How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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My 3 sociopathic relationships — I am a therapist, and they fooled me

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Three of my most serious relationships have been with sociopaths: my second marriage, an engagement, and most recently, with a man I was in a serious relationship with, lived with, and became pregnant by. My second marriage was with a man I met at work, who had been sober for 5 years in AA when I met him. He suffered from (diagnosed) borderline personality disorder, but I believe was also a full-fledged sociopath. He was a convicted abuser and had done jail time and anger management for that. He confessed to me that he was a prostitute for many years (with men), a porn performer, and a jewel thief. But because he was in AA and I believed honest, I thought he had changed. The abuse started …

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I am trying to remember who I was before he decimated me

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader who posts as "msescue." I was married to a narcissist for 10 years and we had one daughter together. He was 4 years younger than me, had never been married and was a cute nervous wreck when we went out. It made me feel beautiful and empowered that at nearly 30 years old, I was able to attract a younger man who was NERVOUS to meet me. Our relationship moved quickly. We became pregnant after dating for only 8 weeks. But he was ecstatic about it and he was amazing throughout my entire pregnancy and our daughter's infancy. He treated me like a queen and it felt so good to finally feel like I had found someone who loved me for …

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I Had No Idea What This Person Is

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I've been lied to so much.. that one day I woke up you can only sleep so long, before God starts revealing the truth to you..and Lord only knows !!! how much I've PRAYED for an answer. I've found out that this person has slept with men and women and will not confess to madness. This person has slept with family members, mothers, brothers, and etc... has people everywhere and most of all has people whom will lie as well. insane and hideous....hiding under the word of God. This person has diseases and this person is infectious and spreading its pathogens like its the thing to do disregarding human life and children this person has had sex with minors and a wide range of men .... He …

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Raw power and control — the core of what sociopaths want

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following letter from a reader whom we'll call "Maisie." Here is my story. I would be grateful for any thoughts as I'm still trying to make sense of something I went through. I was in the very best relationship for 25 years and then he died. Afterwards I was utterly heartbroken and alone as a result I think of being still quite young in my circle of friends and them not being able to cope with the tragedy. In the village where I lived a newcomer stopped me whilst I was walking to introduce himself. He would stop from time to time to talk to me. I was in a desperately lonely state and eventually agreed to visit him. As his neighbours …

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We are in counseling, and his objective is to get the counselor to fix me

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Lovefraud received the following letter from a reader whom we'll call "Shoni." I am just starting to believe my husband of 12 yrs may be a sociopath. I had the house, the car, the job when we met. He was new to the area going through a divorce from his Canadian wife. He was intelligent, charming, attentive, talkative, fun. Seemingly enjoyed church and a relationship with God. Never missed a Sunday. Now he calls himself a prophet. He reported my stepsister to the Fraud dept of IRS hoping to collect 10% recovery fee. He said God told him to do it. It puzzled me why he didn't have a good work ethic. He took over my stock portfolio, belittling my stock choices. He made terrible choices, I …

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Despite the ocean between us, he controlled my every move

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Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we'll call "Larissa." I met him while I was traveling through India. We crossed paths twice within an hour and chatted at the seaside cafe where I had ordered a meal. He was very attractive, striking even - but I was not at all consciously interested in a romance with this guy. I had encountered quite a lot of lechery as a woman traveling alone, although he seemed different. Gentle. Interesting. He seemed very savvy and initially, even slightly aloof to the point of seeming guarded around me. Polar opposite to what I had been experiencing! He asked what my plans were and from that point, to cut a very long story short, he hijacked …

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He lied up until the last minute of our relationship

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  Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we'll call "Claudette." Met online. He was a perfect gentleman. We had several dates until he started talking about mind, body and spirit (which meant sex to him) and I mentioned I do not have sex just to be having sex. That night he says let's be boyfriend and girlfriend. So we did become BF and GF. I assumed (stupid me) that he would take his dating profile down since now in a committed relationship. I took mine down and never looked again, until one day my GF called me and told me that she was just matched (online dating site) with him. AND that he was currently online searching. Of, course I called him …

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The Truth Is Always in Plain Sight

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By Waleuska Lazo I thought I had found my Prince Charming. I thought I had found the one to share the rest of my life with. Four years later I have nothing to show, but a bleeding heart and a broken fairy tale. Looking back, I can see, the red flags were in plain sight. Yet, I chose to ignore them. I hope that my story can help you open your eyes, and see the warnings so you do not make the mistakes I made. I do not want my story to come across as bitter. I am not. I have made peace with the fact that I am responsible for my situation. My only goal is to share my truth. I realize my outreach can make me look naive and desperate. And you know what? I’m OK with that. My hope is that sharing …

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She presented as a sweet person with good manners, but she was a covert narcissist

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Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a woman whom we'll call "Georgia." My story is three years in a same-gender relationship that began with off-the-charts chemistry. At 6 months the love bombing stopped and things slowly changed. In my personal experience there is a 'lesbian disadvantage' in the narc world because both these relationships often contain 4 of the most common traits; (a) lesbian bed-death at 3-6 months (same as the end of the love bombing), (b) self centered in nature, (c) moves the relationship to intimacy very quickly. (d) promiscuous behaviour & cheating. There were red flags that I saw and ignored which puzzled me because I had no …

She presented as a sweet person with good manners, but she was a covert narcissistRead More

Before I felt angry, now I feel sad – I need advice

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Editor's notes: Lovefraud received the following letter from a reader who posts as "Kaki Pants." I just came out of a relationship, a year long relationship, which I think the guy might be a psychopath after telling the whole story to my male friends, female friends never would have thought he could be a psycho btw. Men and women think very differently. So I met this guy a year ago, last April through an online dating app. We met for several times, dinners, lunches, coffees, I took it slow, cuz I didn't want to get myself attached too soon before knowing who this guy really is. Obviously, I didn't take it slow enough in the end. We got together; everything seems well. He runs a startup …

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