By Ox Drover I got to thinking today about being stronger now than I was prior to the last experience with the psychopaths in my life ”¦ but when I really got to thinking about it, I realized I have actually always been as strong as I am now, I just didn't know it or take advantage of it. One of the reasons that humans are able to work horses, mules and oxen to pull heavy loads is because the beasts we use for our labor do not realize their strength. They don't realize the absolute brute force power they have over us. We “control” them because they allow it. Why do they allow it? The answer is because they are not aware of the strength and power that they have, so they allow us to ta …
LETTERS TO LOVERAUD: I will work on whom not to trust or love
Editor's note: Here is Part 2 of yesterday's article, “Almost everything under the sun happened to me, and I'm fine,” written by a reader who posts as “Jen.” Okay, so I had a crappy childhood, but I survived it. I came out of it okay. I have had what I now think might have been sociopaths in my life from time to time as friends, lovers, or family. At the time, I had no clue what they were, but I did know they were screwed up. I quickly rid parasites from my life after I figured out they were just out to use people. I was strong, and I was no way going to be surrounded by meanness. So, 2 years after my divorce, I ran into an ex from 20 years prior. I was down in the dumps when I met …
LETTERS TO LOVERAUD: I will work on whom not to trust or loveRead More
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Almost everything under the sun happened to me, and I’m fine
Editor's note: Lovefaud received the following letter from a reader who posts as “Jen.” I think something must be wrong with me. Wait, I KNOW something is wrong with me, but I don't think it is all that bad. I think it is the 'bad' people in the world that make it that way. Part 1- My Screwed Up Childhood! I went through a lot of abuse as a child. Not from my parents, but from the people around them. I do blame my parents for putting their children in situations that were wrong. My parents split when I was about 3 and my younger brother was almost 1. My dad and I were real close, and it was very hard for me when they split up. My dad was in his early 20s and a partier. My mom cou …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Almost everything under the sun happened to me, and I’m fineRead More
BOOK REVIEW: A Mind of Its Own
By Ox Drover I recently read A Mind of Its Own—How Your Brain Distorts and Deceives, by Cordelia Fine, Ph.D. Dr. Fine was awarded a degree in experimental psychology from Oxford University, an M.Phil. in criminology from Cambridge University, and a Ph.D. in psychology from University College in London. She is currently a research associate at the Centre for Applied Philosophy and Public Ethics at the University of Melbourne in Australia. This book is very entertaining and as the book jacket says, In recent years, we've heard a lot about the extraordinary workings of our hundred-billion-celled brain: its amazing capacities to regulate sensation, perception, thinking, and feeling, its a …
Almost drowning with the con man Andrew J. Harper
Editor's note: Andrew J. Harper, who conned multiple women in Australia, was sentenced yesterday to nine months in jail. Here's what we hear from one of his victims, Rochelle Fisher. "Rebecca Bell was there, she said the magistrate gave him an absolute drilling, and was not falling for any of his crap. She said the fact that the victims had children made him very angry. "Also, his lawyer said that he didn't get any financial gain from his victims, that they were along for the ride and enjoyed it, like staying in hotels etc. And the magistrate said 'Yes, but, they would not have paid it if he had told the truth.' "He has been ordered to pay back 22k to victims and hotels, but there …
LETTERS TO LOVEFRAUD: Recovering from the con man
Editor's note: Andrew J. Harper wasn't who he said he was. He wasn't a professional drag racer and he didn't own properties in Europe. But at least 17 women in Australia, New Zealand and the United States believed him—and many lost money because they did. Two of his victims, Diana Mors, who posts on Lovefraud as “AJH_Victim1,” and Rebecca Bell, worked together to find the truth, and the con man was finally arrested in October, 2010. The women told their story in the January 2011 issue of The Australian Woman's Weekly, and then in the North West Star. Read: ”˜How I caught a con man' on NorthWestStar.com.au With the publicity, the women have been contacted by many victim …
BOOK REVIEW: The 48 Laws of Power
By Ox Drover Many times on Lovefraud, bloggers have joked with me that a particular phrase or behavior “came out of the ”˜Psychopath's play book,'“ the kind of book in which a football team would write all their usual plays. I recently bought a book entitled, The 48 Laws of Power, by Robert Greene, because it sounded like an interesting book. But the more I got into it, I realized that the heretofore-thought-mythical “Psychopathic Play book” does exist, and this is it! Robert Greene, by the way, also wrote The Art of Seduction. Here's what the jacket blurb on the back of The 48 Laws of Power says about its content: The best-selling book for those who want POWER, watch P …
Denial is a protective device
By Ox Drover Someone was talking about how she should have seen what her ex-significant other was up to with all of his sweet words. He was in prison, and telling her how he had changed and found the light and how wonderful things would be when he got out. She knew what he had done to get in there, the bad acts he had committed, but she chose to believe his “sincere remorse.” Now she wanted to know why she had been so stupid. She wasn't “stupid—”she was using denial to protect herself from something so painful the thought of it “scared her to death.” Years ago, when I was married the first time, my husband and I were friends with a couple. I felt close friendship with both the man an …
How to clarify your thinking about disordered personalities
Editor's note: The following guest post was written by Bruce Rubenstein, M.D., a psychiatrist based in New York City. Knowing how I know myself, and others ”¦ By Bruce Rubenstein, M.D. Introduction In this piece, when referring to psychopaths, sociopaths, the personality disordered, malignant narcissists, etc, I shall refer to them as pronouns in italics, as I believe they are all one and the same on a continuum. The various widely used terms to designate them (e.g., sociopath, malignant narcissist, etc.), mostly all clinical in derivation, all carry with them associations and assumptions of which I believe much is incorrect and misleading. So rather than evoking those ass …
How to clarify your thinking about disordered personalitiesRead More
1001 Things I Did Wrong In Dealing with a Psychopath
By Ox Drover After reading Steve Becker's article yesterday, I commented that most of the articles here on Lovefraud that could be entitled “1001 Things I Did Wrong in Dealing with a Psychopath” were the ones that applied most to my own dealings with them. That was meant as a joke, but after I left that comment for Steve, I got to thinking about how right-on it was, joke or not, because I have done so much wrong in dealing with these people. I got my self deeper and deeper into trouble, doing the wrong things in interacting with them. Not that I was intentionally doing something mean or “wrong” per se, but I didn't make choices that led to positive outcomes in dealing with the psychop …
1001 Things I Did Wrong In Dealing with a PsychopathRead More