How to recognize and recover from everyday sociopaths - narcissists

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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: To she who has a child with the sociopath from the “other woman”

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Editor's Note: The Lovefraud reader "bodicasway" recently sent in the following note. It's a message she wishes she could send to the former partner of the sociopath that she was involved with. I have been thinking lately about the woman who puts up with this spath because they have a child together, because she let him move back into property next door to her, because she sees what he's up to all the time ”¦ because I was involved with him as were countless other women. Right under her nose. Dear Friend, I know that you've seen countless women come and go right under your window, right outside the door of your own home. I can only imagine how that must feel for you, how that must rake yo …

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Maybe victim’s statement helps as parole denied for Iowa stalker Michael Bonert

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Michael Bonert, who was sentenced to 21 years in prison for stalking his former girlfriend, Vicki Kuper, had a parole interview in Iowa on March 19, 2014. Vicki attended the hearing to protest his parole. "During questioning he was asked if there are any pending criminal cases," Vicki said. "First he admitted that he has filed for post conviction relief, then he said that there is an investigation that he initiated two months ago against me for perjury. "The board was ready to grant parole today until this information came to light. After that the whole atmosphere changed. They had a very short discussion and all agreed to deny parole. They then went back to Mike and told him that …

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Letters to Lovefraud: I could no longer share my life with someone who lacked a conscience and integrity

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Editor's Note: This letter to Lovefraud was submitted by Lovefraud reader DonnaC. Other names in this letter have been changed. Below is a letter my former husband wrote shortly after I had told him that our marriage was over. He spent two weeks trying to convince me to give him time to ”˜once again' prove he could be the man he was meant to be. When we married 11 years earlier he was handsome, successful and fun. We met after my loveless first marriage. I was a happy outgoing person but he knew about my withdrawn ex husband and so it was easy to ”˜love bomb' me. I found his confidence, energy and zest for life intoxicating. There were the expected adjustments to our new married life, and …

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Was this season’s The Bachelor a very public display of love bombing by a sociopath?

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Editor's note: Joyce M. Short is the author of a just released book, “Carnal Abuse by Deceit.” The book chronicles her life with a predator, the subsequent aftermath and her road to recovery. It also provides advice for victims and their supporters, and discusses the issues surrounding criminalization of rape-by-fraud. By Joyce M. Short Sure, we all know it's just a reality show. And millions tune in each week to second-guess the decisions, get amused by the fireworks between the young hopefuls, and watch the romantic hook-ups as each bachelor winds his way through the candy-store of 27 beautiful, eager, women. But this season, something seemed very different. Enter, Juan Pablo Galavis, a Ve …

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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: Psychopathic professor abuses his position as mentor

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Editor's Note: This letter to Lovefraud was submitted by Lovefraud reader whom we'll call “Rhona.” I've had no contact since April 21, 2013. My last direct contact was an email I sent him. In that letter, I stated what I knew to be true about our "relationship." I didn't send it to provoke future contact in fact I said at the end I would not read another email from him but instead sent it to acknowledge and assert my intelligence and my awareness that he had used my good nature against me, as well as to establish some agency of my own by openly regarding his constructed narrative about our experience as fictionalized and controlling. Since sending that letter and ending contact, I've exp …

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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: He loves, he proposes, he gets money, he abandons

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Editor's Note: This Letter to Lovefraud was submitted by a reader from Italy whom we'll call "Alessia." It all started a year and a half ago when I went through a huge crisis with my life that led me to make a decision to simply leave everything and go out of my country (Italy) on a long luxury vacation of four months. Knowing my destination from a past visit, and based on past decision to make this destination my second home, part of my plan was to buy a house on the beach in this four-month period. Arriving to my destination I didn't waste a second. I made a contact to real estate agency and asked to view some houses. Searching for real estate They sent me a 70+ year old real estate …

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Is “No Contact” the Antidote to Mother Nature?

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Editor's note: Joyce M. Short is the author of a just released book, “Carnal Abuse by Deceit.” The book chronicles her life with a predator, the subsequent aftermath and her road to recovery. It also provides advice for victims and their supporters, and discusses the issues surrounding criminalization of rape-by-fraud. By Joyce M. Short Wouldn't it be wonderful if we all had our "ah-hah" moment and could simply turn off the faucet on our feelings? Unfortunately, the chemistry in our brains won't let us do so. And, instead, we rehash all the upsetting moments thinking about what we “coulda,” “woulda, “ “shoulda,” done. I know I wasted years thinking about how I could change his opinions and g …

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LETTER TO LOVEFRAUD: What I learned after being targeted by a female psychopath

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Editor's Note: This letter to Lovefraud was sent in by a reader whom we'll call Aaron. This is part personal narrative and part informed amateur psychology suggestion. I am writing this because of my own traumatic experience and the need I believe for men to know what they may be dealing with. As most discussion and research involves male psychopaths there has only been recent dialogue on the female version. The most well-known writings on psychopathy have involved male prison populations, most notably by leading expert Dr. Robert Hare, and the notoriety of serial killers (Ted Bundy, John Wayne Gacy and others) and have not touched on those in the general population and specifically female …

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Continually picking at the ‘psychopathic scab’ won’t give the wound a chance to heal

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Editor's Note: Sarah Strudwick, based in the UK, is author of “Dark Souls Healing and recovering from toxic relationships.” By Sarah Strudwick heal verb \ˈhÄ“l\ : to become healthy or well again : to make (someone or something) healthy or well again This week I had to have two teeth out, which turned out to be pretty painful. I also ended up with an infection. I've had wisdom teeth out before many years ago but didn't necessarily want to remind myself of how uncomfortable it was. Despite the pain and infection, I know in time the gums will heal, albeit they may feel and look a little different after. We get hurt When we fall in love or become victim to a psychopath, often ou …

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LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Every day was an absolute psychological torture

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Editor's Note: This letter was sent in by a European Lovefraud reader whom we'll call “Lizbeth.” I had a relationship with a psychopath when I was young and naive. He completely wrecked my life. At that time I was a 20 year-old University student.  I was not stupid, but I still fell for his con. He was a few years older and already graduated from University. Every day was an absolute psychological torture. He completely humiliated me every day for utter nonsense. For instance, if I was ten minutes late, it would be a complete fall out. Or I would take a Spanish course, well that was the end of it, since I did not ask his permission to do so. Worst of all, nobody supported me. Mom fell f …

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