Editor's note: This article refers to spiritual concepts. For more information, read Lovefraud's statement on spiritual recovery. By Waleuska Lazo So here I was grieving, crying and feeling sorry for myself. I had stayed in a situation that was not healthy for my life. Yet I stayed because avoiding that pain was a stronger emotion than facing it. The truth is I was too scared to feel pain. I was too scared to feel the absence of not having ‘that someone’ next to me. What I did not realize was that I was already facing the pain that came as a daily dose of poison. At first, you are unaware of it. It comes camouflaged with little lies and lack of affection. The doses increased with indi …
An empowered approach with personality disordered co-workers
Editor's note: The following article was posted in our Forum by the Lovefraud reader "Bluemosaic." It is such a helpful and insightful article that I want everyone to see it, so I am elevating it to a blog post as well. I have experienced longterm bullying and toxic behavior from a co-worker. I have recently given my two weeks notice to my employer and the peaceful road ahead is in sight. I am going to give a little background, for readers to better understand the vantage point from which I speak. I will begin with a couple quotes: "Always speak your truth, even when your voice shakes." Eleanor Roosevelt "In a time of deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act." George Orwell, 1 …
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Escaping the sociopath and battling B.O.B.
Editor’s note: Lovefraud received the following letter from a reader who posts as “stopbuggingme.” After 25 years, she realized that her husband was a sociopath. When my life fell apart a feeling arose that I really hadn’t felt before. Bitterness. I was becoming bitter. A bitter old b*tch. I called her Bob. It was like every time I opened my mouth Bob took over, spewing her bitterness everywhere! Even if I was just talking to myself, Bob would interrupt. She had to be stopped! Here are three things I used to keep Bob from living my life. Laughter Yoga My wonderful sense of humor? Bob stole it. I just couldn’t laugh anymore. It seemed too dire and felt almost fatal. Laughter Yoga (Hasya yoga) …
I didn’t want to admit my husband was a sociopath; now I realize how blind I was
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following letter from a reader who posts as "rosered." Dear Donna, I have been a follower of your website since last year. That was when, after four years of mental anguish, trying to understand inexplicable behavior, praying for my children (and myself), financial crisis, and wondering what it was that I was doing so wrong, I finally left my husband. In the week after, in which I was a totally emotional wreck, my sister urged me to follow links in an email she had sent me 6 months before. I had been reticent to read it at the time, brushing off her message as "totally ridiculous." The email subject line was: "He is a Narcissist." In retrospect, I …
I didn’t want to admit my husband was a sociopath; now I realize how blind I wasRead More
My 3 sociopathic relationships — I am a therapist, and they fooled me
Three of my most serious relationships have been with sociopaths: my second marriage, an engagement, and most recently, with a man I was in a serious relationship with, lived with, and became pregnant by. My second marriage was with a man I met at work, who had been sober for 5 years in AA when I met him. He suffered from (diagnosed) borderline personality disorder, but I believe was also a full-fledged sociopath. He was a convicted abuser and had done jail time and anger management for that. He confessed to me that he was a prostitute for many years (with men), a porn performer, and a jewel thief. But because he was in AA and I believed honest, I thought he had changed. The abuse started …
My 3 sociopathic relationships — I am a therapist, and they fooled meRead More
I am trying to remember who I was before he decimated me
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader who posts as "msescue." I was married to a narcissist for 10 years and we had one daughter together. He was 4 years younger than me, had never been married and was a cute nervous wreck when we went out. It made me feel beautiful and empowered that at nearly 30 years old, I was able to attract a younger man who was NERVOUS to meet me. Our relationship moved quickly. We became pregnant after dating for only 8 weeks. But he was ecstatic about it and he was amazing throughout my entire pregnancy and our daughter's infancy. He treated me like a queen and it felt so good to finally feel like I had found someone who loved me for …
I am trying to remember who I was before he decimated meRead More
I Had No Idea What This Person Is
I've been lied to so much.. that one day I woke up you can only sleep so long, before God starts revealing the truth to you..and Lord only knows !!! how much I've PRAYED for an answer. I've found out that this person has slept with men and women and will not confess to madness. This person has slept with family members, mothers, brothers, and etc... has people everywhere and most of all has people whom will lie as well. insane and hideous....hiding under the word of God. This person has diseases and this person is infectious and spreading its pathogens like its the thing to do disregarding human life and children this person has had sex with minors and a wide range of men .... He …
Raw power and control — the core of what sociopaths want
Editor's note: Lovefraud received the following letter from a reader whom we'll call "Maisie." Here is my story. I would be grateful for any thoughts as I'm still trying to make sense of something I went through. I was in the very best relationship for 25 years and then he died. Afterwards I was utterly heartbroken and alone as a result I think of being still quite young in my circle of friends and them not being able to cope with the tragedy. In the village where I lived a newcomer stopped me whilst I was walking to introduce himself. He would stop from time to time to talk to me. I was in a desperately lonely state and eventually agreed to visit him. As his neighbours …
Raw power and control — the core of what sociopaths wantRead More
We are in counseling, and his objective is to get the counselor to fix me
Lovefraud received the following letter from a reader whom we'll call "Shoni." I am just starting to believe my husband of 12 yrs may be a sociopath. I had the house, the car, the job when we met. He was new to the area going through a divorce from his Canadian wife. He was intelligent, charming, attentive, talkative, fun. Seemingly enjoyed church and a relationship with God. Never missed a Sunday. Now he calls himself a prophet. He reported my stepsister to the Fraud dept of IRS hoping to collect 10% recovery fee. He said God told him to do it. It puzzled me why he didn't have a good work ethic. He took over my stock portfolio, belittling my stock choices. He made terrible choices, I …
We are in counseling, and his objective is to get the counselor to fix meRead More
Despite the ocean between us, he controlled my every move
Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we'll call "Larissa." I met him while I was traveling through India. We crossed paths twice within an hour and chatted at the seaside cafe where I had ordered a meal. He was very attractive, striking even - but I was not at all consciously interested in a romance with this guy. I had encountered quite a lot of lechery as a woman traveling alone, although he seemed different. Gentle. Interesting. He seemed very savvy and initially, even slightly aloof to the point of seeming guarded around me. Polar opposite to what I had been experiencing! He asked what my plans were and from that point, to cut a very long story short, he hijacked …
Despite the ocean between us, he controlled my every moveRead More