How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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21 psychopathic behaviors, illustrated by a sports profile

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A Lovefraud reader recently sent me a link to an article on SBNation.com, a sports website. The article is an in-depth portrait of a psychopath, although that word is never used. Here's the article: The many crimes of Mel Hall He was a flamboyant player, a charismatic coach, and a sexual predator Mel Hall was a professional baseball player for 13 years. He retired and capitalized on his status as a former pro player to get jobs coaching youth basketball and baseball. Hall only coached young girls. Some of them he molested. After 20 years, in June 2009, Hall was convicted of one of those assaults. Then, at the sentencing hearing, it was revealed that Hall had either abused or had …

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Will Jordan exposed on TV on July 24, with commentary by Donna Andersen

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Will Jordan had a routine. He went online to meet single mothers. He seduced them with flowery emails. He told them he had no children, but really wanted a child. He got the woman pregnant all while draining her assets. Childless Will Jordan actually had 13 children with eight different women. He didn't support the children. And the women lost hundreds of thousands of dollars. One of his targets, Mary Turner Thomson of Scotland, wrote a book about her experience. She had two children with Jordan, all the while believing that he was a CIA agent, as he told her. But at the same time, Jordan was married to a British woman, with whom he had five children. When the women found out about each …

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The massive costs of sociopaths to society

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My local newspaper is the Press of Atlantic City. It's a small-town newspaper covering the Atlantic City, New Jersey area. It's not the New York Daily News, the Daily Mail or another British tabloid. Yet as I read the paper one day last week, I was shocked to see one story after another that seemed to illustrate sociopathic behavior. I shouldn't have been surprised. In my opinion, when adults freely commit crime, aggression, fraud, exploitation, violence, bullying, retaliation or pathological lying, they likely have sociopathic traits. There is research to back this up, which I'll get to soon. But first, here's the news for July 9, 2014. (Although I saw all of the stories local, …

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Beliefs, love and sociopaths

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Meet Jeremy Meeks. His photo was posted on Facebook in mid-June. With his high cheekbones, steel-blue eyes and tough-guy tattoos, the image quickly went viral. Where was the picture posted? On the Facebook page of the Stockton, California Police Department. Jeremy Meeks is a criminal, charged with 11 felony counts of weapons possession and gang activity. This is his mug shot. No matter. Women were apparently lusting after him, and sending him their phone numbers. Women lusting after sexy felon Jeremy Meeks are pissing off his wife, on Gawker.com. I saw the picture on TV last week. Multiple media outlets—including Time.com— reported that because of the photo's more than 100,000 Fac …

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LETTER LOVEFRAUD: Countermeasures to deal with the sociopathic ex

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Editor's note: Here is a letter from a Lovefraud reader whom we'll call "GI Joe." This reader is in the military, so July 4th seemed an appropriate time to post this article. First, I want to acknowledge him and all members of the military for their service. Secondly, the answers to his questions have to do with freedom. My ex-wife and I divorced in 2012. The marriage was a nightmare that lasted more than 11 years and left me financially ruined, emotionally distressed and alone. To make matters worse, my ex moved out of state with my children, making it impossible for me to see my children on a regular basis. Since I was in a financial hurt locker, it took me years before I was able to …

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BOOK REVIEW: The Sociopath at the Breakfast Table

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I recently received a review copy of The Sociopath at the Breakfast Table Recognizing and dealing with antisocial and manipulative people. The book was written by Dr. Jane McGregor, a lecturer at Nottingham University Institute of Mental Health, and Tim McGregor, a consultant, writer and mental health practitioner. This is a slender volume, only 111 pages, plus appendix, index and resource listing. It provides a good overview of the sociopathic disorder, how sociopaths affect their targets, and what targets can do to recover. However, if you're looking for a thorough discussion of these topics, you'll need to augment your reading with other sources. The sociopathic transaction One of …

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Why we need to talk about our experiences with sociopaths

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Most of us at Lovefraud are here because we've been conned, duped, deceived and betrayed by a sociopath. Once we finally figure out what we are dealing with, many of us do not tell other people what really happened. We do not talk about our experiences with sociopaths. After all, it's embarrassing to admit that no, we didn't see it coming, and yes, we fell for the scam. And if we do venture to describe the sociopath's true behavior, we may be met by disbelief. "What? That charming person couldn't possibly have done that. You must have misinterpreted." We quickly learn that people do not understand what we are talking about. Either they don't believe us, or ostracize us. So we stop …

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Friday June 20, 10 pm: Katherine Underwood story on ABC 20/20, with commentary by Donna Andersen

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Finally, some nationwide exposure to the problem of sociopathic con men. On Friday, June 20 at 10 p.m. (Eastern), the ABC 20/20, the network's news magazine, will tell the story Katherine Underwood's campaign often in disguise to collect the money owed to her by her former boyfriend, Budimir Drakulic. I am interviewed in the show explaining how it's possible for someone to give her partner more than $410,000. I broke the story back in April in an article for the Daily Mail: I'm not done wig you! The many disguises woman wore to spy on an ex-lover who owes her $1.6 m after 20 years. Like a true sociopath, Drakulic never paid. But maybe he will now. ABC News hired a private …

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Restorative images and recovery from betrayal

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"When we focus on something repeatedly, the brain forms a habit," says Steven Stosny, Ph.D., author of Living and Loving After Betrayal. "We have to be careful on what we focus on." When we discover that we've been betrayed by a sociopath, for a long time that's all we can think about. Although this is a typical response to the betrayal, it also has the effect of keeping us mired in our pain. Stosny suggest replacing the memories of the deception with restorative images, which he defines as "any emotionally laden bit of your imagination that eases pain by shifting mental focus from loss to growth." He explains this approach in an article on the Psychology Today blog: Healing from …

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Online threats: Crimes or free speech?

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The Supreme Court of the United States may soon decide whether or not to hear appeals of two cases in with people were convicted and sent to jail for making online threats, even though they later said they didn't mean any harm. In one case, Anthony Elonis of Pennsylvania, wrote on Facebook about killing his estranged wife. According to the Associated Press, he said: “There's one way to love you but a thousand ways to kill you. I'm not going to rest until your body is a mess, soaked in blood and dying from all the little cuts.” The woman testified in court that she feared for her life. Elonis was sentenced to almost four years, and was released on February 14, 2014, according to The Exp …

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