UPDATED FOR 2024. I talk to a lot of people who are, or have been, involved with sociopaths. Time and time again they tell me, "I feel like I'm losing my mind." This is exactly how sociopaths want you to feel. Why? Because if you are confused and unsure of yourself, you are more pliable. You are easier to control, and what sociopaths want is to control you. So how do they mess with your mind? Lies from hello to goodbye First of all, they lie. Now, this may not sound all that terrible, because we all lie from time to time. But normal people lie to get out of trouble or spare someone's feelings. Sociopaths lie because they have an agenda. The lying starts at the very …
10 reasons why sociopaths’ lies seem so believable
UPDATED FOR 2024: When we finally figure out that just about everything a sociopath told us is a lie, we are shocked. How can anyone lie so fluently? And why did we fall for it? Here are 10 reasons why the sociopath's lies seem so believable: Sociopaths tell you how honest they are Early on, sociopaths may tell you how much they value honesty, and that truthfulness is the foundation of all relationships. Their objective is to convince you of their trustworthiness, so that when you encounter their lies, you don't see them. Sociopaths lie while they look directly into your eyes Some experts say that if people look up and to their right while speaking, it's a sign that they are …
Should I warn the next victim?
UPDATED FOR 2024: Lovefraud received the following e-mail from a reader who posts as “forever_me.” She asks a very important question: "Should I warn the next victim?" I'll answer her question after her letter. Hello. I am looking for some guidance. I was in a romantic relationship with a P for over 2 years, but just broke it off earlier this week. I discovered that he was using an online dating site and was able to access it because I knew the patterns of his passwords. I created a bogus profile on the same website and contacted one of the women he was messaging. She was shocked to hear from me because my P told her he was single and not dating anyone. What was worse was that they had en …
A cult of two – you and the sociopath
Cult leaders are charismatic, charming, egocentric and manipulative, and their key strategy for recruiting followers is love bombing. Does this sound like the sociopath you encountered? If you’re involved with a sociopath, you may be in a cult of two — you and the sociopath. At first - love bombing When you were targeted as the sociopath’s new romantic interest, it’s quite possible that you were showered with more attention, adoration, and perhaps gifts than you’d ever experienced. You may have felt giddy with excitement. You may have felt that you were placed on a pedestal so high that the air around you was thin and you could hardly breathe. When they’re in full seduction mod …
5 warning signs that your online love is a scammer
It’s wonderful to hear, “I love you.” But if the words are coming from someone you recently met online, maybe what they really mean is, “I’d love to exploit you.” Is this person for real, or is your online love a scammer? The FBI’s Internet Crime Complaint Center (IC3) recently released its 2023 report, and cybercrime continues to climb. The report states: "In 2023, IC3 received a record number of complaints from the American public: 880,418 complaints were registered, with potential losses exceeding $12.5 billion. This is a nearly 10% increase in complaints received, and it represents a 22% increase in losses suffered, compared to 2022." Included in those totals are 17,823 complaint …
What if you decide to stay with your sociopathic spouse?
You’ve finally figured out what’s wrong with your husband or wife — he or she is disordered. But life is complicated, and maybe you’re wondering if your best option, at least for the time being, is to stay with your sociopathic spouse. Maybe you’ve been married for years. Maybe your relationship was always confusing, your partner wasn’t honest with you, or you felt like you were being used. In the meantime, you went on with life, intermingled your finances, had kids. Now you’ve finally figured out what’s wrong — your partner is disordered. How should you deal with him or her? And how can you care for yourself? Sociopathic spouses are not created equal If you’re trying …
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9 questions from an 8th grade student about how sociopaths think
I was recently interviewed by an 8th grade student who wanted to know how sociopaths think. She interviewed me on Zoom as part of a school project. I was very impressed with her questions. If we all educated ourselves about how sociopaths think like this student did, we would avoid a lot of pain. Here are nine of her questions — and the answers. 1. How did you first learn about sociopaths? I married a man who turned out to be a sociopath. This con man took $225,000 from me, cheated with at least six women during our 2.5-year relationship, had a child with one of the women, and then 10 days after I left him, married the mother of the child. It was the second time he committed b …
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7 negative symptoms of sociopaths: What they don’t do
Checklists describing the symptoms of sociopaths highlight what they do — lie, blame others, love bomb their romantic targets, pursue sex. But you should also pay attention to negative symptoms — normal human behaviors that sociopaths don’t do. One behavior that’s a pretty good indicator that you’re dealing with a sociopath is love bombing — the person is showering you with attention and affection, wants to be with you all the time, tells you how wonderful you are. Sociopaths often, although not always, do this when they’re trying to seduce a romantic partner. They can also use a modified version of the strategy in other types of relationships, such as flattering the boss at work. …
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7 reasons why sociopaths are hot in bed
UPDATED FOR 2024. "Best sex ever!" that's how countless Lovefraud readers have described how sociopaths are hot in bed. People have told me that they know the sociopath is bad for them, and they need to end their involvement, but they don't want to give up the sex! Other people have told me that they're afraid they'll never find another partner who is so sexually exciting! I specifically asked about sex in three Lovefraud surveys. How do people who were in romantic relationships with people whom they now believe to be sociopaths rate the sex? In the Romantic Partner Survey (2011) 75% reported the sex was extraordinary or satisfying, at least in the beginning. In the Female …
4 psychological and biological reasons why you can’t accept your partner is a sociopath
After much confusion, perhaps years of confusion, you finally realize why your relationship is so difficult. You’re dealing with a sociopath. This person has hurt, manipulated and exploited you — on purpose. So why won’t you believe it? Here are four psychological and biological reasons why you can’t accept that your partner is a sociopath. He or she is abusive to you. It might be physical, sexual or financial abuse, but certainly emotional or psychological abuse. You know this. You’ve been disappointed time and time again. So why do you still cling on, hoping the person will change? Your inability to end the involvement isn’t necessarily a failure of willpower. I’m going to e …
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