How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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When the parents of your sociopathic ex want to see their grandchildren

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UPDATED FOR 2023. Lovefraud received an email from a reader who has a daughter with a sociopath and wants to know what she should do about the sociopath's parents, her daughter's paternal grandparents. She wrote: My issue with my daughter's paternal grandparents is that I don't trust them with my daughter. It's not because they are bad people, but because my sociopathic ex has victimized his parents over and over and over again and has no respect for what they say. His mother is his biggest enabler and both of his parents want him to be involved with our daughter (he has abandoned her) in the worst way. They pressure him about it nonstop. I fear that if I allow my daughter to be without …

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10 reasons why psychopaths get away with it

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UPDATED FOR 2023. Why is it that psychopaths frequently get away with cheating, abuse, backstabbing, fraud, theft, and other nefarious activities — even murder? Here are 10 strategies that these exploiters may employ to escape accountability. They lie while looking you right in they eye, without a trace of nervousness or guilt. If they're caught in a lie, they easily lie to cover the lie. It's no wonder they are believed. They say they would NEVER do such a thing, and HOW can you possibly accuse THEM of such behavior? Everyone doubts you, and you even doubt yourself. If that's you, they ruin your credibility, often starting the smear campaign long before you even realize what t …

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6 reasons why sociopaths seem so romantic – but they’re all fake

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UPDATED FOR 2023. People who have been in a relationship with a sociopath frequently say that they were swept off their feet in a whirlwind romance. But what, exactly, does that mean? Here are six strategies that sociopaths employ to make you fall for them hard and fast — and why the romance is not at all what it seems to be. 1. Sociopaths want to be with you, or in contact with you, all the time They call for dates. They want to hang out. They book your calendar weeks in advance. They may go to great lengths to see you — driving long distances or booking a flight. You may feel overwhelmed with the attention, and believe that your new romantic interest is just so smitten with you …

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Hamas terrorists: Psychopaths or brainwashed

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I’ve had trouble sleeping the past few nights. I feel a general sense of horror and fear after the Hamas terrorist attacks on Israel. The stories and images are heinous beyond words. Hamas terrorists have killed more than 1,200 Israelis — men, women and children — and kidnapped more than a hundred civilians and soldiers.  The level of brutality is truly shocking. Atrocities include: This isn’t “resistance.” It isn’t even war. It’s barbarism. Psychopathic killers What kind of person can chop off a baby’s head? The first answer is a psychopath. Robert Hare said that psychopaths kill with about the same level of stress that we might have when carving a Thanksgiving tur …

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7 reasons not to have sex with a sociopath

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UPDATED FOR 2023. Many people — both men and women — have told me that sex with a sociopath is the best they ever had. It was exciting, wild and plentiful. They never felt so desired. Well, there are reasons for this. First of all, both male and female sociopaths are hardwired for sex. They crave excitement and stimulation. They have high levels of testosterone, which makes them aggressively pursue sex. They start young and engage frequently. They have a lot of desire, a lot of energy and a lot of practice. Read more: 4 reasons why psychopaths will never stop cheating So sex with a sociopath is out of this world — at least in the beginning of an involvement. But there are serious …

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Join Lovefraud’s informal support group

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Lovefraud Live is evolving. What started out as my Youtube show is now an informal, inexpensive support group. If you’re looking for advice or support, join us! Four years ago, I started presenting my Lovefraud Live videos on Youtube. But I wanted to take it to the next level, offering you more opportunities for advice and interaction. So I moved Lovefraud Live from Youtube to a private Zoom call, with a focus on recovery. The calls are every Tuesday at 8 pm ET. You can protect your identify if necessary. Format Here’s what to expect: First, I do a short presentation, just like in my Youtube show. Then, I turn off the recording and answer your questions. You can ask general que …

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Psychopaths as puppet masters

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UPDATED FOR 2023. You and I feel personal satisfaction through accomplishment, or warm human relationships, or being of service to others. Psychopaths feel personal satisfaction through pulling the so-called strings and making people jump. They do something that they know will upset you just to see you cry. They trap you into no-win situations to watch you squirm. They devalue and discard you, so they can watch you fall apart. Why do they do this? Social motivations The answer lies at the heart of the personality disorder. According to Dr. Liane Leedom, psychopaths have an out-of-control power motivation. Researchers have identified four social motivations. These are …

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To recover from the sociopath, be selfish

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Perhaps you’ve always taken care of everyone but yourself. But now, you finally figured out that you’re dealing with a sociopath. Whether it’s your partner, parent, sibling or boss, this person has manipulated, abused or exploited you. How do you recover? You do what you must. You put yourself first. In this situation, it’s perfectly acceptable to be selfish. It may take some time to sort out, in your mind, exactly what is in your best interest, and what isn’t. The sociopath, after all, causes so much trouble for so many people that their problems may seem to be your problems. It’s important to identify what is not your concern. Problems that are not yours to solve Typically, whe …

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If a sociopath cries at movies, does it mean he has feelings?

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UPDATED FOR 2003. Lovefraud received the following email from a reader whom we'll call "Alana." She asks what it means when a sociopath cries. Thank you for this wonderful site. Unless you have been through it, no one can understand the insanity of a Narcissist/psychopath. There are three things that I have noticed about my Narcissist. Donna Andersen responds Before I address Alana's questions, I want to lay some groundwork. We all know that there is an infinite variety of people in the world. People all have different traits, behaviors, virtues, faults, habits, strengths, weaknesses, passions and fears. This applies to disordered people as well. Even when …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Houseless, wifeless and kid-less

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Editor's Note: Lovefraud received this letter from a man in Massachusetts, who ended up houseless, wifeless and kid-less. We'll call him Gary. I just turned 39 this July. I got married to a woman in 1995. We just got divorced in February of this year. While married to this woman, two beautiful children were born to us — or so I thought. The oldest just turned six in May. The youngest will turn three in August. One night in July of 2007, I came home to find my wife speaking with another man in my home late at night. Of course the reasons for him being there were all phony, as I later discovered. Anyway, uncomfortable with that situation, I decided to do some investigating. It turns o …

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