By Joyce Alexander, RNP (Retired) My friends are always sending me funny emails and jokes. My box fills up with them every day, and some of them I have seen “a hundred” times before and I just delete them. But the following story, though I had seen it “a hundred” times before, struck me today, as it really does have a good moral. An old man, a boy and a donkey ”¨were going to town.”¨ The boy rode on the donkey and the old man walked. As they went along they passed some people who remarked, "What a shame ”¦ the old man”¨ is walking and the boy is riding." The man and boy thought maybe the critics were right, so they changed”¨ positions. Later they passed some people who”¨ remarked, " …
Book Review: Evil Genes
Reviewed by Joyce Alexander, RNP (Retired) Dr. Barbara Oakley is the author of Evil Genes—Why Rome Fell, Hitler Rose, Enron Failed, and My Sister Stole My Mother's Boyfriend. Oakley's resume reads like something out of a spy novel: She worked as a translator on Russian fishing trawlers during the Cold War, went from a private to an officer in the military, met her husband while working as a radio operator at the South Pole, and is now a professor of bio-engineering. About this book, Gavin DeBecker writes, “Whatever you might believe about the role of genetics versus environment, Evil Genes will take you somewhere you haven't been. Barbara Oakley brilliantly reveals the falseness of one …
BOOK REVIEW: Cold-Blooded Kindness
Reviewed by Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired) Cold-Blooded Kindness: Neuroquirks of a Codependent Killer, or Just Give Me a Shot at Loving You, Dear, and Other Reflections on Helping That Hurts is the tongue-in-cheek title of this book by Barbara Oakley, with a foreword by David Sloan Wilson. It belies the serious research and investigation done by this remarkable, highly educated and acclaimed woman. Oakley is associate professor of engineering at Oakland University in Michigan, and her work focuses mainly on the complex relationship between neurocircuitry and social behavior. The list of her varied experiences reads like fiction ”¦ she worked for several years as a Russian language tr …
Love Fraud: I read through the night – I couldn’t put it down
By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired) Donna Andersen, a successful journalist from New Jersey, who is the author of the Lovefraud.com site and blog, has written a book about her life experiences, both before and after her marriage to James Montgomery, who she believes fits the profile of sociopath (psychopath). Donna's journalism degree from Syracuse University and her experience as editor of Atlantic City Magazine contribute to the readability of this book, called Love Fraud—How marriage to a sociopath fulfilled my spiritual plan. The day I received my copy of the advance uncorrected proof of this book, I was entirely excited and rushed from the mail box to my favorite chair and perched t …
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BOOK REVIEW: The Gaslight Effect
By Ox Drover I recently read The Gaslight Effect—How to spot and survive the hidden manipulations other people use to control your life, by Dr. Robin Stern. I highly recommend this book to Lovefraud readers. Robin Stern, Ph.D., is a therapist specializing in emotional abuse and psychological manipulation. She teaches at Hunter College, Teachers College and Columbia University, and is a leadership coach for faculty. This well-written book is quite reader friendly. Dr. Stern starts off by defining the term “gaslighting” as being “pressured by someone else to believe the unbelievable.” She goes on to show that gaslighting is “an insidious form of emotional abuse and manipulation that ca …
BOOK REVIEW: The Gentle Art of Verbal Self–Defense
By Ox Drover The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense was written by Suzette Haden Elgin, an applied psycholinguist and an associate professor of linguistics at San Diego State University. Though first published in 1980, I think it is a nice, easily read and understood book detailing the “hidden” motives in some conversations with just about anyone, whether they are a psychopath or not. It teaches us easily understood ways of deciphering the unspoken messages in language and easy to remember “come backs” that are appropriate for just about any situation where there are “hidden messages” in conversation. Ms. Elgin wrote: For every person in this society who is suffering physical abuse, the …
The Golden Rule – and the Silver Rule
Editor's note: The following article refers to spiritual concepts. Please read Lovefraud's statement on Spiritual Recovery. By Ox Drover Jesus said to “treat others as you would have them to treat you.” I have tried to live more or less by this rule most of my life. I have tried to treat others as I would have them treat me. I have shown compassion, pity, love, consideration, caring and kindness to those who I hoped would also treat me with compassion, pity, love, consideration, caring, respect and kindness. Unfortunately not everyone that I treated as “I would that they treat me” reciprocated my treatment of them. I always paid back any money that I ever borrowed, but I loaned money …
Healthy Giving
Editor's note: The following article refers to spiritual concepts. Please read Lovefraud's statement on Spiritual Recovery. By Ox Drover Thirty years ago I met a special lady, she was my next-door neighbor's sister-in-law. She had grown up in Italy during WWII. Her father was a “slave” to the government and worked for them. In exchange, he was given at least a limited amount of food. He loved his children and gave all the food to his children. As a consequence of giving all the food he had to his children, he became very weak and unable to work at full capacity. His masters informed him that if he continued to give the majority of the food to his children that when he became unable to w …
BOOK REVIEW: The Disease to Please
By Ox Drover When I picked up and started reading The Disease to Please—Curing the People-Pleasing Syndrome, by Harriet B. Braiker, Ph.D., not everything resonated with me, though I have always tried to “please people,” especially those close to me. There was a great deal of the book, though, that did resonate and validate the similarities between “women who love psychopaths,” as described in the book by that name by Dr. Liane Leedom and Sandra Brown, and “people-pleasers.” Dr. Braiker is a practicing clinical psychologist with 25 years experience and is author of several books. This one defines “people-pleasers” as: not just nice people who go overboard trying to make everyone happy. …
BOOK REVIEW: In Sheep’s Clothing–Understanding Manipulative People
By Joyce Alexander, RNP (Retired) Dr. George K. Simon, Jr., Ph.D. received his degree in clinical psychology from Texas Tech University and has studied and worked with manipulators and their victims for many years. Dr. Simon has taught over 250 workshops on the subject of dealing with manipulative people. In 1996, he published In Sheep's Clothing—Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People. This book is in its ninth printing. The book is divided into two principle parts. Part I is “Understanding Manipulative Personalities” and Part II is “Dealing Effectively with Manipulative People.” Two Important Types of Aggression Dr. Simon describes two types of aggression: Two of the …
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