a Narcissist/psychopath.There are three things that I have noticed about my Narcissist.Donna Andersen respondsBefore I address Alana's questions, I want to lay some groundwork.We all know that there is an infinite variety of people in the world. People all have different traits, behaviors, virtues, faults, habits, strengths, weaknesses, passions and fears.This applies to disordered people as well. Even when psychopaths, antisocials, narcissists and …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Houseless, wifeless and kid-less

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Editor's Note: Lovefraud received this letter from a man in Massachusetts, who ended up houseless, wifeless and kid-less. We'll call him Gary.I just turned 39 this July. I got married to a woman in 1995. We just got divorced in February of this year.While married to this woman, two beautiful children were born to us — or so I thought. The oldest just turned six in May. The youngest will turn three in August.One night in July of 2007, I came home to find my wife speaking with another man in my home late at night. Of course the reasons for him being there were all phony, as I later discovered. Anyway, uncomfortable with that situation, I decided to do some investigating. It turns out there w …

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Games sociopaths play

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Perhaps you’ve been making yourself crazy, trying to understand your relationship. No matter what you do, you can’t seem to make your partner happy. You feel confused, dismayed and, thanks to your partner’s complaints and accusations, guilt-ridden. Well, there’s an easy way to clear up your confusion. You just need to understand the games sociopaths play.Here’s the bottom line: To the sociopath, the relationship with you is nothing but a game. What’s a game?A game, according to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, is a “physical or mental competition conducted according to rules with the participants in direct opposition to each other.” When you’re in a relationship with a sociopath, he or sh …

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To recover from the sociopath, allow yourself to feel the pain

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UPDATED FOR 2023. Lovefraud published a Spath Tale in which a reader, "simpleme56," describes her terrible experience of multiple betrayals. Here's how she begins her story: I came from an abusive childhood, an abusive marriage, and worked hard for over thirty years to heal, to educate myself to be able to understand the dynamics of my abuser and move forward in my life. Believing she finally found an incredible man, she left the abusive marriage, but quickly learned, to her horror, that the new man was another abuser. Here's her story: Back and forth, from the abusive husband to the sociopathic boyfriend It seems so disheartening. Simpleme56 worked hard to understand what had ha …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Not one thing about him was real

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Editor's Note: In this post, another Lovefraud reader tells her story of being deceived by a sociopath. He was an attractive, well built-man for his 47 years. When we met three years ago, I thought he was extremely handsome and charming. He was fun to be around, and seemed to crave the same physical and emotional contact as I did. He said he was not married and that he had just ended a relationship with a woman he had been dating because she was pressuring him to meet his daughters and he was not ready for that kind of intimacy. Over a short period of time, about four weeks, he talked about his abusive mother, his time in the Navy as a SEAL and a reservist. He suffered from the same kind …

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Announcing the True Lovefraud Stories podcast

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Did you ever try to tell someone what you went through with the sociopath, and they looked at you like you were crazy? Most people really don’t understand the extreme deception and manipulation that goes on in these relationships. Now everyone can learn what happens, up close and personal, by listening to the True Lovefraud Stories podcast. Since I launched Lovefraud.com in 2005, I’ve heard literally thousands of unbelievable stories of people’s encounters with sociopaths. They’re shocking, but true. You literally can’t make this stuff up. Now, I’m giving you and all Lovefraud readers and viewers the opportunity to tell your stories. Brave survivors have said to me, “If I can save one person …

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Advice for dealing with sociopaths: Don’t take it personally

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UPDATED FOR 2023: Lovefraud received this note from a reader; we'll call her Allison. She offers excellent advice for recovering from your entanglement with a sociopath: Don't take it personally. I want to thank everyone involved with the Lovefraud website. It is truly a gift. To the brave survivors, I wish you peace. I am a survivor myself. In fact, I'm divorcing mine as we speak. I will write my story another time because this time I only want to give a piece of advice that has helped me the most. When I was able to do this, the rest was easier to get through. I stopped taking it personally. It was not an easy task. I read everything I could get my hands on and while I learned his actions …

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Lovefraud’s 3 Rules of Dating

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Most of us want to have a significant relationship in our lives. Even when we have plenty of friends, a wonderful family and a fulfilling job, without a partner, we often feel lonely. Sociopaths specialize in targeting loneliness. Anyone who is looking for a romantic partner is, by definition, vulnerable to being targeted by a sociopath. So how do you protect yourself from predators AND find real love? By following Lovefraud's 3 Rules of Dating. Here they are: Rule #1: If they lie to you about who they are or their life story, dump them The whole point of an intimate relationship is to be authentic and honest with someone, to reveal your true self, and to be loved for who you are. …

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Letters to Lovefraud: The coldest man I’ve ever known

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Editor's note: The following story was submitted by a Lovefraud reader whom we'll call “Marsha” about the coldest man she's ever known. I just wanted to write and share my story. I did some research on all the characteristics of what makes someone a sociopath. My father is a psychologist and knew my situation. He had mentioned the concept that my ex-fiance was a sociopath after everything that happened to me and I didn't think to ask him more about what that meant. After exploring this site with the symptoms, I realized that my dad was 100 percent right. Here's my story: When I met my ex-fiance, it was through a mutual friend. He was charming, funny and seemed to be very witty and sma …

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To escape a sociopath, trust your perceptions

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Some sociopaths are really, really good at maintaining their charade. They can present themselves as an honest, caring, loving, church-going, salt-of-the-earth man or woman — as long as they deem it necessary to hook you. That's why it's so important to trust your perceptions. H.G. Beverly referred to this in her post, Gut instinct is not enough. She described the way her ex, Wyatt, treated her during the seduction stage. With the sweet words that came out of his mouth, who would not interpret his behavior as authentic love? She writes: The red flags we expect — like little signs of a deceitful nature or callousness or flakiness, or even what we call love-bombing — these red flags are not …

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